How to approach a girl at the gym – a unique perspective.
Approaching a girl at the gym can work. I have done it successfully, and I know many other guys who have done it as well. But with that being said, it’s not the easiest.
Approaching a girl in the gym – in my opinion – is one of the “hardest” ways to approach a girl, due to potential logistical problems and social pressure. There are many other “better” ways to meet girls, but if the gym is all you have, then by all means, go for it.
There Are Two Ways To Approach A Girl At The Gym
Either by doing a “long con” (the best way to approach a girl in the gym, in my opinion) or by going direct.
Both of these ways work. And I’ll cover some different ways you can go about executing each one in your local gym, and my experiences with both.
Approaching A Girl In The Gym – The Long Con Reigns Supreme (IMO)
When it comes to approaching a girl in the gym, the long con reigns supreme (in my opinion).
The long con means that instead of going up and just asking for her number directly, you first engage her in smaller conversations to build up some rapport and see if she’s even available. Then – if she is and you both match vibes – you go for the close.
The long con is (in my opinon) the best way to go about approaching and hitting on girls in places that you have the chance to see each other often. The reason for this is because if you get rejected, you are most likely going to have to see this person again and again.
And if they bring any friends with them, you are instantly going to have a worse reputation than if you had never gotten rejected in the first place. With the long con, you can basically get rejected without getting rejected. And save yourself from the negative consequences of rejection.
How To Execute The Long Con At The Gym
The goal of the long con is to get a feel for what the girl thinks about you before you actually go for the close and risk rejection. You do this by engaging her in low-pressure, light, and casual conversations before going for the close.
The reason this is superior to all other forms of approaching a girl at the gym is because you’re most likely going to see the girl again inside of the gym – whether you get rejected or not. The long con helps you avoid awkward situations and potential reputational damage if you do, in fact, get rejected.
With The Long Con, Location Doesn’t Matter
The nice thing about the long con is that where she is in the gym doesn’t really matter. When you’re going for the close on the first conversation, asking for the number in front of the entire gym may work against you because the girl doesn’t want to seem easy or be viewed as a slut. But when you simply strike up a natural conversation with her in front of everyone, there is no negative to her unless you’re a freak. But if you act semi-normal, then she just looks more popular. Which is good.
Body language Is Key For The Long Con
During your first long con conversation, you are usually going to want to position yourself in a way that says to the girl “im leaving soon” so she doesn’t feel like she is going to be conversationally trapped until you leave. This is the most important part of engaging the first conversation. The second most important part of the conversation is how she feels when the interaction is over. The question “how do I want this girl to feel about this interaction” is a question I am asking myself all of the time. At this point it is built into my psyche.
The feeling you’re going to want to generate in the girl is “that was a fun guy who didn’t want anything for me”. That’s it.
It’s not rocket science. You just want to engage the girl in a simple conversation about literally anything while being upbeat, positive, and not caring what reaction she gives to you. And while you’re doing that, pay attention to her facial expressions and how she’s reacting to you. If you can do these 3 things, you’ve begun the long con in a very good position.
Reflecting On The First Interaction
After you talk to her the first time, you’re going to want to think about how the interaction went. You’re going to want to see how warm she was to you talking to her and weigh your chances of another interaction going well.
Three scenarios: Good, bad, or neutral
When you talk to her for the first time, the interaction is going to go one of three ways: good, bad or neutral.
When It Goes Well (Good)
When the interaction goes well, you’ll obviously want to talk to her again at some point. How well the interaction went will determine how many more times you talk to her before going for the close. If it went well – but wasn’t too crazy – then you’ll probably want to do at least 1-2 more conversations so you can get a feel for where she’s at in her attraction towards you. Sometimes you will find that the first interaction is going so well that you will end up asking for her Instagram on the spot. You want to make sure you have a 90-100% chance of not getting rejected if you go for the Instagram on the first interaction. This means that from the conversation you already know that she doesn’t have a boyfriend and that she is into you by how she is acting towards you.
When it’s neutral
When the interaction is neutral, you’re going to want to talk to her at least one more time to gauge her interest. If she second interaction with her is neutral again, then you’re either going to want to go for the close right then and there – giving yourself a yes or no and forgetting about – or just dropping it altogether. Two neutral interactions is not ideal, and may signal to you that she’s just not into you. You’re going to have to read her social signals and make a decision
When it goes bad
When the interaction goes bad – and you didn’t do anything weird – then she is probably not into you or is not single (and has a good relationship). If this is the case, do not waste time thinking about it. Move on. About 30% of the girls you talk to will not like you at all, so just put her into that category and move on to the next one. Let the percentages play out.
Going Direct (Closing On First Interaction)
If the first interaction is going really well, you’re going to want to go for the Instagram close. The reason you want to go Instagram over phone number is because of how much lower pressure IG is compared to a phone number. But if she is over the age of 40, then she is less likely to use Instagram as frequently – and the phone number may be the better move. Play each situation by ear.
When you initiate the conversation that involves a close, you are usually going to want to be in a more private part of the gym. This will take some of the social pressure off of the girl (they get nervous too) and will make it easier for her to say yes when you ask her what her Instagram handle is. It will also make it less embarrassing for you if you end up getting rejected.
Text Her That Night
I’d normally say to wait to text the girl until the next day (or a weekend), but the gym situation is a little different. When you get her contact info, you’re going to want to start a conversation that night.
If you get her Instagram, you’re going to want to send her a meme you think is funny, and that’s it. And if you get her number, you’re going to want to mention that she looked good, and then send a meme afterwards. Either way, your text should have a good meme in it. Once she responds, have a (very) short conversation with her and then mini-ghost her into the next day. This is a great way to start texting a girl you think is attractive. Mini-ghosting can be found here.
Hedge All Bets In Your Favor
You want the best chance of success. This means you need to take your grooming & personal style seriously.
Gym Style
Just like at any other time, girls are going to be paying attention to your style. And the gym is a place that you can set yourself apart fairly easily.
Although style isn’t a massive deciding factor on how successful you are on hitting a girl in a gym, having a clean haircut and clean shoes will do a lot for you. I would highly recommend getting a fresh haircut and sweatpants that fit nicely.
Grooming
It may seem like a lot, but it’s important cannot be understated. Maintaining a groomed and maintained look is extremely attractive to women. As a personal anecdote, I used to only trim my eyebrows once every 4-6 months. I then started shaping and trimming my eyebrows more often, and believe it or not, it has made a world of difference. It gives you a “cleaner” look that women notice. I get eyebrow compliments way more than a guy should, and it’s only because I maintain them.
Along with your eyebrows, you’re going to want to keep a trimmed beard. Even if it’s “wild”, you are still going to want to make the style of your beard look like a conscious decision. This means that even if it’s long, it’s maintained. And even if it’s “wild”, it’s tamed.
If you need more help, feel free to email me grant@stepbystepdating.com or check out this free training.
-Grant