If you’re wanting to meet more cute girls, there’s one specific skillset that, when mastered, will transform your dating life forever:
Daygame – in a nutshell – is the act of talking to women during the daytime with the intent of either getting their contact information or going on a date with them that very same day. It’s a lot of fun.
But being more than just fun, daygame is also an essential skill to have if you want to build up a rotation of beautiful women that will allow you to choose your next girlfriend from a place of options and abundance instead of scarcity and limitation.
Guys Put Too Much Pressure On Themselves During Daygame
A lot of guys put way too much pressure on themselves during daygame.
Some guys get insanely nervous, don’t know what to say, and freak out about every little detail. It’s really not that big of a deal.
Instead of freaking out about daygame, it will suit you better to take a more laid-back approach. Because when you make it less of a deal, it will become one.
It’s key to boil daygame down into these two key principles:
#1 – Understand you won’t be bothering people by talking to them. Everyone wants to meet cool people.
#2 – You’re going to need to bring some value to the women you’re talking to in the form of humor or entertaining stories. If you can’t tell good stories or tell a good joke, practice. It’s not difficult to get a little more expressive with your tone of voice, hand gestures, and face gestures. Give yourself permission to be more expressive.
The large majority of men who struggle talking to women always want to know that “one perfect thing to say”.
The truth is, it literally doesn’t matter what you say. It’s how you say it.
I’ve had girlfriends in the past that i’ve opened with sentences like “dolphins aren’t real” or “Starbucks should be a bagel company”. Those make absolutely no sense.
But does it matter?
The reason it doesn’t matter is because the words are only about 10% of the equation.
When it comes to attracting women, what’s even more important is what I call the “life energy” that the guy can be perceived as having. The more masculine “life energy”, the better.
For more info on how to build up your masculine “life energy”, apply to my exclusive email list. I will be going more in-depth on this topic in a later article.
It’s Not About The Daygame Opener. It’s About Trust.
Trust in yourself, that is.
The key to successful daygame is having a deep trust in yourself that whatever you need to say will come to you in the moment, when you need it.
It’s about lowering your expectations and just going into it with a creative, “I don’t really care what happens but we’ll see what happens anyway” mindset.
If you can get yourself to a place where you genuinely don’t care if you succeed or not, and are just going to see how it works out, then you’re on your way to becoming successful.
Here Are Some Daygame Openers Anyway
Being able to talk to women in an unscripted manner is obviously the best way to go about it. But that being said, there are a couple different styles of openers you can use.
The “I’m super pumped and am going to have an amazing night” daygame opener:
This one is effective because not only does it open up a conversation, but it also conveys attractive qualities like being a guy who gets things done, who has friends, and who is a non-threat because he is in a great mood. Opening by just telling someone a story is a great way to start a conversation.
This opener would go something like this:
“Hey my friends and I literally just finished this huge project we’ve been working on for the last couple months, so i’m pumped. And tonight, we’re going to celebrate. Nothing will stop me from having a blast with my friends and family. Where would you go if you were going to have the celebration of your life?”
Then she’ll tell you where, or say I don’t know. Either way, you’ve opened.
The Environment Daygame Opener
This one is pretty straightforward, and one I use very frequently.
For the environment opener you just ask a question about something in the environment (while smiling and having good energy) and then continue the conversation from there.
At a coffee shop it could be as simple as asking her what she’s reading or doing on the computer. At a library it could be asking why one book has a terrible cover yet is being highlighted on a platform in the main spot. The list is endless. The point is to strike up a conversation but asking a simple question around you.
The “Cool x” opener
This one is very simple as well, and can be used on something you can tell the person is trying to make a statement with. Things you comment on could be anything from a crazy bag, scarf, or shirt…
To a unique piercing, tattoo, or hairstyle.
Again, this one is extremely simple, and stresses the reality that what you say doesn’t really matter. What matters is how you say it.
Back in college, there would always be girls reading outside in the grass. When I saw a cute one, I would usually go up and say something like “Hey my friend is running late again so I wanted to tell you that you had a Cool blanket. What are you reading?”.
The “my friend is running late again” comment in this situation is very important because you want her to know that you’re not going to stay forever and ruin her day.
That way, if the conversation is bland, you can always leave and say you’re going to meet your friend. But if the conversation goes well, you can always take her on an insta-date somewhere else and tell her that you’re bailing on your friend because he’s so late and that he would understand.
The “5 Year-Old Test” To Cure Running Out Of Things To Say
Think about if you were talking to a 5 year old.
Would you care what you were saying to the 5 year old? Would you have trouble telling the 5 year old stories or making the 5 year old laugh?
Probably not. Because they are 5, you don’t really care what they think. So you put no pressure on yourself.
In the same way, you need to bring that “i don’t really care” feeling that you have when you’re talking to a 5 year old into your daygame approaches with women. Because it’s that “i don’t really care what happens” mindset that will free you up to be funny and socially aware.
Put less pressure on yourself, be okay with being awkward and mumbling at first, and practice anyway
Mindset is going to be the most important aspect of your daygame success. You could be terrible at everything, but if your mindset is serving you appropriately, you will succeed.
When it comes to having a mindset that will actually work for you in daygame instead of working against you, it is important to look at the two most important parts of your mindset that need to be fixed.
- Limiting beliefs
- Poor perspectives that need to be reframed
The reason these things need to be fixed is because you need to take action to get results. And if you aren’t currently taking action, then it is because you are telling yourself things that are stopping you from taking action. And these are the things you need to identify and “fix” by updating your belief system and perspectives.
Daygame Limiting Beliefs
There are a lot of limiting beliefs that guys have when it comes to success in daygame. Some of the most common ones I have seen in my own clients are:
- They believe they are bothering people by going up to them
- They believe they need that “perfect situation” for them to talk to a stranger
- They feel like they need that perfect thing to say to get a girl’s instagram or to go on a date with her that same day
And these go on and on and on forever (literally).
The key to improving your daygame (before you even start) is by setting up counter-arguments to the beliefs that are currently holding you back, and then believing in those new beliefs more than you believe in your old beliefs. Here’s on an example:
Old belief: I am bothering people by going up and talking to them.
Then you ask yourself why. Why is this belief in place?
Well, why do you feel like you will be bothering people?
The short answer is because you don’t think they will value what you have to offer.
Would you feel bothered if Brad Pitt went up and started a conversation with you?
Would you feel bothered if the women of your dreams came up and started a conversation with you?
No, you probably wouldn’t. Because they had something of value to offer you. Make sense?
So the new belief becomes this…
New belief: People will only be bothered by people approaching them If the person approaching brings no value to the table. Because everyone wants to meet more cool people, and less weird people.
Do you see how that worked?
Instead of us continuing our entire lives with the belief with that we will be bothering someone if we go up and talk to them…
We questioned that belief. And learned that “Oh. Everyone DOES want to meet more cool people. So all I have to do is provide some value when I go up and talk to them.
But how do you create value when you talk to a person for the first time?
There are two ways. And one is actually a short cut.
How To Create Instant Value In Daygame Conversation
There are an infinite number of different ways you can create value for the person you are talking to so they will be interested in you. The 3 easiest ones are by being funny, telling engaging stories, and showing a genuine interest in something they are interested in.
If you go up to someone and have them…
- laughing until they cry about a joke you told them
- on the edge of their seat listening to an extremely engaging story you’re telling
- Or going into very in-depth detail about things they love to do and why they love to do them…
You will be successful.
But here’s the crazy part…
You can actually short-cut the whole providing them value thing by just simply implying your value and having a very boring conversation.
Both work. But the latter is for a later article. If you’d like to learn more about how to imply your value, just apply to be on my exclusive email list here.
Daygame conversational control
When you’re doing daygame, you are going to eventually learn how to control the conversation like a master.
Some people might here the term “control the conversation” and think of it as a bad thing. But controlling the conversation is actually the best thing you can do for both yourself and the person you are talking to. Here’s what I mean:
I first learned how to control the conversation at my old sales job, when I was selling insurance to old people.
When I would get these old people on a sales call, my goal was simple: To get them on the best insurance policy for them based on their needs.
And because I knew where I wanted the conversation to go – which was them buying insurance from me – controlling the call became as simple as me making sure we were always heading in the right direction conversationally. I’ll go a little more in depth on this right here – because this is extremely relevant to daygame.
This is what me “controlling the call” looked like:
I knew my goal was to sell them the best insurance policy for them based on their needs. But in order to do that, I first needed to actually know their needs. So I started asking questions to get them talking about how they use their insurance and how their experiences have been so far.
The only problem is, sometimes relevant conversation – like them telling me how they currently used their insurance – quickly turned into irrelevant conversation like how their Grandson Jimmy hates jalapeno-cheddar bagels due to his cheese allergy.
When this would happen, I needed to quickly become aware that what they were telling me about their grandson wouldn’t do anything for us in terms of getting them better insurance. So I would have to move the conversation back onto something that actually “moved things forward” for both of us. I’d have to control the conversation and get it back on track.
I could do this by saying things like “Nancy, wow, that really was a crazy story. Hopefully he avoids those cheesy bagels. But in terms of helping you avoid what you’re allergic to, have you had any bad reactions to the prescriptions you’re currently taking?
Then we were back on track.
This is extremely important in daygame because people you talk to will sometimes turn conversations to boring, dead-end topics without knowing what they are consciously doing – like politics or the weather.
When this happens, it’s extremely important to become situationally aware of what is going on, and gently move the conversation towards something more interesting that will allow you to get either her instagram, or take her on a date that very same day.
Daygame Logistics + Situational Awareness
When I was selling insurance, I needed a client to have a few physical items available to them for me to actually sell them an insurance policy – their debit card and something to write with.
If they didn’t have their debit card or anything to write with, then it didn’t matter how pumped I got them on their new policy or how much they trusted me. Because without those two things, I literally couldn’t close the deal.
In the same way, people you talk to in daygame will have logistical limitations such as a mandatory business meeting in the next 20 minutes, or they may only be visiting and will be leaving the country the following day.
To avoid wasting your time, you will need to actively figure out their current situation as fast as possible.
In order to get the most efficiency out of the time you spend doing daygame, you are going to want to find someone’s logistical situation out as soon as possible. This means learning where they came from, why they are at the place they are at now, and where they will be going in the future.
Knowing these 3 things will allow you to decide whether you want to get her Instagram, take her on an instant-date to some place down the street, or just have a very brief conversation, say your goodbyes, and move on to the next set.
Daygame Outcomes: Instagram or Insta-Date?
There are two main outcomes you can go for when daygaming: contact information or going on a date on the spot (AKA an Insta-date).
If you want to achieve each of these outcomes, you’re going to have to have someone agree to what you want them to do. And the easiest way to do this is by proposing an option to them with the least amount of friction possible. Make it as easy as possible for them to say yes.
This means that instead of asking a girl for her phone number right away, you can ask for her instagram (or facebook if she’s older) and that will give you a much higher chance of success due to it being much lower pressure.
In the same way, if you find out that the girl has nothing going on for the day and ask her to get a smoothie with you 2 blocks away, you will have a much higher chance of succeeding than asking a girl who only has an hour of free time to get a full-blown lunch with you at your favorite restaurant 20 minutes away. Make sense?
These things matter.
And although this sounds like common sense, I want to state it anyway:
If she’s in a rush to get somewhere, has plans soon, or doesn’t seem super interested, ask her for her instagram name and add her. If she’s not doing anything and is showing a lot of interest in you, ask her for the instadate. If she says no, ask for her Instagram as a backup then leave on a high note.
The reason insta-dates are so good is because not only will she likely be happy you are giving her something to do, but there is also the chance for it to lead to something more that very same day. I have had many instances where I have met a girl one place, taken her to another place, and then she has invited me over to her apartment that same day. Once you get your dating skills up, this will become common.
Daygame: Dealing With Friends
A lot of the time a girl you want to talk to will be with her friends. While a lot of guys would see this as a bad thing, this situation can actually help you build attraction much more than if the girl were by herself. IF you do it right.
The friend brings a lot of new variables to the situation, and you need to make sure that at the end of the interaction you have the friend saying “You should go out with him!” instead of saying something like “I don’t know I don’t like him”. There are a few principles that will help you do that.
#1 – Be just as interested in the friend than you are the girl you want to talk to.
Some guys will completely ignore the friend. And this is bad daygame.
There are 100 reasons why it’s bad to ignore the friend but the simple reason is because if you ignore the friend, she won’t be on your side. And if she’s not on your side, she will give her friend 1000 excuses as to why she shouldn’t be talking to you, and why they need to hurry up and keep walking where they were walking.
If you are genuinely as curious about the friend as you are in the girl you want to talk to, you will be successful.
Using The Friend To Build Attraction
One daygame technique that I have found to work pretty well is if you actually show more interest (at first) in the friend than in the girl you actually want to exchange contact information with. A lot of the times the friend won’t be as attractive as the girl you want to talk to, so by giving her 90% of the attention, you are going to make the other girl wonder why her friend is getting all of the attention, and she’s not.
But whether you talk more to the friend or the girl herself, the point is that you want to win the friend over. And get her to be vouching for you by the end of the set (or at least don’t upset her).
Daygame: dealing with groups
Larger groups are usually more common in bars / clubs than when when out and about during the day. But even so, you’ll run into them every once and awhile.
The only way to find success when it comes to approaching large groups is to just assume you are already part of the group and engage with everyone.
Logistics is especially important with this type of approach because you will want to know how everyone knows each other, where they came from, and what they are doing later. All of this information will be helpful if you are going to attract one specific girl in either a large group of girls or a large group with a mix of guys / girls. I will be posting a longer article on this specific topic later on.
If you need any more questions answered, or need help on any other aspect of your dating life, feel free to either visit stepbystepdating.com or apply to my exclusive email list.