Categories
Attraction Dating

How To Approach A Girl At The Gym | A Unique Perspective

How to approach a girl at the gym – a unique perspective.

Approaching a girl at the gym can work. I have done it successfully, and I know many other guys who have done it as well. But with that being said, it’s not the easiest.

Approaching a girl in the gym – in my opinion – is one of the “hardest” ways to approach a girl, due to potential logistical problems and social pressure. There are many other “better” ways to meet girls, but if the gym is all you have, then by all means, go for it.

There Are Two Ways To Approach A Girl At The Gym

Either by doing a “long con” (the best way to approach a girl in the gym, in my opinion) or by going direct.

Both of these ways work. And I’ll cover some different ways you can go about executing each one in your local gym, and my experiences with both.

Approaching A Girl In The Gym – The Long Con Reigns Supreme (IMO)

When it comes to approaching a girl in the gym, the long con reigns supreme (in my opinion).

The long con means that instead of going up and just asking for her number directly, you first engage her in smaller conversations to build up some rapport and see if she’s even available. Then – if she is and you both match vibes – you go for the close.

The long con is (in my opinon) the best way to go about approaching and hitting on girls in places that you have the chance to see each other often. The reason for this is because if you get rejected, you are most likely going to have to see this person again and again.

And if they bring any friends with them, you are instantly going to have a worse reputation than if you had never gotten rejected in the first place. With the long con, you can basically get rejected without getting rejected. And save yourself from the negative consequences of rejection.

How To Execute The Long Con At The Gym

The goal of the long con is to get a feel for what the girl thinks about you before you actually go for the close and risk rejection. You do this by engaging her in low-pressure, light, and casual conversations before going for the close.

The reason this is superior to all other forms of approaching a girl at the gym is because you’re most likely going to see the girl again inside of the gym – whether you get rejected or not. The long con helps you avoid awkward situations and potential reputational damage if you do, in fact, get rejected.

With The Long Con, Location Doesn’t Matter

The nice thing about the long con is that where she is in the gym doesn’t really matter. When you’re going for the close on the first conversation, asking for the number in front of the entire gym may work against you because the girl doesn’t want to seem easy or be viewed as a slut. But when you simply strike up a natural conversation with her in front of everyone, there is no negative to her unless you’re a freak. But if you act semi-normal, then she just looks more popular. Which is good.

Body language Is Key For The Long Con

Wear a suit to the gym & you’ll pull even harder

During your first long con conversation, you are usually going to want to position yourself in a way that says to the girl “im leaving soon” so she doesn’t feel like she is going to be conversationally trapped until you leave. This is the most important part of engaging the first conversation. The second most important part of the conversation is how she feels when the interaction is over. The question “how do I want this girl to feel about this interaction” is a question I am asking myself all of the time. At this point it is built into my psyche.

The feeling you’re going to want to generate in the girl is “that was a fun guy who didn’t want anything for me”. That’s it.

It’s not rocket science. You just want to engage the girl in a simple conversation about literally anything while being upbeat, positive, and not caring what reaction she gives to you. And while you’re doing that, pay attention to her facial expressions and how she’s reacting to you. If you can do these 3 things, you’ve begun the long con in a very good position.

Reflecting On The First Interaction

After you talk to her the first time, you’re going to want to think about how the interaction went. You’re going to want to see how warm she was to you talking to her and weigh your chances of another interaction going well.

Three scenarios: Good, bad, or neutral

When you talk to her for the first time, the interaction is going to go one of three ways: good, bad or neutral.

When It Goes Well (Good)

When the interaction goes well, you’ll obviously want to talk to her again at some point. How well the interaction went will determine how many more times you talk to her before going for the close. If it went well – but wasn’t too crazy – then you’ll probably want to do at least 1-2 more conversations so you can get a feel for where she’s at in her attraction towards you. Sometimes you will find that the first interaction is going so well that you will end up asking for her Instagram on the spot. You want to make sure you have a 90-100% chance of not getting rejected if you go for the Instagram on the first interaction. This means that from the conversation you already know that she doesn’t have a boyfriend and that she is into you by how she is acting towards you.

When it’s neutral

When the interaction is neutral, you’re going to want to talk to her at least one more time to gauge her interest. If she second interaction with her is neutral again, then you’re either going to want to go for the close right then and there – giving yourself a yes or no and forgetting about – or just dropping it altogether. Two neutral interactions is not ideal, and may signal to you that she’s just not into you. You’re going to have to read her social signals and make a decision

When it goes bad

When the interaction goes bad – and you didn’t do anything weird – then she is probably not into you or is not single (and has a good relationship). If this is the case, do not waste time thinking about it. Move on. About 30% of the girls you talk to will not like you at all, so just put her into that category and move on to the next one. Let the percentages play out.

Going Direct (Closing On First Interaction)

If the first interaction is going really well, you’re going to want to go for the Instagram close. The reason you want to go Instagram over phone number is because of how much lower pressure IG is compared to a phone number. But if she is over the age of 40, then she is less likely to use Instagram as frequently – and the phone number may be the better move. Play each situation by ear.

When you initiate the conversation that involves a close, you are usually going to want to be in a more private part of the gym. This will take some of the social pressure off of the girl (they get nervous too) and will make it easier for her to say yes when you ask her what her Instagram handle is. It will also make it less embarrassing for you if you end up getting rejected.

Text Her That Night

I’d normally say to wait to text the girl until the next day (or a weekend), but the gym situation is a little different. When you get her contact info, you’re going to want to start a conversation that night.

If you get her Instagram, you’re going to want to send her a meme you think is funny, and that’s it. And if you get her number, you’re going to want to mention that she looked good, and then send a meme afterwards. Either way, your text should have a good meme in it. Once she responds, have a (very) short conversation with her and then mini-ghost her into the next day. This is a great way to start texting a girl you think is attractive. Mini-ghosting can be found here.

Hedge All Bets In Your Favor

You want the best chance of success. This means you need to take your grooming & personal style seriously.

Gym Style

Just like at any other time, girls are going to be paying attention to your style. And the gym is a place that you can set yourself apart fairly easily.

Although style isn’t a massive deciding factor on how successful you are on hitting a girl in a gym, having a clean haircut and clean shoes will do a lot for you. I would highly recommend getting a fresh haircut and sweatpants that fit nicely.

Grooming

It may seem like a lot, but it’s important cannot be understated. Maintaining a groomed and maintained look is extremely attractive to women. As a personal anecdote, I used to only trim my eyebrows once every 4-6 months. I then started shaping and trimming my eyebrows more often, and believe it or not, it has made a world of difference. It gives you a “cleaner” look that women notice. I get eyebrow compliments way more than a guy should, and it’s only because I maintain them.

Along with your eyebrows, you’re going to want to keep a trimmed beard. Even if it’s “wild”, you are still going to want to make the style of your beard look like a conscious decision. This means that even if it’s long, it’s maintained. And even if it’s “wild”, it’s tamed.

If you need more help, feel free to email me grant@stepbystepdating.com or check out this free training.

-Grant

Categories
Attraction Online Dating Status

How To Play Hard To Get Over Text | 7 Tactics That Scream “High Status”

How to play hard to get over text | 7 Tactics That Scream “High Status”

Playing “hard to get” over text is something that everyone should at least understand. They can choose to use these principles if they’d like to not.

For too many men, women actively use these principles on them (because it is just part of the game that we call dating) and these men have no idea that they are being actively gamed. This, in turn, sets up a an intelligent “trap” that a lot of them fall into – revealing that they are actually, in fact, low status.

Learn The Signs Of A High Status Man

On your path to becoming a high status man, you can learn the signs of what a high status man looks like. And start incorporating them into your way of being before you actually get there.

Let me say this right now: Nothing can replace the dating success that being a high status man will provide to you. But, you can (and should) actively work on getting better at dating by incorporating high status principles into the way you communicate.

General Principle: Who You Are Comes Through Over Text

The general texting principle is that who you are will come out through text. This means that in the same way someone meets you in person and can get a feel for who you are in real life, they will also be doing this to you over text.

Put simply, you can’t fake being high-satus. You can only work on yourself, and get there over time.

But with that being said, you can actively “game” girls to perceive you as higher status than you actually are. And that perception of you – and the feedback you get from it – will help you solidify your identity as someone who has an abundance of options (and is therefore higher status).

#1: Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously

The biggest key to texting like a high status man is never taking yourself too seriously. When you are texting with a women, there will be normal gaps in message times that may last hours, or even days. When these happen, the worst possible thing you can do is take it personally, get offended, and make some snarky, clearly-taking-yourself-too-seriously type comment.

#2: Use Texting Mainly For Witty Banter & Logistics

This is the definition of what I call “fake joke worlds”. I go deeper into how to create fake joke worlds in my “how to keep a conversation going” article. Notice how we are bantering back and forth and then I start figuring out logistics for the next day. Most of your exchanges (as in a “block” or “bunch” of your texts) should be about 75% witty banter and 25% planning something with the girl. When plans are made, you say “Cool. see you then :)” then stop texting her – until you send the confirmation text before the date.

Most of your texting should be witty banter & logistics. This means you want the majority of your texting to be about finding free times to hang out, scheduling dates, confirming dates, and so on. Guys who text a girl all day long are putting themselves at risk for being viewed as either boring or too available. You need to be able to create a feeling of scarcity / mystery / unpredictability in the person you are texting.

#3: Vary Your Response Times

Question mark from question words. Search answers. Vector illustration.

The general rule is that you want to be the one who is taking longer to respond. This means that if she texts you back in 5 minutes, take 9 or 10. If she takes 30, take an hour. Etc. Being the one that takes longer to text back (on average) will keep you in a high status position.

But along with this general rule, you’re also going to want to pepper in quick texts to keep her on her toes.

This means that every once in a while, you are going to want to reply very quickly, and even have a short quick-text conversation with her for about 5-10 messages. Once the quick conversation is almost over, shift again to a longer response time.

#4: Use GIFS & Memes to be wickedly Funny

With so many gifs & memes, you can literally make a funny joke about anything (like walking somewhere). I have a good section of an article on using gifs & memes in this article here.

One of the biggest turn-ons for girls is a guy who can out-banter them, and make them laugh in a variety of ways. If you’re currently not someone who thinks you’re very funny, you’re going to want to practice being more relaxed and taking more social risks.

I often think to myself “what is the most outlandish possible thing I could say at this moment” and then say it without fear of what the other person thinks. This is a good start to learning humor, as the better you get at improv, the funnier you will become.

#5: Try And Use statements, Not Questions (unless they’re logistical, you’re just getting to know her, or it’s right after a mini-ghost).

I just realized I use the Grant Jr thing a lot…

A high-status man will normally text in statements, not questions. Unless, that is, he’s warming a mini-ghost back up, getting to know the girl for the first time, or figuring out logistics, such as “what time works for you on Saturday?”. Obviously there will be exceptions to this rule, but saying “let’s go to the beach this weekend” will hold your personal power much better than asking the girl “Hey, would you want to go to the beach this weekend?”.

One of the most powerful dating skills you can cultivate is learning to get responses from girls without asking questions. This skill is based upon making friendly assumptions about the girl instead of asking, and will work even better if you throw in a joke as well (aka a super-assumption).

This will allow you to keep the ball in your court, and still have a great communication with the girl. She will appreciate the conversation as well because it is (usually) much more fun than being interrogated.

Here are some examples:

1 – Question: What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Statement: You seem like a girl who loves rocky road ice cream.

2 – Question: Can you hang out this weekend?

Statement: My friend’s bailed on our Brunch Saturday. Looks like i’m going to be forced to brunch you down then sleep on your couch :\.

3 – Question: Do you want to hang out today?

Statement: I was supposed to help lather my grandmother in her peppermint ointment but she cancelled on me. Come drink wine & cry with me

You get the point.

#6: Mini-Ghost Often (And Then Respond In An Upbeat Way).

I was busy, so the mini-ghost ended up being 3 days. Try for just 1 day at first. Few things to notice here. #1 – how she was the one that texted me. The mini-ghost works. Also notice how I am asking “unnecessary” questions – like how her shift was – because I am trying to actively build up a little more comfort with her post mini-ghost. This shows that there is no hard feelings between us and that I want to talk to her. These types of situations are where the girl will usually ask you what you are doing that night or later in the week.

This may be the most powerful high-status indicator on the list.

Once you have built up a rotation of women and have a limited amount of time to spend with new ones, you will do this naturally without thinking about it. But until that point comes, you’re going to have to manufacture it.

The Mini-Ghost is when during a normal conversation, you just stop responding to her for the day. You then respond the next day during the afternoon, continuing the conversation as if nothing happened (while always remaining positive). This means that when you respond the next day, you want to keep the respond on the positive side. Works especially well if you can work a joke in to the response too (***but never make mention of your response time or apologize for it***).

Also never do a mini-ghost and have the next text you send to her remotely negative, or it will backfire. Remember: always neutral or positive.

Warning: For every action is an equal and opposite reaction. When you do the mini-ghost, you’re going to get a reaction out of the girl, no matter what. But sometimes, the reaction you will get from the girl will be a mini-ghost of her own. If this happens to you, do not freak out – as it is completely normal response. Instead of worrying if you’ll never talk to her again or sending her a salty (OR DOUBLE) text, simply wait for her to respond, and then respond an hour(ish) after she does like nothing happened. The conversation will then pick back up, and status has been created.

#7: Always Confirm Logistics If You’ve Scheduled A Date

This one is common sense, but a lot of guys are (for some reason) scared to do it for fear of low status. These guys are simply confused. When you schedule a date with a girl (let’s say for 7 pm), you are going to want to send a confirmation text like “see you @ 7?” about 3-4 hours before the actual date. As a high-status man – or a man who’s on his way to becoming one – your time is immensely valuable. And you can’t waste it getting ready, driving to, and showing up for a date that the girl isn’t going to be at. You need to know she’s going so your time is not wasted. Let me repeat, there is nothing low status about sending a confirmation text if you keep it simple and say something lime “still on for x?”. It is what sane people who care about logistics do.

BONUS #8: Text Her The Day After You Get Her Number, Later In The Day

Got her number the day before. Making normal conversation.

When you get a girl’s number, you’re going to want to text her “yo it’s (name)” soon after you get her number. This is common sense. But the next text you’ll want to send her will be some time late in the next day, unless you think you have a high chance of meeting up with her that night (obviously). If you can see her that night, text her and go for it. But if it wasn’t too sexual / playful of a conversation, then you’re going to want to wait until the afternoon of the following day to follow up your “yo it’s (name) text” or her “Hi!” text in response to yours. Whether she responds or not, if you’re not 70% sure you can see her that night, then do yourself a favor and wait till the next day.

If you need any more help, send me an email grant@stepbystepdating.com or check out this free training.

-Grant

Categories
Attraction Online Dating

How To DM A Girl On Instagram Like Casanova | DM’ing From All Angles?

Instagram is basically where people interact with our internet selves. It used to be Facebook, now it’s IG.

With the majority of people on Instagram, mastering the platform as a dating tool can be one of the most effective strategies for getting into and maintaining relationships with women.

There have been many scenarios where I have actively dated women that I have communicated with only via Instagram. And even after we had dated for a couple months, I still didn’t have their number. It was completely IG-based. Which is wild to say, but extremely possible.

But the actual act of DMing the girl on Instagram is, in reality, only a tiny fraction of the much larger piece of the pie that is “getting her to like you via IG”. Which is a much bigger deal.

To make this post as thorough as possible, I am going to be taking you through my own step-by-step process for how I have created and maintained Instagram-based relationships with high-caliber women. And how you can do the same, too.

The Cold Slide

The Instagram cold slide is when you just fly into her DM’s like a blind pigeon smashing into a window. No technique or build-up. Pure gambling.

The cold slide is going to be a numbers game, even when executed to perfection. I have good looking friends who have verified check marks and hundreds of thousands of followers, and even these guys get left on read during the cold slide.

The percentages aren’t fantastic, but they are there. Send enough DM’s, and you’ll eventually get a girl to respond and engage with you.

She was a hairstylist

Note: I Never Call Out The Fact That I’m A Rando

I personally never call out the fact that i’m a completely random person messaging them on Instagram. I just shoot the shot and let Jesus take the reigns.

The times this has worked for me – and there has been a few – the girls will just pick up the conversation like nothing is weird about it and then you go about your normal attraction-building process. I think the timing in the girl’s life is a much bigger factor than what you say when you message her, as long as your first message is semi-lighthearted.

She had a pic of her in Arizona

Here is one that worked on me. Almost thought we were going to fall in love.

His cold slide powers were too much for my gentle heart.

As you can see, there is no rhyme to the cold slide’s reason. It is strictly about shooting your best shot and not taking anything personally if you don’t get a response.

The “We Just Met Last Night” Slide

If you go out to bars often, you will have a LOT of these. If you’re moving venues, you shouldn’t be surprised to collect 10-15 Instagram names in a given night. If you have good game, 2-5 of these will usually turn into dates and 1-2 will turn into consistent flings.

When I get a girls Instagram, it will usually be on either a Friday or Saturday night. If It’s a Friday night, I will send her a message mid-day Saturday and ask her where she’s going. If she’s not doing anything, I will invite her out to come along with me and my friends.

If I get her Instagram on a Saturday, then I will usually not slide into DM’s until later in the evening. But I WILL give her a chance to DM me first. My friends and I usually go to brunch on Sundays, so I’ll post a brunch-filled story. When I do, sometimes the girl will respond to my story. If they don’t i’ll message them later that day.

This particular girl was actually a stripper that I met while she was dancing. Hence the reason for the dance comment.

The “Do You Know X Person?” Slide

This one is one of the most obvious ones because it’s what most people would be compelled to do naturally. If any of you are following the same people, you can slide in with “Oh you know x?” and go from there. This is pretty self explanatory so I will not be saying anything about this other than you better hope they like the person you’re referencing LOL. I have no pictures of this one.

The Respond To The Story Slide

The respond to the story slide is great because people love getting positive feedback on anything they post. It makes them all warm and fuzzy.

That being said, there are a couple different strategies that you can deploy when it comes to responding to a girl’s stories on Instagram.

#1 Hook And Sinker – The Hook And Sinker is basically where you just respond to her story and then forge a conversation out of nothing. To do this you need a little bit of interest already built up, otherwise she won’t respond to you (at some point) and it will make you look bad. I don’t usually do this because if you’re in this position with a girl, you have no leverage. I will usually just long con her to the point that she responds to my stories.

#2 The Story long Con – A “long con” is when you contact the girl multiple times (always making it fun and positive) over the course of a certain period of time with the hopes of one day smashing. It may be confused by beta for being beta uncultured man, but it is an active form of pursuit. Every time you contact a woman during a long con, it needs to be very fun and positive + paired with good Instagram stories of your own. If she knows you’re a cool guy doing cool things, she will be more receptive to your long con tactics. Here’s a long-con example:

Long-con example. Light-hearted compliment.

For the long con, you basically just do little things like this (but not too often or to suck-up(y) until one day you post a story and she respond to it. That’s when the tables have turned.

Get The Girls Start To DMing You (And Hack The Entire System)

You can get yourself to the point where girls will start flooding your DM’s in responses to your stories. That is, IF you do your stories (and long con) correctly.

If you follow the steps below in making sure that your Instagram game is at it’s absolute peak, then it is completely viable that you can build up a rotation of beautiful, awesome women in as short as a month. And even choose one to be your girlfriend.

When you get your Instagram game on point, you will start having girls DM you fairly often, like this:

The most effective way to use Instagram to get dates is by creating “attraction systems” that you can use over and over again that will get girls to slide into YOUR DM’s consistently.

This means that you will have a repeatable system that you do no matter what, and then can just bring the new girls that you meet into it. At that point, it just becomes about meeting new girls. If you need help building this system, feel free to email me at grant@stepbystepdating.com or check out this free training.

Here’s my own system below:

Creating Your Own Instagram “Attraction System”

Step #1: Get Your Instagram Game Up

The first thing I want to mention in this post is getting your Instagram game up. If you’re going to be sliding into girl’s DMs, you’re going to want to make sure that you have a decent ratio of followers to following and have some high quality pictures. If you’re Instagram is absolute trash, it’s going to be really hard to get a pretty girl to interact with you on it unless you show her your greatness in person and then move it on to Instagram afterwards.

The truth is, a bad Instagram is going to hurt you. And a good Instagram is going to help you. So do yourself a favor and spend some time having someone take pictures of you and get your follower count up either organically or by using engagement groups.

Step #2 *MOST IMPORTANT*: Create Multiple “Container” Events Throughout The Week

A container event is simply an event that brings someone into YOUR world. AKA your container.

What this means is that you need to have 1-2 events a week that happen every single week. And when you go to these events, you can either bring new people you meet to them or simply post Instagram stories of how much fun you’re having at them, every single week. People will become invested in your events even if they’ve never been to them.

My two events that I used were a poker night on Wednesday and Brunch on Sunday. Meaning, every Wednesday I’d get a group of guys to play poker, and every Sunday I’d get a group of people to go to Brunch. This allowed me to not only have a blast, but it also gave me something to invite people to as well as giving me something interesting to post on my Instagram story every single week. When you run a container event correctly, you will have girls responding to your events saying things like “thanks for the invite” and “you never invite me”. That is when you know you’ve optimized your IG.

Step #3: Get The Girls Instagram

In order to start building up your attraction with a girl on Instagram, you first need to actually get her Instagram. There are a couple ways to do this.

Get her Instagram In Person

Getting her Instagram in person is one of the best ways to close a conversation and give yourself an opportunity to move things forward later on.

Getting a girl’s Instagram is monumentally easier than getting a girl’s #. The reason getting a girl’s Instagram is way easier is because in her head, there is a much lower amount of investment (and risk) involved in her giving you her Instagram than her number. In a girl’s mind, her giving you her number is her immediately showing interest in you. And is a much bigger deal than her giving you her Instagram, which she can rationalize as just “being nice”.

To get a girl’s Instagram, all you really have to do is start a conversation with her and not creep her out. If you can do those two things, then you can usually ask her “hey what’s your Ig? I’ll add you” and get her Instagram without any problems. Building a huge amount of interest with her isn’t too important in this situation because you can use the platform of Instagram itself to help you do it online.

Find Her On Instagram Directly

The other option you have (other than getting her Instagram in person) is finding her actual profile on Instagram, and then following her / DMing her from there. This can work well if you both have social circles that overlap and she follows people that follow you & vice versa. It works even better if you have a picture of yourself with the girl’s friend somewhere on your Instagram.

For this method to work best, you will either need a lot of social proof from people who follow you or your profile itself – or you will need to have her know of you in some way. If she’s a complete stranger and you follow her on IG, it can still work, but it will be significantly more difficult. At that point, it essentially turns into a numbers game.

But once you have her Instagram – and get her to follow you – you can begin building attraction with her using social media.

Step #4: Build Interest Via Instagram

Once she follows you on Instagram, it’s time to make her L-L-Lerb you like she’s never lerbed anyone before. And you can do this by strategically using social media to get her to like you more.

The two principles that you’re going to want to stick to when it comes to projecting an image on social media that attracts women are these:

#1) You want to make it seem like you do fun things with a fun friend group (container events).

#2) You want to come off as non-needy.

It’s very simple. But easier said than done.

Instagram Stories Are The Key To You Building Interest With Her

Instagram stories are going to be the way you build interest with her. Instagram stories are insanely powerful, and can infest someone’s mind with insecurity, doubt, hope, fear, love, admiration, and any other emotion under the sun. Instagram stories are wild.

What Instagram stories also do is give you just one “piece” of a larger puzzle. And because only a piece of the puzzle is seen, people are free to interpret what the rest of the puzzle looks like. And you can actively use this to your advantage in terms of building interest with her and all of the other girls who follow you. Here are some of the best Tips:

Only Post Interesting Things On Your Stories

A couple days after you add her, you’re going to want to begin posting interesting things to your stories. The #1 rule is to avoid posting anything that is boring or uncontroversial, because if you post something boring 2-3 times in a row, then people will start associating your posts with “fluff”.

This is NOT what you want. Instead, post something interesting, Interesting things consist of you doing fun things with friends, posting something genuinely funny or playfully controversial (like saying In-N-Out burger wasn’t worth the drive), or showcasing something of high-value. The point is to portray the image of a high-value man.

Optimizing Your Story For Her Feed

You’re going to want to make sure you post an interesting story within a couple of days after you add her so you will pop up on the top of her story list. If you can get her to look at the first few stories of yours, then Instagram will begin to put you at the top of her feed more often, creating a positive feedback loop that gets her coming back to your stories again, and again, and again. The goal is to get to this point where a positive feedback loop takes over. This means that the more you post, the more she watches it, and the more she watches it, the more you will pop up as the #1 spot on her Instagram Story feed.

Bonuses:

Next Level Instagram Game #1: Host Container Events For Women And Have Them Location Tag It

If you really want to take your Instagram game to another level, you can make your container events focused on woman. This means your event could be something like a fashion show, bikini contest, beach trip, club hop, etc. The point is, you just want to think of something that women will enjoy doing and likely invite their friends to.

Once you have the event created, you can actually create your own “Tag” so it will have a custom label for your event. For example, If your name is John, your tag can say “John’s kingdom”, and you can have multiple different girls tagging this location in your stories. This is the most powerful form of game there is in action: hot girl social proof.

Next Level Instagram Game #2: Tag The Girl That You Want To Talk To In Your Actual Story

So this technique is fairly interesting, and I have tried this many times to success.

For this one, all you’re going to want to do is post one of your usual super-interesting stories. But instead of just having your regular, badass caption, you’re also going to write “Just missing x” and then tag the girl you want to start talking to. So if her name is Susie and her instagram tag is @susiesuperrrr then you would post your normal Instagram story and on the bottom of the post say something like “Just missing @Susiesuperrrr”.

This one is interesting because it does multiple good things for you. In terms of getting the girl to talk to you, it usually works. Why? Because she will be ridiculously curious about why you’re tagging her in an Instagram story. And will usually respond. When she does, simply just say something light-hearted and jokeish about how you miss her and keep the conversation very brief unless she seems like she’s down to hang out that night (obviously).

But what technique this also does for you as well is it gives you some social proof with the girls who are already watching your story. When they see that you’ve tagged some other pretty girl, they will see that you’re the type of dude that hangs with pretty girls. And if they have even the slightest bit of interest in you at all, this will create a competitive feeling inside of them. Best case, they will slide into your DM’s to win back your attention. Worst case, they will see your post and assume you hang out with cool girls. It’s a win-win.

That’s it for now. If you feel like you need additional help, feel free to email me at grant@stepbystepdating.com or check out this free training.

I love you,

Grant

Categories
Attraction Dating Online Dating

How To Write A Tinder Bio That Works Like Jesus | 3 “Godlike” Tinder Principles

How to write a Tinder bio that works like Jesus.

What does work like Jesus mean, you ask?

Honestly I’m not too sure. But it sounded cool.

The point is, it works.

A Good Tinder Bio = Very Important

A good bio (along with great pictures) is going to be one of the biggest factors in determining your success on online dating apps.

One of the biggest mistakes guys make when it comes to online dating is slacking on their Tinder bios. I see it all the time. A guy will have spent a good amount of time and effort getting great tinder pictures, but spends virtually no time or effort at all on his bio. This makes no sense.

…But Why Is A Good Tinder Bio So Important?

The reason the bio is so powerful is because it is one way (of many) that give you the opportunity to stand out from the rest. How many bios out there do you think are funny? Or well-written? Or even engaging in the slightest?

Not many.

And because of this, spending some time creating a great (and response-friendly) bio is a hugely important factor in crafting a successful online dating profile. Instead of giving you a copy & paste bio, here are some principles that will help you create a bae-friendly bio.

Here’s my current bio (this thing slams):

What Do We Want Our Tinder Bio To Achieve?

Before we craft our tinder bio, we must first understand what it is that we want our tinder bios to achieve. It’s all really very simple.

We want our tinder bio to do three things for us:

#1 – Play towards our strengths / advantages

#2 – Set ourselves apart from others by qualifying our type of woman beforehand

#3 – Use a couple different “hook points” to give her a reason to respond

Doing these three things with your Tinder bio will give you the highest chance of success with girls that you are actually interested in meeting. And help you actively avoid the girls who would be a terrible fit for you. We’ll go over each of these individually.

Your Tinder Bio Is Your Key To Inbound Dating Leads

In sales, a lead is a person who has a high chance of buying your product, because they have shown some sort of interest in it. There are two ways to get leads.

Outbound

The first way you can get leads is to find them. Meaning, you can pay Facebook or Google to get your product in front of thousands of people and some of them will be interested in what you have to sell. Then when you find them, you call them and sell them things.These are known as outbound leads because they are generated from outbound marketing.

Inbound

The other type of lead is an inbound lead. An inbound lead means that you’ve literally done nothing in terms of work for the day, but people will contact YOU with interest in your product instead of you reaching out to them and convincing them of the value of your product. Inbound leads are much easier to close, which means more sales.

In the same way, your Tinder bio is like your own, personal, inbound dating strategy. If you do it correctly, you will have girls sending YOU the first message and responding to your bio with laugh emojis, agreeing opinions, dissenting opinions, compliments, insults, and everything in between. It doesn’t really matter what she messages you, because what’s more important than what she says is the fact she took the time to send you a message in the first place. She’s interested.

Your Tinder Bio Needs To Have At Least SOME Humor In It

I will go more in-depth about this topic at the bottom of this post but I want to put a quick note right here about how important it is to have at least SOME aspect of humor in your Tinder bio. I can’t stress enough how powerful humor is when it comes to attracting women. It is THE thing. So if you’re not making at least one good sarcastic joke in your bio, throw one in. And if you don’t know how, email me at grant@stepbystepdating.com and I’ll coach you.

Moving on.

How To Write A Tinder Bio That Works #1 – Playing Towards Your Strengths

Playing towards your strengths is one of the most important aspects of creating a successful Tinder bio.

In short, a strength is something that you are better than the majority of people at. For some guys, this might be height. If you’re tall, list your height in your bio. For other guys, it might be some unique skill they’ve acquired or some business they’ve started. Whatever that thing is that gives you some significance in your life, use it in your bio. And use it in a very playful and curiosity-creating way.

Maybe You’re A Big Cooking Guy

For example, if you were a world-class chef, then you would obviously want to play on that strength and use that unique thing about you in your bio while also framing it in a way that allows the girl to respond. Here’s what I mean:

Most guys will write in their bio “World class Chef.”. And that’s it. And even though the fact the dude is a world class chef is seriously awesome, him putting that fact into his bio as simply “World class chef” is the most boring possible thing he could have done. He didn’t give a reason for the girl to respond.

Instead, this guy should put something in his bio like “Probably a better cook than you *(girl doing the innocent hand up emoji)* and then follow it up with a creative statement like “my cookingbae is out there trying couscous in 9 different countries”.

Saying something like this will not only play towards and highlight his strengths, but he will also get messages from girls saying things like “There’s no way you’re a better cook than me” or “I’ve only had couscous in two countries but I’m shooting my shot anyway”.

They will go with what you give them.

How To Write A Tinder Bio Example #2: My Brunch Addiction

One real example of using my strengths in a Tinder bio is me using my brunch addiction as a leverage point. Before quarantine hit, I would go to brunch at one of my favorite places with a group of 5-10 friends. Doing this allowed me to be able to appeal to girls who like to brunch and who would be willing to go out on a Sunday (and meet up with me after my own brunch).

So instead of saying “I go to brunch every Sunday with my friends”, my bio said something like “must be as addicted to mimosas @ Sunday brunch as I am” and there was a high-quality picture in my profile of me sipping a mimosa during brunch.

Do It Right And Girls Will Message YOU

When I had this little statement in my bio, I’d have the majority of girls sliding into my DM’s with statements like “I am addicted to mimosas @ brunch” or “I love brunch & mimosas” or they’d take the other approach and say something like “I hate mimosas”. Either way, they would play off of the brunch statement and would more often than not be willing to meet up with me on a Sunday after I got done brunching with my friends. There were a couple of times where I got done brunching with my friends and would go right into an evening-long date that ended up with the girl pulling me to her house the same day I met her. Here is the kind of stuff I get from my current bio:

My Bio

Responses It Gets (To Each Hook point)

# 2 – Set Yourself Apart By Qualifying The Type Of Women You Want Beforehand

The large majority of men are desperate to get any woman they can. This is not something you want to convey in your bio. Instead, you want to create the image that YOU are the one who is choosing the women he talks to, and will not settle for any random woman to take up his time.

One great way to set yourself apart in your bio (aside from using humor) is to take the strength that you are using and then use it as a qualifier to actively put off the girls who aren’t interested. This will cause the girls who would be a bad fit for you to stay away, and the girls who would be a good fit for you to swipe right.

Say Something Polarizing In Your Tinder Bio

The first step of doing this is by saying something polarizing. You want to actively put off some people while also actively drawing some people in as well.

You can see in my own bio that there’s not too many serious aspects about it. This is a conscious choice. The reason for that type of bio is because when I had a more serious bio, I was constantly matching more serious girls – some of which had barely any sense of humor. Which I didn’t like. I don’t care how hot she is – if she has no sense of humor, I don’t want to talk to her.

Another example of this was mentioned earlier in the world-class chef example. Saying “my cookingbae is out there trying couscous 9 different countries” is a very polarizing statement. Why? Because if the girl doesn’t like trying fine foods or traveling, she probably won’t swipe right. Unless she’s drunk on a Sunday night, that is.

Using qualifying / polarizing statement are a HUGE factor in successful Tinder Bios because most guys simply state boring facts about themselves without really doing anything else. They take themselves way too seriously and aren’t able to put themselves in the mind of a hot girl reading their profile. But you’re different. You will.

So while always keeping the perspective of a hot girl in mind, make sure your bio can frame you as a high status guy while also generating some curiosity from the girl.

#3 – Use A Couple Different “Hook Points” To Give Her A Reason To Respond To Your Tinder Bio

Here’s my current bio again:

If you see here, there’s multiple different “hook points” in this bio. A hook point is something that is either funny, controversial or sparks curiosity.

Putting things in your bio that are funny, controversial, and curiosity-sparking will give the girl a REASON to slide into your DM’s, or at least swipe right. I’ll cover each of these individually.

#1 Funny hook points – As you can see above, the funny hook points I have in my bio are my height, the statement about me finding her clamportis, and telling her mom to buy my mixtape. All three of these jokes are great for a Tinder bios because they are unique, funny, and will get the girl to send ME the first message by responding to one of those three statements.

#2 – Controversial hook points – In my bio I also have some controversial hook points. Some hook points can be used as other hook points simultaneously as well. Meaning, one statement might be all 3 of the hook points in one. Anyway, the controversial hook points are me saying I’m a better cook than them, and then bashing Leo’s. Both of these two hook points, once again, give the girl a reason to respond to my bio and message me first by saying how they’re actually a better cook than me or asking why I bashed Leo’s.

#3 – Curiosity hook points – There are also curiosity hook points in my bio as well. For this bio, the curiosity hook points would be me saying I’m a professional rapper, saying that someone memed me, and saying I’m not ready for the “Leo” type of relationship. All three of these parts of the bio will make a girl think “hmmm…” and be a little more curious about who I am or what I meant about what I said.

Having all three of these hook points is crucial to a good Tinder bio. If you can have all three, then you’ll be setting yourself up for the best chance of Tinder success.

Ultimate Tinder Bio Secret: You Can Almost “Scratch Everything” If You’re Wickedly Funny

Throughout the post above I’ve laid down my absolute best tips on how to write a Tinder bio that works like Jesus. I really put my heart and soul into that post for you.

But even so, you can basically “scratch” everything i’ve told you if your bio is the funniest thing she has seen all day. This includes both jokes in your bio and pictures as well.

I have personally tested the “humor only” route when it comes to Tinder and it’s actually worked out extremely well for me. This means that I’ve had a bio that was completely, 100% non-serious with absolutely 0 real facts about my life – and I got a ridiculous amount of matches. This bio was also paired with pictures of me “memeing” myself (meaning I made a meme out of my own pictures and posted it on Tinder) as well as a bunch of other completely ridiculous pictures that were total joke shots. Like these:

Note: These were actual pictures on my Tinder account at one point, and they worked great.

Me Shaking Something’s Hand At A Bar
Climbing A Mountain Like A Spider Do
The Classic “Fake Model” Picture

Again, these were real pictures I posted on my Tinder a massive joke, and they still worked for me. Why? Because I had the Tinder bio to match it. My Tinder bio said something like:

“Stunningly gorgeous, urban model currently looking for short-term work (if it’s not too hard). Love climbing mountains like a spider. Can not walk through gardens or large museums because of my addiction to shaking the hands of statues. Also love boba.”

And that thing worked like a charm for me as well. As ridiculous as I may have looked or sounded.

Again:

Women love funny.

So try and get funny.

And if you’re currently still stuck on your bio, need some more help or coaching, or simply need a bud, feel free to check out this free training or send me an email at grant@stepbystepdating.com.

LMK if you get laid,

Grant

Categories
Attraction Dating

Where To Meet Women, Reddit? The Best Places To Meet Women (According To Reddit)

“Where to meet women Reddit” is something a lot of young guys type into google in search of answers. After looking and filtering through the top posts, I’ve put together a compilation of the best answers that I came across in terms of where to meet women.

And believe me, this took a lot of filtering through. Why? Because these forums are filled with a lot of guys either complaining about how hard it is to meet women or just hating on women altogether. HINT: These guys need to visit stepbystepdating.com

TLDR – It Doesn’t Matter

Here’s my own opinion on the topic before I get into the “where to meet women reddit” advice:

It doesn’t matter where you meet women. Because they are everywhere. What is much more important than WHERE you meet woman is HOW you meet women. And build attraction with them while doing so.

The skills of building attraction can not only be learned, but they must be learned. Because this one skill will serve you for the rest of your life. So while other guys are complaining that they “can’t find any good women” and “don’t know where to meet women”…

You’ll be FEASTING on your own.

Here’s What Reddit Asked…

Here’s the original question that I came accross:

At work; “Its innapropriate because it can create unprofessional situiations”

At the gym “Its inappropriate because girls are just there to work out”

At the bar “don’t go to the bar to meet women unless you just want a one night stand”

These are just the three places I consistently interact with women my age at, my hobbies don’t lead me to meeting women.

And dating apps are just shit for guys in general. Especially at my age of mid 20s.

What can I actually do to meet girls my age?

Dog Parks

level 1Gasifiedgap201 points¡2 years ago

My personal experience, dog parks are great for meeting people. Really great. But just don’t be the asshole who gets a dog they don’t want to meet women.

2gilthanan143 points¡2 years ago

I wish there were cat parks…

3cloudsrpretty23 points¡2 years ago

Same. Dogs are cute but too demanding. However, I think my cats would plot to kill me if I tried to put them on a leash and walk them

Double0Dixie5 points¡2 years ago

honestly get them used to a harness and leash just in your own home and you can try venturing outside with them! let them acclamate at their own pace if they are wholely indoor cats. its a whole new world to them!

edit: added bonus, taking your cat on walks offers some legitimate potential to meet new people! dont let your dreams be dreams.

edit2: can also offer great sociliization with other animals/pets! just make sure you keep your babies safe

4stefonioMale2 points¡2 years ago

You say that like they aren’t doing that already

5cloudsrpretty3 points¡2 years ago

One of them definitely is. She’s a moody lil shit but one of them deffo loves me

3emaciated_pecan2 points¡2 years ago

You could try the big cat exhibit at you local zoo

Maybe outside the local big cat exhibit could serve you well? Women do love cats…

This. Dog parks are amazing for meeting people. It’s so easy to start a conversation because all you have to do is compliment or ask them about their dog.

Gyms

2 years ago

It’s not inappropriate to meet girls at the gym. It’s about finding the right time to talk. And don’t expect 20 minute conversations, expect a two minute talk every day or so until you have some sort of connection.Give AwardShareReportSavelevel 2[deleted]32 points·2 years ago

Exactly. I don’t mind being approached at the gym. I’ve met a few friends this way.

And it can be flattering since I’m pretty sweaty and have no makeup on while I’m there. Some women most don’t like being approached at all but you can usually tell if they are acting standoffish if you try to talk to them so just take the hint and go on your way.

2 years ago

The gym is actually a great place to meet both friends and a romantic interest. The later will be harder of course but its not impossible.

It gives you a great starting conversation point as you’re working out, an easy out for the conversation as you have more exercises to do and a common place you know you’ll see the person again.

If someone is engaging in conversation or seems open to it thats one thing, but typically headphones in and staying clear of others, leave them the fuck alone.

Mollzor9 points¡2 years ago

You see a potential mate. You look at her, she looks at you, you look away. Look at her again, when she looks at you, smile. If she smiles back, yay! If she doesn’t look at you again or doesn’t smile, she is not interested.

Look in her eyes long enough to notice her eye color.

waterhouse788 points¡2 years ago

Meeting women at gyms is why ‘women only’ gyms exists. I’m sure most women just want to work out and not be ogled at. But I was recently at an only – women’s gym and this butch made me feel uncomfortable. People need to stop treating it like a nightclub.

I think the gym can be ok so long as you can also read social cues. Don’t attempt to have long conversations there and know when to stop if a woman doesn’t seem interested. Most people have places to be and would be bothered to be held up too long.

Work

2 years ago

I met my husband at work. It can be done, as long as both parties are discreet and mature about it.

At work; “Its inappropriate because it can create unprofessional situations”

Fuck, no. It is not. Most married people met at work or at school. Work is a PERFECT place to meet people, because it leads to reasonable relationships. HR is worried that you’ll bang a chick, and then you’ll collaborate to rob the business or be unfair to others. HR is fucking insane. You are not insane, you have better judgment than them. So fuck them. Do NOT buy their flawed logic just because it’s common in corporations.

Hobbies are a way to meet women. Friends. Social gatherings. For the most part, you’re fucked though. You’re a guy, and women are scared shitless of guys in the West.

Come to Asia, or the Philippines, where women are still liberated women and will be welcoming to conversation and dating.

Dog parks for the win. Watched my GF’s dog for a few weeks, dog owners are HIGHLY social. No walls. Random girls will say hello just to pet the dog.

Be friends first, and take it from there. You can make just friends, anywhere, including work.

Dancing lessons. Any place that teaches swing or country.

Hobbies

RussetHelm2 points¡2 years ago

1 – Look up all the dating apps which require the girl to show interest in YOU. This way you won’t waste too much time on them. If you are really looking, you will need to put at least some effort into the dating apps because they are so prevalent, especially among people in their 20’s.

2 – Find an activity that you do not mind too much, and which has a disproportionately female demographic. Things like book clubs, dance lessons, and even going to church typically have more women interested in them. This isn’t ideal of course, but keep in mind that women are often interested in different things than the most popular male activities and interests like sports or PVP gaming. By finding an activity that women are interested in that you at least do not mind engaging in, you not only can find some women, but you will have a much better range of options. Reverse this in your mind, and you should get the principle. A girl who loves football or Call of Duty could be a good bit heavier or uglier and still meet plenty of guys.

Adult kickball or other sports leagues are a great way to make friends and meet potential romantic partners. If you’re in a specific career field, go to networking events in your area. Meetup.com

Not seen as an outcast at all! I picked up social ballroom and latin dance about 6 months ago and I was definitely the nervous newbie. I checked out 2 dance studios in my area; the one I stuck with offered a free 30 minute private lesson with one of the instructors, which gave me a chance to meet one of the people who would be teaching the group class and get myself familiar with the basics of a single dance. That made it easier for me to feel comfortable going to a group class.

Try checking out studios in the area to see if they offer something similar. If not, it’s pretty much a guarantee that you’ll see beginner level classes on a schedule, which are safe for newbies. My biggest recommendation is to go with an open attitude and be willing to take direction and try new things. I’ve danced with new dancers who, when I get to them in rotation, immediately start putting themselves down. It’s much more fun to learn to dance with someone who is at least attempting to be optimistic about what they can learn.

If you have any questions about the social dance scene, feel free to PM me. 🙂

Bars

You’ve already named one place to literally meet women, a bar. No, its not for one nighters, theres some women that goes there to get to know guys too. But theres literally lots of other public places you can meet them at also. A beach? don’t you watch vitalyzd’s youtube channel? coffee shops, retail stores/malls, events whether its a big event or local like an art show or a concert. Hell you can meet women volunteering at some place, its totally fine cause you’re just volunteering and you don’t work there so it doesn’t create an unprofessional atmosphere.

Take a course, for example drawing.

Also, the focus shouldn’t be on meeting women. Your focus should be to expand your social circle. Someone from work is having a birthday party? Cool, now you can meet new people at that party. Expand your social circle, eventually you’ll meet a girl you like.

I don’t necessarily agree with the bar thing. I don’t mind being approached at a bar (that’s how I met my ex) but you have to have the social skills to know when a woman isn’t interested and don’t be a bother. There’s definitely been plenty of guys who didn’t get the hint and it got uncomfortable.

MISC

2 years ago

I’ve recently started going to parties hosted by cosplay people and since gaming and cosplay go hand in hand there have been a lot of gaming girls at these events. These events are hosted at video gaming lounge bars and often have themes. Could be a good place to start, check your area if there is any such thing where you live.

jml51015 points¡2 years ago

You can meet someone almost anywhere. I would just make sure that she appears approachable and isn’t busy doing something before going ahead. For example, I wouldn’t bother someone who is either reading, listening to music, or doing stuff with her phone. The best places I can think of to meet people are the ones that actually encourage social interaction, such as parties, classes (can be any type of class, not necessarily school), Meetup events, or school clubs.

2 years ago

There is no wrong place to meet someone. Hell, I know people who met at rehab and have a wonderful, sober life together and welcomed their first child two years ago. They are as happy as ever.

Do things you like, and you will meet a girl that you have something in common with. Leave the judging to people who have nothing better to do.

2 years ago

Met my wife at the library.

Had an initial chat about favorite authors. Asked if she wanted a coffee.

Went from there.

Karfro3 points¡2 years ago

Dancing classes are the classic.

Beside that some new hobbies would help, like some new sport.

You can meet people at work. But you can’t just make a pass at them. At work, it’s more akin to a friendship expanding to become a relationship. There’s more personality involved than a walk-up-and-propose-bumping-uglies. Is the receptionist cute? Talk to her a bit every day and see if any chemistry develops. Go out with a group of work people after work sometimes and see if anything develops.

There’s the risk of things going badly if you break up and both still work together, but as long as you aren’t the guy all the workplace women know makes a pass at every woman in the company, the workplace isn’t off limits. Just need to move more slowly, maturely, and professionally.

The gym is ok if the woman seems warm to you. If you’ve never seen her there before or she’s wearing headphones or avoiding eye contact, she’s not interested. If you see each other semi regularly and smile at each other and make occasional small talk, there’s a potential opening. It’s similar to the workplace but a little more casual.

You can meet women at the bar, too. Sure, the easiest women to pick up are the ones actively looking for a one night stand or something casual, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t single women who go to bars just for a drink (and then happen to meet you), or women who look for casual sex and catch feels.

The “rules” about the workplace, gym, and bars are just general rules. If you’re sniffing around just looking for sex, they’re good to follow. If you’re legitimately looking for a woman to be a potential partner, they’re everywhere. Just be mindful of the circumstances and their body language and treat meeting women there as something that can happen, but not something you’re expecting to happen.

I met my wife at work and she only wanted a casual thing. A couple weeks later it was her that wanted the relationship.

The park can be a good spot, just don’t bug anyone who’s in the middle of doing anything. Buddy of mine from work has got some phone numbers just by going along his jogging route to / from the park, jogging with whoever he meets along the way.

Book stores are a great spot, as are malls. Again, just don’t bug anyone who’s doing anything. If they’re walking casually, skimming through random products, and just doddering around? Then it’s a good sign that they’re open to chat. Another good hint is if you keep catching each others eye contact.

Grocery shopping can be a good spot, depending how crowded the place is though.

Most cities have events that are great for meetups. In my city the waterpark occasionally hosts an 18+ party night with liquor license. There’s this funky childrens science museum that occasionally hosts an adults trivia night; you match up with random trivia groups to compete for little door prizes, there’s snacks and liquor, it’s good times.

Join an amateur coed sports league. Doesn’t matter what sport, amateur leagues are very chill – they’ll teach you how to play, which is a good ice breaker.

Volunteer. People will pay +$100 for a night out to maybe socialize and meet some new people at the bar / club, when you can get the guarantee of socializing and meeting new people every week if you volunteer.

ReasonReaderMale2 points¡2 years ago

Strip clubs, crack houses, DMV lines…

I think there is no one place to meet women. The best strategy in my opinion is to live your life in a way that maximizes serendipity. which may mean just being more social in your daily life, learning to be better with small talk etc.

As you can see, it’s not so much about WHERE to meet women as much as it as HOW you go about meeting them.

The truth is, you can meet women anywhere. Because they are literally everywhere. That is, if your attraction skills are good enough.

Attraction skills are the real factor.

If you’re looking to increase your attraction skills, check out this free training on dating and attraction, and start meeting girls with ease.

Talk soon,

Grant

Categories
Attraction Dating

Ghosted After First Date: 7 Common Reasons Why

Ghosted after the first date?

It sucks.

But the good news is, getting ghosted after the first date can be a great time to really learn about how you’re being perceived and make any necessary adjustments needed to really explode your dating life.

In this article, I’ll cover the 7 most common reasons why someone might get ghosted after the first date and what you can do about it to ensure that it never happens again.

Ghosted After First Date Reason #1: You’re Not Interesting Enough

This can be the most painful realization but also the most helpful. A large majority of the time, if you’re getting ghosted after the first date, it may simply be because you are not interesting enough. If this is the case, then it would serve you well to build up your charisma and social skills to the point to where you can keep someone’s interest by telling them stories about virtually anything. I have an entire video on how to to be more interesting and never run out of things to say here.

If you’ve been ghosted due to a lack of being interesting, one of the best techniques you can learn to do is to become less logical. This means that instead of asking the girl normal things like “where do you work” and “what is your favorite food”, ask her unordinary questions about random topics that keep her interested and engaged. It should become normal to you to talk about 50-100 topics in the span of a first date.

GGATFD Reason #2: The Date Went P-P-Poorly

Another common reason why someone may get ghosted after the first date is because the date went poorly. It has been my experience that when the date goes poorly, you will usually feel it in your soul. Signs of a bad date involve her constantly checking her phone instead of talking to you, seeming uninterested, and going to the bathroom frequently (unless you’re having drinks), and leaving the date with a general feeling of “I didn’t like that”. Avoid that at all costs.

If you start noticing signs that the date is going poorly, either change venue locations or consciously steer the conversation onto more interesting, emotionally-fueled topics.

GGATFD Reason #3: She Has Chads For Days

If you’re a guy who’s been ghosted after the first date, chances are that the girl you’re talking to has better options to choose from. Girls will often go on a first date with a guy to “test him out”, and if he doesn’t pass, they will either ghost him after the first date or send him a “I just didn’t feel a connection” text.

If you’re continually being ghosted after the first date, you may need to work on skills like speaking your mind and disagreeing with her opinions. If she says something you do not agree with, you need to let her know that you respect her opinion but you also disagree. Doing this in a playful way will make the interaction more interesting and peg you as a guy who isn’t afraid to say what he thinks, which is very attractive for women.

GGATFD #4: You’re Awkward AND You Come Off As Sensitive (The Deadly Duo)

A lot of women will feel like they are obligated to ghost an awkward guy if he also comes off as sensitive for fear of hurting his feelings. Or at least having to deal with them. If she gets the vibe that you’re not only awkward but also extremely sensitive, you can expect to get ghosted.

The only cure for awkwardness is repetition and practice so you can beat the fear out of yourself. Social skills are exactly that, skills. And just like all other skills, they need to be learned. You can’t expect to have a non-awkward date if you’re not going on dates and getting through the awkward phase. The most non-awkward and “smooth” guys are simply the guys who have had the most practice. It’s all about overcoming fears and repetition.

GGAFTD Reason #5: Not Pitching Any Ideas For Future Dates In A Fun Way

Another reason you could be getting ghosted after the first date is because you’re not playfully proposing ideas for future dates. I have a great technique for doing this called “fake joke worlds” which I cover in an article here. Read it and master it. The key to proposing future dates is by doing it in a way that doesn’t come off as needy. Meaning, when you propose the date, she has to get a feeling from you that you don’t really care whether she actually goes on the date with you or not because you’re just having fun and saying what you think.

Another thing proposing future dates does is get her talking about she likes. If you propose a wild date idea, not only will she be excited and caught off guard, but she may also dislike the idea and tell you how crazy it is. This is a good thing. Why? Because you can then ask her things like “Well then where are you taking me for out next date?” and she will begin explaining to you where she wants to take YOU for your next date together. It’s fun, playful, and effective.

GGATFD #6: She Was Looking For A Hookup And You Boyfriended Yourself

Sometimes girls will ghost guys because they are looking for a hookup or “fun times with a fun guy” while the guy is giving off the “let’s get married and have 15 kids tomorrow” vibe. If this happens to be you, then you are probably getting ghosted after the first date…

If you are a guy who is looking for a long-term commitment, your best play (besides asking yourself WHY) is to first establish yourself as an attractive man and then dabbler in the more provider qualities later on. If you can establish yourself as a high-status and attractive man early, then you will have the most leverage possible for turning your relationship into a long-term one. Going into any relationship (romantic, business, or friendship) with a “this has to be long-term” can be extremely harmful to your mental and psychic health.

GGATFD #7: Literally Any Reason

The truth is, there are so many reasons guys get ghosted that I genuinely believe “literally any reason” should be on this list. It is almost impossible to understand exactly what caused a woman to act or react in a certain way, and it’s often times pointless to try and figure it out. I have known many men who have went down the “why did she do that” rabbit hole that only ends up in confusion, frustration, and headaches. It is in these situations that women (and men too for that matter) have the tendency to act in a non-logical fashion, so trying to logically and cause-and-effectly put together different pieces of a puzzle can be like trying to…

to…

It just sucks, okay?

Categories
Attraction Online Dating

The Single Best Tinder Opener You Will Ever Find (And 2 Others)

Here is the best tinder opener that you will ever find.

The reason these tinder openers are so powerful is because they show a level of creativity that most men either don’t have or simply won’t engage with. And girls will recognize that.

Although these tinder openers may seem difficult at first, practicing and using Google as your friend will build your opener skills to the point that you will be able to generate a creative tinder opener wherever and whenever you want. And these skills will serve you for years to come.

You Need To Separate Yourself On Tinder Openers

The reason for the Tinder opener isn’t just to start up a conversation, but also to separate yourself from the hundreds of other boring guys she is getting messages from each and every day.

I have seen “tinder graveyards” of girl’s phones stacked to the brim with messages from hundreds of dudes (including very attractive guys) that she had stockpiled in her unread box all because they had openers like “hey” “hi” or “hows it going”.

The reason these boring openers never get responded to is because it is putting a lot of pressure on the girl to continue the conversation. But when you make a pun out of her name, the conversation will instantly flow more naturally because the creativity in the opener will spark a reaction. And then you can react to her reaction.

Get Your Profile Right Before You Send The Best Tinder Opener Ever

Even if you do in fact send the best Tinder opener in the game, chances are it will still flop if your profile is bad.

Before you start sending these tinder openers, you’re going to want to make sure you spend some time putting some effort into your Tinder profile and making it something that is actually presentable and attractive to people. Here are some things that will help your profile (and therefore your response rates)

Get High Quality Pictures

Getting high quality pictures is as easy as asking your friend to take pictures of you on your iphone or posting an ad on craigslist and telling someone they can take portrait pictures of you to build up their portfolio. I can not stress enough how important having good (and high quality) pictures on your profile is. And if you can, get a picture with a dog. This is a big deal.

Write A Funny Bio

Girls love humor. To put yourself in the best position possible for success, you are going to want to write something that is at least moderately funny. I would also go a step further and say that “cocky humor” would be even better, but that really depends on the type of girl you’re looking to attract. Be aware that how you construct your profile will attract and repel specific types of people.

Ok…

Now that we’ve covered that…

Here’s the best Tinder opener ever.

The Best Tinder Opener: Punning Names

Out of all the tinder openers I have tried (and I have tried thousands) by far the most consistently successful openers are the ones where I have actively used the girl’s name in a pun. You’d be surprised at just how many names you can spin into a pun and use in a creative / funny way.

The reason these are the best tinder openers are because they are usually completely unique to anything the girl has ever seen. And that’s starting off the interaction in a memorable way that she will appreciate – because most guys won’t come this close to either the effort or creativity put into the opener.

Google Is Your Friend When It Comes To The Best Tinder Opener

Sometimes you will get really unique names that you don’t think you can pun. Think again. If you come across a name that you don’t think you can pun, you can usually rhyme the name and create a funny phrase by substituting the word that rhymes with their name for their actual name. You can also use nicknames – like “Sammi” for Samantha – and say something like “gurl do u live in Subway cuz u r the prize Sammi”. Does it make sense? Not really. But it does use their name as a pun.

Examples Of The Best Tinder Opener In Action (The Name Pun)

Here are real examples of the best tinder opener being sent to different girls with different names. Notice how for each of these situations, you can generally think of something to pun their name with. Sometimes you might have to get creative, and even stretch it, but it is usually doable. I’ll also be going over another option if her name is simply im-punsible to pun.

As you can see, the “name punning” opener usually gets amazing responses. And I have personally used it to open many conversations that have lead to actual dates followed by actual relationships.

If The Best Tinder Opener Can’t Work, Now What?

Songs.

Sometimes you will find girls that have ridiculously unique names that simply cannot be punned no matter how hard you try. If this happens, simply revert to song or poetry. Works like a charm.

For the sake of this example, I used Lauren as an example. Lauren’s name can most definitely be punned, but for the sake of the article, I chose to rendition the song Hey There Delilah and slid in with that. These work pretty well too because they still involve some level of creativity, which again, most guys won’t have / do.

Songs

Putting girl’s names into songs is another great tinder opener because, well, you have a lot of songs to choose from.

I will usually either use songs they have recommended in their bios or things I think they will like from the type of person they are portraying on their profile. So if it’s a county girl, i’ll use a country song.

If you can use their name and something else in their bio, it works even better. Even though Lauren’s name is extremely punnable, for the sake of this article, I put it into a song with where she was from. You’d be surprised how many different ways you can do songs like this, all of which being extremely unique to the girl you are sending them to.

Responding To Statements in Their Bio

Responding to statements in their bio is another great way to showcase some creativity while also delivering very unique openers.

The reason responding to statements in their bio is so effective is because you are instantly building rapport by bringing up something that are are either interested in or familiar with.

Do You Have A Best Tinder Opener?

The name puns are by far the most successful tinder openers that I have ever used that have any form of consistency to them. When I think back on what has worked, it has been either a name pun or a random, song, or something i’ve responded to on their profile.

Do you have any other best tinder openers? If you do, feel free to share them below. I’ll try them out.

If you need any help with dating, feel free to check out this free training or join my exclusive email list.

Categories
Attraction Dating Online Dating Status

Dating After College | The 3 Skills To Master Dating After College

For some people, dating after college can become a serious drop-off compared to what they were doing during their 4-year party.

But for other people, dating after college can become the best dating scenario they’ve ever experienced in their lives.

So what separates these two groups of people?

It’s simple:

One group has mastered the “dating after college” skills while the other hasn’t.

And I’m going to show you these skills – and teach how to build them up – right now. Step by Step.

Dating After College Is A Skillset That Needs To Be Learned

You can’t just fall into dating after college. You need to actively grab the reigns on your dating life and commit to making it the best it’s ever been.

The truth is, dating after college can be WAY better than dating in college ever was. I know that for me personally, my dating life didn’t transcend to it’s final form until I graduated, moved on, and really learned the skills necessary to put myself in the best position for success.

Because that’s exactly what it is. A skillset.

You can learn to get better at dating. And doing so will make your post-college life 1000% better.

The 3 Skills You Need To Be Successful For Dating After College

To have an abundant dating life after college, you need to master these 3 skills:

  • Finding people that you want to date (locating them)
  • Attracting those people to you (both in person and online)
  • Landing dates and moving things forward (closing)

These 3 skills are literally all you need to take your dating life after college to a place you’ve never even imagined. And although they are extremely simple in theory, they do require some EFFORT. Which i want to touch on right now.

The #1 Reason People Have Trouble Dating After College – Effort.

Effort is by far the biggest reason that people have trouble dating after college.

The large majority of people don’t put in the effort required to learn dating skills.

They don’t put in the effort required to go out and meet people.

They don’t put in the effort required to create a good looking online profile by having someone take high-quality pictures of themselves…

People just don’t put in the effort.

So if you want to separate from the crowd and be a success story, you’re going to first have to understand that while it does take some effort, it really doesn’t take that much. And taking that extra step will be a huge factor in your success.

Now let’s get into each one of these 3 skills, one by one.

Dating After College Skill #1: Finding People You Want To Date

Most people who have trouble dating after college don’t have trouble finding people to date. They have trouble finding the right people to date. And there’s a lot of factors that go into the skill of finding the right people to date.

Step #1 is to ask yourself the question of “who is the type of person I want to date?” and then once you have that answer, you can then ask yourself “where would this person hang out? What would they be doing at this time on the weekend? Who’s the type of person they would be attracted to?”

And then once you have the answer to those questions…

You can begin figuring out where they’ll be and what they are are attracted to. And once you know THAT, you just show up where they are as the type of person they’d be attracted to. It’s really that simple.

Meeting People Online Vs In Person

This is a debate that I think is very silly.

The truth is, online dating works. Even if it may not currently be working for you.

Some people who get into dating after college completely demonize online dating, which makes absolutely no sense to me. They are actively shutting out millions of people who they would not normally meet in their day-to-day life. And then complain about not finding anyone.

Both online and in-person work for meeting people. But again, both require effort and reflection. If you’re not meeting the type of person that you want to meet, it’s time to take an honest look at how you present yourself (and your online profile) and ask yourself “what type of person would be attracted to the person that I am projecting to the world?”

And chances are… it’s a lot of the type of people you’re currently dating.

Make Your Profile Better And Get Better Style

If you’re serious about taking your dating life after college to a new level, you’re going to want to have a killer dating profile and something presentable to show them when you meet them in person (aka your personal style).

both of these things do not cost a lot of money.

You can put an ad on craigslist to have an aspiring photographer take high-quality pictures of you for their portfolio. You can have your friend with the newest iphone take a portrait picture of you while you’re doing something cool. It literally doesn’t matter what you do, just make sure you have high-quality pictures and a funny, well-thought out bio. Put some effort into your dating life and watch the results come around.

In the same way, increasing your style isn’t expensive either. This is especially important for guys.

Going to H&M and buying a well-fitting shirt, some nice pants, and a pair of nice shoes will cost you under $100. Get one solid outfit and wear that on your first dates. Just be presentable to the person you are talking to. The goal is to be the person that the person you are dating will want to tell their friends about by saying “omg I’m dating this person and they are so cool”. Image is a factor in getting them to say that.

Dating After College Skill #2: Attracting The People You Want To Date

Now that you have an idea of where the person you want to date usually goes, it’s time to ask yourself that second question of “who is the person I want to date usually attracted to?”. And then become that person.

What I see all too often is girls who post photos of themselves smothered in makeup and wearing skimpy clothes, and then complaining about how they can never find guys who want to commit.

Are you kidding me?

Take a look at your profile bbgirl.

You are using sexuality as your attraction mechanism and then complain about you are attracting guys that only care about easy wins. This is when self-reflection is more important than ever.

In the same way, if you’re a guy who wants to date a really attractive women, but won’t even put the effort into getting one nice outfit that you can wear out in public, you are doing the same thing to yourself.

You are projecting to the world something that is attracting (or repelling) a specific type of person, and then complaining about it. Which is the opposite of you need to do.

Instead, you want to think about who the person you want to date would normally be attracted to, and then do everything in your power to make yourself (or at least seem like) that person. And that will help you tremendously.

Building Up Your Attraction Skills (For Men)

If you want to build up your attraction skills, you are going to want to learn how to project high-status behaviors. This is especially important for men.

The reason this is so important is because women will still find you attractive if you have high status behaviors but aren’t the most physically attractive guy. This means that women aren’t so much attracted to what you look like, they are attracted to who you are as a person.

This is an amazing thing because this means that if you aren’t the tallest, smartest, or best looking guy around, you can still have an amazing dating life by mastering high status behaviors and eventually becoming a core-deep high status person. In fact, some of the dude who come to mind when I think of the word “player” are some friends that I have who are only 5’3 and 5’4. These dudes PULL. And here’s why.

High status behaviors for men include:

  • Confidence
  • Masculine life energy
  • Passion
  • Belief in themselves and their own opinions
  • High self-image
  • The conviction in their voice
  • Ability to lead others

And so much more.

What all of these things have in common is that they are skills that can be learned. And while I will not be touching on how to increase each of these individual skills right now, I cover all of them in-depth on my exclusive email list.

Dating After College Skill #3: Landing Dates And Moving Things Forward

Once you’ve located the people you want to date and can attract them, the next step is to actually go on dates and move things forward with the people that you want to establish romantic relationships with.

You can do this by developing the attractive qualities above and combine then with the closing skills necessary to capitalize on opportunities and take actual steps toward getting the result you want in your own dating life.

Landing A Date From A Dating App

I have a complete post on landing a date from a dating app that you can view here. I also have a complete step-by-step guide on what to do after you match with someone here. But I’ll cover some of the highlights here.

#1 – Have an opener that shows some effort. The opener doesn’t have to be the craziest, most original thing in the world, but it should go above and beyond the usual “hey” or the usual “what 3 things would you take on an island with you?” that people normally do.

#2 – Be able to keep a conversation interesting. I show you exactly how to do this in the link in the intro of this section of the article. Being able to keep a conversation interesting is extremely important in being able to land date after date after date. I mean think about it…

Why date someone boring when you could date someone who is fun, interesting, and engaging. It’s an easy choice.

#3 – Move the conversation off of the dating app when you have enough leverage to do so. This is important as well. You want to move the dating app to another communication medium (like texting or snapchat) as soon as you have enough leverage to do so. Meaning, as soon as she likes you enough to agree to it, and won’t reject your advances.

#4 – Propose a date when you have enough leverage, and then stop texting her until you need to confirm logistics. This means that once you feel like she likes you enough to go on a date with you, you’re going to propose a date to her, and once she agrees, give her a couple different time choices to meet up with you. Then once she agrees, you’re going to want to wrap up the conversation and stop texting her until your date. This will keep the status you’ve built in place and will give you the opportunity to capitalize on what you’ve already done during the date. Too many guys mess things up by saying too much or dragging things out over text.

Landing A Date In-Person

Getting a date in person is the same process as getting a date from an online dating app. The only difference is that you will obviously be doing it in person.

Learning to land dates in person will help you create a dating life after college that most people can only dream about. The reason is simply because that most people will not have the courage to go out, work on their social skills, and take their dating life destiny into their own hands.

Go Indirect. Give Her An Excuse To See / Talk To You Again

It has been my experience that going “indirect” with my initial advances has had highest success rate when it’s came to dating women that i’ve wanted to date.

This means that when you’re outside of a bar / club, proposing reasons to do something that involve a similar interest will have a much higher rate of success than simply saying to a girl “I’m talking to you to see if I like you and if we should go on a date”. Although that does work as well.

An example of this would be me meeting a girl at some type of business networking event. Instead of saying “you’re hot we should date”, I will find something that her and I share interests in, and will give her a reason to contact me and discuss said things. From that point, we can genuinely discuss what we are interested in and will have the opportunity to see if we like each other in the future.

Doing this allows us to become “friends” first (while also still maintaining attraction to each other) and gives me a better shot at closing her on a date when she already knows who I am and what i’m into.

“Friends” Is Not The Same As “Friendzone”.

Wanted to hit on this real quick. Becoming friends with a girl (at first) is not the same as being in the friendzone. Although they can both be happening at the same time.

The friendzone is when a guy has no chance of dating a girl because he is too much of a simp. She sees his simpness and does not want to make babies with him for fear of making more little simpbabies. This is different than treating a girl like a friend in the early stages of attraction.

Treating a girl like a friend means treating her like one of your buddies. This means that you are treating her in a way that is fun, friendly, welcoming, and honest. Meaning you are saying what you would normally say, and doing things that you would normally do. AKA not putting her on a pedestal.

I can’t explain to you how many times I have began treating a girl only as my friend, and then have had her chasing me weeks later. The fun, welcoming, and non-needy vibe that comes with treating her a friend is one of the most powerful techniques I have ever come across when it’s come to landing dates with women I want to date.

A Few Additional Tips On Closing

Closing is simply asking the question that leads something in the direction you want it to go.

Meaning, if you want to go on a date with a girl, closing would be asking her a question like “I’m free on Friday to get some drinks. Do you want to grab a couple?” and putting yourself in a position to get a yes or a no.

Too many guys are afraid to close because there is always the risk of getting rejected. The truth is, you’re going to get rejected at some point in your life. The key isn’t to avoid getting rejected, the key is learning the skills necessary so you get rejected as minimally as possible, and when you do get rejected, learning to move on with your life and learn from the experience if you can.

Using “Heat Checks” To Close Before You Close

One of the most powerful ways to close anything in life (meaning sales, women, friends, jobs) is to first “heat check” the situation to see exactly where you both stand.

One great way to do this for guys is by creating “fake joke worlds” with women. I go into this a lot more in-depth on the post I have linked above (or here), but it is essentially setting up a hypothetical situation for you two and seeing how she reacts to it. Her reaction will let you know if she is willing to move forward with you right now or if you still have work to do.

Here is an example of heat checking by creating a “fake joke world” with a women:

You: I only drink black coffee because It makes me look really cool and also gives me the power to kill bears with my bare hands.

Her: haha omg! You’re like 85 years old! I need mine to be half creamer, extra sweet, with everything else on it!

You: Wow. Good to know that you’ll be drinking pure sugar on our first coffee date. I’ll bring an extra bag of organic white granulated so I can sprinkle it on your hair while we talk about any daddy issues that are worth noting.

Her: HAHA WHAT?! Now i’m going to drink only black coffee on our first coffee date just to show you who’s boss. And who doesn’t have daddy issues ;).

So what I just depicted above was me creating a “fake joke world” of us getting coffee together, and she accepted it by saying she’d actually drink black coffee to prove me wrong. If she texted back something that completely shut down my entire fake joke world, then I would simply laugh it off and continue the conversation. But because she agreed to it, I now know that if I were to propose an actual coffee date, she’d say yes.

If you want to learn more, I have a free training going that will help you increase your dating success. Check it out.

Categories
Attraction Dating Online Dating

How To Pursue A Woman Step-By-Step

How to pursue a woman step-by-step.

If you’re a man, chances are you’re going to have to pursue a woman at one point or another.

Thinking over my life, I’d estimate that 80-90% of the women I’ve been with, I have pursued. And that same percentage of women gave me some sort of “diffculty” – in the form of shit tests or flakiness – while I was pursing them.

If you really want to know how to pursue a woman, you’re going to want to cultivate the perfect balance between showing interest in her while also conveying non-neediness. This means that you want her to think “he’s high value and I could maybe get him, but he could walk away from this without any issues if I do something wrong”.

How To A Pursue A Woman The Right Away

Let’s first start off with what we want to accomplish when pursuing a woman.

When pursuing a woman, we obviously want to get physical with her, right?

But in order to do that, we need to first convey to her (during out pursuit) that we are someone she would be happy getting physical with. AKA someone who’s higher value than her.

In order to do this, we need to pursue her persistently (to make sure we are taking up space in her mind) while also conveying as little non-neediness as possible. Although it is impossible to convey 0% non-neediness while we pursue her (because the act of pursuit itself would by definition show that we want something from her) we can still come across as a high-value man who has chosen to pursue this woman from a place of abundance. Meaning that we have a lot of other options to choose from.

That being said, you don’t want to explicitly tell her “I have a lot of other women to choose from” although even that would be WAY better than showing her any neediness through saying something explicit like “I like you”.

Instead, you’re going to want to drop subtle hints (like taking some time to respond to her texts, not getting offended when she shit-tests you, and saying things that create sexual tension) that show you’ve been through all of this before and you’re not too willing to put too much energy into one woman.

But you need to balance this laid-back, don’t-really-care-what-happens mentality with an alpha-like, results-over-everything mindset. And this is where persistence comes into play.

The Differences Between Persistence And Neediness When Pursuing A Woman

When it comes to how to pursue a woman, persistence is often necessary, while neediness will shoot you in the foot.

Persistence conveys interest to the girl and makes her feel like you are choosing to talk to her specifically instead of your other options, while neediness conveys that you lack other options and will be devastated if she doesn’t like you.

The easiest way to avoid non-neediness (the most unattractive trait to women) is to make sure that you are 100% okay with walking away from the situation if she either doesn’t like you or doesn’t treat you well. One easy way to achieve true non-neediness is to always keep in mind that there are literally billions of women on this planet, and there will always be someone just as attractive as her (if not more attractive) that will be happy to treat you well.

So if you can give her the vibe that you would be perfectly fine without her, but that you do actually want her…

That is when your pursuit will have it’s highest chance of success.

You Will Most Likely Be The One Texting First For A While

Even if you have an amazing first conversation, chances are that you will be the one texting her first the large majority of the time. That is, until you reach what I call the “hook point” or the moment that she stars investing back into you.

That being said, once you get really good at leaving first impressions either in text or in person, you will be able to simply give a girl a really good time, not text her for a couple days, and then have her reach out to you because you conveyed a high level of non-neediness while also being a lot of fun to be with. AKA very high-value.

But until you reach that level, you will most likely be pursuing a girl over text. And when you do, you’ll usually be texting first.

How Often Should You Text A Girl When You’re Pursuing Her?

The short answer is as often as it takes for you to succeed.

A large majority of my pursuits have only lasted a couple days to a week. I will usually meet a girl somewhere on a Friday night, text her over the weekend with long breaks between responses (because I am usually doing things with my friends) and then on Sunday night, set something up for later on in the week in an extremely informal manner like “we should get drinks on Tuesday”.

During your pursuit, the way you text a girl is extremely important. I have a complete “how to text a girl” guide right here. But a quick summary is that when you’re texting her, you’re going to want to spike her emotions both negatively and positively.

The Strategy Behind Texting A Woman When You Are Pursuing Her

The key to texting a woman where you’re pursuing her is to be interesting and unpredictable. This means that you want to compliment her without putting too much effort into your compliment – like saying “ok ms. ocean eyes” instead of “you have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen in my entire life” – while also disagreeing / disapproving of things she says while mixing in some teases as well.

This is another fine balance to walk because you don’t want to be too positive and complimentary but you also don’t want to be too negative and mean.

If you are too positive and go too hard on the compliments, she will think you’re the nice guy that she knows she can have. But if you’re too negative and mean, you will be the bitter asshole that she doesn’t want to talk to. You want to be a healthy, playful mixture of both.

Think Of Yourself Like A Slot Machine

Why do people get addicted to slot machines?

Because they are unpredictable. And put people through a wide range of emotions.

If people knew they were going to lose every single time, they would never play slot machines. Because they would instantly get bored. But on the other side of that, if they knew they were going to win every time – minus the money part, obviously – they would get bored as well.

In the same way, you need to balance the “feel good” emotions you give her – like compliments – with “attraction building” emotions. Saying things to the girl like “you’re too dangerous, I’m not sure if this will ever work out between us”.

When To Stop Pursuing Her And Move On If She’s Flaky

Sometimes when you’re pursuing a girl, it won’t work. And this is okay.

Knowing exactly when to “cut the cord” is another hard thing to balance because once again, it’s all about walking the line between persistence and neediness. You will get better walking that line over time.

The best way to determine when to stop pursuing her is when you experience continual diminishing returns over a period of time. This means that you’ve reached out to her one or two times and have heard nothing back. If this happens, it’s probably a good time to move on to the next one.

But with that being said, you may experience a girl who is into you over text but is flaky when you ask her to hang out. In this case, it may be worth it to continually talk to her and build up your value in her mind without asking her to hang out every weekend.

In this situation, your best play is usually to text her every once in a while with value-providing texts, send her pictures of you doing really cool things, and then invite her to something that you were going to do anyway, saying something like “my friends and I are doing this, you should come”. This is better than directly asking her because even if she says no, you still keep your value.

But, if you’re getting continual no’s when you ask her to hang out, then you are probably fighting an uphill battle. And at that point, the only way to save yourself is to revive attraction using social media.

How To Indirectly Pursue Her And “Reignite The Fire” If You Realize She’s Not That Into You

Sometimes when you are pursuing a woman, she won’t be into you. Don’t take it personally. Just try and evaluate the situation, see if you could have done anything better, and then move on emotionally.

One of the biggest mistakes guys make is lingering on rejection for too long. It is literally impossible to determine which one of 7,000,000 factors caused her to not engage with you, so instead of trying to figure out her reasons for doing so, just reflect on what you think you did wrong and move on. It’s not a big deal.

But with that being said, there is sometimes a way you can revive it. And that is by showing that you’re a really cool guy through social media.

The Best Way To Attract Hot Girls Is If They See You With Hot Girls

But if you don’t have really hot girls around you, you can portray a really cool life over social media. That will give you some social proof as well.

If you can get the girl you are pursuing to add you on snapchat or instagram, then you can post stories of your life that she can see.

Once she watches it a few times, you will be moved to the front of her feed. And this will allow you to stay on the forefront of her mind while also showing her all the cool stuff you do with your cool friends.

If you do this correctly while giving the girl a chance to reach out to you – such as posting controversial opinions on culturally relevant things like “shake shack is way better than in n out burger” – you will begin to see that these girls will often slide into YOUR DMS and comment on your stuff. Even if you guys left off on kind of a weird foot.

And the more you do it, the better you’ll get. That’s how to pursue a woman.

If you liked this post, and need more world-class dating advice, visit stepbystepdating.com or apply for my exclusive email list.

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Attraction Status

Daygame | The Ultimate Daygame Dating Guide

If you’re wanting to meet more cute girls, there’s one specific skillset that, when mastered, will transform your dating life forever:

Daygame.

Daygame – in a nutshell – is the act of talking to women during the daytime with the intent of either getting their contact information or going on a date with them that very same day. It’s a lot of fun.

But being more than just fun, daygame is also an essential skill to have if you want to build up a rotation of beautiful women that will allow you to choose your next girlfriend from a place of options and abundance instead of scarcity and limitation.

Guys Put Too Much Pressure On Themselves During Daygame

A lot of guys put way too much pressure on themselves during daygame.

Some guys get insanely nervous, don’t know what to say, and freak out about every little detail. It’s really not that big of a deal.

Instead of freaking out about daygame, it will suit you better to take a more laid-back approach. Because when you make it less of a deal, it will become one.

It’s key to boil daygame down into these two key principles:

#1 – Understand you won’t be bothering people by talking to them. Everyone wants to meet cool people.

#2 – You’re going to need to bring some value to the women you’re talking to in the form of humor or entertaining stories. If you can’t tell good stories or tell a good joke, practice. It’s not difficult to get a little more expressive with your tone of voice, hand gestures, and face gestures. Give yourself permission to be more expressive.

Daygame Openers

The large majority of men who struggle talking to women always want to know that “one perfect thing to say”.

The truth is, it literally doesn’t matter what you say. It’s how you say it.

I’ve had girlfriends in the past that i’ve opened with sentences like “dolphins aren’t real” or “Starbucks should be a bagel company”. Those make absolutely no sense.

But does it matter?

No.

The reason it doesn’t matter is because the words are only about 10% of the equation.

When it comes to attracting women, what’s even more important is what I call the “life energy” that the guy can be perceived as having. The more masculine “life energy”, the better.

For more info on how to build up your masculine “life energy”, apply to my exclusive email list. I will be going more in-depth on this topic in a later article.

It’s Not About The Daygame Opener. It’s About Trust.

Trust in yourself, that is.

The key to successful daygame is having a deep trust in yourself that whatever you need to say will come to you in the moment, when you need it.

It’s about lowering your expectations and just going into it with a creative, “I don’t really care what happens but we’ll see what happens anyway” mindset.

If you can get yourself to a place where you genuinely don’t care if you succeed or not, and are just going to see how it works out, then you’re on your way to becoming successful.

Here Are Some Daygame Openers Anyway

Being able to talk to women in an unscripted manner is obviously the best way to go about it. But that being said, there are a couple different styles of openers you can use.

The “I’m super pumped and am going to have an amazing night” daygame opener:

This one is effective because not only does it open up a conversation, but it also conveys attractive qualities like being a guy who gets things done, who has friends, and who is a non-threat because he is in a great mood. Opening by just telling someone a story is a great way to start a conversation.

This opener would go something like this:

“Hey my friends and I literally just finished this huge project we’ve been working on for the last couple months, so i’m pumped. And tonight, we’re going to celebrate. Nothing will stop me from having a blast with my friends and family. Where would you go if you were going to have the celebration of your life?”

Then she’ll tell you where, or say I don’t know. Either way, you’ve opened.

The Environment Daygame Opener

This one is pretty straightforward, and one I use very frequently.

For the environment opener you just ask a question about something in the environment (while smiling and having good energy) and then continue the conversation from there.

At a coffee shop it could be as simple as asking her what she’s reading or doing on the computer. At a library it could be asking why one book has a terrible cover yet is being highlighted on a platform in the main spot. The list is endless. The point is to strike up a conversation but asking a simple question around you.

The “Cool x” opener

This one is very simple as well, and can be used on something you can tell the person is trying to make a statement with. Things you comment on could be anything from a crazy bag, scarf, or shirt…

To a unique piercing, tattoo, or hairstyle.

Again, this one is extremely simple, and stresses the reality that what you say doesn’t really matter. What matters is how you say it.

Back in college, there would always be girls reading outside in the grass. When I saw a cute one, I would usually go up and say something like “Hey my friend is running late again so I wanted to tell you that you had a Cool blanket. What are you reading?”.

The “my friend is running late again” comment in this situation is very important because you want her to know that you’re not going to stay forever and ruin her day.

That way, if the conversation is bland, you can always leave and say you’re going to meet your friend. But if the conversation goes well, you can always take her on an insta-date somewhere else and tell her that you’re bailing on your friend because he’s so late and that he would understand.

The “5 Year-Old Test” To Cure Running Out Of Things To Say

Think about if you were talking to a 5 year old.

Would you care what you were saying to the 5 year old? Would you have trouble telling the 5 year old stories or making the 5 year old laugh?

Probably not. Because they are 5, you don’t really care what they think. So you put no pressure on yourself.

In the same way, you need to bring that “i don’t really care” feeling that you have when you’re talking to a 5 year old into your daygame approaches with women. Because it’s that “i don’t really care what happens” mindset that will free you up to be funny and socially aware.

Put less pressure on yourself, be okay with being awkward and mumbling at first, and practice anyway

Daygame Mindset

Mindset is going to be the most important aspect of your daygame success. You could be terrible at everything, but if your mindset is serving you appropriately, you will succeed.

When it comes to having a mindset that will actually work for you in daygame instead of working against you, it is important to look at the two most important parts of your mindset that need to be fixed.

  • Limiting beliefs
  • Poor perspectives that need to be reframed

The reason these things need to be fixed is because you need to take action to get results. And if you aren’t currently taking action, then it is because you are telling yourself things that are stopping you from taking action. And these are the things you need to identify and “fix” by updating your belief system and perspectives.

Daygame Limiting Beliefs

There are a lot of limiting beliefs that guys have when it comes to success in daygame. Some of the most common ones I have seen in my own clients are:

  • They believe they are bothering people by going up to them
  • They believe they need that “perfect situation” for them to talk to a stranger
  • They feel like they need that perfect thing to say to get a girl’s instagram or to go on a date with her that same day

And these go on and on and on forever (literally).

The key to improving your daygame (before you even start) is by setting up counter-arguments to the beliefs that are currently holding you back, and then believing in those new beliefs more than you believe in your old beliefs. Here’s on an example:

Old belief: I am bothering people by going up and talking to them.

Then you ask yourself why. Why is this belief in place?

Well, why do you feel like you will be bothering people?

The short answer is because you don’t think they will value what you have to offer.

Would you feel bothered if Brad Pitt went up and started a conversation with you?

Would you feel bothered if the women of your dreams came up and started a conversation with you?

No, you probably wouldn’t. Because they had something of value to offer you. Make sense?

So the new belief becomes this…

New belief: People will only be bothered by people approaching them If the person approaching brings no value to the table. Because everyone wants to meet more cool people, and less weird people.

Do you see how that worked?

Instead of us continuing our entire lives with the belief with that we will be bothering someone if we go up and talk to them…

We questioned that belief. And learned that “Oh. Everyone DOES want to meet more cool people. So all I have to do is provide some value when I go up and talk to them.

But how do you create value when you talk to a person for the first time?

There are two ways. And one is actually a short cut.

How To Create Instant Value In Daygame Conversation

There are an infinite number of different ways you can create value for the person you are talking to so they will be interested in you. The 3 easiest ones are by being funny, telling engaging stories, and showing a genuine interest in something they are interested in.

If you go up to someone and have them…

  • laughing until they cry about a joke you told them
  • on the edge of their seat listening to an extremely engaging story you’re telling
  • Or going into very in-depth detail about things they love to do and why they love to do them…

You will be successful.

But here’s the crazy part…

You can actually short-cut the whole providing them value thing by just simply implying your value and having a very boring conversation.

Both work. But the latter is for a later article. If you’d like to learn more about how to imply your value, just apply to be on my exclusive email list here.

Daygame conversational control

When you’re doing daygame, you are going to eventually learn how to control the conversation like a master.

Some people might here the term “control the conversation” and think of it as a bad thing. But controlling the conversation is actually the best thing you can do for both yourself and the person you are talking to. Here’s what I mean:

I first learned how to control the conversation at my old sales job, when I was selling insurance to old people.

When I would get these old people on a sales call, my goal was simple: To get them on the best insurance policy for them based on their needs.

And because I knew where I wanted the conversation to go – which was them buying insurance from me – controlling the call became as simple as me making sure we were always heading in the right direction conversationally. I’ll go a little more in depth on this right here – because this is extremely relevant to daygame.

This is what me “controlling the call” looked like:

I knew my goal was to sell them the best insurance policy for them based on their needs. But in order to do that, I first needed to actually know their needs. So I started asking questions to get them talking about how they use their insurance and how their experiences have been so far.

The only problem is, sometimes relevant conversation – like them telling me how they currently used their insurance – quickly turned into irrelevant conversation like how their Grandson Jimmy hates jalapeno-cheddar bagels due to his cheese allergy.

When this would happen, I needed to quickly become aware that what they were telling me about their grandson wouldn’t do anything for us in terms of getting them better insurance. So I would have to move the conversation back onto something that actually “moved things forward” for both of us. I’d have to control the conversation and get it back on track.

I could do this by saying things like “Nancy, wow, that really was a crazy story. Hopefully he avoids those cheesy bagels. But in terms of helping you avoid what you’re allergic to, have you had any bad reactions to the prescriptions you’re currently taking?

Then we were back on track.

This is extremely important in daygame because people you talk to will sometimes turn conversations to boring, dead-end topics without knowing what they are consciously doing – like politics or the weather.

When this happens, it’s extremely important to become situationally aware of what is going on, and gently move the conversation towards something more interesting that will allow you to get either her instagram, or take her on a date that very same day.

Daygame Logistics + Situational Awareness

When I was selling insurance, I needed a client to have a few physical items available to them for me to actually sell them an insurance policy – their debit card and something to write with.

If they didn’t have their debit card or anything to write with, then it didn’t matter how pumped I got them on their new policy or how much they trusted me. Because without those two things, I literally couldn’t close the deal.

In the same way, people you talk to in daygame will have logistical limitations such as a mandatory business meeting in the next 20 minutes, or they may only be visiting and will be leaving the country the following day.

To avoid wasting your time, you will need to actively figure out their current situation as fast as possible.

In order to get the most efficiency out of the time you spend doing daygame, you are going to want to find someone’s logistical situation out as soon as possible. This means learning where they came from, why they are at the place they are at now, and where they will be going in the future.

Knowing these 3 things will allow you to decide whether you want to get her Instagram, take her on an instant-date to some place down the street, or just have a very brief conversation, say your goodbyes, and move on to the next set.

Daygame Outcomes: Instagram or Insta-Date?

There are two main outcomes you can go for when daygaming: contact information or going on a date on the spot (AKA an Insta-date).

If you want to achieve each of these outcomes, you’re going to have to have someone agree to what you want them to do. And the easiest way to do this is by proposing an option to them with the least amount of friction possible. Make it as easy as possible for them to say yes.

This means that instead of asking a girl for her phone number right away, you can ask for her instagram (or facebook if she’s older) and that will give you a much higher chance of success due to it being much lower pressure.

In the same way, if you find out that the girl has nothing going on for the day and ask her to get a smoothie with you 2 blocks away, you will have a much higher chance of succeeding than asking a girl who only has an hour of free time to get a full-blown lunch with you at your favorite restaurant 20 minutes away. Make sense?

These things matter.

And although this sounds like common sense, I want to state it anyway:

If she’s in a rush to get somewhere, has plans soon, or doesn’t seem super interested, ask her for her instagram name and add her. If she’s not doing anything and is showing a lot of interest in you, ask her for the instadate. If she says no, ask for her Instagram as a backup then leave on a high note.

The reason insta-dates are so good is because not only will she likely be happy you are giving her something to do, but there is also the chance for it to lead to something more that very same day. I have had many instances where I have met a girl one place, taken her to another place, and then she has invited me over to her apartment that same day. Once you get your dating skills up, this will become common.

Daygame: Dealing With Friends

A lot of the time a girl you want to talk to will be with her friends. While a lot of guys would see this as a bad thing, this situation can actually help you build attraction much more than if the girl were by herself. IF you do it right.

The friend brings a lot of new variables to the situation, and you need to make sure that at the end of the interaction you have the friend saying “You should go out with him!” instead of saying something like “I don’t know I don’t like him”. There are a few principles that will help you do that.

#1 – Be just as interested in the friend than you are the girl you want to talk to.

Some guys will completely ignore the friend. And this is bad daygame.

There are 100 reasons why it’s bad to ignore the friend but the simple reason is because if you ignore the friend, she won’t be on your side. And if she’s not on your side, she will give her friend 1000 excuses as to why she shouldn’t be talking to you, and why they need to hurry up and keep walking where they were walking.

If you are genuinely as curious about the friend as you are in the girl you want to talk to, you will be successful.

Using The Friend To Build Attraction

One daygame technique that I have found to work pretty well is if you actually show more interest (at first) in the friend than in the girl you actually want to exchange contact information with. A lot of the times the friend won’t be as attractive as the girl you want to talk to, so by giving her 90% of the attention, you are going to make the other girl wonder why her friend is getting all of the attention, and she’s not.

But whether you talk more to the friend or the girl herself, the point is that you want to win the friend over. And get her to be vouching for you by the end of the set (or at least don’t upset her).

Daygame: dealing with groups

Larger groups are usually more common in bars / clubs than when when out and about during the day. But even so, you’ll run into them every once and awhile.

The only way to find success when it comes to approaching large groups is to just assume you are already part of the group and engage with everyone.

Logistics is especially important with this type of approach because you will want to know how everyone knows each other, where they came from, and what they are doing later. All of this information will be helpful if you are going to attract one specific girl in either a large group of girls or a large group with a mix of guys / girls. I will be posting a longer article on this specific topic later on.

If you need any more questions answered, or need help on any other aspect of your dating life, feel free to either visit stepbystepdating.com or apply to my exclusive email list.