How to pursue a woman step-by-step.
If you’re a man, chances are you’re going to have to pursue a woman at one point or another.
Thinking over my life, I’d estimate that 80-90% of the women I’ve been with, I have pursued. And that same percentage of women gave me some sort of “diffculty” – in the form of shit tests or flakiness – while I was pursing them.
If you really want to know how to pursue a woman, you’re going to want to cultivate the perfect balance between showing interest in her while also conveying non-neediness. This means that you want her to think “he’s high value and I could maybe get him, but he could walk away from this without any issues if I do something wrong”.
How To A Pursue A Woman The Right Away
Let’s first start off with what we want to accomplish when pursuing a woman.
When pursuing a woman, we obviously want to get physical with her, right?
But in order to do that, we need to first convey to her (during out pursuit) that we are someone she would be happy getting physical with. AKA someone who’s higher value than her.
In order to do this, we need to pursue her persistently (to make sure we are taking up space in her mind) while also conveying as little non-neediness as possible. Although it is impossible to convey 0% non-neediness while we pursue her (because the act of pursuit itself would by definition show that we want something from her) we can still come across as a high-value man who has chosen to pursue this woman from a place of abundance. Meaning that we have a lot of other options to choose from.
That being said, you don’t want to explicitly tell her “I have a lot of other women to choose from” although even that would be WAY better than showing her any neediness through saying something explicit like “I like you”.
Instead, you’re going to want to drop subtle hints (like taking some time to respond to her texts, not getting offended when she shit-tests you, and saying things that create sexual tension) that show you’ve been through all of this before and you’re not too willing to put too much energy into one woman.
But you need to balance this laid-back, don’t-really-care-what-happens mentality with an alpha-like, results-over-everything mindset. And this is where persistence comes into play.
The Differences Between Persistence And Neediness When Pursuing A Woman
When it comes to how to pursue a woman, persistence is often necessary, while neediness will shoot you in the foot.
Persistence conveys interest to the girl and makes her feel like you are choosing to talk to her specifically instead of your other options, while neediness conveys that you lack other options and will be devastated if she doesn’t like you.
The easiest way to avoid non-neediness (the most unattractive trait to women) is to make sure that you are 100% okay with walking away from the situation if she either doesn’t like you or doesn’t treat you well. One easy way to achieve true non-neediness is to always keep in mind that there are literally billions of women on this planet, and there will always be someone just as attractive as her (if not more attractive) that will be happy to treat you well.
So if you can give her the vibe that you would be perfectly fine without her, but that you do actually want her…
That is when your pursuit will have it’s highest chance of success.
You Will Most Likely Be The One Texting First For A While
Even if you have an amazing first conversation, chances are that you will be the one texting her first the large majority of the time. That is, until you reach what I call the “hook point” or the moment that she stars investing back into you.
That being said, once you get really good at leaving first impressions either in text or in person, you will be able to simply give a girl a really good time, not text her for a couple days, and then have her reach out to you because you conveyed a high level of non-neediness while also being a lot of fun to be with. AKA very high-value.
But until you reach that level, you will most likely be pursuing a girl over text. And when you do, you’ll usually be texting first.
How Often Should You Text A Girl When You’re Pursuing Her?
The short answer is as often as it takes for you to succeed.
A large majority of my pursuits have only lasted a couple days to a week. I will usually meet a girl somewhere on a Friday night, text her over the weekend with long breaks between responses (because I am usually doing things with my friends) and then on Sunday night, set something up for later on in the week in an extremely informal manner like “we should get drinks on Tuesday”.
During your pursuit, the way you text a girl is extremely important. I have a complete “how to text a girl” guide right here. But a quick summary is that when you’re texting her, you’re going to want to spike her emotions both negatively and positively.
The Strategy Behind Texting A Woman When You Are Pursuing Her
The key to texting a woman where you’re pursuing her is to be interesting and unpredictable. This means that you want to compliment her without putting too much effort into your compliment – like saying “ok ms. ocean eyes” instead of “you have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen in my entire life” – while also disagreeing / disapproving of things she says while mixing in some teases as well.
This is another fine balance to walk because you don’t want to be too positive and complimentary but you also don’t want to be too negative and mean.
If you are too positive and go too hard on the compliments, she will think you’re the nice guy that she knows she can have. But if you’re too negative and mean, you will be the bitter asshole that she doesn’t want to talk to. You want to be a healthy, playful mixture of both.
Think Of Yourself Like A Slot Machine
Why do people get addicted to slot machines?
Because they are unpredictable. And put people through a wide range of emotions.
If people knew they were going to lose every single time, they would never play slot machines. Because they would instantly get bored. But on the other side of that, if they knew they were going to win every time – minus the money part, obviously – they would get bored as well.
In the same way, you need to balance the “feel good” emotions you give her – like compliments – with “attraction building” emotions. Saying things to the girl like “you’re too dangerous, I’m not sure if this will ever work out between us”.
When To Stop Pursuing Her And Move On If She’s Flaky
Sometimes when you’re pursuing a girl, it won’t work. And this is okay.
Knowing exactly when to “cut the cord” is another hard thing to balance because once again, it’s all about walking the line between persistence and neediness. You will get better walking that line over time.
The best way to determine when to stop pursuing her is when you experience continual diminishing returns over a period of time. This means that you’ve reached out to her one or two times and have heard nothing back. If this happens, it’s probably a good time to move on to the next one.
But with that being said, you may experience a girl who is into you over text but is flaky when you ask her to hang out. In this case, it may be worth it to continually talk to her and build up your value in her mind without asking her to hang out every weekend.
In this situation, your best play is usually to text her every once in a while with value-providing texts, send her pictures of you doing really cool things, and then invite her to something that you were going to do anyway, saying something like “my friends and I are doing this, you should come”. This is better than directly asking her because even if she says no, you still keep your value.
But, if you’re getting continual no’s when you ask her to hang out, then you are probably fighting an uphill battle. And at that point, the only way to save yourself is to revive attraction using social media.
How To Indirectly Pursue Her And “Reignite The Fire” If You Realize She’s Not That Into You
Sometimes when you are pursuing a woman, she won’t be into you. Don’t take it personally. Just try and evaluate the situation, see if you could have done anything better, and then move on emotionally.
One of the biggest mistakes guys make is lingering on rejection for too long. It is literally impossible to determine which one of 7,000,000 factors caused her to not engage with you, so instead of trying to figure out her reasons for doing so, just reflect on what you think you did wrong and move on. It’s not a big deal.
But with that being said, there is sometimes a way you can revive it. And that is by showing that you’re a really cool guy through social media.
The Best Way To Attract Hot Girls Is If They See You With Hot Girls
But if you don’t have really hot girls around you, you can portray a really cool life over social media. That will give you some social proof as well.
If you can get the girl you are pursuing to add you on snapchat or instagram, then you can post stories of your life that she can see.
Once she watches it a few times, you will be moved to the front of her feed. And this will allow you to stay on the forefront of her mind while also showing her all the cool stuff you do with your cool friends.
If you do this correctly while giving the girl a chance to reach out to you – such as posting controversial opinions on culturally relevant things like “shake shack is way better than in n out burger” – you will begin to see that these girls will often slide into YOUR DMS and comment on your stuff. Even if you guys left off on kind of a weird foot.
And the more you do it, the better you’ll get. That’s how to pursue a woman.