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Attraction Dating

How To Approach A Girl At The Gym | A Unique Perspective

How to approach a girl at the gym – a unique perspective.

Approaching a girl at the gym can work. I have done it successfully, and I know many other guys who have done it as well. But with that being said, it’s not the easiest.

Approaching a girl in the gym – in my opinion – is one of the “hardest” ways to approach a girl, due to potential logistical problems and social pressure. There are many other “better” ways to meet girls, but if the gym is all you have, then by all means, go for it.

There Are Two Ways To Approach A Girl At The Gym

Either by doing a “long con” (the best way to approach a girl in the gym, in my opinion) or by going direct.

Both of these ways work. And I’ll cover some different ways you can go about executing each one in your local gym, and my experiences with both.

Approaching A Girl In The Gym – The Long Con Reigns Supreme (IMO)

When it comes to approaching a girl in the gym, the long con reigns supreme (in my opinion).

The long con means that instead of going up and just asking for her number directly, you first engage her in smaller conversations to build up some rapport and see if she’s even available. Then – if she is and you both match vibes – you go for the close.

The long con is (in my opinon) the best way to go about approaching and hitting on girls in places that you have the chance to see each other often. The reason for this is because if you get rejected, you are most likely going to have to see this person again and again.

And if they bring any friends with them, you are instantly going to have a worse reputation than if you had never gotten rejected in the first place. With the long con, you can basically get rejected without getting rejected. And save yourself from the negative consequences of rejection.

How To Execute The Long Con At The Gym

The goal of the long con is to get a feel for what the girl thinks about you before you actually go for the close and risk rejection. You do this by engaging her in low-pressure, light, and casual conversations before going for the close.

The reason this is superior to all other forms of approaching a girl at the gym is because you’re most likely going to see the girl again inside of the gym – whether you get rejected or not. The long con helps you avoid awkward situations and potential reputational damage if you do, in fact, get rejected.

With The Long Con, Location Doesn’t Matter

The nice thing about the long con is that where she is in the gym doesn’t really matter. When you’re going for the close on the first conversation, asking for the number in front of the entire gym may work against you because the girl doesn’t want to seem easy or be viewed as a slut. But when you simply strike up a natural conversation with her in front of everyone, there is no negative to her unless you’re a freak. But if you act semi-normal, then she just looks more popular. Which is good.

Body language Is Key For The Long Con

Wear a suit to the gym & you’ll pull even harder

During your first long con conversation, you are usually going to want to position yourself in a way that says to the girl “im leaving soon” so she doesn’t feel like she is going to be conversationally trapped until you leave. This is the most important part of engaging the first conversation. The second most important part of the conversation is how she feels when the interaction is over. The question “how do I want this girl to feel about this interaction” is a question I am asking myself all of the time. At this point it is built into my psyche.

The feeling you’re going to want to generate in the girl is “that was a fun guy who didn’t want anything for me”. That’s it.

It’s not rocket science. You just want to engage the girl in a simple conversation about literally anything while being upbeat, positive, and not caring what reaction she gives to you. And while you’re doing that, pay attention to her facial expressions and how she’s reacting to you. If you can do these 3 things, you’ve begun the long con in a very good position.

Reflecting On The First Interaction

After you talk to her the first time, you’re going to want to think about how the interaction went. You’re going to want to see how warm she was to you talking to her and weigh your chances of another interaction going well.

Three scenarios: Good, bad, or neutral

When you talk to her for the first time, the interaction is going to go one of three ways: good, bad or neutral.

When It Goes Well (Good)

When the interaction goes well, you’ll obviously want to talk to her again at some point. How well the interaction went will determine how many more times you talk to her before going for the close. If it went well – but wasn’t too crazy – then you’ll probably want to do at least 1-2 more conversations so you can get a feel for where she’s at in her attraction towards you. Sometimes you will find that the first interaction is going so well that you will end up asking for her Instagram on the spot. You want to make sure you have a 90-100% chance of not getting rejected if you go for the Instagram on the first interaction. This means that from the conversation you already know that she doesn’t have a boyfriend and that she is into you by how she is acting towards you.

When it’s neutral

When the interaction is neutral, you’re going to want to talk to her at least one more time to gauge her interest. If she second interaction with her is neutral again, then you’re either going to want to go for the close right then and there – giving yourself a yes or no and forgetting about – or just dropping it altogether. Two neutral interactions is not ideal, and may signal to you that she’s just not into you. You’re going to have to read her social signals and make a decision

When it goes bad

When the interaction goes bad – and you didn’t do anything weird – then she is probably not into you or is not single (and has a good relationship). If this is the case, do not waste time thinking about it. Move on. About 30% of the girls you talk to will not like you at all, so just put her into that category and move on to the next one. Let the percentages play out.

Going Direct (Closing On First Interaction)

If the first interaction is going really well, you’re going to want to go for the Instagram close. The reason you want to go Instagram over phone number is because of how much lower pressure IG is compared to a phone number. But if she is over the age of 40, then she is less likely to use Instagram as frequently – and the phone number may be the better move. Play each situation by ear.

When you initiate the conversation that involves a close, you are usually going to want to be in a more private part of the gym. This will take some of the social pressure off of the girl (they get nervous too) and will make it easier for her to say yes when you ask her what her Instagram handle is. It will also make it less embarrassing for you if you end up getting rejected.

Text Her That Night

I’d normally say to wait to text the girl until the next day (or a weekend), but the gym situation is a little different. When you get her contact info, you’re going to want to start a conversation that night.

If you get her Instagram, you’re going to want to send her a meme you think is funny, and that’s it. And if you get her number, you’re going to want to mention that she looked good, and then send a meme afterwards. Either way, your text should have a good meme in it. Once she responds, have a (very) short conversation with her and then mini-ghost her into the next day. This is a great way to start texting a girl you think is attractive. Mini-ghosting can be found here.

Hedge All Bets In Your Favor

You want the best chance of success. This means you need to take your grooming & personal style seriously.

Gym Style

Just like at any other time, girls are going to be paying attention to your style. And the gym is a place that you can set yourself apart fairly easily.

Although style isn’t a massive deciding factor on how successful you are on hitting a girl in a gym, having a clean haircut and clean shoes will do a lot for you. I would highly recommend getting a fresh haircut and sweatpants that fit nicely.

Grooming

It may seem like a lot, but it’s important cannot be understated. Maintaining a groomed and maintained look is extremely attractive to women. As a personal anecdote, I used to only trim my eyebrows once every 4-6 months. I then started shaping and trimming my eyebrows more often, and believe it or not, it has made a world of difference. It gives you a “cleaner” look that women notice. I get eyebrow compliments way more than a guy should, and it’s only because I maintain them.

Along with your eyebrows, you’re going to want to keep a trimmed beard. Even if it’s “wild”, you are still going to want to make the style of your beard look like a conscious decision. This means that even if it’s long, it’s maintained. And even if it’s “wild”, it’s tamed.

If you need more help, feel free to email me grant@stepbystepdating.com or check out this free training.

-Grant

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Attraction Online Dating Status

How To Play Hard To Get Over Text | 7 Tactics That Scream “High Status”

How to play hard to get over text | 7 Tactics That Scream “High Status”

Playing “hard to get” over text is something that everyone should at least understand. They can choose to use these principles if they’d like to not.

For too many men, women actively use these principles on them (because it is just part of the game that we call dating) and these men have no idea that they are being actively gamed. This, in turn, sets up a an intelligent “trap” that a lot of them fall into – revealing that they are actually, in fact, low status.

Learn The Signs Of A High Status Man

On your path to becoming a high status man, you can learn the signs of what a high status man looks like. And start incorporating them into your way of being before you actually get there.

Let me say this right now: Nothing can replace the dating success that being a high status man will provide to you. But, you can (and should) actively work on getting better at dating by incorporating high status principles into the way you communicate.

General Principle: Who You Are Comes Through Over Text

The general texting principle is that who you are will come out through text. This means that in the same way someone meets you in person and can get a feel for who you are in real life, they will also be doing this to you over text.

Put simply, you can’t fake being high-satus. You can only work on yourself, and get there over time.

But with that being said, you can actively “game” girls to perceive you as higher status than you actually are. And that perception of you – and the feedback you get from it – will help you solidify your identity as someone who has an abundance of options (and is therefore higher status).

#1: Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously

The biggest key to texting like a high status man is never taking yourself too seriously. When you are texting with a women, there will be normal gaps in message times that may last hours, or even days. When these happen, the worst possible thing you can do is take it personally, get offended, and make some snarky, clearly-taking-yourself-too-seriously type comment.

#2: Use Texting Mainly For Witty Banter & Logistics

This is the definition of what I call “fake joke worlds”. I go deeper into how to create fake joke worlds in my “how to keep a conversation going” article. Notice how we are bantering back and forth and then I start figuring out logistics for the next day. Most of your exchanges (as in a “block” or “bunch” of your texts) should be about 75% witty banter and 25% planning something with the girl. When plans are made, you say “Cool. see you then :)” then stop texting her – until you send the confirmation text before the date.

Most of your texting should be witty banter & logistics. This means you want the majority of your texting to be about finding free times to hang out, scheduling dates, confirming dates, and so on. Guys who text a girl all day long are putting themselves at risk for being viewed as either boring or too available. You need to be able to create a feeling of scarcity / mystery / unpredictability in the person you are texting.

#3: Vary Your Response Times

Question mark from question words. Search answers. Vector illustration.

The general rule is that you want to be the one who is taking longer to respond. This means that if she texts you back in 5 minutes, take 9 or 10. If she takes 30, take an hour. Etc. Being the one that takes longer to text back (on average) will keep you in a high status position.

But along with this general rule, you’re also going to want to pepper in quick texts to keep her on her toes.

This means that every once in a while, you are going to want to reply very quickly, and even have a short quick-text conversation with her for about 5-10 messages. Once the quick conversation is almost over, shift again to a longer response time.

#4: Use GIFS & Memes to be wickedly Funny

With so many gifs & memes, you can literally make a funny joke about anything (like walking somewhere). I have a good section of an article on using gifs & memes in this article here.

One of the biggest turn-ons for girls is a guy who can out-banter them, and make them laugh in a variety of ways. If you’re currently not someone who thinks you’re very funny, you’re going to want to practice being more relaxed and taking more social risks.

I often think to myself “what is the most outlandish possible thing I could say at this moment” and then say it without fear of what the other person thinks. This is a good start to learning humor, as the better you get at improv, the funnier you will become.

#5: Try And Use statements, Not Questions (unless they’re logistical, you’re just getting to know her, or it’s right after a mini-ghost).

I just realized I use the Grant Jr thing a lot…

A high-status man will normally text in statements, not questions. Unless, that is, he’s warming a mini-ghost back up, getting to know the girl for the first time, or figuring out logistics, such as “what time works for you on Saturday?”. Obviously there will be exceptions to this rule, but saying “let’s go to the beach this weekend” will hold your personal power much better than asking the girl “Hey, would you want to go to the beach this weekend?”.

One of the most powerful dating skills you can cultivate is learning to get responses from girls without asking questions. This skill is based upon making friendly assumptions about the girl instead of asking, and will work even better if you throw in a joke as well (aka a super-assumption).

This will allow you to keep the ball in your court, and still have a great communication with the girl. She will appreciate the conversation as well because it is (usually) much more fun than being interrogated.

Here are some examples:

1 – Question: What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Statement: You seem like a girl who loves rocky road ice cream.

2 – Question: Can you hang out this weekend?

Statement: My friend’s bailed on our Brunch Saturday. Looks like i’m going to be forced to brunch you down then sleep on your couch :\.

3 – Question: Do you want to hang out today?

Statement: I was supposed to help lather my grandmother in her peppermint ointment but she cancelled on me. Come drink wine & cry with me

You get the point.

#6: Mini-Ghost Often (And Then Respond In An Upbeat Way).

I was busy, so the mini-ghost ended up being 3 days. Try for just 1 day at first. Few things to notice here. #1 – how she was the one that texted me. The mini-ghost works. Also notice how I am asking “unnecessary” questions – like how her shift was – because I am trying to actively build up a little more comfort with her post mini-ghost. This shows that there is no hard feelings between us and that I want to talk to her. These types of situations are where the girl will usually ask you what you are doing that night or later in the week.

This may be the most powerful high-status indicator on the list.

Once you have built up a rotation of women and have a limited amount of time to spend with new ones, you will do this naturally without thinking about it. But until that point comes, you’re going to have to manufacture it.

The Mini-Ghost is when during a normal conversation, you just stop responding to her for the day. You then respond the next day during the afternoon, continuing the conversation as if nothing happened (while always remaining positive). This means that when you respond the next day, you want to keep the respond on the positive side. Works especially well if you can work a joke in to the response too (***but never make mention of your response time or apologize for it***).

Also never do a mini-ghost and have the next text you send to her remotely negative, or it will backfire. Remember: always neutral or positive.

Warning: For every action is an equal and opposite reaction. When you do the mini-ghost, you’re going to get a reaction out of the girl, no matter what. But sometimes, the reaction you will get from the girl will be a mini-ghost of her own. If this happens to you, do not freak out – as it is completely normal response. Instead of worrying if you’ll never talk to her again or sending her a salty (OR DOUBLE) text, simply wait for her to respond, and then respond an hour(ish) after she does like nothing happened. The conversation will then pick back up, and status has been created.

#7: Always Confirm Logistics If You’ve Scheduled A Date

This one is common sense, but a lot of guys are (for some reason) scared to do it for fear of low status. These guys are simply confused. When you schedule a date with a girl (let’s say for 7 pm), you are going to want to send a confirmation text like “see you @ 7?” about 3-4 hours before the actual date. As a high-status man – or a man who’s on his way to becoming one – your time is immensely valuable. And you can’t waste it getting ready, driving to, and showing up for a date that the girl isn’t going to be at. You need to know she’s going so your time is not wasted. Let me repeat, there is nothing low status about sending a confirmation text if you keep it simple and say something lime “still on for x?”. It is what sane people who care about logistics do.

BONUS #8: Text Her The Day After You Get Her Number, Later In The Day

Got her number the day before. Making normal conversation.

When you get a girl’s number, you’re going to want to text her “yo it’s (name)” soon after you get her number. This is common sense. But the next text you’ll want to send her will be some time late in the next day, unless you think you have a high chance of meeting up with her that night (obviously). If you can see her that night, text her and go for it. But if it wasn’t too sexual / playful of a conversation, then you’re going to want to wait until the afternoon of the following day to follow up your “yo it’s (name) text” or her “Hi!” text in response to yours. Whether she responds or not, if you’re not 70% sure you can see her that night, then do yourself a favor and wait till the next day.

If you need any more help, send me an email grant@stepbystepdating.com or check out this free training.

-Grant

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Online Dating

I’m Not Getting Any Matches On Tinder, What Can I Do?

If you’re currently stuck thinking “I’m not getting any matches on tinder”, then this article is for you.

Lucky for you, even if you’re currently not getting any matches on Tinder, there are specific things you can do to get your matches up. And they are all fairly easy.

There Are Many Reason For Not Getting Matches On Tinder

… And very few of them have to do with how attractive your face is. The main reason guys don’t get matches on Tinder is because they haven’t put enough time or effort into their profile.

You’re going to be surprised how quickly your matches will explode by simply putting some more effort into the specific areas we are going to cover in this article. So let’s get into it.

Reason #1 For No Tinder Matches: You Mass Swiped

machine swiping right GIF

Mass swiping is when you simply swipe “yes” on every single profile you come across. This is by far the biggest match killer when it comes to Tinder.

Tinder has algorithms they use to determine each individual profile’s success when it comes to matching. And when you mass swipe, you are destroying your chance of being seen as a legitimate profile worthy of matches. If you do nothing else, the one thing that will help you out on Tinder will be being more selective with your matches. You should only swipe right every once and a while.

Reason #2 For No Matches: Your Profile Sucks

The other reason you’re not getting any matches (assuming you never mass swiped) is because your profile sucks.

This can be for a few different reasons:

Your pictures suck

Or

Your bios suck

A lot of guys confuse “having a bad profile” with “being ugly”. Even if you consider yourself the most unattractive person on the face of the planet, you can still have great success on tinder with a good profile.

Here is what you’re going to want to do to make sure your profile is optimized for matches.

Biggest Reason For No Tinder Matches? You Don’t Have High-Quality Pictures

Having bad pictures is the #1 reason that people aren’t getting any matches on tinder. I have an entire article on how to take tinder pictures by yourself.

Even if you’re not the most attractive guy in the world, there is no excuse for not having good, high-quality pictures. I have friends who have self-rated themselves a 5 in the looks department, and still get amazing results from Tinder because they had a friend take pictures of them in nice clothes.

Here are some examples of things to avoid in your tinder pictures:

Poorly lit photos – try to avoid having any photos that are dark or scary. Good lighting is going to be a good-picture essential.

Messy rooms / mess in general – Try to avoid having any pictures of you with any visible mess in the background. Portraying a cleanly persona is something that a lot of guys surprisingly don’t do.

Pictures without a clean haircut – A great haircut takes an hour and costs like $30. The small amount of effort it takes to get a clean haircut vs. how much it will help your profile is a great thing.

Pictures without trimmed facial hair – Unless your wild beard is a “style” and looks like a conscious decision, trimming your facial hair can make a massive difference. There are plenty of youtube videos on grooming for men.

Bad group photos – A lot of guys will have group photos where nobody can tell who they are. This is a bad idea. If you generate any type of frustration in the person looking at your profile, they are most likely going to swipe left and move on.

Memes / Gifs – Too many guys put random gifs / memes in their profile for one of the first couple of pictures. Avoid this. If attracting someone of the opposite sex is your goal, then leave these types of pictures out of your profile.

Create A Great Bio

Too many guys put nothing, or only boring things, into their bio. This is no bueno. I have an entire article on how to write a tinder bio here.

If you’re currently thinking to yourself “I’m not getting any matches on Tinder”, and have really good pictures, then the next logical thing to look at would be your bio.

Here’s my current bio:

The obvious route I took with this bio is Humor. If girls don’t enjoy humor, they won’t swipe right. And if they do, they will.

This is perfect because I’m at a point in my life where no matter how hot the girl is, I wouldn’t want to spend time with her if she didn’t understand humor or was easily offended. It is a qualifier as much as it is a differentiator.

Open Up Your Location Preferences

If you haven’t mass swiped, have great pictures, and have a bio of the gods, then the next thing you’re going to want to do is open up your location preferences.

Mine location preferences are usually set at about 20 miles for logistical purposes. There is a large city about 20 miles away from me, so I can get most of the matches in that city. This obviously depends on where you live.

If you’ve been mass swiping, then you may need to set your location to 100 miles and then go through those matches again while being more selective. Once you start getting a couple matches, you can then tone reduce the range of potential matches and start matching with people closer to you.

Re-do Your Tinder Profile And Get Back Out There

If you’re currently mass swiping with bad pictures and a lazy bio, then you’re doing everything completely backwards.

If this sounds like you, then it’s time to take a little bit of time to completely revamp your profile. This means better pictures, and a better bio.

Categories
Online Dating

How To Take Tinder Pictures By Yourself & Get “Too Many” Matches

How to take Tinder pictures by yourself

It’s not secret that the quality of your tinder pictures can quite literally make or break your success on Tinder. This is a known fact.

The only problem is, even with this knowledge, so many guys still throw up absolutely terrible pictures of themselves – sometimes even of memes and other pictures they aren’t even pictured in – and then complain about not getting any matches. This has to stop.

Getting High Quality Tinder Pictures Is Easy

The truth is, getting high quality tinder pictures is extremely easy. But it does take some effort. And the small amount of effort you put in to get some good tinder pictures will be way more telling than 90% of the profiles that guys have on Tinder. So getting good tinder pictures will separate you from the pack.

Before you take tinder pictures yourself…

Stop Saying “It Isn’t Me” And Focus On Getting Results With Women

Actual picture of some dudes when it comes to their dating life

Too many guys are SHOOTING THEMSELVES IN THE FOOT by telling themselves phrases like “well, that just isn’t me”…

And it KILLS ME.

Instead of making excuses for yourself and telling yourself things like “This just isn’t me” or “I feel like I’m not acting like myself” to actively hold yourself back from succeeding… you need to look at this feeling as a good thing.

Who you currently are is someone who isn’t getting results. So you need to change yourself to become someone who does get results. That’s called growth.

So before you read this article, I’m asking you to actively lean into that feeling of “this isn’t me”… and then try new stuff out anyway.

Things you can’t control:

  • Height
  • Face structure

Things you can control:

  • Hairstyle + hair quality
  • Style
  • Cleaniness
  • body
  • financial situation
  • personality / assertiveness (yes, you can alter your personality. I have made the transition from the depths of “niceguydom”.
  • Humor
  • Overall attractiveness (combination of all these factors)

#1) Get A Nice Haircut And Trim Your Facial hair

Getting a haircut and trimming your facial hair is going to be one of the best things you can do for your look. I can’t explain to you how many times i’ve went through guys’ profiles only to see selfies of them when they are unshowered with a messy hair a beard. I literally ask myself if they are actively trying to never get laid. It makes no sense.

Even if you feel like a haircut style “isn’t you”, it will benefit you to get a style that attractive girls usually find attractive. At this current moment in our society, it is usually shorter on the sides and longer on the top. This is a simple one most dudes can pull off:

And trim your beard.

#2) Take Selfies With Nicer Clothes & Show Some Personality

This dude literally has the tag on his pants. But it’s not a bad picture. The tag and face he’s making actually work for him because it’s a slightly funny picture. But he still looks good.

Even if you don’t buy the clothes, try them on in a fitting room and take a selfie wearing nice clothes. Try to have none of the pictures in your tinder roll show you with bad style. Selfies are okay if you look good in them. Like this guy. Note: Trimmed beard, decent haircut, decent style.

Get Your Style On Point (Copy Outfits Until You Develop Your Own Style)

I’ll show a few instagram pages here that have really helped me develop my own style.

When I started taking my style seriously, my attention from women went up 300%.

Style is one of those things that doesn’t care about looks, height, or money. I began by copying outfits I saw on these pages and replicating them with lower-costing options like Ross, Nordstrom rack, or H&M. Again, you will be amazed what a good haircut and a nice style can do for you.

Pages that will help you with your style:

https://www.instagram.com/menwithstreetstyle/

https://www.instagram.com/menwithclass/

https://www.instagram.com/thepacman82/

Get A Random Person (Or A Friend) To Take A Picture Of You

If you have friends, AWESOME! Tell them to take some good pictures of you so you can take your dating life to the next level.

If you have to buy an outfit only to return it, that’s fine. Just do yourself a favor and get something presentable for the picture. Go to one of the Instagram pages above and replicate an outfit.

If you’re friendless and have nobody to take pictures of you

I would first examine why that is. Everyone should have the skills to go out and acquire a solid group of friends.

But even if you’re currently working on your friend group, you can still get pictures taken for you by posting an ad on craigslist.

Post A Craigslist Ad To Get Hawt Pix

A simple craigslist ad will do wonders for you. There are two ways to go about this.

The first way is to try and get free pictures. You can do this by saying “need photos taken, photographer can use for their portfolio. Will also leave a stellar review”. So you’re getting photos taken of you for a review.

You can also pay someone $50 to come take pictures of you. And before you say “OH MY GOD WHY WOULD I PAY $50 FOR SOME TINDER PICTURES?”….

The answer is because it’s worth it.

Is paying $50 worth meeting the love of your life? or building up a rotation of 5 beautiful women who adore you?

I think any sane person would say yes.

Set A Self Timer And Pose

This actually isn’t the worst option. You can always set a self timer and snap a pic of yourself. The key is getting a background that doesn’t look like you are taking a self-timer photo.

Here’s one that’s self-timer. The dude has decent style – although not my personal preference – and some women will like what he has to offer. But again, the picture is dope.

But Don’t Do Strange Poses (Unless They’re Funny)

Strange poses are killing guy’s online dating chances, unless they’re funny.

I have went on to the profiles of my female friends to see what you guys are doing, and some of them just leave me confused & physically uncomfortable. Here are a couple poses to stop doing.

The arm-behind-the-head-with-no-pants pose

The “hand on chin but not really joking” pose

The “on the phone” pose

The “Mmhm” face pose

And so many more.

Get A Picture With A Dog

Don’t ask me why women love dogs so much, but they do. We can fight it or we can go along with. Do whatever you can to get a picture of yourself with a dog.

Have to rent your friends dog? Fine. Have to catch a stray dog? Go ahead. But whatever you do, get that picture with some pups.

Not a terrible photo. Big athletic guy
Notice the humor + pooch combo is dangerous. Watch out, ladies.
Nice haircut, good style. Cute pup. It’s a WIN.

Don’t Post Pictures That Aren’t Of You

I hate that I have to mention this, but leave the GIFS and the memes behind. Nothing is stranger to a woman than a guy who has a bunch of Tinder pictures that aren’t actually pictures of himself.

Summary

To be successful on Tinder, you’re going to need good pictures. There’s no way around that. And what women consider “good pictures” are pictures where you have a nice haircut, decent style, and non-blurry, high-quality pics.

It’s very simple, but a lot of guys don’t do it.

Again, focus only on what you can control:

Things you can’t control:

  • Height
  • Face structure

Things you can control:

  • Hairstyle + hair quality
  • Quality of your pictures
  • Style
  • Cleaniness
  • Body
  • Financial situation
  • Personality / assertiveness (yes, you can alter your personality. I have made the transition from the depths of “niceguydom”.
  • Humor
  • Overall attractiveness (combination of all these factors)

Now that you know how to take tinder pictures by yourself, go out and get hella matches, bro.

If you need any more help, feel free to email me grant@stepbystepdating.com or check out this free training.

Categories
Online Dating

How To Talk To A Girl On Snapchat (The Ultimate Guide)

How To Talk To A Girl On Snapchat (The Ultimate Guide).

A lot of younger girls (below age 30) are addicted to snapchat. There’s not really another way to put it. To be honest, I didn’t originally didn’t have snapchat because I wanted to be the cool guy that didn’t use it, but when I learned how powerful it is when it comes to dating… I downloaded it. And have been happy I did.

Here is a complete step-by-step process when it comes to snapchatting a girl. The beginning of this post will be about what I think snapchat is good / bad for, and then get into the tactics.

This Is An Interesting Post

Because unlike other posts I have on this blog with screenshots and things circled everywhere, snapchat poses a problem:

You can see when people screenshot your stuff. So for the sake of this article, I’ll be going “undercover” and trying to give you my start-to-finish snapchat process without creeping anybody out.

Will it work? I have no idea. But let’s begin.

What Is Snapchat Good For In Terms Of Dating?

Great 2nd Step For Women Under Age 30 (Rough Age Estimate)

Snapchat is a great “second step” for girls (usually) under age 30. Meaning, once you have built up enough interest with a girl over a dating app, snapchat is a great place for you to move the conversation off of the dating app and onto something else. If she is close to or over age 30, the chances of her using snapchat go down dramatically. If the girl you’re trying to talk to is close to that age or above, I would move the dating app conversation to texting instead. Go for the phone number.

But either way, I would recommend moving the conversation off of the dating app as fast as possible.

Can See If You’re Being Catfished

Another reason snapchat is a great 2nd step is because you have the ability to see live pictures of people. And you don’t have to guess what the look like from a manicured dating profile.

One of the main reasons that snapchat is one of my go to “2nd step” is because I can see if I’m being catfished. Sounds harsh, but it’s true.

The truth is, people use pictures that make them look the best. And sometimes, this means using old pictures and lying about their age. I have also matched with smokin-hot trannies that have completedy convinced me they were women online, until we started sending snapchats. Once we began snapping, their manliness peaked through just enough that I was able to catch on and avoid a hotdog filled Saturday. Got ya, bucko.

Communicating With Someone Over A Longer Period Of time

Especially during quarantine, snapchat reigns supreme. When you’re texting someone, you have to put in a massive amount of effort trying to keep the conversation going and avoiding burnouts. Over a longer period of time (like a quarantine) this gets monotonous, boring, and repetitive. And this is when snapchat shines.

Because of how much lower pressure it feels than texting, you can “carry on” a snapchat conversation of the course of longer periods of times by saying 1-2 sentences at a time. This allows you to have the exact same amount of text content for 1-day text conversation, and spread it out over a week via snapchat. If you’re trying to long con, snapchat is your holy grail.

Video Conversations

One thing I like about snapchat is how you can have video conversations. Sometimes, instead of texting someone or sending them pictures, you will want to have video conversations because of how great your personalities vibe. If this is the case, snapchat is the answer.

Showcasing Your Lifestyle

Because of snapchat stories, you can not only talk to a girl you like, but you can also showcase your life to her and make her see how you’re a cool guy who does fun things.

Showing high-value snapchats of you doing things with your friends or having a grand ole’ time will actually help you build attraction with a girl you are talking to by showing her that you don’t need her to be happy. And this implied non-neediness will be interpreted as a big plus for you as a guy.

Building Deep Connections Quickly

Some people have pegged snapchat as a place to have “shallow conversations” but I completely disagree. I think it’s a platform that allows you to foster some of the deepest connections possible.

Not only can you have long conversations with someone, but you can also get a peak into their daily life. This allows you to see the actual person behind face on a dating app, and lets you analyze their situation and see if you might be a good fit for each other. Pair with this the ability to have video conversations (when you are both comfortable enough) and you have the ingredients for a deep and powerful connection, built entirely through snapchat.

What Snapchat Is Not Good For In Terms Of Dating

Logistics

Snapchat is a nightmare for logistics. Planning anything, sending addresses, or trying to discuss logistical issues of any sort is something you will want to do over text. Can it be done? Yes. Because you can screenshot everything. But if someone is in a car on their way to meet you and is actively trying to communicate with you via snapchat, then they are literally putting their own life at risk in a way that is completely unnecessary. Do yourself both a favor and do logistics over text.

Conversations With Many Different Points

Sometimes you will find yourself in conversations that I call “Point by points”. This means that although you are both sending 1-4 texts at a time, they are conveying ideas surrounding like 6 different topics. And each time one is responded to, another topic is added. This usually continues until you completely change the topic of conversation.

Although “point by point” texting can actually be great for building connection with someone and getting to know them, this type of conversation is a nightmare over snapchat. Because of how many times you will accidentally close out the snapchat window when trying to respond, you literally won’t be able to get enough points in. So if this starts to happen, either change how the conversation is going or get the person’s phone number or Instagram.

How To Talk To A Girl On Snapchat: Tactics

There will be three parts to this, and I’ll cover each part individually:

  • Communicating with the girl via chat / pictures before the date
  • Building attraction using stories
  • Maintaining contact with the girl after the date

Let’s begin.

Talking To A Girl On Snapchat (Before The Date)

This is all about the period of time when you are friends with a girl on snapchat but haven’t yet been on a date. How should you go about it?

What works best for me is sending both pictures and small chats in responses to the pictures they send. The key with messaging on snapchat is that you’re going to want to make everything very fun and playful.

Sending Pictures

When sending pictures, you’re going to want to take good pictures of yourself and keep the captions to those pictures fairly brief. Don’t send any pictures where you look like an unshowered zombie, and try to keep any pictures of your dirty room out of it as well. Present a nice image of yourself.

Make statements in your snapchat pictures, don’t ask questions.

When sending snapchats to girls, try to avoid asking questions unless it’s natural in the conversation. You’re going to want to be able to strike up conversations by making statements about your pictures and then having the girl respond and comment to those pictures.

This means that instead of sending her a picture of your face and saying “hey” or “waddup”, send her a picture of you doing something and commenting on it. For example, you could send her a picture of you making drink saying something like “Went too hard on the tequila” or send her a picture of your friends and say “he is not sober”. Simple comments like these are invitations for the girl to join into your conversation. In the case of the tequila one, she will probably respond with something like “you can never have too much tequila” or “i hate tequila”. Either way, the conversation is now started.

Playfully Tease Her On The Pictures She Sends You

When the girl sends you pictures, you are going to want to tease her about some aspect of her pictures fairly often. But don’t take it too far. Meaning, don’t do it every single picture and don’t be too mean.

Throwing in a playful tease every once in a while tells the girl ‘I don’t take myself too seriously and you shouldn’t either’ and is a way to strengthen a connection with anyone. It also puts you in control of the frame, which is positive side effect.

Some common teases would be telling her that she wears the same outfit every day or that some aspect of her house is messy. Try to avoid teasing her about her looks (like her hair or the fact that she has no makeup) and stick to things that are fairly irrelevant like the terrible picture quality, fuzzy camera, or how she is contorting herself to find the right lighting. You want the tease to be strong enough to illicit a reaction, but soft enough that she still takes it as a joke and at some level finds it entertaining.

Incorporate Fake Joke Worlds Often

You’re going to want to incorporate fake joke worlds as often as possible. I have an article that goes more in depth about them here. Snapchat is the perfect place to create them.

Encourage Good Pictures With Chat Responses

One thing I find myself doing often is encouraging good snapchats from girls. If you get one that she obviously put some effort into, then I will usually respond and encourage it verbally through chat with something like “amazing” or “fire emoji” or anything like that. Then while also responding via chat, I will send another picture to continue the conversation. This general principle of rewarding what you like with verbal validation and can be used at any time, but works particularly well on snapchat.

Building Attraction Using Stories

Snapchat stories can be a great way to build attraction with someone without really doing anything other than showcasing your life. Women are attracted to high-value men, so you’re going to want to post things on your stories that high-value men would post. This is usually going to be you doing something fun or interesting, hanging out with your friends, or posting something unique.

Post Something Interesting When You First Add Her (And Get Her To See it)

When you first add a girl on snapchat, you’re going to want to post something interesting on your story as quickly as possible. The reason is because if you can get her to look at your first story and think about it in a positive way, then snapchat’s algorithm will work alongside her to push your stories to the front of her feed.

Post High-Value Stories

This is the most obvious part of building attraction through stories. You are going to want to avoid posting boring stories with boring opinions. If it’s not interesting or doesn’t show you doing something interesting, don’t show it. If it is funny, controversial, or shows you doing something interesting and proves to people that you have a social life, then post it. If you want to see what high-value stories look like, I’d recommend following Dan Bilzerian’s story to see what he does and doesn’t post.

The Snapchat Positive Feedback Loop

Once a girl opens your story and enjoys what she sees, she becomes likely to open it again. Once she opens it again (before the others on her feed) then snapchat will recognize this and start moving your snapchat stories to the front of her feed. This is great for you (if you post good stories) because once you can get her to click on the first couple stories, snapchat will begin showing her your stories over other people’s her friend’s list. And the more of your stories she watches, the more likely you are to stay at the front of her feed which in turns will make her more likely to keep watching.

Post A Slightly Controversial Caption On Top Of Your Stories

People are attracted to people that actually have opinions on things. Even if they don’t disagree with your opinion, that fact that you have a well-reasoned opinion will be means to earn respect by most people. And snapchat is no different.

When you take a stance on a certain topic (like saying Qdoba is better than Chipotle) people are going to want to express their opinions to you with either agreeing or dissenting opinions. When it comes to dating, it doesn’t really matter so much as to whether or not the girl agrees or disagrees with your opinion. What matters more is if she takes the time to respond.

Slightly controversial opinions like saying one restaurant is better than the other, or that sleeping with socks on is better than sleeping with socks off, is a fun and friendly way to get someone to engage with you in playful conversation. Throw one of these controversial captions over a high-value snapchat story, and you have all the ingredients for building attraction over snapchat.

Maintaining Contact With The Girl After The Date

Maintaining contact with the girl after the date is a lot easier on snapchat than it is via text. Compared to texting, snapchat makes it a lot more low-pressure and low-effort. Which is nice.

Keep Contact Between You Two Fairly Frequent, But Don’t Respond Too Fast

After the date, you’re going to want to be in regular communication with the girl. This means sending her comment (not question) based snapchats updating her about your cool life. If she doesn’t respond, that is fine. Just keep posting cool stories.

When she does respond, you’re going to want to (roughly) match her response time unless you have complete frame control. Meaning, if she takes 5 minutes to respond, take 5-10minutes to respond. Unless, that is, you have the leverage of the relationship tilted in your direction. If this is the case, you can respond quickly and get away with it.

Bind her soul to yours with a snapchat streak

Snapchat streaks are very interesting because it adds an element of “fear of loss” into the equation.

Even if you don’t necessarily LOVE somebody, if you have a snapchat streak with them, you will likely find yourself responding to their snapchats just to keep the streak going. It’s strange, but can be used effectively.

All you need to do to begin a snapchat streak is to snap her something and have her respond to it 3 days in a row. On day 3, the snapchat streak will show up. And as you talk more, the pressure to respond gets slightly stronger. Again, very weird dynamic, but it does work.

Move It Onto Text

Although snapchat is a great place to build connection with a girl, you’re going to also want to eventually move the majority of the “heavy lifting” off of it and onto text. This means that bigger conversations, interactions, and logistics will occur over text, and “maintenance” communication will occur over text. Unless you two are seriously dating, maintenance communication is all you need to keep the relationship going and foster a fun, casual relationship.

That is all I have for this article. If you need additional help, feel free to email me at grant@stepbystepdating.com or check out this free training.

Categories
Online Dating

Honest Hinge App Review: From Someone Who’s Actually Used It

This is an honest Hinge app review – from A Guy who’s actually used it. Quick summary at the bottom.

My Hinge App Story

I first used hinge roughly 2 years ago. And at that time, it was branded as “the relationship app” (may still be) and the general vibe was that people on Hinge were more serious about forming connections than Tinder.

In my experience, that branding has been true. People I’ve met on Hinge have been more willing (and emotionally ready) to engage in deeper connections and form stronger relationships. If I wasn’t afraid of commitment, the Hinge App would probably be my #1 favorite app when it comes to dating.

That being said, I’ve also had many hookups on Hinge that never really turned into anything. But even so, one strange thing I did notice was that the average level of “niceness” from each person I met was overall, higher than Tinder.

Hinge App’s Niceness Game Is… Furious?

This is completely anecdotal – meaning I probably dreamt about all of this and am now telling you it’s real – but the average level of “nice” in the people that I met from the Hinge app was usually higher than people from Tinder.

For example, On Tinder, I tended to match with a lot of party girls, fierce liberals, and trannies. And trust me, I love all three. Even when they yelled at me for being a white male.

But with Hinge, I was getting fed more homebody, wifey, settle-down-and-have-3-kids-within-the-coming-years type girls who just wanted to find a stable guy to settle down with.

It’s like Hinge knew what was best for me, while Tinder just enabled my fantasies.

And because of that, Hinge gets one point. Towards something.

Hinge App Can Make You A Conversation-Starting Ninja (Even If You Have The Personality Of Dish Soap)

The greatest Pro (in my opinion) of Hinge is the sheer diversity of options you have when it comes to starting conversations and building rapport through similarities quicker than any other app.

From liking specific pictures to responding to specific parts of someone’s bio, Hinge – by far – gives you the most freedom for customizing and tailoring your first interaction. And this, in my opinion, is the best thing about it from a functional perspective. And something that separates itself from both Tinder And Bumble.

Here are just some examples of how you can slide into someone’s Hinge DM’s and make them fall in love with you forever:

The 3 Main Ways You Can Begin A Hinge App Interaction

Responding To Someone’s Bio Prompt

She loved brunch, and god did I love her.

Responding to someone’s bio prompts is a great way to get a conversation started on the Hinge App.

One thing I really like about this is that there will be multiple bio prompts on someone’s profile, so you can actively pick and choose which one you like best, and respond to it.

This is massively powerful because Instead of just picking a random topic and forging a conversation through the jungle of awkward “I don’t really know what to say here” village, you and the person you are interacting with actually start the conversation off with something you have in common. And this make it much easier to catch a flow and get to know each other quickly.

Liking Someone’s Specific Picture

Liking someone’s picture is another way you can begin a conversation with them. And once you like someone’s photo, they will be given the option to “invite” you to a conversation.

For some reason, every time I see a girl has “invited” me to start a conversation with her, it makes me feel like a male peacock strutting his feathers and seeing the peahen’s eye catch a sparkle. All too suddenly, my chest begins to puff out – and then I give a face only describable by imagining the “Oh, I guess this is what we’re doing then” face and the “I knew I was the Sh**” face had a baby. One full of nonchalant ungracefulness.

One thing I really like about the liking the picture feature is, again, it gives you something to talk about and reveals a little something about the other person. Why did they choose that one picture? Nobody knows. But it can be a great conversation started to find out – and you can learn a lot about a person quickly by learning why they like what they like.

Liking Someone’s Answer To A Prompt

If you thought you could only respond to people’s prompts or like each one of their individual pictures, you were wrong.

You can also simply like someone’s prompt – letting you know plain and simply that you fw them as much as they fw whatever it is they already fw. In the above case, cuddling and pho during cuffing SZN.

This is also where strategy comes into play when creating your bio as well. Because of the diversity of how a conversation can be initiated, I have found it helpful to put a wide range of interests I have that may also be appealing to the type of girls I want to attract. And depending on what they respond to, I instantly get a sense of what type of girl this is by what type of picture she reacted to.

Using Hinge App Prompts To Let Your Personality Shine Through

One of the things I really like about the Hinge App is how many photo prompts they have. You can actually caption your photos, unlike other apps.

The reason this is so great – in my opinion – is because the creativity this gives you for humor is massive. And if you’re anyone who considers themselves funny, or likes making jokes at all, you will seriously thrive on this app.

Women Initiate Fairly Often

Another thing I noticed about the Hinge App was how often women tend to reach out compared to Tinder.

More than half of the time, I was receiving liked photos or responses from girls that I did not yet match with. This would let me review what they said / liked and then decide if I wanted to either respond to their action or send them a message right away.

I think part of the reason women feel okay with reaching out so much on the Hinge app, is again, the sheer number of ways they can. And instead of sending an aggressive opener – something a lot of women don’t really like doing – they can simply flash their feathers like the male peacock, and have the guy say “cool feathers” and slide into her dms. Hinge makes beginning interactions really easy.

Limited Number Of Matches For Free Version

For the free version of the app, you’re only going to get 10 matches. This is significantly less than the other popular dating apps. With all dating apps, numbers is a factor in dating success. And with only 10 matches allowed for the free version, it is going to be difficult to get back into the dating game quickly unless you upgrade to the paid version, which has unlimited likes. The only reason to upgrade to the paid version would be to get unlimited likes.

The most tragic thing to see

Is This That Big Of A Deal?

Sort of. Hinge is definitely trying to create a “quality over quantity” type vibe with their free version. Even though you only get 10 likes per day, I don’t think this is a huge negative because of the sheer number of ways you can start a conversation and connect with someone through one of the many different aspects of their profile.

Being limited to 10 likes a day is obviously worse than having unlimited likes, but on Hinge, the potential for the initial interaction to go well is much higher than other dating apps. So it isn’t the end of the world. Go outside and meet people, lol.

Quality Of Matches:

Hinge’s quality of matches is extremely inconsistent, but generally finds itself on the lower end.

There will be times where you will get multiple attractive people in a row, and then days where you will not find anyone you think is attractive. Multiple days of “dry spells” seem to be very common on hinge, and paired with the 10 matches per day on the free version, I have tended to use other dating apps more often than the Hinge app itself.

Hinge Preferred: Is It Worth It?

Here is my honest opinion on whether or not I think the paid version of the app is worth it.

So… Is it worth it?

It depends.

Price

Hinge preferred cost

The price for the preferred version of the Hinge App isn’t terrible compared to other paid versions. But what exactly are you getting?

Unlimited Likes: By far the biggest advantage to buying the preferred version of the Hinge App is getting access to unlimited likes. In my opinion, this is the only reason to upgrade to the paid version because it allows you to get a high number of matches quickly. Upgrading to the preferred version of the Hinge App will give you some additional benefits as well, but they aren’t too impressive.

See Who Liked You: As a premium user, you can also see all the users at once who have already “liked” your profile. Without upgrading, you can only view the profiles one at a time, making a “like” or “skip” decision as you go through them.

Just like other apps, you get the see who liked you feature. this feature allows you to see who already liked you and then going through those options and matching with some of them. Although this feature *Sounds* nice, you will only get the bottom of the barrel in terms of matches in there. So in my opinion, not worth it.

Advanced Preferences: The Hinge App advanced preferences feature allows you to create additional match filters so you can filter out people beforehand. I don’t recommend using this because the reality is that people will have the same profile feature word like “religious, but their two definitions are completely different from one another. Meaning, you don’t know who someone is until you meet with them, so I would recommend keeping an open mind and not filtering too strongly based off of your perception of what the filters mean. In my opinion, this feature is also not worth it.

Hinge Experts: This allows you to get help from people on which conversation starters are the best or which pictures are the most statistically friendly. I would avoid this at all costs because of the sheer lack of skill most people have when it comes to dating and understanding attraction. Not worth it.

TL;DR Quick Summary

Overall, Hinge is a solid dating app. They’ve tried to take the “quality over quantity” route, and in some aspects, they have done it well.

Pros:

Profile customization (allows you to display your personality)

Ease of starting new conversations

More user interaction (matches on the Hinge App usually respond and keep convo going more than on other apps)

Cons:

Limited to 10 matches per day on the free version (unlimited with paid version)

Summary: I am in no way affiliated with the Hinge App. This is just my raw opnion.

Hinge went the “quality over quantity” route and they did it well. I would highly recommend at least trying the free version of Hinge and comparing it to the other apps. If you’re new to a city and need a lot of matches quickly, I would recommend the paid version only for the ability to have unlimited matches. The other features aren’t worth it. I have met attractive, mentally healthy people off of Hinge and have had a couple relationships. Overall solid app.

That is all I have for this article. If you need additional help, feel free to email me at grant@stepbystepdating.com or check out this free training.

Categories
Online Dating

How To Respond To Hey On Bumble (And Actually Meet up)

How to respond to hey on bumble – and actually meet up.

“Hey” is one of the most common openers that girls will slide into your DMs with on Bumble. And how you respond to her “hey” message to you can quite literally make or break the entire interaction.

Instead of just responding “hey” back to her like every other boring guy she messages – she is giving you the opportunity to stand out with your wit and creativity.

Use this opportunity to your advantage.

What Is The Goal When Responding To Hey?

They way you respond to “hey” on Bumble will give the girl an instant first impression of the kind of guy you are portraying yourself as. It is important to be situationally aware and tailor your response to match the girl.

Yes, Attractiveness Is A Factor

The more attractive your pictures are on Bumble (and notice how I said how attractive your pictures are – not you) the more leeway you will have with slacking on a response.

For example, if you are a man 7 and you are receiving a message from a girl who is around a 5 in the looks department, then you could probably get away with saying something like “Waddup :)” or “Ello. How’s it going?” and the girl will likely continue the conversation and you have successfully responded.

But if you’re a man 6 and the girl is a 7 or 8 in the looks department, then you’re going to have to get a little more creative with your opener – and portray yourself as the man 8 or man 9 that she is looking for.

But Personality Is A Much Bigger Factor

When a girl sends you a message on Bumble, she has at least a slight interest in you. This means that at some level, she thinks you are attractive.

Even if you don’t think of yourself as the most physically attractive guy in the world, you still have a high chance of eventually meeting up with the girl if she’s sending you the first message. Because for women, how physically attractive you are is only a small piece of a larger puzzle.

Your job as the man is to make her feel like her decision to message you wasn’t a mistake. And to show you how cool you are. And ALSO to actively move the conversation forward as well.

You have To Move The Conversation Forward

Girls love to be chased, and just because she “has” to send the first message to you on Bumble, doesn’t mean that she should be moving the conversation forward. As the man, you are going to want to lead the majority of the conversation, and put the burden of the “moving the conversation forward” responsibility on your shoulders so that the conversation is always progressing towards something (like getting her insta / snap / number or meeting up).

How You Can Avoid “Heys” Altogether With A World-Class Bio

Before being stuck solving the “hey” puzzle, I would highly recommend learning to craft a bio that girls will respond to so you can reduce the number of times that you’re put into this situation. When done properly, instead of getting hey, you will get targeted responses like these (I said something about Leos in my bio):

Even though i’ll give you some strategies to respond to “hey” on Bumble down below, it is worth mentioning that you can reduce the occurrence of “heys” that you receive by crafting a bio that is engaging, showcases your strengths, and gives the girl something (or a couple somethings) to respond to.

I have an entire “How to write a bio” section here.

So, let’s get right into my favorite responses…

My #1 Response To Hey On Bumble Is…

The “Astrological Match-up” (Only When Applicable)

This is by far the most powerful opener I have found.

Sometimes you will find yourself in a position where the girl who sends you “Hey” has a star sign that is extremely compatible with yours.

When this happens, I usually respond with some type of star-sign compatibility chart and show how serendipitous us matching really is. This is HUGELY powerful.

Like this:

I call astrology “girl crack” or “the hot girl’s religion”.

Why? Because girls usually fucking LOVE it.

And if you find yourself in a position where your signs are compatible (or even incompatible, for that matter) it can be very beneficial for both you and the girl if you bring it to light. If you’re compatible, they’ll love it. And if you’re not, you’ll have something to talk about or tease her for.

Learn Basic Astrology

If you don’t know what astrology is, or don’t know much about it, learn. It does not take much time at all.

Astrology is one of the most powerful connecting points with a lot of attractive girls who consider themselves in some way spiritual. So if you don’t at least have a basic understanding (such as what signs your sign is and isn’t compatible with, and why) learn. You will be SO glad you did.

I Recommend The Co-Star App

I’m in no way sponsored by Co-Star but I do HIGHLY recommend at least downloading the app and making an account so you can acquire a basic understanding of what signs are compatible and aren’t compatible.

Also saying things like “Are you a big Co-Star girl” will win you points with these types of girls because of you showing a basic understanding of something that they are interested in. You can also DM girls on Co-Star, so Co-Star game is actually a thing (lol) that I have used to success as well. But back to Bumble.

#2 – The “Slightly Unexpected” Response

This response is one I find myself using quite a bit when I can’t find something to riff off of on their profile. For this response, all I usually do is respond to their question in a way that is slightly out of the ordinary, like saying “extremely fantastic” while using the emoji that they use (if one is used).

For this particular situation, the girl had mostly selfies of her in a mirror, and there wasn’t much that I could go off of. But one of the pictures she did have was a selfie of her wearing a nametag that looked like it was taken in a hospital bathroom. So that is what I used in the second message.

The Point Is To Convey You’re Not Like Other Guys

The point of the slightly unexpected response is to simply convey that you’re not like other boring guys who say things like “Im good” or “doing well”.

Even though very basic, saying something slightly unexpected like “extremely fantastic”, “absolutely wonderful” or “10/10 would recommend” can be a little conversational spark that opens the door to more conversation.

Don’t Say Anything Remotely Negative

Notice how all of my responses are highly positive. Almost over-the-top positive. This is what you want.

So many times I see guys giving a neutral or negative response like “my day could have gone better” and it literally makes me physically sick to see. A girl does not want a guy who is always throwing a pity party. A girl wants a guy who can take control of his own emotions, and chooses to remain positive / optimistic in all circumstances.

If you respond to the girl with anything that isn’t displaying a positive message, you’re going to be shooting yourself in the foot before you even get started.

#3 – The “Positivity + Profile Hotpoint” Response

This response is another one that I’ve used fairly often to success. For this response, you are going to want to do two things:

#1 – Keep the response POSITIVE and upbeat.

#2 – Mention something or ask a question about the “hotpoint” in their profile. The hotpoint is going to be something the girl is clearly trying to communicate via her pictures / bio. Sometimes it’s that she’s a party girl, sometimes it’s that she likes to hike, and sometimes (like in this case) it’s that she owns a business. Ask questions – while also being positive – that you think the girl would want to tell you about.

Her bio:

As you can see, this one is very simple. I first do the “slightly unexpected” response by mentioning that her name has a K in it, and then I ask about her profile hotpoint, which was the fact that she owned her own business. I then follow up with something positive – saying that’s awesome.

This response has allowed me to separate myself from other guys by making a slightly humorous comment about her name, has encouraged her to continue the conversation by asking about her business, and has also kept the frame of the conversation positive, so she is likely to open up more. Simple messages can do a lot for you.

Here’s another one.

Her bio:

As you can see with this thread, I just responded “Hey” and then made a comment about something she clearly wanted people to see. Which was her and her friends flying private. When she responded, I was able to spin the frame of the situation that because she flew private, she thought she was better than everyone else. And was able to make a joke out of it.

#4 – Responding And Creating Stories

This one is similar to the “slightly unexpected” response but also brings into the equation a completely new stream of conversation.

As you can see below, even simply capitalizing her name can be something that will set you apart from the rest. In this particular situation, I also felt that guys would always be rhyming her name – so I decided to call that out. She then said she didn’t like it, so I teased her by asking if she liked it (again) and asked her what the place she was referring to on her bio was. Very simple, but effective.

#5 – Current Events

This image was obviously pulled from Tinder, but the principle can still be applied to Bumble as well. All you’re going to want to do in this one is simply make mention of current events that you two can come together on. Heavy emphasis on TOGETHER.

If you’re going to go the current event route, be careful and aware who who you’re talking to. You’re going to want to choose something that you will likely see eye-t0-eye on, like me saying to the girl that the world is melting. As you can see, she agreed.

What you want to avoid is choosing something political and then disagreeing on it. Or choosing another relevant current event that has the chance to become political, and then disagreeing on the inference of the event itself. To make it simple…

Current event you agree on = good. Current event you disagree on = bad.

How To Respond To Hey On Bumble: The Core Principles

No matter what technique you end up going with, the goal is simple: To eventually meet up and hang out with the girl.

And although there are multiple different ways to skin a cat, there are some fundamental principles that you always want to keep in the back of your mind when you are engaging with women on online dating apps. Here they are:

Keep It Fun & Playful. Use GIFS And Make Jokes Often.

If you can just focus on making the conversation “fun”, then everything else will fall into place. I am never entering into a conversation with a woman thinking “how can I say x or x to get here to do this”. Instead, I am simply always asking myself “how can I make this conversation for fun and engaging?” and that mindset carries me through conversations.

When it comes down to it, we get into relationships because they feel good. And at our core, we all just want to feel good. So instead of making your dating life complicated, focus on being more fun, having more fun, and making people have more fun with you. Here’s an example of a good time to use a GIF (and be dramatic). I have an entire article on how to text a girl here.

Stand Out Using Unique Language

Your bio should be able to do most of the communication about who you are for you, and should help you avoid “Hey” messages altogether. But for that (hopefully) rare occurrence that you do still get a hey, it will be extremely beneficial to you to use uncommon statements and responses like “Extremely fantastic” or “absolutely fantublous” as mentioned above.

The point of doing this is to simply plant the seed that you’re not like the majority of other guys.(PIC)

Always Be High energy + Bring Positivity

The general rule of human interaction is that you’re going to want to be matching someone’s energy level or slightly above it. If you’re too low on energy, they will get bored of you and not want to be with you. But if you’re too high energy, you can come across as an ADD crack addict that just found a cellphone buried under his kilos.

That being said, you’d be surprised how high energy you can go without pushing people away. I am usually MUCH higher energy than any of the girls I talk to, and for the most part, girls will visibly raise their energy levels to try and catch up to where I am. This brings the entire energy in the conversation up, and makes it much more fun.

Try Being ‘Too High Energy’ If You’re Not Seeing Results

A slight add-on to the last principle is that people are attracted to high energy people. So if you’re currently not seeing the results you want when it comes to messaging girls on Bumble, try simply being “too high energy” instead. This means that you’re going to want to tap into your ADD crack energy and see how far you can take it before the girl starts pushing you away. Once you know the limits of how far you can take it, you will begin to see that being “too high energy” will never hurt you as bad as being too low energy.

Always Be Improving Your Bio To Avoid “Hey”.

Again, the goal of your Bumble Bio should be to convey your personality and give the girl something to go off of so she doesn’t send you the word “hey”. Because “Hey” is much more difficult to respond to then something you’re familiar with and have on your bio.

If you’re not getting a large majority of the responses sent to you by girls mentioning other things you have in your bio, then you’re going to want to check out this article here that helps you master the bio and help eliminate receiving “heys” dramatically.

And if you need additional help, free to check out this free training or send me an email at grant@stepbystepdating.com

Categories
Attraction Online Dating

How To DM A Girl On Instagram Like Casanova | DM’ing From All Angles?

Instagram is basically where people interact with our internet selves. It used to be Facebook, now it’s IG.

With the majority of people on Instagram, mastering the platform as a dating tool can be one of the most effective strategies for getting into and maintaining relationships with women.

There have been many scenarios where I have actively dated women that I have communicated with only via Instagram. And even after we had dated for a couple months, I still didn’t have their number. It was completely IG-based. Which is wild to say, but extremely possible.

But the actual act of DMing the girl on Instagram is, in reality, only a tiny fraction of the much larger piece of the pie that is “getting her to like you via IG”. Which is a much bigger deal.

To make this post as thorough as possible, I am going to be taking you through my own step-by-step process for how I have created and maintained Instagram-based relationships with high-caliber women. And how you can do the same, too.

The Cold Slide

The Instagram cold slide is when you just fly into her DM’s like a blind pigeon smashing into a window. No technique or build-up. Pure gambling.

The cold slide is going to be a numbers game, even when executed to perfection. I have good looking friends who have verified check marks and hundreds of thousands of followers, and even these guys get left on read during the cold slide.

The percentages aren’t fantastic, but they are there. Send enough DM’s, and you’ll eventually get a girl to respond and engage with you.

She was a hairstylist

Note: I Never Call Out The Fact That I’m A Rando

I personally never call out the fact that i’m a completely random person messaging them on Instagram. I just shoot the shot and let Jesus take the reigns.

The times this has worked for me – and there has been a few – the girls will just pick up the conversation like nothing is weird about it and then you go about your normal attraction-building process. I think the timing in the girl’s life is a much bigger factor than what you say when you message her, as long as your first message is semi-lighthearted.

She had a pic of her in Arizona

Here is one that worked on me. Almost thought we were going to fall in love.

His cold slide powers were too much for my gentle heart.

As you can see, there is no rhyme to the cold slide’s reason. It is strictly about shooting your best shot and not taking anything personally if you don’t get a response.

The “We Just Met Last Night” Slide

If you go out to bars often, you will have a LOT of these. If you’re moving venues, you shouldn’t be surprised to collect 10-15 Instagram names in a given night. If you have good game, 2-5 of these will usually turn into dates and 1-2 will turn into consistent flings.

When I get a girls Instagram, it will usually be on either a Friday or Saturday night. If It’s a Friday night, I will send her a message mid-day Saturday and ask her where she’s going. If she’s not doing anything, I will invite her out to come along with me and my friends.

If I get her Instagram on a Saturday, then I will usually not slide into DM’s until later in the evening. But I WILL give her a chance to DM me first. My friends and I usually go to brunch on Sundays, so I’ll post a brunch-filled story. When I do, sometimes the girl will respond to my story. If they don’t i’ll message them later that day.

This particular girl was actually a stripper that I met while she was dancing. Hence the reason for the dance comment.

The “Do You Know X Person?” Slide

This one is one of the most obvious ones because it’s what most people would be compelled to do naturally. If any of you are following the same people, you can slide in with “Oh you know x?” and go from there. This is pretty self explanatory so I will not be saying anything about this other than you better hope they like the person you’re referencing LOL. I have no pictures of this one.

The Respond To The Story Slide

The respond to the story slide is great because people love getting positive feedback on anything they post. It makes them all warm and fuzzy.

That being said, there are a couple different strategies that you can deploy when it comes to responding to a girl’s stories on Instagram.

#1 Hook And Sinker – The Hook And Sinker is basically where you just respond to her story and then forge a conversation out of nothing. To do this you need a little bit of interest already built up, otherwise she won’t respond to you (at some point) and it will make you look bad. I don’t usually do this because if you’re in this position with a girl, you have no leverage. I will usually just long con her to the point that she responds to my stories.

#2 The Story long Con – A “long con” is when you contact the girl multiple times (always making it fun and positive) over the course of a certain period of time with the hopes of one day smashing. It may be confused by beta for being beta uncultured man, but it is an active form of pursuit. Every time you contact a woman during a long con, it needs to be very fun and positive + paired with good Instagram stories of your own. If she knows you’re a cool guy doing cool things, she will be more receptive to your long con tactics. Here’s a long-con example:

Long-con example. Light-hearted compliment.

For the long con, you basically just do little things like this (but not too often or to suck-up(y) until one day you post a story and she respond to it. That’s when the tables have turned.

Get The Girls Start To DMing You (And Hack The Entire System)

You can get yourself to the point where girls will start flooding your DM’s in responses to your stories. That is, IF you do your stories (and long con) correctly.

If you follow the steps below in making sure that your Instagram game is at it’s absolute peak, then it is completely viable that you can build up a rotation of beautiful, awesome women in as short as a month. And even choose one to be your girlfriend.

When you get your Instagram game on point, you will start having girls DM you fairly often, like this:

The most effective way to use Instagram to get dates is by creating “attraction systems” that you can use over and over again that will get girls to slide into YOUR DM’s consistently.

This means that you will have a repeatable system that you do no matter what, and then can just bring the new girls that you meet into it. At that point, it just becomes about meeting new girls. If you need help building this system, feel free to email me at grant@stepbystepdating.com or check out this free training.

Here’s my own system below:

Creating Your Own Instagram “Attraction System”

Step #1: Get Your Instagram Game Up

The first thing I want to mention in this post is getting your Instagram game up. If you’re going to be sliding into girl’s DMs, you’re going to want to make sure that you have a decent ratio of followers to following and have some high quality pictures. If you’re Instagram is absolute trash, it’s going to be really hard to get a pretty girl to interact with you on it unless you show her your greatness in person and then move it on to Instagram afterwards.

The truth is, a bad Instagram is going to hurt you. And a good Instagram is going to help you. So do yourself a favor and spend some time having someone take pictures of you and get your follower count up either organically or by using engagement groups.

Step #2 *MOST IMPORTANT*: Create Multiple “Container” Events Throughout The Week

A container event is simply an event that brings someone into YOUR world. AKA your container.

What this means is that you need to have 1-2 events a week that happen every single week. And when you go to these events, you can either bring new people you meet to them or simply post Instagram stories of how much fun you’re having at them, every single week. People will become invested in your events even if they’ve never been to them.

My two events that I used were a poker night on Wednesday and Brunch on Sunday. Meaning, every Wednesday I’d get a group of guys to play poker, and every Sunday I’d get a group of people to go to Brunch. This allowed me to not only have a blast, but it also gave me something to invite people to as well as giving me something interesting to post on my Instagram story every single week. When you run a container event correctly, you will have girls responding to your events saying things like “thanks for the invite” and “you never invite me”. That is when you know you’ve optimized your IG.

Step #3: Get The Girls Instagram

In order to start building up your attraction with a girl on Instagram, you first need to actually get her Instagram. There are a couple ways to do this.

Get her Instagram In Person

Getting her Instagram in person is one of the best ways to close a conversation and give yourself an opportunity to move things forward later on.

Getting a girl’s Instagram is monumentally easier than getting a girl’s #. The reason getting a girl’s Instagram is way easier is because in her head, there is a much lower amount of investment (and risk) involved in her giving you her Instagram than her number. In a girl’s mind, her giving you her number is her immediately showing interest in you. And is a much bigger deal than her giving you her Instagram, which she can rationalize as just “being nice”.

To get a girl’s Instagram, all you really have to do is start a conversation with her and not creep her out. If you can do those two things, then you can usually ask her “hey what’s your Ig? I’ll add you” and get her Instagram without any problems. Building a huge amount of interest with her isn’t too important in this situation because you can use the platform of Instagram itself to help you do it online.

Find Her On Instagram Directly

The other option you have (other than getting her Instagram in person) is finding her actual profile on Instagram, and then following her / DMing her from there. This can work well if you both have social circles that overlap and she follows people that follow you & vice versa. It works even better if you have a picture of yourself with the girl’s friend somewhere on your Instagram.

For this method to work best, you will either need a lot of social proof from people who follow you or your profile itself – or you will need to have her know of you in some way. If she’s a complete stranger and you follow her on IG, it can still work, but it will be significantly more difficult. At that point, it essentially turns into a numbers game.

But once you have her Instagram – and get her to follow you – you can begin building attraction with her using social media.

Step #4: Build Interest Via Instagram

Once she follows you on Instagram, it’s time to make her L-L-Lerb you like she’s never lerbed anyone before. And you can do this by strategically using social media to get her to like you more.

The two principles that you’re going to want to stick to when it comes to projecting an image on social media that attracts women are these:

#1) You want to make it seem like you do fun things with a fun friend group (container events).

#2) You want to come off as non-needy.

It’s very simple. But easier said than done.

Instagram Stories Are The Key To You Building Interest With Her

Instagram stories are going to be the way you build interest with her. Instagram stories are insanely powerful, and can infest someone’s mind with insecurity, doubt, hope, fear, love, admiration, and any other emotion under the sun. Instagram stories are wild.

What Instagram stories also do is give you just one “piece” of a larger puzzle. And because only a piece of the puzzle is seen, people are free to interpret what the rest of the puzzle looks like. And you can actively use this to your advantage in terms of building interest with her and all of the other girls who follow you. Here are some of the best Tips:

Only Post Interesting Things On Your Stories

A couple days after you add her, you’re going to want to begin posting interesting things to your stories. The #1 rule is to avoid posting anything that is boring or uncontroversial, because if you post something boring 2-3 times in a row, then people will start associating your posts with “fluff”.

This is NOT what you want. Instead, post something interesting, Interesting things consist of you doing fun things with friends, posting something genuinely funny or playfully controversial (like saying In-N-Out burger wasn’t worth the drive), or showcasing something of high-value. The point is to portray the image of a high-value man.

Optimizing Your Story For Her Feed

You’re going to want to make sure you post an interesting story within a couple of days after you add her so you will pop up on the top of her story list. If you can get her to look at the first few stories of yours, then Instagram will begin to put you at the top of her feed more often, creating a positive feedback loop that gets her coming back to your stories again, and again, and again. The goal is to get to this point where a positive feedback loop takes over. This means that the more you post, the more she watches it, and the more she watches it, the more you will pop up as the #1 spot on her Instagram Story feed.

Bonuses:

Next Level Instagram Game #1: Host Container Events For Women And Have Them Location Tag It

If you really want to take your Instagram game to another level, you can make your container events focused on woman. This means your event could be something like a fashion show, bikini contest, beach trip, club hop, etc. The point is, you just want to think of something that women will enjoy doing and likely invite their friends to.

Once you have the event created, you can actually create your own “Tag” so it will have a custom label for your event. For example, If your name is John, your tag can say “John’s kingdom”, and you can have multiple different girls tagging this location in your stories. This is the most powerful form of game there is in action: hot girl social proof.

Next Level Instagram Game #2: Tag The Girl That You Want To Talk To In Your Actual Story

So this technique is fairly interesting, and I have tried this many times to success.

For this one, all you’re going to want to do is post one of your usual super-interesting stories. But instead of just having your regular, badass caption, you’re also going to write “Just missing x” and then tag the girl you want to start talking to. So if her name is Susie and her instagram tag is @susiesuperrrr then you would post your normal Instagram story and on the bottom of the post say something like “Just missing @Susiesuperrrr”.

This one is interesting because it does multiple good things for you. In terms of getting the girl to talk to you, it usually works. Why? Because she will be ridiculously curious about why you’re tagging her in an Instagram story. And will usually respond. When she does, simply just say something light-hearted and jokeish about how you miss her and keep the conversation very brief unless she seems like she’s down to hang out that night (obviously).

But what technique this also does for you as well is it gives you some social proof with the girls who are already watching your story. When they see that you’ve tagged some other pretty girl, they will see that you’re the type of dude that hangs with pretty girls. And if they have even the slightest bit of interest in you at all, this will create a competitive feeling inside of them. Best case, they will slide into your DM’s to win back your attention. Worst case, they will see your post and assume you hang out with cool girls. It’s a win-win.

That’s it for now. If you feel like you need additional help, feel free to email me at grant@stepbystepdating.com or check out this free training.

I love you,

Grant

Categories
Attraction Dating Online Dating

How To Write A Tinder Bio That Works Like Jesus | 3 “Godlike” Tinder Principles

How to write a Tinder bio that works like Jesus.

What does work like Jesus mean, you ask?

Honestly I’m not too sure. But it sounded cool.

The point is, it works.

A Good Tinder Bio = Very Important

A good bio (along with great pictures) is going to be one of the biggest factors in determining your success on online dating apps.

One of the biggest mistakes guys make when it comes to online dating is slacking on their Tinder bios. I see it all the time. A guy will have spent a good amount of time and effort getting great tinder pictures, but spends virtually no time or effort at all on his bio. This makes no sense.

…But Why Is A Good Tinder Bio So Important?

The reason the bio is so powerful is because it is one way (of many) that give you the opportunity to stand out from the rest. How many bios out there do you think are funny? Or well-written? Or even engaging in the slightest?

Not many.

And because of this, spending some time creating a great (and response-friendly) bio is a hugely important factor in crafting a successful online dating profile. Instead of giving you a copy & paste bio, here are some principles that will help you create a bae-friendly bio.

Here’s my current bio (this thing slams):

What Do We Want Our Tinder Bio To Achieve?

Before we craft our tinder bio, we must first understand what it is that we want our tinder bios to achieve. It’s all really very simple.

We want our tinder bio to do three things for us:

#1 – Play towards our strengths / advantages

#2 – Set ourselves apart from others by qualifying our type of woman beforehand

#3 – Use a couple different “hook points” to give her a reason to respond

Doing these three things with your Tinder bio will give you the highest chance of success with girls that you are actually interested in meeting. And help you actively avoid the girls who would be a terrible fit for you. We’ll go over each of these individually.

Your Tinder Bio Is Your Key To Inbound Dating Leads

In sales, a lead is a person who has a high chance of buying your product, because they have shown some sort of interest in it. There are two ways to get leads.

Outbound

The first way you can get leads is to find them. Meaning, you can pay Facebook or Google to get your product in front of thousands of people and some of them will be interested in what you have to sell. Then when you find them, you call them and sell them things.These are known as outbound leads because they are generated from outbound marketing.

Inbound

The other type of lead is an inbound lead. An inbound lead means that you’ve literally done nothing in terms of work for the day, but people will contact YOU with interest in your product instead of you reaching out to them and convincing them of the value of your product. Inbound leads are much easier to close, which means more sales.

In the same way, your Tinder bio is like your own, personal, inbound dating strategy. If you do it correctly, you will have girls sending YOU the first message and responding to your bio with laugh emojis, agreeing opinions, dissenting opinions, compliments, insults, and everything in between. It doesn’t really matter what she messages you, because what’s more important than what she says is the fact she took the time to send you a message in the first place. She’s interested.

Your Tinder Bio Needs To Have At Least SOME Humor In It

I will go more in-depth about this topic at the bottom of this post but I want to put a quick note right here about how important it is to have at least SOME aspect of humor in your Tinder bio. I can’t stress enough how powerful humor is when it comes to attracting women. It is THE thing. So if you’re not making at least one good sarcastic joke in your bio, throw one in. And if you don’t know how, email me at grant@stepbystepdating.com and I’ll coach you.

Moving on.

How To Write A Tinder Bio That Works #1 – Playing Towards Your Strengths

Playing towards your strengths is one of the most important aspects of creating a successful Tinder bio.

In short, a strength is something that you are better than the majority of people at. For some guys, this might be height. If you’re tall, list your height in your bio. For other guys, it might be some unique skill they’ve acquired or some business they’ve started. Whatever that thing is that gives you some significance in your life, use it in your bio. And use it in a very playful and curiosity-creating way.

Maybe You’re A Big Cooking Guy

For example, if you were a world-class chef, then you would obviously want to play on that strength and use that unique thing about you in your bio while also framing it in a way that allows the girl to respond. Here’s what I mean:

Most guys will write in their bio “World class Chef.”. And that’s it. And even though the fact the dude is a world class chef is seriously awesome, him putting that fact into his bio as simply “World class chef” is the most boring possible thing he could have done. He didn’t give a reason for the girl to respond.

Instead, this guy should put something in his bio like “Probably a better cook than you *(girl doing the innocent hand up emoji)* and then follow it up with a creative statement like “my cookingbae is out there trying couscous in 9 different countries”.

Saying something like this will not only play towards and highlight his strengths, but he will also get messages from girls saying things like “There’s no way you’re a better cook than me” or “I’ve only had couscous in two countries but I’m shooting my shot anyway”.

They will go with what you give them.

How To Write A Tinder Bio Example #2: My Brunch Addiction

One real example of using my strengths in a Tinder bio is me using my brunch addiction as a leverage point. Before quarantine hit, I would go to brunch at one of my favorite places with a group of 5-10 friends. Doing this allowed me to be able to appeal to girls who like to brunch and who would be willing to go out on a Sunday (and meet up with me after my own brunch).

So instead of saying “I go to brunch every Sunday with my friends”, my bio said something like “must be as addicted to mimosas @ Sunday brunch as I am” and there was a high-quality picture in my profile of me sipping a mimosa during brunch.

Do It Right And Girls Will Message YOU

When I had this little statement in my bio, I’d have the majority of girls sliding into my DM’s with statements like “I am addicted to mimosas @ brunch” or “I love brunch & mimosas” or they’d take the other approach and say something like “I hate mimosas”. Either way, they would play off of the brunch statement and would more often than not be willing to meet up with me on a Sunday after I got done brunching with my friends. There were a couple of times where I got done brunching with my friends and would go right into an evening-long date that ended up with the girl pulling me to her house the same day I met her. Here is the kind of stuff I get from my current bio:

My Bio

Responses It Gets (To Each Hook point)

# 2 – Set Yourself Apart By Qualifying The Type Of Women You Want Beforehand

The large majority of men are desperate to get any woman they can. This is not something you want to convey in your bio. Instead, you want to create the image that YOU are the one who is choosing the women he talks to, and will not settle for any random woman to take up his time.

One great way to set yourself apart in your bio (aside from using humor) is to take the strength that you are using and then use it as a qualifier to actively put off the girls who aren’t interested. This will cause the girls who would be a bad fit for you to stay away, and the girls who would be a good fit for you to swipe right.

Say Something Polarizing In Your Tinder Bio

The first step of doing this is by saying something polarizing. You want to actively put off some people while also actively drawing some people in as well.

You can see in my own bio that there’s not too many serious aspects about it. This is a conscious choice. The reason for that type of bio is because when I had a more serious bio, I was constantly matching more serious girls – some of which had barely any sense of humor. Which I didn’t like. I don’t care how hot she is – if she has no sense of humor, I don’t want to talk to her.

Another example of this was mentioned earlier in the world-class chef example. Saying “my cookingbae is out there trying couscous 9 different countries” is a very polarizing statement. Why? Because if the girl doesn’t like trying fine foods or traveling, she probably won’t swipe right. Unless she’s drunk on a Sunday night, that is.

Using qualifying / polarizing statement are a HUGE factor in successful Tinder Bios because most guys simply state boring facts about themselves without really doing anything else. They take themselves way too seriously and aren’t able to put themselves in the mind of a hot girl reading their profile. But you’re different. You will.

So while always keeping the perspective of a hot girl in mind, make sure your bio can frame you as a high status guy while also generating some curiosity from the girl.

#3 – Use A Couple Different “Hook Points” To Give Her A Reason To Respond To Your Tinder Bio

Here’s my current bio again:

If you see here, there’s multiple different “hook points” in this bio. A hook point is something that is either funny, controversial or sparks curiosity.

Putting things in your bio that are funny, controversial, and curiosity-sparking will give the girl a REASON to slide into your DM’s, or at least swipe right. I’ll cover each of these individually.

#1 Funny hook points – As you can see above, the funny hook points I have in my bio are my height, the statement about me finding her clamportis, and telling her mom to buy my mixtape. All three of these jokes are great for a Tinder bios because they are unique, funny, and will get the girl to send ME the first message by responding to one of those three statements.

#2 – Controversial hook points – In my bio I also have some controversial hook points. Some hook points can be used as other hook points simultaneously as well. Meaning, one statement might be all 3 of the hook points in one. Anyway, the controversial hook points are me saying I’m a better cook than them, and then bashing Leo’s. Both of these two hook points, once again, give the girl a reason to respond to my bio and message me first by saying how they’re actually a better cook than me or asking why I bashed Leo’s.

#3 – Curiosity hook points – There are also curiosity hook points in my bio as well. For this bio, the curiosity hook points would be me saying I’m a professional rapper, saying that someone memed me, and saying I’m not ready for the “Leo” type of relationship. All three of these parts of the bio will make a girl think “hmmm…” and be a little more curious about who I am or what I meant about what I said.

Having all three of these hook points is crucial to a good Tinder bio. If you can have all three, then you’ll be setting yourself up for the best chance of Tinder success.

Ultimate Tinder Bio Secret: You Can Almost “Scratch Everything” If You’re Wickedly Funny

Throughout the post above I’ve laid down my absolute best tips on how to write a Tinder bio that works like Jesus. I really put my heart and soul into that post for you.

But even so, you can basically “scratch” everything i’ve told you if your bio is the funniest thing she has seen all day. This includes both jokes in your bio and pictures as well.

I have personally tested the “humor only” route when it comes to Tinder and it’s actually worked out extremely well for me. This means that I’ve had a bio that was completely, 100% non-serious with absolutely 0 real facts about my life – and I got a ridiculous amount of matches. This bio was also paired with pictures of me “memeing” myself (meaning I made a meme out of my own pictures and posted it on Tinder) as well as a bunch of other completely ridiculous pictures that were total joke shots. Like these:

Note: These were actual pictures on my Tinder account at one point, and they worked great.

Me Shaking Something’s Hand At A Bar
Climbing A Mountain Like A Spider Do
The Classic “Fake Model” Picture

Again, these were real pictures I posted on my Tinder a massive joke, and they still worked for me. Why? Because I had the Tinder bio to match it. My Tinder bio said something like:

“Stunningly gorgeous, urban model currently looking for short-term work (if it’s not too hard). Love climbing mountains like a spider. Can not walk through gardens or large museums because of my addiction to shaking the hands of statues. Also love boba.”

And that thing worked like a charm for me as well. As ridiculous as I may have looked or sounded.

Again:

Women love funny.

So try and get funny.

And if you’re currently still stuck on your bio, need some more help or coaching, or simply need a bud, feel free to check out this free training or send me an email at grant@stepbystepdating.com.

LMK if you get laid,

Grant