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Top 5 Tinder Rules For Guys In 2021

Yo, yo, this is Grant – and this article is going to be five tinder rules for guys on 2021.

These tips work. So it doesn’t matter if you’re on Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Grindr, Meet Cupid, or anything else…

And it doesn’t matter if you’re attracted to girls, guys, aliens, pets, bottles of whiskey, spoons… DOESN’T MATTER!

Whatever you’re into, follow these five dating principles and apply them to be wildly successful.

Tip #1: Get High Quality Pictures

I can not explain to you how important high quality pictures are, because here’s the reason:

A lot of guys will say, “Grant, I’m not attractive enough. I’m not pretty enough,” blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Dude, here’s the red pill truth that you need to hear. It does not matter how physically attractive you were born – as in the the shape of your face, type of hair you have, etc.

It also doesn’t matter how tall you are…

The only thing that matters is getting a high quality picture. But there’s a lot that goes into that.

Things needed for a high quality picture:

  • Good resolution camera (clear picture quality)
  • Good lighting
  • Face clearly visible
  • Good style
  • Facial hair trimmed / maintained
  • Haircut that fits face / style
  • Good pose

Trim That Beard, Boy

You need to trim your facial hair. Get a good-looking, trimmed + maintained beard.

Find a hairstyle that works for your face. Try out different hairstyles. Find one you like an copy it. Literally.

Go to any hot guy’s Instagram page, and just copy what he does.

Wear his clothes. Try out his haircut. Find his girlfriend and finger-bang her. It doesn’t matter. Be him for a day.

You could be the ugliest guy in the world. But, if you have a well-maintained beard, good style, and picture is very high quality, you’re going to get matches, bro.

Tip #2: Write A Great Bio

#2 is write a great bio. ALWAYS avoid the generic, boring phrases like “I work at accounting”. “I love dogs”. “I like to party”.

Instead what you want to do is express your own interests (or jokes) in a way that is creative.

Let’s say you love working out. Instead of just saying, “Love to work out,” make it creative and playful.

Say something like, “Looking for my future wife and she’s dressed in lulu legging”. Or something like “Looking for my future wife and she’s waiting to spot me on a bench press.”

Make it something creative and playful.

Or maybe you’re an accountant who likes smart girls. Instead of saying “Im an accountant”….

You could be like, “Only like girls if they’re into numbers, #accountant.”

or “If you ain’t smart, not talking to you, #accountant.”.

Make it interesting.

Put something fun in there.

Tip #3: Don’t Simp On Your Opener

Please, For God’s sake, don’t simp on your opener.

This means do not go into a girl’s DMs and be like, “Hey baby, you’re so beautiful. Oh my God, you’re gorgeous.”

“You’re an angel on earth”. “Oh, I just really want to take you on one date. Just please let me take you on one …”

Don’t do that.

You got to slide in like a man. Slide in like a man that bangs women every day.

You got to be fierce with it. And there’s a bunch of different openers you can use.

The Opener

The opener doesn’t really matter, as long as you’re not simping.

I’ve slid in with one-word openers before. As long as you’re not simping, you have a good shot.

Because here’s the crazy thing:

Your profile is your opener.

So if you can master getting good pictures + have a good bio, you don’t need much for the opener because your profile has done so much for you.

Think about it.

If Brad Pitt had a really, really good dating profile, he could just slide in with a period – literally a dot – and the girl would be like, “Oh my God,” because he’s got status. His profile did everything for him.

In the same way, you can make a profile that makes you look like a boss – and if you look like a boss – you don’t really have to say anything with the opener.

On the other side of the spectrum, if for your profile pics you’re in a dark room in every one of your pictures rocking a satanic hoodie and a bowl cut – you could have the best opener ever and she’s still going to be like “What the fuck?”.

So get good pics.

Tip #4 – Do Not Succumb To Shit Tests

A shit test is simply a girl’s way of determining how high value of a man you really are.

With one simple comment, she will be able to see where you decide to place yourself in the dominance heirarchy.

If you’re 24 (like me) she’ll be like, ” Awwww you’re 24?”.

That’s it.

That’s the shit test.

It’s like she’s saying “aww you’re super young and you think you’re good enough for me?” wrapped into a simple comment known as a shit test.

You can tell it’s a shit test whenever you think the girl is trying to make you qualify yourself to her.

AKA explain to her why you’re good enough for her, instead of her explaining why she’s good enough for you.

3 Ways To Pass Every Shit Test:

Remember: If you are unreactive to a shit test, you pass.And if you can make her laugh with you response to a shit test, you’ve just scored HUGE points.

Here are 3 ways to pass:

#1: Ignore it – One way you can pass a shit test is by ignoring it.

This means that (sticking on the “Awww you’re 24?” example) when she says that, you simply continue a different thread of the conversation – completely ignoring her shit test and therefore passing it in the process.

Her: I finished biz school, got my masters.

Her: You look younger than 25

You: Wait you got your MBA?

You: LOL yes i’m 24 bb

Her: Yes I just got it last semester! So excited to be done!!

Her: Awww you’re 24?

You: honestly shocked u passed, were u scared u were gonna be in college forever

and that’s all you send. You just ignore the second part.

#2 – Agree And Exaggerate – This is when you just agree with what she said, and then exaggerate it to a whole new level. Pretty straight forward.

Her: Awww you’re 24?

You: bbgirl I JUST turned 24. I was literally in a crib 20 mins ago.

or

Her: Awww you’re 24?

You: Literally just finished breastfeeding 20 mins ago.

All you do is take her shit test to the next level.

#3 – Flip it – This is when you flip the shit test on her, and create a shit test of you’re own.

Her: Awwww you’re 24?

You: Wait… you’re 26? Omg. I didn’t think you were that old…

What are you going to do with your 3 good years left?

or

Her: Awwww you’re 24?

You: Omg are you a cougar? I’ve never dated a grandma.

The flip is pretty simple. You’re just turning her negative into a positive and then flipping it onto her.

Tip #5 – Move It Off Of Tinder Asap

You don’t want to keep the conversation on the dating app. And you preferably don’t want to have more than one conversation on it either.

This means that before the first conversation fizzles or dies out, you’re going to want to get another medium of communication from her – either snapchat, instagram, or her #.

The best time to close is after you’ve already built up some comfort with her and have everything at a high point.

This means she’ll either be laughing at one of your jokes or saying something like “Ha-ha, oh my God,” at a high emotional point in the conversation.

All you have to respond with is “Haha, what’s your IG?”.

“Haha, what’s your Snapchat?” “Haha, what’s your whatever?”

It doesn’t matter what it is. You just want to move it off of the dating app as soon as possible.

Once Off The App, Use Texts As Logistics / Attraction Building Only

Once it’s off the dating app, think of it as a logistical tool.

when you’re first sliding into the DMs on Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, etc – you first have to build attraction with her.

But once it’s there, get the Instagram, Snapchat, number, whatever, and move it off the dating app.

Once there, think of texting her as a logistical tool.

So instead of saying things to her like “hows your day going :)” and using her as your texting buddy – save that stuff for in person and only send her texts like “when are you free?” “Let’s do this”. “How about we do this”. Etc.

You: Let’s hang out this time or this time

Her: Okay, cool

You: Okay, awesome. See you then

Then you stop texting her.

Stop just dragging out these boring conversations with women, bro.

Get her attracted – and then once she’s attracted – use your texts for logistics only. Do not make her your texting buddy.

Well….

I love you. Wishing you the best of luck, health, riches, and women.

Have a wonderful day.

Coaching:

Stepbystepdating.com

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How To Pass A Girl’s Shit Tests With Ease

Yo, yo. It’s Grant. This article is going to be how to pass any girl’s shit test with ease.

You’re definitely going to want to stay to the end of this article because we got some bangers in here, boy.

Basically, if you are trying to build attraction with a girl, you’re going to get a shirt test, right?

“Grant, what’s a shit test?”

In its simplest form, a shit test is a girl’s way of trying to see where you are in the status hierarchy and the dominance hierarchy.

By using only words, she will make a statement and use your reaction to that statement to pinpoint you as a high value or low value man.

She’s going to peg you in one of those two categories depending on how you answer or respond to the shit test.

So if a girl gives you a shit test, it’s basically like giving you an opportunity on a platter, saying “show me if you’re high status or low status,”.

She’s basically saying, “Show me your cards” because a lot of guys will try to act high status until they get a girl that’s good at shit tests.

If that same guy actually thinks of himself as low status inside of his own head, and then is pressed by the girl, he gets exposed.

Passing A Girl’s Shit Tests Build Massive Attraction

Passing a shit test is one of the most important parts of building attraction with a woman because it builds what’s called congruency,

It shows them, oh, he actually is the high status guy that he’s marketing himself as.

We’re going to cover everything here, but in its simplest version, the shit test is just a girl trying to determine in her own mind if the guy she’s testing is either high or low status.

How To Know It’s A Shit Test

You’ll know you’re getting a shit test when your initial urge is to basically qualify yourself to a girl.

She’s going to say something that’s going to make you want to initially start qualifying yourself, but it’s a trap

Qualifying is when someone starts giving reasons to someone else why they are good enough, cool enough, etc. They are basically forming arguments to prove to somebody that they are worthy of their approval.

For example, a girl may say “why are you wearing black shoes? Gross.”

And the guy that fails the shit test and qualifies himself will be like “Ohh uhh I only had one pair of shoes left and all the other ones were dirty but I usually wear white shoes I promise!!!”

See that?

Here’s another example:

I’m 24 years old, and I date a lot of girls that are mid-twenties to early thirties. A lot of these girls, if they’re older than me (especially if they’re 28, 29 plus) are going to shit test me about my age at some point. It’s normal.

In this girl’s particular case, she goes… ” Awwww, you’re 24?” That’s a shit test.

At that point, I have two options. I can be like, “Yeah, but I’m like a cool 24 year old.”… Which is trash. Don’t do that. Because if I did that, I’d be qualifying myself.

3 Ways To Pass A Shit Test:

You either ignore it, accept and exaggerate, or you flip the frame.

Ignore it – If a girl shit tests you, option #1 is just to ignore it. This means that you just continue on the conversation like normal, completely ignoring the shit test and keeping control of the frame.

Agree And Exaggerate – This is when you basically say “it’s actually worse than you’re giving me shit for” in a completely playful way.

For the above example, the girl says “awwwww, you’re 24?”

A great accept and exaggerate would be saying “I JUST turned 24. I was literally in a crib 20 minutes ago”.

Or “bb I literally JUST turned 24. I was literally breastfeeding last night”.

See that?

It’s just taking her shit test and dumping it on its head through humor and confidence. There is nothing more attractive to a girl than passing her shit test by making her laugh.

Flip The Frame – The flip the frame is best for slower text conversations, while the accept and exaggerate is better for high-energy banters.

All the flipping the frame is is using the opposite of what the girl says to your advantage. So when she says “awww you’re 24”, I come back with “wait you’re 26? What are you going to do with your 2 good years left?”.

Her simple “you’re too young” shit test was flipped into a “you’re too old” shit test.

After she said “aww you’re 24?” I said:

Who hurt you, BB? Tell me your scars.”

So with that, can you see the frame I’m coming from? I’m coming from “24 year olds are the shit.”

It’s my frame over her frame.

She then goes, “Hmm. I just don’t really talk to anyone my age or younger in that case. LOL. I’m going to be 27 next month… Shit’s getting real old.”

She did alright (sort of).

She was originally trying to roast me for being young but I instantly flipped it with the stronger frame. and started roasting her for being old.

You could even start calling her grandma, lol. You can do all this stuff. But you have to be careful…

Because if a girl gives you a shit test – especially with age – usually there’s an insecurity there, right? So she’s kind of insecure that she would be talking to a 24 year old due to her age.

But keep in mind if you flip that too hard on the person, they could actually start to get offended.

It’s like someone who thinks they’re fat will go around calling everybody else fat.

They’ll say, “Oh, you’re fat. You’re fat”. But if they get called fat, they’re going to get broken by it, right, because they’re revealing their cards.

If someone’s going around calling everyone else fat, they have an insecurity about them being fat. They’re showing you their hand and they don’t even know they’re playing poker.

So in the same way, by her shit testing me for my age, she’s got a weird age thing. So be careful.

I wouldn’t go too hard because I have lost women from roasting them too hard on their own shit test..

Another Example:

At some point, I got her Instagram and now we’re talking in Instagram, right? So we’re talking and then she goes, “I like your young boy energy, It’s kind of refreshing.”

Again, another age-related shit test.

With this one, I simply ignore it. I just respond with “You’re going to love it tomorrow,” and then continue inviting myself over to her house.

So she says, “I like your young boy energy.” Instead of getting offended or anything, just say, “You’re going to love it tomorrow.” Right?

You just go with the flow. You never get reactive or defensive.

There’s nothing wrong about it or bad about it. It’s just your frame over her frame. So if she says, “Oh, you got young boy energy,” I just say, “You’re going to love it tomorrow.”

When To Decide To Not Pass Her Shit Tests And Let Her Go

Once you start talking to more women, you will begin to decipher what types of women you like and what women you don’t like.

One of the distinctions you will begin to make is whether or not the girl is giving you shit tests because she is genuinely trying to see if she’s attracted to you – or if she’s giving you shit tests because she is angry and filled with a lot of low-level energy.

A lot of times you will experience very emotionally damage women who begin to get mean with their shit tests in a non-flirty way. If this happens to you, understand that these women are not emotionally healthy and there is no winning their game. Your best bet in this situation is to simply either not respond to her message or tell her you are no longer interested because you don’t want to deal with her energy – and then respectfully leave.

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How To Get Laid On Tinder / Bumble (Even If You Live With Your Parents

Yo yo. It’s Grant. And in this Article, it’s going to be all about how to get laid on Tinder or Bumble, even if you live with your parents.

You’re going to want to devour this thing to the end because there are some nuggets in this thing, dude.

I Was In Your Position

Chevrolet Astro - Wikipedia

The only reason I know any of this is because I was in your exact same situation…

I lived with my parents, had no money, was dead broke – but was literally dating very, very pretty girls with no assets whatsoever.

I had nothing. And it didn’t matter.

I drove a 1999 dented Astro van that people literally made fun of me for because it looked like a pedo van.

Like, If you were a pedophile, you would see that van and be like, “I love that.”

But enough about me. let’s jump into the content.

Step 1: Mindset

I am whole {enough}.

The first thing you need to understand and believe in your soul is that you don’t need anything but yourself to date beautiful women. Does that make sense?

So right now, in your head, you might think (because I was once this person too) that you need a really nice house.

Or a really nice car.

Or you might think you need an amazing career and all that stuff. Right?

But let’s say you have nothing. And you’re perfectly happy with living with your parents forever.

Obviously I would encourage you to go out and make money, learn the skills needed to start an online business, and then do it. But you don’t have to if all you want to do is get laid.

That ultra-high quality girl that wouldn’t usually have a long-term “official” relationship with a guy like you right now, would, believe it or not, still bang you.

That’s the craziest part about it. And that’s one thing I want to really get through your head – that although you may need that stuff for a longterm relationship with a high-quality girl…

You don’t need anything to hook up with her for one night.

In fact, you don’t need anything to date her for four to five months.

I dated a girl for an entire year and she never went to my house one time, lol.

So believe me when I tell you that you don’t need any of that at all. All you need is the confidence in yourself.

Believe That You’re The Shit

Thoughts on life: How do douchebags not realize it?

You need to believe that you, yourself, what you like, what you don’t like, and your opinions, are fucking awesome. And that anyone who talks trash about what you believe or what you think is wrong.

You need supreme confidence in yourself.

“But Grant, I don’t have supreme confidence.”

That’s fine.

I’m still going to tell you how to hook up with the girl even if you have nothing, including confidence, lol.

So here’s exactly how to get laid on Tinder or Bumble, even if you live with your parents.

Learn Game And How To Create Attraction With Women

86 - Acquire Skills, Master a Skill

First thing’s first. Learn game.

This means you need to understand attraction triggers. You need to understand female psychology and what turns women on.

Once you know this, nothing else matters, bro.

To get laid, you don’t need car, house, boat, or to be 6’11.

You just need to learn game.

So… get really good at attracting women.

Why?

Because it’s a skill you can learn even if you think you’re ugly, short, r anything else.

In fact, I guarantee that if you’re thinking “Oh man I can’t get girls because x and x and x”…. you don’t know game yet. Because if you understood game, you would realize none of that stuff matters.

So if you currently think, “Oh, I’m not tall enough. Oh, I’m not rich enough. I’m not good looking enough,” or anything like that. The issue isn’t the physical. The issue is inside of you.

It’s your spiritual mechanism. Your beliefs are not fully “revved up” to what they could be. So, number one, get that figured out.

Don’t Tell Her That You Live With Your Parents

At 31, I still live at home with my parents – and I wouldn't swap it for  the world

If you’re talking to her, don’t tell her that you live with your parents.

Dude, if you live with your parents, you have to understand that if you’re just going to bang or hook up with a girl, she doesn’t have to know anything about you.

She only knows what you present to her.

Does that make sense?

So don’t tell her that you live with your parents.

If she asks you about your living situation, just say apartment. She’s never going to see it anyway. So just tell her you live in your own apartment. It’s very simple.

I wouldn’t say “I have a nine story, luxury mansion.” But I also wouldn’t say “I live with my parents.”

I would just say I have my own apartment. And then I would go onto a different subject.

So, the biggest thing, number one, is don’t tell her you live with your parents because that will kill attraction.

Bit here’s the crazy part about it…

You can live with your parents and that fact alone doesn’t matter because she doesn’t know.

BUT, If she knows you live with your parents, that’s what’s going to kill you.

Does that make sense?

Perception is everything.

Dress To Impress

If you want to get laid with a girl from Tinder or Bumble and you have nothing, dress to impress. This will help you tremendously.

When you go onto the date, dress like you have stuff. Dress like you have your own place. Dress like you’re a high quality man. She doesn’t know anything about you, right? She’s never met you before. She only knows what you tell her.

So you have to present an image that is attractive.

I don’t care how unimportant you think your style is – I can’t stress this enough. If you dress better, women will become more attracted to you.

Because what women think is attractive (like dressing better) has five of those attraction triggers built into it that you won’t even understand right now.

But I guarantee you, if you dress better, you’ll get better results.

Check this out: https://www.instagram.com/menwithstreetstyle/

Find an outfit on there and copy it. Go to Ross, go to whatever, and copy the outfit.

You don’t even have to keep it, bro.

Just find an outfit on there, choose one you like, and go by it’s less expensive replica. Then wear it to the date.

You can return it afterwards.

And you could keep doing that forever.

You don’t even need to own the clothes, bro. I was buying really dope clothes (when I barely had any money) and was returning it after the date.

I did that 30 times. You just need to be resourceful.

Show up to that date and look fucking fire, dog. Look fire.

No one should see you and be like, “That guy lives with his parents.”

They should see you and be like, “That’s a fucking good looking motherfucker.”

Learn Personal Grooming

Clean Fade and beard line-up done by @signaturebarber | Beard fade, Beard  line, Haircuts for men

Learn how to trim your beard. Learn how to line your beard. Learn what facial hair works for you. Learn what type of haircut works for you.

My hair randomly got curly one day. I literally woke up and my hair was curly. And I realized, “Oh, I can do the curly hair down style.”

And so now, I always get compliments from girls about how they like my haircut (and I never used to even do this style). I just realized one day I could do it. Then I tried it and it worked.

So get a haircut, trim your beard, all that stuff. Look good.

Plan Your Date Near Her House (Very Important)

How to Use Google Maps to Plan an Awesome Vacation | WIRED

This is a good one. This is a you-only-learn-this-in-the trenches type tip. You ONLY learn this in the trenches, boy.

Find out where she lives early in the conversation and then plan your date near her house.

So let’s say you’re in a neighboring town like me and you’re going to go on a date downtown. That’s pretty common. I would always go to the actual city with girls to get drinks.

So, early in the conversation, I’d be like, “Ha ha. Are you downtown downtown? Are in a neighboring town?”

And she’d be like, “Oh, I’m actually downtown. I have an apartment downtown.”

I’d be like, “Okay, dope.”

Then i’d just move forward in the convo while keeping her location in mind.

Because listen, I live with my parents. I don’t want her to come to my house. I want to go to her house. She doesn’t have to see anything from me…

So in my head I’m thinking “how do I get to her house”?

Hint: plan the date near her house.

So when the date’s over, you can be like, “Hey, I’m coming over. Ha ha ha.” And she’ll be like, “Haha What!?” while laughing. And you’ll be like, “Yeah seriously can’t wait to cuddle you.” And then she’s like, “Okay, fine.”

And then you’re at her apartment.

If anything comes up you just say, “Oh, I live way over there.”

So find out where she lives early in the conversation and plan your date near her house so she never has to see yours. That’s some next level shit right there.

Strategically Park Far AF Away

Are You Hiding From Potential Clients?

What else was I saying?

Oh, as far as the date goes, you probably don’t have any money and you probably have a shitty car, right?

I did when I lived at home. I drove a 1999 battered Astro van, bro.

So, what did I do?

When I went to the date I showed up about 10, 15 minutes early.

Some dating coaches might be like, “Never show up to the date early. You’re going to look like a beta male.”

Dude, fuck all that. You got to do what’s best for you.

I would get there 10 minutes early because I would buy my own drink and only my own drink. I didn’t have any money.

If you show up after the girl, do you know how much pressure there is on you to buy her a drink?

If you say, “Oh, I’m going to go get a drink” and she follows you up, it takes some courage to just get your own drink. That’s advanced game.

If you’ve been dating for a long time, you can be next to a girl and just pay for your own drink like it doesn’t matter and be unphased.

But if you’re a newbie you’re like, “Oh, shit. Is the girl not going to like me?” It’s anxiety building.

So get to the date early and buy your own drink. When she shows up, you should already be sipping a drink and you should just be on your phone looking down.

Then when she shows up, she’ll say, “Hey”. When she does, text for just a second longer with a “Oh, I’m going to get you in a second,” face.

It will look like you’re just doing your thing when she says “Hey”. Because you’ll still be texting, kind of ignoring her. And then you say, “Oh, Hey, what up?” And you have your beer right there.

You’ll be like, “Yeah, the beers looked so good, I couldn’t wait. I’m sorry.”

And then she’ll be like, “Okay.”

Then you guys might talk for a little bit.

She’ll say, “I’m going to go get a drink.” And you’ll say, “Okay.” And then she’ll get her drink.

So now you guys are drinking.

But here’s some next level game, bro:

Before she finishes her drink you say…

“So you’re going to buy me another drink?”

It’s kind of cocky. It’s kind of funny. And usually the girl will say yes.

And then, by the time you guys have two drinks, you’ll either move locations or you’ll do whatever. So you got a free drink.

I do that all the time. Or I did do that all the time when I had no money because I would get a free drink and wouldn’t have to buy it.

I’d buy one drink for myself and she would buy the other one. And then we’d be at her house.

You don’t have to even buy drinks.

Also, if you drive a shitty car like I did, park the car far away, dude.

It’s another reason to show up early.

If you have a shit car, don’t even risk her seeing you in a shitty car. Literally park 10 blocks away.

I would park 10 blocks away when I had my shitty van because that way she’s not going to see you drive away in a shitty car. Don’t ruin your brand.

Escalate Physically Throughout The Date In Small Steps

Cheeky teenager holds onto escalator to slide across a bench and put his arm  around a girl | Daily Mail Online

This is huge.

So the goal is to get laid on the first date, right?

To get laid on the first date, you can’t just not touch her all date and then suddenly fuck her.

If you haven’t done any touching at all, it’s super hard to go from zero to 100. Even I would feel super awkward doing that. So what you have to do is you have to be building up touch all the time.

You’ll do it in little baby steps until she feels very comfortable.

So she shows up, you give her a hug.

Give her a hug to do the touch. Say, “Hey, great to see you.”

She’ll sit down. She says a joke. You laugh and you touch your shoulder. Be like, “Ha ha ha,” touch. “Ha ha ha,”. Another touch.

Tell a story and bring her into your arm. Have some story where you’re hugging her and squeezing her and rocking her. Control her a little bit so she’s used to just being in your arms.

Now you haven’t even left the venue and she’s already comfortable touching you. Then later on in the night, later on when you’re hanging out with her, you can arm over her or around her or you can bring her in and cuddle with her.

And then get really intimate and then start kissing her a little bit.

Kiss Her You Coward

Rebel Wilson Gets Kiss From Boyfriend Jacob Busch During Date Night! |  Jacob Busch, Rebel Wilson | Just Jared

I always recommend try to kiss on the first date. I don’t really have any first dates anymore that I don’t kiss or make out on the first…

Honestly, it’s rare that I don’t smash on the first date now because I’ve learned game. But you want to at least peck on the first date if you can.

Just at least a peck, a kiss, something during the date if you really want to get laid during it.

Build up touch. Get her comfortable with you.

Master The Art Of Inviting Yourself Over

Really Interesting idea we are doing it my way - Kill Yourself NoCaption |  Meme Generator

Once you’ve kissed her and you’ve built up a lot of physical touch, you’re going to make a joke.

Say, “Hey, can’t wait to go to your house!” Or “Are we going to your house?”.

I’ll just be like, “I’m going to your house?” she’ll be like, “Ha ha ha.” as she’s checking if I’m serious.

It’s kind of a joke, but not a joke. I do it all the time. I call it inviting yourself over.

You’re just going to assume that you’re going to go to her house. And usually they say okay. You’ll be like, “Hey, we’re going to go to your house and getting some drinks.”

Or you’ll be like, “Hey, we’ll go to your house. I’ll get some cheap wine.” She’ll be like, “Okay.”

They usually don’t have a problem with it because they’re already comfortable with you.

The only issue she would have is if you were a freak psycho on the date and you didn’t make her feel comfortable.

But let’s say she does. So you’re like:

“Grant, I took all your advice. She didn’t see my car. She didn’t see anything at all. I was touching her when I should have. I was building up little touches throughout the night.

By the middle of the date, we’re making out. Maybe even a little rub, rub, bang, bang finger action.

You never know.

Stay Undercover

Undercover Stealth Car Guy - On the Point - Auto Dealer Today

Depending on where you park, you can also say, “Hey, I’m going to make a phone call so text me your address now.”

Because you don’t want her to drive and you guys be behind each other at a stoplight where she can see your shitty car. So you want to make sure she’s gone.

So, depending on where you park, you can say, “Hey, text me your address” and wait in your car. Or you can say, “Hey, text me your address. I got to make a quick phone call. And then I’m going to come.”

Just make sure she’s gone and then you drive to her house. Park away from her house so she doesn’t see your shitty car.

And then you just go over to her house and bang, bro. It’s really that easy.

It’s really that easy.

So, from her perspective, she’s like “Oh, he’s got his stuff together.”

You’re super funny. You show up to the date. You’re looking hot. You’re looking fire, bro.

So she’s like, “Oh, this guy dresses well.”

You have funny jokes. You’re touching her the right way.

She’s like, “Oh, he’s actually really cool.”

Then you come over. And then she goes, “Oh, I want to…” And you play your cards right.

And now you have just gotten laid on Tinder or Bumble while living with your parents.

Does it matter that you live with your parents? Not for hooking up.

So, that’s all I got for you. Wish you the best of luck. Any questions at all, grant@stepbystepdating.com. I will answer your questions.

Coaching:

Stepbystepdating.com

Categories
Attraction Dating

How To Approach A Girl At The Gym | A Unique Perspective

How to approach a girl at the gym – a unique perspective.

Approaching a girl at the gym can work. I have done it successfully, and I know many other guys who have done it as well. But with that being said, it’s not the easiest.

Approaching a girl in the gym – in my opinion – is one of the “hardest” ways to approach a girl, due to potential logistical problems and social pressure. There are many other “better” ways to meet girls, but if the gym is all you have, then by all means, go for it.

There Are Two Ways To Approach A Girl At The Gym

Either by doing a “long con” (the best way to approach a girl in the gym, in my opinion) or by going direct.

Both of these ways work. And I’ll cover some different ways you can go about executing each one in your local gym, and my experiences with both.

Approaching A Girl In The Gym – The Long Con Reigns Supreme (IMO)

When it comes to approaching a girl in the gym, the long con reigns supreme (in my opinion).

The long con means that instead of going up and just asking for her number directly, you first engage her in smaller conversations to build up some rapport and see if she’s even available. Then – if she is and you both match vibes – you go for the close.

The long con is (in my opinon) the best way to go about approaching and hitting on girls in places that you have the chance to see each other often. The reason for this is because if you get rejected, you are most likely going to have to see this person again and again.

And if they bring any friends with them, you are instantly going to have a worse reputation than if you had never gotten rejected in the first place. With the long con, you can basically get rejected without getting rejected. And save yourself from the negative consequences of rejection.

How To Execute The Long Con At The Gym

The goal of the long con is to get a feel for what the girl thinks about you before you actually go for the close and risk rejection. You do this by engaging her in low-pressure, light, and casual conversations before going for the close.

The reason this is superior to all other forms of approaching a girl at the gym is because you’re most likely going to see the girl again inside of the gym – whether you get rejected or not. The long con helps you avoid awkward situations and potential reputational damage if you do, in fact, get rejected.

With The Long Con, Location Doesn’t Matter

The nice thing about the long con is that where she is in the gym doesn’t really matter. When you’re going for the close on the first conversation, asking for the number in front of the entire gym may work against you because the girl doesn’t want to seem easy or be viewed as a slut. But when you simply strike up a natural conversation with her in front of everyone, there is no negative to her unless you’re a freak. But if you act semi-normal, then she just looks more popular. Which is good.

Body language Is Key For The Long Con

Wear a suit to the gym & you’ll pull even harder

During your first long con conversation, you are usually going to want to position yourself in a way that says to the girl “im leaving soon” so she doesn’t feel like she is going to be conversationally trapped until you leave. This is the most important part of engaging the first conversation. The second most important part of the conversation is how she feels when the interaction is over. The question “how do I want this girl to feel about this interaction” is a question I am asking myself all of the time. At this point it is built into my psyche.

The feeling you’re going to want to generate in the girl is “that was a fun guy who didn’t want anything for me”. That’s it.

It’s not rocket science. You just want to engage the girl in a simple conversation about literally anything while being upbeat, positive, and not caring what reaction she gives to you. And while you’re doing that, pay attention to her facial expressions and how she’s reacting to you. If you can do these 3 things, you’ve begun the long con in a very good position.

Reflecting On The First Interaction

After you talk to her the first time, you’re going to want to think about how the interaction went. You’re going to want to see how warm she was to you talking to her and weigh your chances of another interaction going well.

Three scenarios: Good, bad, or neutral

When you talk to her for the first time, the interaction is going to go one of three ways: good, bad or neutral.

When It Goes Well (Good)

When the interaction goes well, you’ll obviously want to talk to her again at some point. How well the interaction went will determine how many more times you talk to her before going for the close. If it went well – but wasn’t too crazy – then you’ll probably want to do at least 1-2 more conversations so you can get a feel for where she’s at in her attraction towards you. Sometimes you will find that the first interaction is going so well that you will end up asking for her Instagram on the spot. You want to make sure you have a 90-100% chance of not getting rejected if you go for the Instagram on the first interaction. This means that from the conversation you already know that she doesn’t have a boyfriend and that she is into you by how she is acting towards you.

When it’s neutral

When the interaction is neutral, you’re going to want to talk to her at least one more time to gauge her interest. If she second interaction with her is neutral again, then you’re either going to want to go for the close right then and there – giving yourself a yes or no and forgetting about – or just dropping it altogether. Two neutral interactions is not ideal, and may signal to you that she’s just not into you. You’re going to have to read her social signals and make a decision

When it goes bad

When the interaction goes bad – and you didn’t do anything weird – then she is probably not into you or is not single (and has a good relationship). If this is the case, do not waste time thinking about it. Move on. About 30% of the girls you talk to will not like you at all, so just put her into that category and move on to the next one. Let the percentages play out.

Going Direct (Closing On First Interaction)

If the first interaction is going really well, you’re going to want to go for the Instagram close. The reason you want to go Instagram over phone number is because of how much lower pressure IG is compared to a phone number. But if she is over the age of 40, then she is less likely to use Instagram as frequently – and the phone number may be the better move. Play each situation by ear.

When you initiate the conversation that involves a close, you are usually going to want to be in a more private part of the gym. This will take some of the social pressure off of the girl (they get nervous too) and will make it easier for her to say yes when you ask her what her Instagram handle is. It will also make it less embarrassing for you if you end up getting rejected.

Text Her That Night

I’d normally say to wait to text the girl until the next day (or a weekend), but the gym situation is a little different. When you get her contact info, you’re going to want to start a conversation that night.

If you get her Instagram, you’re going to want to send her a meme you think is funny, and that’s it. And if you get her number, you’re going to want to mention that she looked good, and then send a meme afterwards. Either way, your text should have a good meme in it. Once she responds, have a (very) short conversation with her and then mini-ghost her into the next day. This is a great way to start texting a girl you think is attractive. Mini-ghosting can be found here.

Hedge All Bets In Your Favor

You want the best chance of success. This means you need to take your grooming & personal style seriously.

Gym Style

Just like at any other time, girls are going to be paying attention to your style. And the gym is a place that you can set yourself apart fairly easily.

Although style isn’t a massive deciding factor on how successful you are on hitting a girl in a gym, having a clean haircut and clean shoes will do a lot for you. I would highly recommend getting a fresh haircut and sweatpants that fit nicely.

Grooming

It may seem like a lot, but it’s important cannot be understated. Maintaining a groomed and maintained look is extremely attractive to women. As a personal anecdote, I used to only trim my eyebrows once every 4-6 months. I then started shaping and trimming my eyebrows more often, and believe it or not, it has made a world of difference. It gives you a “cleaner” look that women notice. I get eyebrow compliments way more than a guy should, and it’s only because I maintain them.

Along with your eyebrows, you’re going to want to keep a trimmed beard. Even if it’s “wild”, you are still going to want to make the style of your beard look like a conscious decision. This means that even if it’s long, it’s maintained. And even if it’s “wild”, it’s tamed.

If you need more help, feel free to email me grant@stepbystepdating.com or check out this free training.

-Grant

Categories
Attraction Online Dating Status

How To Play Hard To Get Over Text | 7 Tactics That Scream “High Status”

How to play hard to get over text | 7 Tactics That Scream “High Status”

Playing “hard to get” over text is something that everyone should at least understand. They can choose to use these principles if they’d like to not.

For too many men, women actively use these principles on them (because it is just part of the game that we call dating) and these men have no idea that they are being actively gamed. This, in turn, sets up a an intelligent “trap” that a lot of them fall into – revealing that they are actually, in fact, low status.

Learn The Signs Of A High Status Man

On your path to becoming a high status man, you can learn the signs of what a high status man looks like. And start incorporating them into your way of being before you actually get there.

Let me say this right now: Nothing can replace the dating success that being a high status man will provide to you. But, you can (and should) actively work on getting better at dating by incorporating high status principles into the way you communicate.

General Principle: Who You Are Comes Through Over Text

The general texting principle is that who you are will come out through text. This means that in the same way someone meets you in person and can get a feel for who you are in real life, they will also be doing this to you over text.

Put simply, you can’t fake being high-satus. You can only work on yourself, and get there over time.

But with that being said, you can actively “game” girls to perceive you as higher status than you actually are. And that perception of you – and the feedback you get from it – will help you solidify your identity as someone who has an abundance of options (and is therefore higher status).

#1: Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously

The biggest key to texting like a high status man is never taking yourself too seriously. When you are texting with a women, there will be normal gaps in message times that may last hours, or even days. When these happen, the worst possible thing you can do is take it personally, get offended, and make some snarky, clearly-taking-yourself-too-seriously type comment.

#2: Use Texting Mainly For Witty Banter & Logistics

This is the definition of what I call “fake joke worlds”. I go deeper into how to create fake joke worlds in my “how to keep a conversation going” article. Notice how we are bantering back and forth and then I start figuring out logistics for the next day. Most of your exchanges (as in a “block” or “bunch” of your texts) should be about 75% witty banter and 25% planning something with the girl. When plans are made, you say “Cool. see you then :)” then stop texting her – until you send the confirmation text before the date.

Most of your texting should be witty banter & logistics. This means you want the majority of your texting to be about finding free times to hang out, scheduling dates, confirming dates, and so on. Guys who text a girl all day long are putting themselves at risk for being viewed as either boring or too available. You need to be able to create a feeling of scarcity / mystery / unpredictability in the person you are texting.

#3: Vary Your Response Times

Question mark from question words. Search answers. Vector illustration.

The general rule is that you want to be the one who is taking longer to respond. This means that if she texts you back in 5 minutes, take 9 or 10. If she takes 30, take an hour. Etc. Being the one that takes longer to text back (on average) will keep you in a high status position.

But along with this general rule, you’re also going to want to pepper in quick texts to keep her on her toes.

This means that every once in a while, you are going to want to reply very quickly, and even have a short quick-text conversation with her for about 5-10 messages. Once the quick conversation is almost over, shift again to a longer response time.

#4: Use GIFS & Memes to be wickedly Funny

With so many gifs & memes, you can literally make a funny joke about anything (like walking somewhere). I have a good section of an article on using gifs & memes in this article here.

One of the biggest turn-ons for girls is a guy who can out-banter them, and make them laugh in a variety of ways. If you’re currently not someone who thinks you’re very funny, you’re going to want to practice being more relaxed and taking more social risks.

I often think to myself “what is the most outlandish possible thing I could say at this moment” and then say it without fear of what the other person thinks. This is a good start to learning humor, as the better you get at improv, the funnier you will become.

#5: Try And Use statements, Not Questions (unless they’re logistical, you’re just getting to know her, or it’s right after a mini-ghost).

I just realized I use the Grant Jr thing a lot…

A high-status man will normally text in statements, not questions. Unless, that is, he’s warming a mini-ghost back up, getting to know the girl for the first time, or figuring out logistics, such as “what time works for you on Saturday?”. Obviously there will be exceptions to this rule, but saying “let’s go to the beach this weekend” will hold your personal power much better than asking the girl “Hey, would you want to go to the beach this weekend?”.

One of the most powerful dating skills you can cultivate is learning to get responses from girls without asking questions. This skill is based upon making friendly assumptions about the girl instead of asking, and will work even better if you throw in a joke as well (aka a super-assumption).

This will allow you to keep the ball in your court, and still have a great communication with the girl. She will appreciate the conversation as well because it is (usually) much more fun than being interrogated.

Here are some examples:

1 – Question: What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Statement: You seem like a girl who loves rocky road ice cream.

2 – Question: Can you hang out this weekend?

Statement: My friend’s bailed on our Brunch Saturday. Looks like i’m going to be forced to brunch you down then sleep on your couch :\.

3 – Question: Do you want to hang out today?

Statement: I was supposed to help lather my grandmother in her peppermint ointment but she cancelled on me. Come drink wine & cry with me

You get the point.

#6: Mini-Ghost Often (And Then Respond In An Upbeat Way).

I was busy, so the mini-ghost ended up being 3 days. Try for just 1 day at first. Few things to notice here. #1 – how she was the one that texted me. The mini-ghost works. Also notice how I am asking “unnecessary” questions – like how her shift was – because I am trying to actively build up a little more comfort with her post mini-ghost. This shows that there is no hard feelings between us and that I want to talk to her. These types of situations are where the girl will usually ask you what you are doing that night or later in the week.

This may be the most powerful high-status indicator on the list.

Once you have built up a rotation of women and have a limited amount of time to spend with new ones, you will do this naturally without thinking about it. But until that point comes, you’re going to have to manufacture it.

The Mini-Ghost is when during a normal conversation, you just stop responding to her for the day. You then respond the next day during the afternoon, continuing the conversation as if nothing happened (while always remaining positive). This means that when you respond the next day, you want to keep the respond on the positive side. Works especially well if you can work a joke in to the response too (***but never make mention of your response time or apologize for it***).

Also never do a mini-ghost and have the next text you send to her remotely negative, or it will backfire. Remember: always neutral or positive.

Warning: For every action is an equal and opposite reaction. When you do the mini-ghost, you’re going to get a reaction out of the girl, no matter what. But sometimes, the reaction you will get from the girl will be a mini-ghost of her own. If this happens to you, do not freak out – as it is completely normal response. Instead of worrying if you’ll never talk to her again or sending her a salty (OR DOUBLE) text, simply wait for her to respond, and then respond an hour(ish) after she does like nothing happened. The conversation will then pick back up, and status has been created.

#7: Always Confirm Logistics If You’ve Scheduled A Date

This one is common sense, but a lot of guys are (for some reason) scared to do it for fear of low status. These guys are simply confused. When you schedule a date with a girl (let’s say for 7 pm), you are going to want to send a confirmation text like “see you @ 7?” about 3-4 hours before the actual date. As a high-status man – or a man who’s on his way to becoming one – your time is immensely valuable. And you can’t waste it getting ready, driving to, and showing up for a date that the girl isn’t going to be at. You need to know she’s going so your time is not wasted. Let me repeat, there is nothing low status about sending a confirmation text if you keep it simple and say something lime “still on for x?”. It is what sane people who care about logistics do.

BONUS #8: Text Her The Day After You Get Her Number, Later In The Day

Got her number the day before. Making normal conversation.

When you get a girl’s number, you’re going to want to text her “yo it’s (name)” soon after you get her number. This is common sense. But the next text you’ll want to send her will be some time late in the next day, unless you think you have a high chance of meeting up with her that night (obviously). If you can see her that night, text her and go for it. But if it wasn’t too sexual / playful of a conversation, then you’re going to want to wait until the afternoon of the following day to follow up your “yo it’s (name) text” or her “Hi!” text in response to yours. Whether she responds or not, if you’re not 70% sure you can see her that night, then do yourself a favor and wait till the next day.

If you need any more help, send me an email grant@stepbystepdating.com or check out this free training.

-Grant

Categories
Online Dating

I’m Not Getting Any Matches On Tinder, What Can I Do?

If you’re currently stuck thinking “I’m not getting any matches on tinder”, then this article is for you.

Lucky for you, even if you’re currently not getting any matches on Tinder, there are specific things you can do to get your matches up. And they are all fairly easy.

There Are Many Reason For Not Getting Matches On Tinder

… And very few of them have to do with how attractive your face is. The main reason guys don’t get matches on Tinder is because they haven’t put enough time or effort into their profile.

You’re going to be surprised how quickly your matches will explode by simply putting some more effort into the specific areas we are going to cover in this article. So let’s get into it.

Reason #1 For No Tinder Matches: You Mass Swiped

machine swiping right GIF

Mass swiping is when you simply swipe “yes” on every single profile you come across. This is by far the biggest match killer when it comes to Tinder.

Tinder has algorithms they use to determine each individual profile’s success when it comes to matching. And when you mass swipe, you are destroying your chance of being seen as a legitimate profile worthy of matches. If you do nothing else, the one thing that will help you out on Tinder will be being more selective with your matches. You should only swipe right every once and a while.

Reason #2 For No Matches: Your Profile Sucks

The other reason you’re not getting any matches (assuming you never mass swiped) is because your profile sucks.

This can be for a few different reasons:

Your pictures suck

Or

Your bios suck

A lot of guys confuse “having a bad profile” with “being ugly”. Even if you consider yourself the most unattractive person on the face of the planet, you can still have great success on tinder with a good profile.

Here is what you’re going to want to do to make sure your profile is optimized for matches.

Biggest Reason For No Tinder Matches? You Don’t Have High-Quality Pictures

Having bad pictures is the #1 reason that people aren’t getting any matches on tinder. I have an entire article on how to take tinder pictures by yourself.

Even if you’re not the most attractive guy in the world, there is no excuse for not having good, high-quality pictures. I have friends who have self-rated themselves a 5 in the looks department, and still get amazing results from Tinder because they had a friend take pictures of them in nice clothes.

Here are some examples of things to avoid in your tinder pictures:

Poorly lit photos – try to avoid having any photos that are dark or scary. Good lighting is going to be a good-picture essential.

Messy rooms / mess in general – Try to avoid having any pictures of you with any visible mess in the background. Portraying a cleanly persona is something that a lot of guys surprisingly don’t do.

Pictures without a clean haircut – A great haircut takes an hour and costs like $30. The small amount of effort it takes to get a clean haircut vs. how much it will help your profile is a great thing.

Pictures without trimmed facial hair – Unless your wild beard is a “style” and looks like a conscious decision, trimming your facial hair can make a massive difference. There are plenty of youtube videos on grooming for men.

Bad group photos – A lot of guys will have group photos where nobody can tell who they are. This is a bad idea. If you generate any type of frustration in the person looking at your profile, they are most likely going to swipe left and move on.

Memes / Gifs – Too many guys put random gifs / memes in their profile for one of the first couple of pictures. Avoid this. If attracting someone of the opposite sex is your goal, then leave these types of pictures out of your profile.

Create A Great Bio

Too many guys put nothing, or only boring things, into their bio. This is no bueno. I have an entire article on how to write a tinder bio here.

If you’re currently thinking to yourself “I’m not getting any matches on Tinder”, and have really good pictures, then the next logical thing to look at would be your bio.

Here’s my current bio:

The obvious route I took with this bio is Humor. If girls don’t enjoy humor, they won’t swipe right. And if they do, they will.

This is perfect because I’m at a point in my life where no matter how hot the girl is, I wouldn’t want to spend time with her if she didn’t understand humor or was easily offended. It is a qualifier as much as it is a differentiator.

Open Up Your Location Preferences

If you haven’t mass swiped, have great pictures, and have a bio of the gods, then the next thing you’re going to want to do is open up your location preferences.

Mine location preferences are usually set at about 20 miles for logistical purposes. There is a large city about 20 miles away from me, so I can get most of the matches in that city. This obviously depends on where you live.

If you’ve been mass swiping, then you may need to set your location to 100 miles and then go through those matches again while being more selective. Once you start getting a couple matches, you can then tone reduce the range of potential matches and start matching with people closer to you.

Re-do Your Tinder Profile And Get Back Out There

If you’re currently mass swiping with bad pictures and a lazy bio, then you’re doing everything completely backwards.

If this sounds like you, then it’s time to take a little bit of time to completely revamp your profile. This means better pictures, and a better bio.

Categories
Online Dating

How To Take Tinder Pictures By Yourself & Get “Too Many” Matches

How to take Tinder pictures by yourself

It’s not secret that the quality of your tinder pictures can quite literally make or break your success on Tinder. This is a known fact.

The only problem is, even with this knowledge, so many guys still throw up absolutely terrible pictures of themselves – sometimes even of memes and other pictures they aren’t even pictured in – and then complain about not getting any matches. This has to stop.

Getting High Quality Tinder Pictures Is Easy

The truth is, getting high quality tinder pictures is extremely easy. But it does take some effort. And the small amount of effort you put in to get some good tinder pictures will be way more telling than 90% of the profiles that guys have on Tinder. So getting good tinder pictures will separate you from the pack.

Before you take tinder pictures yourself…

Stop Saying “It Isn’t Me” And Focus On Getting Results With Women

Actual picture of some dudes when it comes to their dating life

Too many guys are SHOOTING THEMSELVES IN THE FOOT by telling themselves phrases like “well, that just isn’t me”…

And it KILLS ME.

Instead of making excuses for yourself and telling yourself things like “This just isn’t me” or “I feel like I’m not acting like myself” to actively hold yourself back from succeeding… you need to look at this feeling as a good thing.

Who you currently are is someone who isn’t getting results. So you need to change yourself to become someone who does get results. That’s called growth.

So before you read this article, I’m asking you to actively lean into that feeling of “this isn’t me”… and then try new stuff out anyway.

Things you can’t control:

  • Height
  • Face structure

Things you can control:

  • Hairstyle + hair quality
  • Style
  • Cleaniness
  • body
  • financial situation
  • personality / assertiveness (yes, you can alter your personality. I have made the transition from the depths of “niceguydom”.
  • Humor
  • Overall attractiveness (combination of all these factors)

#1) Get A Nice Haircut And Trim Your Facial hair

Getting a haircut and trimming your facial hair is going to be one of the best things you can do for your look. I can’t explain to you how many times i’ve went through guys’ profiles only to see selfies of them when they are unshowered with a messy hair a beard. I literally ask myself if they are actively trying to never get laid. It makes no sense.

Even if you feel like a haircut style “isn’t you”, it will benefit you to get a style that attractive girls usually find attractive. At this current moment in our society, it is usually shorter on the sides and longer on the top. This is a simple one most dudes can pull off:

And trim your beard.

#2) Take Selfies With Nicer Clothes & Show Some Personality

This dude literally has the tag on his pants. But it’s not a bad picture. The tag and face he’s making actually work for him because it’s a slightly funny picture. But he still looks good.

Even if you don’t buy the clothes, try them on in a fitting room and take a selfie wearing nice clothes. Try to have none of the pictures in your tinder roll show you with bad style. Selfies are okay if you look good in them. Like this guy. Note: Trimmed beard, decent haircut, decent style.

Get Your Style On Point (Copy Outfits Until You Develop Your Own Style)

I’ll show a few instagram pages here that have really helped me develop my own style.

When I started taking my style seriously, my attention from women went up 300%.

Style is one of those things that doesn’t care about looks, height, or money. I began by copying outfits I saw on these pages and replicating them with lower-costing options like Ross, Nordstrom rack, or H&M. Again, you will be amazed what a good haircut and a nice style can do for you.

Pages that will help you with your style:

https://www.instagram.com/menwithstreetstyle/

https://www.instagram.com/menwithclass/

https://www.instagram.com/thepacman82/

Get A Random Person (Or A Friend) To Take A Picture Of You

If you have friends, AWESOME! Tell them to take some good pictures of you so you can take your dating life to the next level.

If you have to buy an outfit only to return it, that’s fine. Just do yourself a favor and get something presentable for the picture. Go to one of the Instagram pages above and replicate an outfit.

If you’re friendless and have nobody to take pictures of you

I would first examine why that is. Everyone should have the skills to go out and acquire a solid group of friends.

But even if you’re currently working on your friend group, you can still get pictures taken for you by posting an ad on craigslist.

Post A Craigslist Ad To Get Hawt Pix

A simple craigslist ad will do wonders for you. There are two ways to go about this.

The first way is to try and get free pictures. You can do this by saying “need photos taken, photographer can use for their portfolio. Will also leave a stellar review”. So you’re getting photos taken of you for a review.

You can also pay someone $50 to come take pictures of you. And before you say “OH MY GOD WHY WOULD I PAY $50 FOR SOME TINDER PICTURES?”….

The answer is because it’s worth it.

Is paying $50 worth meeting the love of your life? or building up a rotation of 5 beautiful women who adore you?

I think any sane person would say yes.

Set A Self Timer And Pose

This actually isn’t the worst option. You can always set a self timer and snap a pic of yourself. The key is getting a background that doesn’t look like you are taking a self-timer photo.

Here’s one that’s self-timer. The dude has decent style – although not my personal preference – and some women will like what he has to offer. But again, the picture is dope.

But Don’t Do Strange Poses (Unless They’re Funny)

Strange poses are killing guy’s online dating chances, unless they’re funny.

I have went on to the profiles of my female friends to see what you guys are doing, and some of them just leave me confused & physically uncomfortable. Here are a couple poses to stop doing.

The arm-behind-the-head-with-no-pants pose

The “hand on chin but not really joking” pose

The “on the phone” pose

The “Mmhm” face pose

And so many more.

Get A Picture With A Dog

Don’t ask me why women love dogs so much, but they do. We can fight it or we can go along with. Do whatever you can to get a picture of yourself with a dog.

Have to rent your friends dog? Fine. Have to catch a stray dog? Go ahead. But whatever you do, get that picture with some pups.

Not a terrible photo. Big athletic guy
Notice the humor + pooch combo is dangerous. Watch out, ladies.
Nice haircut, good style. Cute pup. It’s a WIN.

Don’t Post Pictures That Aren’t Of You

I hate that I have to mention this, but leave the GIFS and the memes behind. Nothing is stranger to a woman than a guy who has a bunch of Tinder pictures that aren’t actually pictures of himself.

Summary

To be successful on Tinder, you’re going to need good pictures. There’s no way around that. And what women consider “good pictures” are pictures where you have a nice haircut, decent style, and non-blurry, high-quality pics.

It’s very simple, but a lot of guys don’t do it.

Again, focus only on what you can control:

Things you can’t control:

  • Height
  • Face structure

Things you can control:

  • Hairstyle + hair quality
  • Quality of your pictures
  • Style
  • Cleaniness
  • Body
  • Financial situation
  • Personality / assertiveness (yes, you can alter your personality. I have made the transition from the depths of “niceguydom”.
  • Humor
  • Overall attractiveness (combination of all these factors)

Now that you know how to take tinder pictures by yourself, go out and get hella matches, bro.

If you need any more help, feel free to email me grant@stepbystepdating.com or check out this free training.

Categories
Online Dating

How To Talk To A Girl On Snapchat (The Ultimate Guide)

How To Talk To A Girl On Snapchat (The Ultimate Guide).

A lot of younger girls (below age 30) are addicted to snapchat. There’s not really another way to put it. To be honest, I didn’t originally didn’t have snapchat because I wanted to be the cool guy that didn’t use it, but when I learned how powerful it is when it comes to dating… I downloaded it. And have been happy I did.

Here is a complete step-by-step process when it comes to snapchatting a girl. The beginning of this post will be about what I think snapchat is good / bad for, and then get into the tactics.

This Is An Interesting Post

Because unlike other posts I have on this blog with screenshots and things circled everywhere, snapchat poses a problem:

You can see when people screenshot your stuff. So for the sake of this article, I’ll be going “undercover” and trying to give you my start-to-finish snapchat process without creeping anybody out.

Will it work? I have no idea. But let’s begin.

What Is Snapchat Good For In Terms Of Dating?

Great 2nd Step For Women Under Age 30 (Rough Age Estimate)

Snapchat is a great “second step” for girls (usually) under age 30. Meaning, once you have built up enough interest with a girl over a dating app, snapchat is a great place for you to move the conversation off of the dating app and onto something else. If she is close to or over age 30, the chances of her using snapchat go down dramatically. If the girl you’re trying to talk to is close to that age or above, I would move the dating app conversation to texting instead. Go for the phone number.

But either way, I would recommend moving the conversation off of the dating app as fast as possible.

Can See If You’re Being Catfished

Another reason snapchat is a great 2nd step is because you have the ability to see live pictures of people. And you don’t have to guess what the look like from a manicured dating profile.

One of the main reasons that snapchat is one of my go to “2nd step” is because I can see if I’m being catfished. Sounds harsh, but it’s true.

The truth is, people use pictures that make them look the best. And sometimes, this means using old pictures and lying about their age. I have also matched with smokin-hot trannies that have completedy convinced me they were women online, until we started sending snapchats. Once we began snapping, their manliness peaked through just enough that I was able to catch on and avoid a hotdog filled Saturday. Got ya, bucko.

Communicating With Someone Over A Longer Period Of time

Especially during quarantine, snapchat reigns supreme. When you’re texting someone, you have to put in a massive amount of effort trying to keep the conversation going and avoiding burnouts. Over a longer period of time (like a quarantine) this gets monotonous, boring, and repetitive. And this is when snapchat shines.

Because of how much lower pressure it feels than texting, you can “carry on” a snapchat conversation of the course of longer periods of times by saying 1-2 sentences at a time. This allows you to have the exact same amount of text content for 1-day text conversation, and spread it out over a week via snapchat. If you’re trying to long con, snapchat is your holy grail.

Video Conversations

One thing I like about snapchat is how you can have video conversations. Sometimes, instead of texting someone or sending them pictures, you will want to have video conversations because of how great your personalities vibe. If this is the case, snapchat is the answer.

Showcasing Your Lifestyle

Because of snapchat stories, you can not only talk to a girl you like, but you can also showcase your life to her and make her see how you’re a cool guy who does fun things.

Showing high-value snapchats of you doing things with your friends or having a grand ole’ time will actually help you build attraction with a girl you are talking to by showing her that you don’t need her to be happy. And this implied non-neediness will be interpreted as a big plus for you as a guy.

Building Deep Connections Quickly

Some people have pegged snapchat as a place to have “shallow conversations” but I completely disagree. I think it’s a platform that allows you to foster some of the deepest connections possible.

Not only can you have long conversations with someone, but you can also get a peak into their daily life. This allows you to see the actual person behind face on a dating app, and lets you analyze their situation and see if you might be a good fit for each other. Pair with this the ability to have video conversations (when you are both comfortable enough) and you have the ingredients for a deep and powerful connection, built entirely through snapchat.

What Snapchat Is Not Good For In Terms Of Dating

Logistics

Snapchat is a nightmare for logistics. Planning anything, sending addresses, or trying to discuss logistical issues of any sort is something you will want to do over text. Can it be done? Yes. Because you can screenshot everything. But if someone is in a car on their way to meet you and is actively trying to communicate with you via snapchat, then they are literally putting their own life at risk in a way that is completely unnecessary. Do yourself both a favor and do logistics over text.

Conversations With Many Different Points

Sometimes you will find yourself in conversations that I call “Point by points”. This means that although you are both sending 1-4 texts at a time, they are conveying ideas surrounding like 6 different topics. And each time one is responded to, another topic is added. This usually continues until you completely change the topic of conversation.

Although “point by point” texting can actually be great for building connection with someone and getting to know them, this type of conversation is a nightmare over snapchat. Because of how many times you will accidentally close out the snapchat window when trying to respond, you literally won’t be able to get enough points in. So if this starts to happen, either change how the conversation is going or get the person’s phone number or Instagram.

How To Talk To A Girl On Snapchat: Tactics

There will be three parts to this, and I’ll cover each part individually:

  • Communicating with the girl via chat / pictures before the date
  • Building attraction using stories
  • Maintaining contact with the girl after the date

Let’s begin.

Talking To A Girl On Snapchat (Before The Date)

This is all about the period of time when you are friends with a girl on snapchat but haven’t yet been on a date. How should you go about it?

What works best for me is sending both pictures and small chats in responses to the pictures they send. The key with messaging on snapchat is that you’re going to want to make everything very fun and playful.

Sending Pictures

When sending pictures, you’re going to want to take good pictures of yourself and keep the captions to those pictures fairly brief. Don’t send any pictures where you look like an unshowered zombie, and try to keep any pictures of your dirty room out of it as well. Present a nice image of yourself.

Make statements in your snapchat pictures, don’t ask questions.

When sending snapchats to girls, try to avoid asking questions unless it’s natural in the conversation. You’re going to want to be able to strike up conversations by making statements about your pictures and then having the girl respond and comment to those pictures.

This means that instead of sending her a picture of your face and saying “hey” or “waddup”, send her a picture of you doing something and commenting on it. For example, you could send her a picture of you making drink saying something like “Went too hard on the tequila” or send her a picture of your friends and say “he is not sober”. Simple comments like these are invitations for the girl to join into your conversation. In the case of the tequila one, she will probably respond with something like “you can never have too much tequila” or “i hate tequila”. Either way, the conversation is now started.

Playfully Tease Her On The Pictures She Sends You

When the girl sends you pictures, you are going to want to tease her about some aspect of her pictures fairly often. But don’t take it too far. Meaning, don’t do it every single picture and don’t be too mean.

Throwing in a playful tease every once in a while tells the girl ‘I don’t take myself too seriously and you shouldn’t either’ and is a way to strengthen a connection with anyone. It also puts you in control of the frame, which is positive side effect.

Some common teases would be telling her that she wears the same outfit every day or that some aspect of her house is messy. Try to avoid teasing her about her looks (like her hair or the fact that she has no makeup) and stick to things that are fairly irrelevant like the terrible picture quality, fuzzy camera, or how she is contorting herself to find the right lighting. You want the tease to be strong enough to illicit a reaction, but soft enough that she still takes it as a joke and at some level finds it entertaining.

Incorporate Fake Joke Worlds Often

You’re going to want to incorporate fake joke worlds as often as possible. I have an article that goes more in depth about them here. Snapchat is the perfect place to create them.

Encourage Good Pictures With Chat Responses

One thing I find myself doing often is encouraging good snapchats from girls. If you get one that she obviously put some effort into, then I will usually respond and encourage it verbally through chat with something like “amazing” or “fire emoji” or anything like that. Then while also responding via chat, I will send another picture to continue the conversation. This general principle of rewarding what you like with verbal validation and can be used at any time, but works particularly well on snapchat.

Building Attraction Using Stories

Snapchat stories can be a great way to build attraction with someone without really doing anything other than showcasing your life. Women are attracted to high-value men, so you’re going to want to post things on your stories that high-value men would post. This is usually going to be you doing something fun or interesting, hanging out with your friends, or posting something unique.

Post Something Interesting When You First Add Her (And Get Her To See it)

When you first add a girl on snapchat, you’re going to want to post something interesting on your story as quickly as possible. The reason is because if you can get her to look at your first story and think about it in a positive way, then snapchat’s algorithm will work alongside her to push your stories to the front of her feed.

Post High-Value Stories

This is the most obvious part of building attraction through stories. You are going to want to avoid posting boring stories with boring opinions. If it’s not interesting or doesn’t show you doing something interesting, don’t show it. If it is funny, controversial, or shows you doing something interesting and proves to people that you have a social life, then post it. If you want to see what high-value stories look like, I’d recommend following Dan Bilzerian’s story to see what he does and doesn’t post.

The Snapchat Positive Feedback Loop

Once a girl opens your story and enjoys what she sees, she becomes likely to open it again. Once she opens it again (before the others on her feed) then snapchat will recognize this and start moving your snapchat stories to the front of her feed. This is great for you (if you post good stories) because once you can get her to click on the first couple stories, snapchat will begin showing her your stories over other people’s her friend’s list. And the more of your stories she watches, the more likely you are to stay at the front of her feed which in turns will make her more likely to keep watching.

Post A Slightly Controversial Caption On Top Of Your Stories

People are attracted to people that actually have opinions on things. Even if they don’t disagree with your opinion, that fact that you have a well-reasoned opinion will be means to earn respect by most people. And snapchat is no different.

When you take a stance on a certain topic (like saying Qdoba is better than Chipotle) people are going to want to express their opinions to you with either agreeing or dissenting opinions. When it comes to dating, it doesn’t really matter so much as to whether or not the girl agrees or disagrees with your opinion. What matters more is if she takes the time to respond.

Slightly controversial opinions like saying one restaurant is better than the other, or that sleeping with socks on is better than sleeping with socks off, is a fun and friendly way to get someone to engage with you in playful conversation. Throw one of these controversial captions over a high-value snapchat story, and you have all the ingredients for building attraction over snapchat.

Maintaining Contact With The Girl After The Date

Maintaining contact with the girl after the date is a lot easier on snapchat than it is via text. Compared to texting, snapchat makes it a lot more low-pressure and low-effort. Which is nice.

Keep Contact Between You Two Fairly Frequent, But Don’t Respond Too Fast

After the date, you’re going to want to be in regular communication with the girl. This means sending her comment (not question) based snapchats updating her about your cool life. If she doesn’t respond, that is fine. Just keep posting cool stories.

When she does respond, you’re going to want to (roughly) match her response time unless you have complete frame control. Meaning, if she takes 5 minutes to respond, take 5-10minutes to respond. Unless, that is, you have the leverage of the relationship tilted in your direction. If this is the case, you can respond quickly and get away with it.

Bind her soul to yours with a snapchat streak

Snapchat streaks are very interesting because it adds an element of “fear of loss” into the equation.

Even if you don’t necessarily LOVE somebody, if you have a snapchat streak with them, you will likely find yourself responding to their snapchats just to keep the streak going. It’s strange, but can be used effectively.

All you need to do to begin a snapchat streak is to snap her something and have her respond to it 3 days in a row. On day 3, the snapchat streak will show up. And as you talk more, the pressure to respond gets slightly stronger. Again, very weird dynamic, but it does work.

Move It Onto Text

Although snapchat is a great place to build connection with a girl, you’re going to also want to eventually move the majority of the “heavy lifting” off of it and onto text. This means that bigger conversations, interactions, and logistics will occur over text, and “maintenance” communication will occur over text. Unless you two are seriously dating, maintenance communication is all you need to keep the relationship going and foster a fun, casual relationship.

That is all I have for this article. If you need additional help, feel free to email me at grant@stepbystepdating.com or check out this free training.

Categories
Online Dating

Honest Hinge App Review: From Someone Who’s Actually Used It

This is an honest Hinge app review – from A Guy who’s actually used it. Quick summary at the bottom.

My Hinge App Story

I first used hinge roughly 2 years ago. And at that time, it was branded as “the relationship app” (may still be) and the general vibe was that people on Hinge were more serious about forming connections than Tinder.

In my experience, that branding has been true. People I’ve met on Hinge have been more willing (and emotionally ready) to engage in deeper connections and form stronger relationships. If I wasn’t afraid of commitment, the Hinge App would probably be my #1 favorite app when it comes to dating.

That being said, I’ve also had many hookups on Hinge that never really turned into anything. But even so, one strange thing I did notice was that the average level of “niceness” from each person I met was overall, higher than Tinder.

Hinge App’s Niceness Game Is… Furious?

This is completely anecdotal – meaning I probably dreamt about all of this and am now telling you it’s real – but the average level of “nice” in the people that I met from the Hinge app was usually higher than people from Tinder.

For example, On Tinder, I tended to match with a lot of party girls, fierce liberals, and trannies. And trust me, I love all three. Even when they yelled at me for being a white male.

But with Hinge, I was getting fed more homebody, wifey, settle-down-and-have-3-kids-within-the-coming-years type girls who just wanted to find a stable guy to settle down with.

It’s like Hinge knew what was best for me, while Tinder just enabled my fantasies.

And because of that, Hinge gets one point. Towards something.

Hinge App Can Make You A Conversation-Starting Ninja (Even If You Have The Personality Of Dish Soap)

The greatest Pro (in my opinion) of Hinge is the sheer diversity of options you have when it comes to starting conversations and building rapport through similarities quicker than any other app.

From liking specific pictures to responding to specific parts of someone’s bio, Hinge – by far – gives you the most freedom for customizing and tailoring your first interaction. And this, in my opinion, is the best thing about it from a functional perspective. And something that separates itself from both Tinder And Bumble.

Here are just some examples of how you can slide into someone’s Hinge DM’s and make them fall in love with you forever:

The 3 Main Ways You Can Begin A Hinge App Interaction

Responding To Someone’s Bio Prompt

She loved brunch, and god did I love her.

Responding to someone’s bio prompts is a great way to get a conversation started on the Hinge App.

One thing I really like about this is that there will be multiple bio prompts on someone’s profile, so you can actively pick and choose which one you like best, and respond to it.

This is massively powerful because Instead of just picking a random topic and forging a conversation through the jungle of awkward “I don’t really know what to say here” village, you and the person you are interacting with actually start the conversation off with something you have in common. And this make it much easier to catch a flow and get to know each other quickly.

Liking Someone’s Specific Picture

Liking someone’s picture is another way you can begin a conversation with them. And once you like someone’s photo, they will be given the option to “invite” you to a conversation.

For some reason, every time I see a girl has “invited” me to start a conversation with her, it makes me feel like a male peacock strutting his feathers and seeing the peahen’s eye catch a sparkle. All too suddenly, my chest begins to puff out – and then I give a face only describable by imagining the “Oh, I guess this is what we’re doing then” face and the “I knew I was the Sh**” face had a baby. One full of nonchalant ungracefulness.

One thing I really like about the liking the picture feature is, again, it gives you something to talk about and reveals a little something about the other person. Why did they choose that one picture? Nobody knows. But it can be a great conversation started to find out – and you can learn a lot about a person quickly by learning why they like what they like.

Liking Someone’s Answer To A Prompt

If you thought you could only respond to people’s prompts or like each one of their individual pictures, you were wrong.

You can also simply like someone’s prompt – letting you know plain and simply that you fw them as much as they fw whatever it is they already fw. In the above case, cuddling and pho during cuffing SZN.

This is also where strategy comes into play when creating your bio as well. Because of the diversity of how a conversation can be initiated, I have found it helpful to put a wide range of interests I have that may also be appealing to the type of girls I want to attract. And depending on what they respond to, I instantly get a sense of what type of girl this is by what type of picture she reacted to.

Using Hinge App Prompts To Let Your Personality Shine Through

One of the things I really like about the Hinge App is how many photo prompts they have. You can actually caption your photos, unlike other apps.

The reason this is so great – in my opinion – is because the creativity this gives you for humor is massive. And if you’re anyone who considers themselves funny, or likes making jokes at all, you will seriously thrive on this app.

Women Initiate Fairly Often

Another thing I noticed about the Hinge App was how often women tend to reach out compared to Tinder.

More than half of the time, I was receiving liked photos or responses from girls that I did not yet match with. This would let me review what they said / liked and then decide if I wanted to either respond to their action or send them a message right away.

I think part of the reason women feel okay with reaching out so much on the Hinge app, is again, the sheer number of ways they can. And instead of sending an aggressive opener – something a lot of women don’t really like doing – they can simply flash their feathers like the male peacock, and have the guy say “cool feathers” and slide into her dms. Hinge makes beginning interactions really easy.

Limited Number Of Matches For Free Version

For the free version of the app, you’re only going to get 10 matches. This is significantly less than the other popular dating apps. With all dating apps, numbers is a factor in dating success. And with only 10 matches allowed for the free version, it is going to be difficult to get back into the dating game quickly unless you upgrade to the paid version, which has unlimited likes. The only reason to upgrade to the paid version would be to get unlimited likes.

The most tragic thing to see

Is This That Big Of A Deal?

Sort of. Hinge is definitely trying to create a “quality over quantity” type vibe with their free version. Even though you only get 10 likes per day, I don’t think this is a huge negative because of the sheer number of ways you can start a conversation and connect with someone through one of the many different aspects of their profile.

Being limited to 10 likes a day is obviously worse than having unlimited likes, but on Hinge, the potential for the initial interaction to go well is much higher than other dating apps. So it isn’t the end of the world. Go outside and meet people, lol.

Quality Of Matches:

Hinge’s quality of matches is extremely inconsistent, but generally finds itself on the lower end.

There will be times where you will get multiple attractive people in a row, and then days where you will not find anyone you think is attractive. Multiple days of “dry spells” seem to be very common on hinge, and paired with the 10 matches per day on the free version, I have tended to use other dating apps more often than the Hinge app itself.

Hinge Preferred: Is It Worth It?

Here is my honest opinion on whether or not I think the paid version of the app is worth it.

So… Is it worth it?

It depends.

Price

Hinge preferred cost

The price for the preferred version of the Hinge App isn’t terrible compared to other paid versions. But what exactly are you getting?

Unlimited Likes: By far the biggest advantage to buying the preferred version of the Hinge App is getting access to unlimited likes. In my opinion, this is the only reason to upgrade to the paid version because it allows you to get a high number of matches quickly. Upgrading to the preferred version of the Hinge App will give you some additional benefits as well, but they aren’t too impressive.

See Who Liked You: As a premium user, you can also see all the users at once who have already “liked” your profile. Without upgrading, you can only view the profiles one at a time, making a “like” or “skip” decision as you go through them.

Just like other apps, you get the see who liked you feature. this feature allows you to see who already liked you and then going through those options and matching with some of them. Although this feature *Sounds* nice, you will only get the bottom of the barrel in terms of matches in there. So in my opinion, not worth it.

Advanced Preferences: The Hinge App advanced preferences feature allows you to create additional match filters so you can filter out people beforehand. I don’t recommend using this because the reality is that people will have the same profile feature word like “religious, but their two definitions are completely different from one another. Meaning, you don’t know who someone is until you meet with them, so I would recommend keeping an open mind and not filtering too strongly based off of your perception of what the filters mean. In my opinion, this feature is also not worth it.

Hinge Experts: This allows you to get help from people on which conversation starters are the best or which pictures are the most statistically friendly. I would avoid this at all costs because of the sheer lack of skill most people have when it comes to dating and understanding attraction. Not worth it.

TL;DR Quick Summary

Overall, Hinge is a solid dating app. They’ve tried to take the “quality over quantity” route, and in some aspects, they have done it well.

Pros:

Profile customization (allows you to display your personality)

Ease of starting new conversations

More user interaction (matches on the Hinge App usually respond and keep convo going more than on other apps)

Cons:

Limited to 10 matches per day on the free version (unlimited with paid version)

Summary: I am in no way affiliated with the Hinge App. This is just my raw opnion.

Hinge went the “quality over quantity” route and they did it well. I would highly recommend at least trying the free version of Hinge and comparing it to the other apps. If you’re new to a city and need a lot of matches quickly, I would recommend the paid version only for the ability to have unlimited matches. The other features aren’t worth it. I have met attractive, mentally healthy people off of Hinge and have had a couple relationships. Overall solid app.

That is all I have for this article. If you need additional help, feel free to email me at grant@stepbystepdating.com or check out this free training.

Categories
Online Dating

How To Respond To Hey On Bumble (And Actually Meet up)

How to respond to hey on bumble – and actually meet up.

“Hey” is one of the most common openers that girls will slide into your DMs with on Bumble. And how you respond to her “hey” message to you can quite literally make or break the entire interaction.

Instead of just responding “hey” back to her like every other boring guy she messages – she is giving you the opportunity to stand out with your wit and creativity.

Use this opportunity to your advantage.

What Is The Goal When Responding To Hey?

They way you respond to “hey” on Bumble will give the girl an instant first impression of the kind of guy you are portraying yourself as. It is important to be situationally aware and tailor your response to match the girl.

Yes, Attractiveness Is A Factor

The more attractive your pictures are on Bumble (and notice how I said how attractive your pictures are – not you) the more leeway you will have with slacking on a response.

For example, if you are a man 7 and you are receiving a message from a girl who is around a 5 in the looks department, then you could probably get away with saying something like “Waddup :)” or “Ello. How’s it going?” and the girl will likely continue the conversation and you have successfully responded.

But if you’re a man 6 and the girl is a 7 or 8 in the looks department, then you’re going to have to get a little more creative with your opener – and portray yourself as the man 8 or man 9 that she is looking for.

But Personality Is A Much Bigger Factor

When a girl sends you a message on Bumble, she has at least a slight interest in you. This means that at some level, she thinks you are attractive.

Even if you don’t think of yourself as the most physically attractive guy in the world, you still have a high chance of eventually meeting up with the girl if she’s sending you the first message. Because for women, how physically attractive you are is only a small piece of a larger puzzle.

Your job as the man is to make her feel like her decision to message you wasn’t a mistake. And to show you how cool you are. And ALSO to actively move the conversation forward as well.

You have To Move The Conversation Forward

Girls love to be chased, and just because she “has” to send the first message to you on Bumble, doesn’t mean that she should be moving the conversation forward. As the man, you are going to want to lead the majority of the conversation, and put the burden of the “moving the conversation forward” responsibility on your shoulders so that the conversation is always progressing towards something (like getting her insta / snap / number or meeting up).

How You Can Avoid “Heys” Altogether With A World-Class Bio

Before being stuck solving the “hey” puzzle, I would highly recommend learning to craft a bio that girls will respond to so you can reduce the number of times that you’re put into this situation. When done properly, instead of getting hey, you will get targeted responses like these (I said something about Leos in my bio):

Even though i’ll give you some strategies to respond to “hey” on Bumble down below, it is worth mentioning that you can reduce the occurrence of “heys” that you receive by crafting a bio that is engaging, showcases your strengths, and gives the girl something (or a couple somethings) to respond to.

I have an entire “How to write a bio” section here.

So, let’s get right into my favorite responses…

My #1 Response To Hey On Bumble Is…

The “Astrological Match-up” (Only When Applicable)

This is by far the most powerful opener I have found.

Sometimes you will find yourself in a position where the girl who sends you “Hey” has a star sign that is extremely compatible with yours.

When this happens, I usually respond with some type of star-sign compatibility chart and show how serendipitous us matching really is. This is HUGELY powerful.

Like this:

I call astrology “girl crack” or “the hot girl’s religion”.

Why? Because girls usually fucking LOVE it.

And if you find yourself in a position where your signs are compatible (or even incompatible, for that matter) it can be very beneficial for both you and the girl if you bring it to light. If you’re compatible, they’ll love it. And if you’re not, you’ll have something to talk about or tease her for.

Learn Basic Astrology

If you don’t know what astrology is, or don’t know much about it, learn. It does not take much time at all.

Astrology is one of the most powerful connecting points with a lot of attractive girls who consider themselves in some way spiritual. So if you don’t at least have a basic understanding (such as what signs your sign is and isn’t compatible with, and why) learn. You will be SO glad you did.

I Recommend The Co-Star App

I’m in no way sponsored by Co-Star but I do HIGHLY recommend at least downloading the app and making an account so you can acquire a basic understanding of what signs are compatible and aren’t compatible.

Also saying things like “Are you a big Co-Star girl” will win you points with these types of girls because of you showing a basic understanding of something that they are interested in. You can also DM girls on Co-Star, so Co-Star game is actually a thing (lol) that I have used to success as well. But back to Bumble.

#2 – The “Slightly Unexpected” Response

This response is one I find myself using quite a bit when I can’t find something to riff off of on their profile. For this response, all I usually do is respond to their question in a way that is slightly out of the ordinary, like saying “extremely fantastic” while using the emoji that they use (if one is used).

For this particular situation, the girl had mostly selfies of her in a mirror, and there wasn’t much that I could go off of. But one of the pictures she did have was a selfie of her wearing a nametag that looked like it was taken in a hospital bathroom. So that is what I used in the second message.

The Point Is To Convey You’re Not Like Other Guys

The point of the slightly unexpected response is to simply convey that you’re not like other boring guys who say things like “Im good” or “doing well”.

Even though very basic, saying something slightly unexpected like “extremely fantastic”, “absolutely wonderful” or “10/10 would recommend” can be a little conversational spark that opens the door to more conversation.

Don’t Say Anything Remotely Negative

Notice how all of my responses are highly positive. Almost over-the-top positive. This is what you want.

So many times I see guys giving a neutral or negative response like “my day could have gone better” and it literally makes me physically sick to see. A girl does not want a guy who is always throwing a pity party. A girl wants a guy who can take control of his own emotions, and chooses to remain positive / optimistic in all circumstances.

If you respond to the girl with anything that isn’t displaying a positive message, you’re going to be shooting yourself in the foot before you even get started.

#3 – The “Positivity + Profile Hotpoint” Response

This response is another one that I’ve used fairly often to success. For this response, you are going to want to do two things:

#1 – Keep the response POSITIVE and upbeat.

#2 – Mention something or ask a question about the “hotpoint” in their profile. The hotpoint is going to be something the girl is clearly trying to communicate via her pictures / bio. Sometimes it’s that she’s a party girl, sometimes it’s that she likes to hike, and sometimes (like in this case) it’s that she owns a business. Ask questions – while also being positive – that you think the girl would want to tell you about.

Her bio:

As you can see, this one is very simple. I first do the “slightly unexpected” response by mentioning that her name has a K in it, and then I ask about her profile hotpoint, which was the fact that she owned her own business. I then follow up with something positive – saying that’s awesome.

This response has allowed me to separate myself from other guys by making a slightly humorous comment about her name, has encouraged her to continue the conversation by asking about her business, and has also kept the frame of the conversation positive, so she is likely to open up more. Simple messages can do a lot for you.

Here’s another one.

Her bio:

As you can see with this thread, I just responded “Hey” and then made a comment about something she clearly wanted people to see. Which was her and her friends flying private. When she responded, I was able to spin the frame of the situation that because she flew private, she thought she was better than everyone else. And was able to make a joke out of it.

#4 – Responding And Creating Stories

This one is similar to the “slightly unexpected” response but also brings into the equation a completely new stream of conversation.

As you can see below, even simply capitalizing her name can be something that will set you apart from the rest. In this particular situation, I also felt that guys would always be rhyming her name – so I decided to call that out. She then said she didn’t like it, so I teased her by asking if she liked it (again) and asked her what the place she was referring to on her bio was. Very simple, but effective.

#5 – Current Events

This image was obviously pulled from Tinder, but the principle can still be applied to Bumble as well. All you’re going to want to do in this one is simply make mention of current events that you two can come together on. Heavy emphasis on TOGETHER.

If you’re going to go the current event route, be careful and aware who who you’re talking to. You’re going to want to choose something that you will likely see eye-t0-eye on, like me saying to the girl that the world is melting. As you can see, she agreed.

What you want to avoid is choosing something political and then disagreeing on it. Or choosing another relevant current event that has the chance to become political, and then disagreeing on the inference of the event itself. To make it simple…

Current event you agree on = good. Current event you disagree on = bad.

How To Respond To Hey On Bumble: The Core Principles

No matter what technique you end up going with, the goal is simple: To eventually meet up and hang out with the girl.

And although there are multiple different ways to skin a cat, there are some fundamental principles that you always want to keep in the back of your mind when you are engaging with women on online dating apps. Here they are:

Keep It Fun & Playful. Use GIFS And Make Jokes Often.

If you can just focus on making the conversation “fun”, then everything else will fall into place. I am never entering into a conversation with a woman thinking “how can I say x or x to get here to do this”. Instead, I am simply always asking myself “how can I make this conversation for fun and engaging?” and that mindset carries me through conversations.

When it comes down to it, we get into relationships because they feel good. And at our core, we all just want to feel good. So instead of making your dating life complicated, focus on being more fun, having more fun, and making people have more fun with you. Here’s an example of a good time to use a GIF (and be dramatic). I have an entire article on how to text a girl here.

Stand Out Using Unique Language

Your bio should be able to do most of the communication about who you are for you, and should help you avoid “Hey” messages altogether. But for that (hopefully) rare occurrence that you do still get a hey, it will be extremely beneficial to you to use uncommon statements and responses like “Extremely fantastic” or “absolutely fantublous” as mentioned above.

The point of doing this is to simply plant the seed that you’re not like the majority of other guys.(PIC)

Always Be High energy + Bring Positivity

The general rule of human interaction is that you’re going to want to be matching someone’s energy level or slightly above it. If you’re too low on energy, they will get bored of you and not want to be with you. But if you’re too high energy, you can come across as an ADD crack addict that just found a cellphone buried under his kilos.

That being said, you’d be surprised how high energy you can go without pushing people away. I am usually MUCH higher energy than any of the girls I talk to, and for the most part, girls will visibly raise their energy levels to try and catch up to where I am. This brings the entire energy in the conversation up, and makes it much more fun.

Try Being ‘Too High Energy’ If You’re Not Seeing Results

A slight add-on to the last principle is that people are attracted to high energy people. So if you’re currently not seeing the results you want when it comes to messaging girls on Bumble, try simply being “too high energy” instead. This means that you’re going to want to tap into your ADD crack energy and see how far you can take it before the girl starts pushing you away. Once you know the limits of how far you can take it, you will begin to see that being “too high energy” will never hurt you as bad as being too low energy.

Always Be Improving Your Bio To Avoid “Hey”.

Again, the goal of your Bumble Bio should be to convey your personality and give the girl something to go off of so she doesn’t send you the word “hey”. Because “Hey” is much more difficult to respond to then something you’re familiar with and have on your bio.

If you’re not getting a large majority of the responses sent to you by girls mentioning other things you have in your bio, then you’re going to want to check out this article here that helps you master the bio and help eliminate receiving “heys” dramatically.

And if you need additional help, free to check out this free training or send me an email at grant@stepbystepdating.com