Online Dating

Online Dating Reddit | The Best Reddit Online Dating Stories (And Wisdom) Out There

The Redditors have spoken.

A few weeks ago, I found myself on Reddit looking at online dating stuff and saw that there was actually a lot of really great stories, advice, and experiences out there. But I got really annoyed jumping from page to page.

So what was the logical next step?

Compose a massive compilation of all my favorite posts for you to enjoy with ease.


I think this is really cool because along with the Redditors sharing their online dating success stories (as well as their online dating horror stories)…

They have also shared with us their online dating experiences that have given us answers to our most pressing online dating questions, such as:

Does online dating work, Reddit?

What are the best online dating sites, Reddit?

What are the best online dating apps, Reddit?

Why is online dating so hard for guys, Reddit?

And of course…

Is online dating worth it, Reddit? Should I put forth thy effort to court a fine human into my grips of love? And make thee mine?

Ok… the last one was my own personal question.

But the best part is, we’ve not only been given answers to the questions above, but also been gifted with Reddit’s best online dating tips and advice as well.

To say the least, we’ve been blessed.

And we thank you, Reddit.

So let’s jump in.

Reddit’s Online Dating Horror Stories

When preparing this article I was amused to find that one of the most searched for phrases surrounding Reddit’s online dating scene was “online dating horror stories reddit”. Which I thought would be wildly entertaining to look into. And I wasn’t disappointed.

“Online dating horror stories reddit” was more searched than any other term regarding successes, advice, or tips. So I wanted to start here first, with the worst of the worst.

So without further adieu…

Here are my favorite Reddit online dating horror stories. This first one literally had me LOLing.

“59 points·5 years ago·edited 5 years ago

Long, but I got this, courtesy of OkCupid: I was 24 and, from school, had been messaging this cute girl who could actually hold a conversation really well so after I got home in December we decide to meet up.

7:00pm-Show up at her place, she isn’t 120 lbs heavier than her picture, doesn’t have a beard or Adam’s apple, and hasn’t ax murdered me yet. Chemistry is great and we actually start making out before I pull out of my parking space. So far so good, OKcupid, you da bomb.

7:15-In the car, things are fine, she’s talking a lot about her modeling job, which is cool, just finished finals in med school, anything that isn’t an enzyme or nerve circuit is welcome.

7:30-Arrive at ice rink and race each other inside, this is fun, literally sprint in to see who can get ice skates first

7:35-Inside and she’s still going about her local modeling career and all the free things the vendors and designers give her. Thrifty, cool. She hasn’t asked anything about me but whatever, she’s cute and I don’t think she has a penis.

8:45-Been skating for a while, I now know about the process of applying “runway makeup”, the time constraints and approximations of changing outfits depending on the number of pieces, and how to adjust hip tilt and swing during a catwalk if your clothing piece is top heavy vs has a long train. I now know every cost approximation of at least 12 different clothing pieces from 3 designers I have never heard of.

8:50-She can’t talk if she’s eating, I suggest we get food. I don’t know the area so she inquires the first thing about me of the night. “Yes, I do like Mexican”. Personal thought: Mexican, like tacos, should be casual and nice for a first date

9:00-We arrive at the place. This is not Taco Bell or Chipotle. 40ft high wooden vaulted ceilings with hanging sheer fabric for ambiance and the swankiest fucking bar I’ve never seen, I read “Cristal” on the neck of the display bottles propped about…isn’t that the shit rappers sing about?

9:03-Sitting down. She’s been bragging for a bit, that despite being a model, she has never done cocaine. Waitress gives me a warm, moist, hand towel to wipe off my hands as I sit down. I’m wondering if I’m in a strange music video. Fuck, the prices are steep, I’ll just have a soda and a salad. She knows everything on the menu by name and what it should be paired with, she’s been here a few times, I wonder if with other guys.

9:30-I would really like some cocaine.

10:20-Michael Kors ain’t got shit on me for knowledge of the fashion industry.

10:30-I have no idea what she ordered but the bill is $105 plus tip. She asks if we should go and I say “yes”, she makes no attempt to pull out her wallet so I bite the tab, trying to conceal my pissed-ness. Should have ordered more than one drink.

10:40-Not too impressed with the date but I walk her to the door. She asks if I want to come in, I’m not used to dating after two long relationships but I know this is a good sign and I get excited and accept…so in we go.

10:41-I meet her mother, in a bathrobe, completely unfazed by my presence. She asks if I know how to fix a light socket.

10:47-Light socket is fixed.

10:50-In her room, score! I’ve seen this in movies before.

11:10-She has taken me through every lotion and perfume and tin of makeup and brush on her vanity and told me the brand, the list price, and how much she actually got it for.

11:20-She is almost finished telling me the brand, location of purchase, and price of every shirt, skirt, pair of pants, and jacket in her closet. She is upset that her friend “stole” a bracelet from her 2 weeks ago, she wonders if I would help her look for it. Haven’t gotten laid in a long time, “yes”.

11:35-She is literally crying, with tears down her cheeks, because I could not find the “stolen” bracelet behind, under, in her dresser/vanity/bathroom/bed/closet/night stands/carpet. If it was stolen why did she ask me to look for it in her room?

11:40-She has stopped crying and suggests we watch a movie. Good, I need to mentally check out for a minute.

11:45-PayPerView, or something, Evil Cabin Zombies in the Woods Dead 27

12:00am-Extensive commentary on the superior quality of acting begins and ensues for the duration of the movie but she says she has a knot in her back and wants me to massage it out, I accept this responsibility

12:30-Her shirt is off and she is dead set on me massaging out a very specific knot on her left shoulder which does not exist. Whatever. Apparently the special effects of the movie should have won a Tony Award or something, I don’t know.

1:00ish-Movie ends, my arms are getting sore, been kissing her sensually for a while, have not been able to get her to A. shut up B. turn over C. actively engage said kissies

1:03-Sequel to Monsters in the Aliens Woods Homiciding Stereotyped Sluts/Cast with Murder 41 begins. My lips are super tingly, from the $72 dollar lotion purchased at Macy’s 2012 Groundhog’s Day sale, that I’ve been using. Still massaging

1:40-Can’t feel arms, or lips, at all

2:00-She starts participating in the making out stuff and politely tells me that for religious reasons she is saving her virginity until marriage. I completely understand, when it comes to faith beliefs like that, I respect whatever choices you make, cool, no hassle, and we start fooling around.

2:30-I am excited, I’ve finished her off about 2 or 3 times, I feel like a champ, but I am still completely clothed and have not been touched in any way, shape, or form. As I am still being all sexy-like, I casually say, “What about me?”

2:31-She informs me that the bathroom is right over there and tells me I can take care of myself in the shower. I think I’ll just hold it

2:45-We’ve been silent, cuddling. Hey, this is nice, I love cuddling, she is comfy, and she’s not talking, this is good.

2:50am-Out of silence, she whispers, “I see demons”

2:52-“Yours are yellow”

2:52 and 12 seconds-I shit myself

3:00-I learn that my demons are angry and she is scared of them (don’t worry, I am too). She tells me that she has been exorcised on two occasions and it’s helped a lot. I don’t inquire as to how much, precisely.

3:05-I try to be supportive because this doesn’t seem like the kind of thing you just go around telling everybody, and more or less keep my mouth shut. God I want to try cocaine.

3:10-Sleep for her, another hour of being stiff as a board and scared before I pass out.

9:00-Her mother knocks and I, all 6’5 220lbs of me, attempts to hide under the blankets. Mother comes in and nonchalantly tells her that they are going to a friend’s house for dinner, asks her if the bearded guy under the blanket wants to come, I decline, I have to go return some overdue video tapes

9:15-I leave to return some overdue video tapes

No, we didn’t go on a second date, we had a pretty typical, anticlimactic dispersion from each other, and haven’t talked since, but it’s okay, because apparently my demons can keep me company.



Here’s another.

This was on OKC, before i met my girlfriend i had talked with a girl and things were going well and we agreed to go on a date.Before the date these were the physical attributes i was lead to believe:

-she’s short (she always had a joke about how she was short she was)

-she had a couple of SMALL tattoos

-She was skinny/average weight

I go to pick her up, and the woman that answered the door was over 6 feet tall with full tattoo sleeves on both arms oh and she was bursting at the seams pregnant…

Because I was so taken back i only said “what the fuck?!?!”. She laughed and said “surprise!!” And her voice was really odd, i wouldn’t even know how to explain it. Before the anger of being lied to set in due to the absolute shock, she told me to come in. I sat on the couch and she yelled at her cats who were literally just laying there doing nothing. At this point the shock had worn off and i was thinking of an exit route…i mean this bitch was monstrously pregnant, and escaping on foot was my only chance. I pointed to the kitchen and asked about a piece hanging on the wall. She turned to look and i ran out the front door.

I’ll just keep them going…

I was on OKCupid when I got a message from a nice girl. She asked me how my day was and I responded. Being polite, I asked her how she was. After about 5 minutes, I get this 2 page response of how she was abused as a child, filled with many graphic details, and how she was going through a PTSD episode at the moment. She also listed all of the screaming night terrors that she had, had within the last month, and the horrific nightmares too. I wasn’t sure how to respond so I just told her that I hope that she would feel better but I wasn’t the match for her. She messaged me later telling me that no one ever wants damaged goods and that I was an ass. I don’t think that she took my rejection well…

I went out with a guy from OKC. It was going pretty well, we went out about 4 times and then decided for our next date we would try shrooms together because he has always wanted to try it. I’ve done it plenty of times and assumed we would just have fun walking around this parade, but they ended being VERY strong. He starts having a religious experience and writing about god in sharpie all over my bathroom walls while reality is shattering around me and I start bawling my eyes out. In the morning we painted my bathroom walls together. We never spoke again. Terrible experience but I’m pretty grateful for the story! TL;DR: We did shrooms and it got weird

Met a guy, who was 29, I was turning 21 at the time. we started talking and clicked pretty well. But over the course of a week, he managed to suggest moving in together, fall in love with me, and hint at adopting my daughter. He had been married before, and it had been four years since his divorce. I was the first girl he dated at that point

He didn’t do much talking in person, however. He just stared. Silently, for inappropriate amounts of time to the point I frequently became uncomfortable.

It was difficult to let him know I was no longer interested. But he took it surprisingly well. He didn’t try to continuously text or call me. He just let me be

Went out with another girl. She seemed pretty cool, but a little on the weird side. But she had good taste in music and was into all the same nerdy shit I was into, so I went with it.

We went on a few dates, made out once. I took her out to dinner and then we went to a gay bar for some karaoke. She left me to go chat with the boys at the bar while I sat alone at a table. They kept buying her drinks and she got more and more drunk while I sat there sipping my beer waiting for her to come back. Eventually a group of college-aged lesbians walk in and she immediately wonders over to them. They all go back outside for a cigarette. I sigh, and finish off my beer. My date and one of the other lesbians come back in and walk towards the back of the bar towards the bathrooms. They stop, and start making out against the wall.

I left, but my date followed me out. She cried and begged for me to not leave her there and that she was drunk and made out with strangers sometimes. All romantic feelings were crushed right then and there, but she and I still hung out as friends for about a month. Then one day she made the moves on me. I declined. She punched out a window and then ran out into the middle of the street and laid down. I drove away and cut off all contact.

We decided to meet for dinner at 7. he was an hour and 45 minutes late. His reason? He was at the gym doing leg day in the single squat rack in the gym, a personal trainer asked him to move so his client could work in, he refused and stood his ground in the squat rack, after 30 minutes of arguing gym management called the police to arbitrate the situation. And after all that he still had to finish his squats because priorities.

We clicked pretty well through messaging and quickly went to texting. We made plans to meet up within a week while he was supposedly traveling through town (he wasn’t – he travelled two hours to me and two hours back – I don’t like guys travelling to me just for a date). We plan to meet at a bookshop (easy to find). He looked nothing like his photos, so I didn’t even recognise him when he came up to me and asked about a book I was thumbing though. He had a really odd voice, too – like, it didn’t match him. Anyway, we decide to get dinner at a place down the street. We’re chatting (a little awkwardly on my part), he asked about a sign across the room, but I couldn’t read it from where we were because I didn’t have my glasses. I asked him what his were for, since we were on the topic, and he reveals they’re actually fake. This kind of weirds me out more, because I don’t really understand wearing frames just because. His “school” ring was also fake. And his humor was kind of unsettling. He kept slipping his hand onto my knee under the table and it creeped me out so much. That’s not something I’d be alright with even if I was into the guy. At this point I’m just trying to find ways to end this (he was actively trying to extend the date). Thank the gods, a friend called me, so I was able to escape with the excuse that something had come up with my roommate. Went to a friend’s place since I was uneasy to the point of not wanting to go straight home.

Ok.. now onto the success stories.

Reddit Online Dating Success Stories

These are pretty self explanatory. I enjoyed reading these because it is proof that even if you’ve had a tough time with online dating so far, there is comfort knowing that your match is out there. Just need to go on enough dates to find them. And *shameless plug* if you’re currently struggling to get dates online, feel free to either visit or apply for our exclusive email list here for world-class dating advice.

Here are some of my favorite success stories:

 I have a small following on the app Vine. A guy comments on one of my posts and I ignore him. He comments again and I continue the thread for a while and he jokingly asks me to be his long distance girlfriend. Once again, I do not respond. He messages me asking what he could do to get me to go out with him in a totally joking way. I was amused so I proposed something I thought no one would do for a random girl on the internet. I said he had to write and perform a rap about me in order to considered as a potential mate. I didn’t hear back from him so I assumed that was the end of that but three days later I received a YouTube link and sure enough there he was, rapping about me. I gave him my phone number, we started skyping, he bought a plane ticket and we spent 10 amazing days together. I’m saving up now to be with him in England for the summer. I really really fucking love that kid.

Met my husband on there and he’s freaking AMAZING. He is the most thoughtful, caring, and loving man I’ve ever encountered. We’ve been together for nearly 7 years now and are expecting our first child in a couple of weeks! I think in 7 years we’ve had like two fights. And I knew I wanted to be with him from date two. It was just a completely magical connection. I still feel so drawn to him too.

Met him on IRC for okcupid. Joked around a little. I had a crush on him because he was hysterical and kinda cynical about other people but not in a really bad way. We exchanged tumblrs and I went so far back into his. Then one night, I got drunk and hit on him on FB and told him his lips were really great. He asked if I was flirting with him and I said yes and a month or so later, we were making out in his bed for hours. We now live together.

Best: my amaaaazzzing SO. Had tindr for like a day and hit it off with some guy about 40 miles away. We had a lot of shared interest, ended up hanging out and now I can’t wait to spend my life with him! He’s incredibly smart, funny, compassionate and more than I could ask for.

Best: Ive shared this before on Reddit. Slightly related.

I ‘met’ a man in r/askmen. The topic was “Men, what’s your Type of woman?” One of the top comments was a set of kinda random and very specific characteristics, something like “chubby, submissive, fetishist sex positive makeup addict who likes drinking beer and eating Mexican food.” I remember thinking “WTF THATS ME”. I commented something smart ass like “you rang?” Not expecting anything really. PMs were exchanged, airline tickets were eventually purchased, some fantastically dirty drunken marathon sex was had. He is one of my dearest friends now.

My Fiance. End of March, slightly warm weather but still early spring. We met at a pizza place for dinner, he was running late, I was super early because I ran a few errands at the same time. I’m 6’2, and on the off chance he lied about his height, I wore 4 inch wedges. He didn’t lie about his height. We chatted through dinner, then went for a lovely walk. I’d had such a great time, I didn’t notice that when we hugged goodbye he had rested his arm on my butt (he had immediately apologized repeatedly), nor did I realize that our walking and talking had caused my wedges to open blisters in my feet.

Met my husband! He’s pretty cool. I’ll probably keep him around. 🙂 Seriously though, I didn’t get how well relationships could work until I met him.

My SO 🙂 he’s an amazing man. Upbeat, caring, protective, loving, masculine, yummy. I met him on OkCupid. He was out of my typical age range (he was 21, I’m 26) when it came to dating, but seeing his profile picture with him in his military uniform, and his stylish nerdy glasses, with his blue eyes. How he wrote pulled me in. He seemed practical, intelligent, cared about his fellow man. We talked online for about a week before we decided to meet up. Typically I met all the guys I dated at the same place, at night. But he suggested coffee and we made it a day-date. We met at Starbucks, I was already there and I saw him enter the building, before he pulled the door open we caught eyes. I just always remember that moment. He came in, sat down, and we just… I don’t know. Clicked. Instantly. Like we’d known each other forever. Tomorrow will be 3 months we’ve been together and we basically live together. He’s moving in to my apartment in April.

A lot of great stories here, both horror & success.

But that’s not all Reddit gave us.

Redditors also gave us their best tips when it came to online dating.

Best Reddit Online Dating Tips

Many Redditors have spent time dropping their best pieces of wisdom when it comes to online dating. Here are some of my favorite:

Take the time to get high quality pictures for your profile. They matter. And get someone to take a picture with you in front of dog. That will skyrocket your results.

Send an opener that stands out from the crowd.

Don’t be afraid to speak your truth and be polarizing.

Emotionally engaging and playful beats logic and interview-style every time.

Don’t be afraid to respectfully disagree with your dates opinions while also stating your case

Teasing is flirting. Do it a lot.

Get good at telling stories in-person and over text.

Use meme’s and GIFs to make your texts funner / more interesting.

And many more.

What Are The Best dating sites, Reddit?

Here’s my experience. Tinder is the younger crowd. Early 20s. Okcupid has most of the crazies. Bumble lies to you and shows you the hottest people that will never swipe on you, but I’ve found the best quality women on bumble when they do match.

To get the most out of these apps you have to have good pictures. You have to be in shape, clean shaven or nicely kept beard, interesting job, good fashion, max of one selfie, and you have to killer texting game. Experiment with all these variables until you get a stable number of matches.

In person may seem more daunting because of approach but it yields better results when you get your shit together. Everything I mention takes time and patience.

I’ve met my most recent ex off of bumble and we were happily together for a little under 3 years, since the break up I’ve had the best luck with Hinge

Personal favourite is Coffee Meets Bagel. The experience is different for men and women, but still mutually beneficial. It slows you down to get a good quality match who you know isn’t talking to hundreds of other folks. The quality of the profiles is much higher.

Here’s a bit of list depending on what you’re looking for and their claim to fame and history. Just compiled it for you for some more ideas. Launched 1994 (app launched in 2010) Matches you with singles who are looking for a relationship, not hook-ups.

eHarmony Launched 2000 (app launched in 2010) Matches you with individuals you might have chemistry with based on a compatibility questionnaire.

Christian Mingle Launched 2001 (app launched in 2014) Matches you with Christians seeking a “God-centred” relationship.

JSwipe (launched 2014) Or JDate (launched 1997) Matches you with Jews

PlentyOfFish Launched 2003 (app launched in 2010) Matches you with People based on your answers to its chemistry test.

OKCupid Launched 2004 (app launched in 2009) Matches you with people with similar personalities and interests, based on questions about your passions and deal-breakers.

Badoo Launched 2006 Matches you with people you’ve indicated you’ve liked via a heart icon in response to name, age and how many interests you have in common, among other features.

Grindr Launched 2009 Matches you with gay, bi, trans and queer people in the area.

Hinge Launched 2012 Matches you with people the app suggests based on profiles you’ve liked, among other features.

Tinder Launched 2012 Matches you with anyone you find attractive enough.

Coffee Meets Bagel Launched 2012 Matches you with people the app’s algorithm thinks you might be interested in.

Her Launched 2013 Matches you with lesbian, queer, bisexual and bi-curious women.

Down Launched 2013 Matches you with people looking for casual relationships.

Happn Launched 2014 Matches you with people you’ve crossed paths with using geolocation data.

Bumble Launched 2014 Matches you with people in the area. For heterosexual matches, women have to make the first move.

Feeld Launched 2014 Matches you with people interested in kink, polyamory and alternative sexual preferences.

Clover Launched 2014 Matches you with people who give attractive answers to a game of 20 Questions based on personality traits.

Pure Launched 2014 Matches you with anyone who is interested in you, but you only have an hour to communicate before the user’s profile and all communication vanishes from your inbox.

The League Launched 2015 Matches you with other members based on career status, but the app only accepts 10 to 20 per cent of people who sign up.

Tastebuds Launched 2015 Matches you with people who share your tastes in music.

Hater Launched 2016 Matches you with people who despise the same things you do.

Sapio Launched 2016 Matches you with people with your desired level of intelligence.

Wingman Launched 2017 Matches you with people your friends have vetted.

Zoe Launched 2017 Matches you with lesbian, queer and bisexual women.

Dig Launched 2018 Matches you with fellow dog lovers.

Dine launched 2017 Matches you on dinner dates

I had better dates with coffee meets bagel. Currently with this guy, absolutely the best. I didn’t think we’d have anything in common, turns out we have similar interests and we’ve been dating now for 4 months. Best of luck!

Is Online Dating Worth it, Reddit?

Yes, to a degree. It’s by no means a perfect solution..but as an adult, professional, working man with a strict no-office-dating rule and limited free time to “get out there”, it really does help.

You get to examine the profile, the photos, etc, and decide if based on initial attraction it is worth reaching out. If it is, and it goes well, it’s great. No friend zoned head games that can happen with non-internet meetings. You can also tell MORE about the person in several ways: can they spell? Are they articulate? Can they write? This indicates intelligence, wit, and hopefully a lack of cliches and a wealth of original thought. Are they taking car or bathroom selfies? Lifestyle selfies? Is the smile genuine or forced? Sometimes in other meetings these kind of things take too long to emerge, but with internet dating you get hints right away.

I know more than one married couple that met via internet dating. So it works sometimes.

But yes, you do have to weed through a lot of chaff before you get to the wheat.

Is it worth it for me? Yes, when I’m on it. Over the past 4 years, I’ve been on and off with it, but it has helped me out with confidence and gauge where I am looks-wise. I’ve also made some decent friends along the way and have had my share of weirdos too.

I’d say in that time, I’ve dated close to ~35 women with majority being one off coffee dates. In hindsight, I can only say about 2-3 of them were relationship-material for myself. In that sense, I’ve gotten pretty adept at just asking for the first date and being a guy that was always shy, it has helped.

Negatively, as a guy, it’s a decent $$ investment and, if you do it enough, it adds up. Since I usually pick up the first date, I can gauge where there at. Do they offer to split? Reasonable ordering? Another negative (for me at least), is the fetisization of my ethnicity. I’m African American and I can’t tell you how many Caucasian women sought me out for that and I used to subletely allude to it and they in someway or the other, “confessed” it. Definitely seemed some like the idea of dating one, but not necessarily seriously or even semi-seriously.

Right now, I’m taking a break to focus on school and any date I get at the moment is either through casual social media, friends, or from a night out.

For tinder especially, I don’t see a point in not doing it. I don’t read any profile or any of that shit. I just swipe right on everyone, and superlike the girl showing the most cleavage daily. It takes literally less than 2 minutes. If I match with someone I don’t find attractive, unmatch. If I like the girl, I send a message and see what’s what. 9/10 times they ghost, but whatever, you then know they’re horrible human beings and move on.

Just like anything there are success and failures. The way I look at it the successes are great and the failures always teach you something about yourself. But yeah I meet how women and take them to do things I myself find fun. That makes it worth it to me. Rarely does it go anywhere emotionally but you meet cool people and sometimes get laid.
You do actually have to put in some effort. Write a decent bio that makes you sound interesting, use good quality pictures that show your face and body, don’t act thirsty you have to get a conversation to flow before asking to meet up. It’s really simple stuff but so many people just punt and don’t understand why it doesn’t pan out for them.

Absolutely worth the effort. I got a lot of experience and feedback in how I present myself as well as experience with dating itself. Having gone into online dating without a lot of experience and most of them bad, using it to find my way was absolutely worth it and is up there with one of the better decisions of my life.

I’ve found it worthwhile, but as with all things, you have to put the work in. I’ve found most people who are constantly complaining about online dating are the ones who are expecting the guy/girl of their dreams to appear out of the ether and beg them for a date.

Just like real world dating, you have to put yourself out there, accept that a lot of people will turn you down/not even bother to respond. You’ve also got to be realistic. I’m a pretty average looking guy in a pretty average career. I’m not expecting to get millionaire supermodels fawning over me

I’m polyamorous. Polyamory is not uncommon, but it’s only a small portion of the population right now. So you can imagine it’s not especially easy to find people who are compatible.

Yet, I’ve had plenty of luck online. Of the three girls I’m with now, two of them I found on OkCupid (which honestly used to be much better, but is still pretty good, and also thankfully free). One of those relationships has lasted over a half a decade so far, and is still going strong. I’ve had a good amount of success with it in the past too.

So yeah, online dating is absolutely worth it.

So there you have it. Reddit has spoken. And the general consensus is that yes, online dating is worth it. You just need to learn the basics and apply yourself, just like anything else in life.

With that being said, if you’re someone who is serious about taking your dating life to the next level right this very second, feel free to visit or apply for our exclusive email list for world-class dating tips & answers to your questions in real time.


Online Dating

She Never Texts First | 3 Reasons Why She Never Texts First

So, she never texts first.

Which sucks.

I mean, could you imagine her beautiful little head resting softly on your manly, perfectly-placed shoulder? Or her sweet, angelic scent fluttering softly by your nostrils on a sunlit, Tuesday evening?

Of course you can. Because she’s a great girl.

The only problem is…

You’re thinking to yourself “I think she likes me, but she never texts first”.

And the question you’re left wondering is…

#whybro? Why won’t she text me first?

She Never Texts First Because…

There can be multiple different reasons for why she never texts first, and these largely depend on the type of relationship that you currently have with her.

For the sake of this article, I am going to break down the 3 most common situations that guys find themselves in when she never texts first.

And after I break down those situations, I’m going to reveal to you some of my most powerful secrets that will help you flip the power dynamic and get her staring at her phone all night long, impatiently waiting for YOUR texts to show up in HER inbox.

So let’s begin.

The 3 Most Common “She Never Texts First” Situations

There are a few different situations you can find yourself in if she never texts first.

Each of these situations will have the same reason for her never texting you first, but the path on how to climb out of the “she never texts first” hole will be different depending on which situation you’ve found yourself in.

So, what’s the most common reason for why she never texts first?

It’s because you aren’t being perceived “high value” enough for her to text you first.

This means that the amount of fun you can provide to her and/or the attraction she currently has for you isn’t yet powerful enough to “pull” her into texting you first. This power needs to be created.

But the good news is, you can create that “pull”. That attraction.

And we will go over exactly how to fix the “she never texts me first” issue right now.

If you’re currently struggling because she never texts you first, you are likely going to be in one of these 3 situations:

#1 – You just started talking to her and you guys are still getting to know each other

#2 – You have known for her a while but are just friends

#3 – You have known her for a while and have either hooked up with her or are hooking up with her consistently

Each of these 3 situations will have a different dynamic to them, and can help you determine if her not texting you first is even a problem in the first place, and if it is, how to fix it.

#1 – You Just Started Talking & Are Still Getting To Know Each Other

If you have only recently began talking to her, because you either met her out somewhere or matched with her on an online dating app, then her never texting first shouldn’t be too concerning.


Before we go any further, I want to stress how important it is to always keep the results you are getting in mind.

This means that if your goal is to hang out with her, and she is actively hanging out with you when you offer to make plans, then maybe her never texting first isn’t an issue at all. And the real issue could be your level of self-worth, and feeling like she doesn’t like you just because she never texts first. Which could be untrue.

The only time her never texting first should be concerning to you is if you aren’t getting the results you want from the relationship.

Meaning, if you want to hang out with her – but she’s either cold to you when you text her or never agrees to hang out – then it’s an issue.

If that’s the case, then her not texting you first is likely because she is simply uninterested. Or, she is just “being nice” and doesn’t want to hurt your feelings by ghosting you.

But there are some nuances to this.

She Never Texts First Because She Likes A Man That Pursues Her Properly

A lot of girls are really attracted by a man who knows how to properly pursue her in the initial phases of a relationship. So in a lot of cases, she will be waiting for you to text her first to initiate a conversation – all so she can feel wanted.

The truth is, when you are first texting and flirting with a girl – unless your text game is off the charts (which I show you how to do when you’re part of my exclusive email list) – a lot of those early conversations will involve you sending the first message. Which is normal.

That being said, if your text game is really strong, you can actually get it to the point where one day the power dynamic will switch. And instead of you wondering why she never texts YOU first, SHE will be wondering why you never text HER first. And will be staying up at night wondering if you like her or not.

She Never Texts First Because You Haven’t Shown Any Romantic Interest

If you’ve just began talking to her and she isn’t texting you first, you could have an issue with stating your intentions with her.

Maybe she has really enjoyed the conversations you guys have had, but she is still unsure if you are interested in her romantically because you’ve never made a sexual joke, or have shown any sort of romantic interest. AKA you’ve set yourself up for the friend zone.

If this is the case, then she will have no incentive to text you because she doesn’t think the flirting will be fun or that it could ever lead to hooking up or sex. Which is no fun for her. In this situation, she fears she will be caught up in a boring conversation that never goes anywhere.

If this sounds familiar, you need to let her know you are attracted to her, but do so in an indirect, flirty way.

Make your intentions known in a playful way, but don’t come on too strong.

#2 – You Have Known Her For A While But Are Just Friends

There are a couple different situations you can find yourself in if you’ve known her a while and she never texts first.

The first one may be that you’ve made her a friend by choice. And have no plans or intentions of hooking up with her.

If you’ve made her a friend by choice, then her not texting you first is not a big deal. And is simply because you’re either not exciting enough to text or because you have nothing going on.

Your Friend (Who’s A Girl) Never Texts First

If your friend – who’s a girl – never texts you first, then you need to have something of value to offer her for her to text you first. She needs a reason.

Meaning, If you were super exciting to talk to and she had a blast every time she talked to you, and then you suddenly stopped the conversation, she would eventually text you first.

On that same note, if you had an awesome house party planned and invited all of her friends but not her – she would text you first.

Make sense?

You need to create a reason for why she would text you first.

And one of the easiest ways to to do this (powerful secret alert) is to suddenly stop texting her at some high point in the conversation. And then don’t text her again until she texts you first.

Being able to create a high point emotionally in the conversation (by making her laugh or flirting) and then cutting off the conversation with your absence is a great way to give her a reason to text you first.


Because you were the one that left the conversation, so for the time being, you have the power position. Which raises your value. And will also raise the likelihood that she will texr you first. So if you’re not ghosting her randomly for a day or two – start.

The Dreaded “Friend Zone”

The second situation you may find yourself in is that you are in the friendzone but don’t want to be. And you want to eventually hook up with her.

If you’re currently in the friendzone, do want to eventually hook up with her, and are thinking “she never texts me first”….

Then you have a big issue with stating your intentions and showing interest.

And the way to get out of that?

Become a dude who doesn’t care what people think.

She Never Texts First Because You’re At The Bottom of The Friend Zone

If this applies to you, I will be honest with you right now because you need it: this is the worst possible position to be in with a woman.

If you’re currently in the friend zone and don’t want to be, then you have some strides to make in the way you attract women.

You are most likely the stereotypical “nice guy” that wants to be “different than the assholes” and think the way to a woman’s pants is by “treating her like a princess unlike all those other mean guys”.

If this sounds like you, you are in trouble.

Because at this point, the only way to get her to text you first is to let her go for the time being, make some serious personal improvements, and then come back again with the skills of playfully showing interest in her and providing her value in the form of fun and flirtation.

If you are interested in learning those skills, I go over how to master them step by step on my exclusive email list, and will be sharing more in a later article.

#3 – You Have Known Her For A While And Have Hooked Up With Her At Least Once

If you’ve known her for a while, have hooked up with her at least once, and are currently thinking “she never texts me first…”.

Then you’re actually not in a bad position.

The fact that you’ve hooked up with her before means you were able to demonstrate enough value to be someone that she hooked up with. And by getting yourself to this point, you have already done 80% of the work.

On top of that, if you’re consistently hooking up with her and you guys text often, then her not texting you first could simply be the pattern you’ve established in the relationship.

She Never Texts First Because Of The Patten You’ve Established

There have been plenty of casual relationships I have been in where the girl never really texted me first because our routine was me texting her around 5pm on a Friday, us hanging out for the weekend and hooking up, and then only casually texting the rest of the week after that. And that was completely normal for us.

Again, we need to first decide if her not texting you first is even an issue by looking at the results you’re getting with her.

If she is being friendly to you and coming over when you ask her to, like my relationship above, then there’s no issue with her not texting you first.

But, if she’s cold and short over text – when you want to hook up with her again – then there is obviously an issue.

The answer to this situation, as well as all the others, is simple: You need to increase your value in her life by making yourself more relevant.

And you can do this by improving your text game, hosting events, or simply getting creative on ways to offer her value in her life. All of which I cover step by step on my exclusive email list.

If you have any additional questions, feel free to comment on this post, visit or shoot me an email at

Best of luck,


Online Dating

How To Text A Girl Completely Step By Step (With Real-World Examples)

How To Text A Girl Completely Step By Step (With Real-World Examples)

Ahhh, texting pretty girls.

One of the simple pleasures of life.

Could you imagine how boss you’d feel if you woke up in the morning to 5-10 “Good morning!” or “I miss you!” texts every single day? From women you used to think were way out of your league?

That’s exactly what happened to me, lol.

I literally woke up one day to about 7 “Good morning!” texts from girls that any guy would be STOKED to go steady with. And it was in that exact moment that I realized the ultimate power that being good at texting girls comes with.

Because when you get your text game to a certain point by practicing the principles i’m about to drop in this article, you’ll no longer be struggling to get a laugh out of her and hoping to just keep the conversation alive. HELL no.

Instead, you’ll be saying to yourself “these women are literally begging me to text them all throughout the day and it’s taking up way too much of my time. I need to cut this back ASAP!”.

And I’m about to teach you exactly how to get to that point in your text game…

Step by step.

And if you like this article, make sure to check out this free training for more. I think you’ll love it.

So without further adieu…

Let’s begin.

Getting Good At Texting Girls Will Literally Change Your Life

I promise you that.

Because not only is texting hot women enjoyable, but it’s also one of the most important tools every guy needs to bring his dating life to an entirely new level. It’s quite literally make-or-break for your success.

Being able to spike a women’s emotions over text – and keep her engaged & entertained – is what separates the guys that date multiple beautiful women at a time vs. the guys that end up settling for any below-average woman in both the looks and personality department. All the while secretly hoping they could find someone better to be with.

Texting A Girl Is Easy When You Have The Right Framework

And although texting a girl may seem complicated, it’s actually extremely simple when broken down to a few key principles of which i’m going to share with you in just a moment.

But remember:

Although these principles are simple, they are not to be underestimated.

Because i’d go so far as to say that nowadays – being able to keep a girl engaged and entertained over text is SO important, that if you can’t get this part of the equation down to a T, it will be extremely hard for you to find and maintain the types of relationships that you truly want.

And sadly, so many guys either get this part of the equation wrong, or just flat out ignore it. Hoping some random hot girl will somehow see their value without them actually communicating it.


Before we get into the the actual texting tactics and principles, I want to first spend some time going over the mindset and strategy of openers.


Because I love you.

Oh, and because how you open the conversation is important.

How To text A Girl: The Mindset & Tactics For Mastering The Opener

If you’re a dude who’s in the dating scene, chances are that you’re going to be sending the first message to woman a large majority of the time.

Even on Bumble, where girls are technically supposed to “send the first message” to guys, it is us as men who are the ones actually sending the first message to the girls – by conveying to them who we are in our profile.

So even though some of these apps will have girls sending you the first message, understand you are always sending non-verbal messages by how you are presenting yourself on your profile. And these girls are CHOOSING you by the non-verbal messages you are already sending.

So what does this mean?

This means get your profile right.

Post an ad on craigslist telling some college kid to take portrait pics of you doing cool things so he can have pictures to add to his portfolio.

Tell your buddy with the new Iphone you want to practice your photography skills so you’ll take pictures of him – and then ask for some pictures in return since you’re already there.

The point is, just exert a little effort and energy to get some high-quality pictures that frame you in a cool way. And almost more importantly, GET A PICTURE WITH A DOG.

Do whatever you can to have someone take a picture of you with a cute little pooch. Or two, in my case.

It will benefit you greatly.

And once your profile says “this is a cool guy that likes dogs”…

It’s time to send. That. Text.

So let’s begin.

But first, it is important to keep these couple things in mind when you are sending her the first message:

#1 – she gets a ton of messages every single day, and a lot of them are boring and involve little to no effort.

If a girl is moderately attractive, she is going to be receiving a ton of messages from guys that flat-out suck. Stuff like “hey” “hi” or something along the lines of “you’re hot”.

I have seen this a million times.

On a first tinder date, I will usually – out of genuine curiosity – ask a girl what she specifically liked about my profile or the messages I was sending her.

And 9 times out of 10, the girl will mention something along the lines of how she immediately knew I was different from my opener, and how that creativity made her see me through rose-colored glasses.

She will then proceed to show me the hundreds of other boring messages that lie unopened in her”tinder graveyard” from dudes that obviously have never read this article.

Every hot girl as one.

A graveyard of boring texts, that is.

But guess what?

This is a good thing.

It’s a good thing because while all other guys are sending lame and boring messages, you are being given a massive opportunity to stand out using your fantastic personality. And you need to take this opportunity to stand out from the crowd.

If you do, you will be rewarded for it eventually.

Let’s move on.

Here’s the second thing to keep in mind.

#2 – the few guys who are sending more playful openers are usually using canned, seen-it-before lines

The second thing to keep in mind is that the small percentage of guys who are actually putting a little effort into their openers are usually sending ones that are entertaining but unoriginal.

This presents another opportunity to use an original opener on her that will completely blow her mind.

“But Grant, how can I create a completely original opener when I have the creativity of a bag of rolled oats?”

Well, lucky for you, it’s not actually that hard.

Because creating a completely original opener isn’t that hard to do once you have a couple frameworks you can pull from.

How To Create Completely Original Text Openers That No Man Has Ever Sent Before

Harnessed with your newfound “creative text principles”, girls will have no choice but to message you back with lines like “hahaha OMG” “props for creativity” or “I literally spilled coffee all over my brand new wedding dress laughing so hard. Guess I can’t get married now!”.

Ok, the last one would be kind of weird to get. But if you did get it…

You’d know it was a damn good opener.


The easiest creative openers to use are ones that either make a pun of her name while showing playful / sarcastic intention, or mentioning something about her or her profile that you can relate to and exaggerate.

Example if her name is Lacie.

Opener: *Sends tinder opener while putting on gym shorts and Lacie’ing up my shoes 2 run 2 u* Please have a towel ready for me :). Oh and also please wear red to dinner. I’ll bring the wine.

This was an actual opener that ended up in a 3ish month relationship.

To do something like this one, make a simple pun with her name that also shows intent (like you’re sarcastically saying you’re going to run to her to show interest) and include something bold like an over-the-top assumption of a future plan.

Besides that one, another opener technique is taking something you see on her profile and creating a small story out of it while also adding something random and playful.

Here’s one i’ve sent to a girl who had a bunch of skiing stuff on her profile that worked:

Example: *World class skier checking in* Oh hey there, name’s Chad. I don’t want to brag, but i’ve made millions of dollars skiing all across the country. And have spent all of my earnings on very smooth tables made of rich, Siberian teak. *inserts GIF about tables*.

This was another opener that turned into a date as well.

The goal was to start the conversation by talking about something she’s familiar with while also injecting a little humor in the form of irony and randomness. (Like calling myself a Chad).

These little story openers can become very valuable to you because when you get better at them, you will notice yourself being able to go on sarcastic, over-the-top stories that get laughs for days on actual dates. But that is for another article.

Another great way to open is by conveying over-the-top interest while purposely messing it up. This one causes girl’s emotions to spike very, very quickly. Which is a good thing if you want to stand out. (which you do).

Here’s an example:

Let’s say she has a dog in her profile.

You can say something like:

Example: OMG I want 2 pet your cute little nip RIGHT NOW!



and then send a GIF with a guy putting his hand over his face.

Sending something over-the-top like “I want to pet your nip” will get her attention, and then saying it was an accident and bringing it back to some other normal statement (like you actually wanted to pet her dog) is a fantastic way to spike her emotions while also putting an image of you two being intimate into her head.

Quick Note On Staying Positive When You Don’t Get Responded to:

Note: It is important to keep in mind that even if you’re the most gorgeous man on the planet with the world’s best openers, you will still not get responses. A good rule of thumb is that 30% won’t respond, 30% will respond with something short, and 30% will respond enthusiastically.

This means that there will be a lot of times when you simply won’t get a response. And that’s okay.

Understand it is a numbers game and if at any time you don’t get a response, just categorize that non-response into the 30% that would have never replied to you anyway due to some unknown, outside factor. Don’t take it personally and move on to the next one.

Make sense?

So now that you know how to text a girl an opener…

Let’s move on to the opener follow-up. AKA the actual meat-and-potatoes of texting a girl.

How To Text A Girl: Following Up If You Don’t Get A Response

There has been a lot of times where a girl will originally not respond to my opener, and then later respond to my follow-up messages and eventually go on a date with me. These types of things do happen.

To give yourself the best chance for success, I would recommend following up with girls that don’t message you back another 1-2 times without being creepy. Try to make these messages as dramatic and funny as possible.

If a girl doesn’t respond, I will often circle back around about a week later and say something that refers to my profile like “I knew you hated gorgeous puppers – we will save a moment of silence 4 u” (referring to the dogs on my profile) or something along the lines of me calling it out and then saying something light and playful.

If she then doesn’t respond to this, I will usually send one more message a few days later along the lines of “Remember when we almost talked? I do” and if she doesn’t respond to that, I let it go and move on.

Again, 30% of the messages you send will never get a response anyway. Just move on.

The key here is understanding that following up and double-texting is okay if it’s providing value in the form of humor and staying light. If you follow up with messages like “why didn’t you text me” then you are killing your chances by showing you being butthurt.

Following up is okay and can still work for you, being needy / creepy will not.

So, we’ve covered the basics of opening women on dating apps. Which is very important.

But more important than the opener is how we continue the text conversation with women over time. Because how you go about the conversation will literally make or break your success.

Let’s begin.

The 3 Keys To Texting A Girl Like A Boss

When it comes to texting a girl like a boss, we can boil it down to 3 essential principles:

#1: Always keep the conversation moving towards something

#2: Consistently bounce between funny texts (that highlight your personality) & serious texts (that build trust and connection)

#3: Know when to strategically not text her back

To keep the article super simple, i’m going to be separating each of these 3 principles into a different part of the article while breaking them down step-by-step.

If you have any additional questions that you feel like I missed, or you want someone to help you individually, don’t hesitate a second to either check out this free training or shoot me an email at Would love to help you out.

Now let’s make you a texting god.

Text-God Principle #1: Always Keep The Conversation Moving Towards Something

There’s a reason this principle is #1.

And the reason is because no matter how funny or smooth you are over text, if you aren’t moving things forward, you won’t get results. It’s that simple.

I’ll try to explain this in the simplest way possible.

Let’s say you have a BIG RED BALL on one end of a football field. And your goal is to get the BIG RED BALL into the endzone. AKA to the other end of the football field.

What do you need to do to get the BIG RED BALL into the endzone?

You need to actually move it forward.

Because if you don’t push the ball forward, it’s literally just going to sit there and not move at all. Quite literally never getting to the destination you want it to be at. You need to move a ball for a ball to move.

In the same way, if your goal is to get a woman to go on a date with you over text, you need to continually push the conversation forward towards her agreeing with you to go on a date. Does that make sense?

Because if you aren’t moving anything forward, you are quite literally wasting your time.

“But Grant, what the hell does it mean to move the conversation forward? And how the hell do I do it?”

Great question, young grasshopper. Let’s answer that riiiiiigghhtttt Now.

How To Move A Text Conversation Forward (Even If You Were Born Without Hands & Still Live In Your Mother’s Basement)

To move something forward means to move something towards something.

And to do that, you first need to choose something to push towards. Otherwise there’s no forwards or backwards, if that makes sense.

For the sake of this article, we’ll choose going on a date with a woman as our goal / end destination. So this means that every text we send should be moving us closer to getting us on a date with that woman.

Still with me?

“But Grant, how do I know if I’m getting myself closer to going on a date with her? I mean, I’m not even 100% sure that I regularly put detergent in the washing machine the right way!”.

To be fair, i’m still not sure if I put detergent in the right way either. But my clothes do come out clean – and they smell good – so I figure if it’s not broken don’t fix it.

Moving on.

To figure out if we’re moving the conversation in the right direction, we first need to ask ourselves this question:

“What would it take for a women to go on a date with a guy if she’s never met him in person?”

And we can use the answers to this question as “markers” for determining whether we are moving the conversation in the right direction or not.

To make it absurdly simple, a women will agree to go on a date with a guy she’s never met before if she:

Intuitively feels like the guy won’t put her in danger when meeting her in person

Thinks the date with the guy will be more fun than other things she could be doing that day

It’s really that simple.

So to “move the conversation forward”, you will simply need to text her things that will either build her trust in you (and make her feel safe and comfortable with you)…

OR text her things that will make her think of you as a fun person (by making good jokes & using good memes over text. (Which we are about to get into).

If you can always, with every text either make her think you’re a little more fun than other guys or simply get her to trust you a little more by sharing relatable stories about yourself – you will have mastered principle #1.

Text-God Principle #2: Consistently Bounce Between Funny Texts (That Highlight Personality) & Serious Texts (That Build Trust)

Now that we know we need to make her think we are more fun than other guys while also building trust with her (so she knows we won’t cut her feet off and sell them on the Chinese black market during our first date…)

We need to execute.

And we do this by being funny AF & sharing vulnerable stories about ourselves.

“But Grant, how do I know whether to be funny or whether to be serious? And how do I know when to switch to the other one?”.

Again, another great god damn question. You’re really paying attention, aren’t you?

But before I answer that, I want you to first think about texting a girl like trying to manage two different trains that are going down two separate tracks.

Track #1 has a train that is going towards comfort village.

And track #2 has a train that is going towards funtopia.

With both of these destinations in mind – getting train #1 to comfort village so she feels comfortable enough to meet you in person – and getting train #2 to funtopia so she thinks going on a date with you will be more fun than running her errands or watching netflix – we can begin to manage these trains and make sure that they get where they need to go. But how do we do this?

Let’s focus on comfort first.

For her to be comfortable with you, she needs to think that you are 1) similar to her in some way and 2) being genuine with what you are saying.

With this in mind, achieving comfort can be done by first asking “qualifying questions”, and then telling her personal stories that relate to either her personal values, interests, experiences, likes, dislikes, ways to spend time, etc. Literally anything that you guys have in common.

A good rule of thumb is that the more commonalities you have with her – the better the fit you guys will be. But with that in mind, it is also VERY IMPORTANT not to just respond with “Omg I love that too!” to everything she says. Because you will kill your perceived value and kill your chances of getting her on a date.

Here’s an example of how to establish a commonality correctly with a real example: (Insert my own pics) (qualifying question, commanility / judgement, humor)

—- the next train we need to worry about is the one heading towards funtopia. To get this train to it’s destination, you’re going to want to tell engaging stories, use memes, GIFs & puns, and use hyper-exaggeration and friendly sarcasm whenever you can without looking like a dancing monkey.

I use these things all the time to tremendous success. And I OFTEN have girls thanking me for being so entertaining to talk to, because they hate how boring / serious the majority of their conversations are online.

So if you are afraid to say some crazy shit to a girl you think is hot, just try it out. She will literally end up thanking you if you do it right.

How To Be Funny When You’re Texting A Girl (You Won’t Find This Anywhere Else)

Being funny is insanely important when it comes to attracting women. And even more important when it comes to texting them.

In fact, being funny is so insanely powerful that mastering the skill of humor can fast-track your dating success to heights you’ve never thought possible.

The reason?

It is something of VALUE that not many guys can do. So being able to get genuine laughs out of her will put you in a category that very few men can enter. And this is actually an area you can out-compete other men on.

This topic is so deep that I’ll be writing a separate article on it, but for the sake of this article, I’m going to simplify being funny over text into a few different categories that will tremendously help you out.

#1 – Wordplay that shows intention in a playful manner

#2 – Using Gifs to be melodramatic

#3 – randomness and hyper-specificity

Each of these simple 3 things will help you take your text game to the next level. So let’s start with #1.

How To Text A Girl Something Funny #1: Use Wordplay That Shows Intention In A Playful Manner

This is one of my go-to texts because it works so god damn well.

It works well because it’s playful, fun, creative, witty, and also honest. Because I am basically telling the girl I want her and am attracted to her.

They key here is that after you use what I am about to show you, you follow it up with a serious text that relates back to the conversation. Like this. The girl will say something and then I willow follow it up with a value text (being funny and showing her that I like her) and then another text that will keep the conversation going.

Girl: Omg I just spilled coffee all over my carpet!

Guy: I want 2 spill something all over your carpet 😉

Guy: Lol do you have stuff to clean it up? I spilled coffee on my carpet last week and the stain sort of looks like Albert Einsetin.

See how that works?

The first text “I want 2 spill something all over your carpet ;)” is obviously an innuendo that means I want to bust a nut on her carpet. This is obviously a joke (sort of) and works because I am using the exact words she used while also showing my interest in her in a playful manner. And the next text is equally important.

The next text “lol do you have stuff to clean up? I spilled coffee on my carpet last week and the stain sort of looks like Albert Einsetin” is continuing the conversation by being genuinely interested in her life situation while also again keep it fun and playful with a comment about how my stain looks like Ole’ Alby.

Her next texts in response to those two that I sent her will be something like “Omg you’re crazy” followed by “Yes thank god I have x and x cleaning supplies. And Albert Einstein? How was that the first person that came to mind?”

And then the convo continues.

How To Text A Girl Something Funny #2: Use GIFS to be melodramatic

Gifs are insanely powerful when it comes to texting. And although you can use them a million different ways, I’ve found that one of the most common ways I use them is by reacting completely over-the-top to some weird opinion she has and then following it up with a GIF that accompanies what I just said.

These are easy to do when a girl has a strange opinion on something (which they all do) that you can combat with your own opinion.

Doing this allows you to keep the conversation playful while also teasing her a little bit and showing her that you’re not afraid to offend her (which raises your value).

This is what it looks like:

Girl: Sundays don’t count as the weekend!

Guy: lol WHAT?! It quite literally a WEEKEND day lmao. Could you imagine how terrible the world would be if we all started slaving away again on a Sunday? *sends GIF of something work or labor-related*.

This text does a lot of things at once that are all good things.

Among a bunch of other things, it tells her she’s wrong in a playful way while also setting up the use of an over-dramatic GIF of someone slaving away at work with a really sad or tired face. In this case, the GIF is being used to express a message that’s taken to an over-the-top level.

This is really good because it gives her a lot of ways to respond, and getting into a playful debate about something irrelevant (like whether Sunday should count as part of the weekend or not) will build tension with her which makes keeping the conversation going much easier.

There are many different ways to use GIFs, but using them in a hyperbolic, over-the-top way is one of the best.

How To Text A Girl Something Funny #3: Randomness and hyper-specificity

Randomness and hyper-specificity is the easiest way to become funnier over text. And I have no idea why guys don’t train this simple humor technique to make themselves just a little bit funnier.

Using randomness and hyper-specificity can make the most boring of all statements more interesting and at least moderately funny. Here’s an example of how:

Statement: I went to the park and walked my dog.

“I went to the park and walked my dog” is how a lot of guys would tell a girl about what they did. The problem? It’s normal, boring, and doesn’t put any exciting images into her mind.

This in my opinion is where guys mess up the most. Instead of throwing some “spice” or “flair” onto the things they say in text and in person, they give the girl a baseline, straightforward statement that does nothing for anyone. So here is how you can incorporate randomness and specificity into your own texts.

Boring statement: I went to the park and walked my dog.

Boring statement transformed into a fun statement with some randomness and hyper-specificity.

Fun statement: I just took Spot to LA’s classiest dog park lol he loved it. He was smiling the entire time like a little Asian kid getting his first math book for Christmas.

See the difference?

The second text spikes emotions WAY more than the first one. And it also puts multiple different images inside of the girl’s head while also confidently violating social norms (aka HUMOR) by making a clearly stereotypical joke about asians and math.

Now before you say “omg that’s so racist” just understand it is a JOKE. And if you’re the type of person that is getting offended by jokes like that, then you are the very person who is going to STRUGGLE getting consistent dates with beautiful women.

If it makes you feel any better, you could also say something like “smiling more than an American with a cheeseburger” or anything you’d like.

The point is, walk verbal lines confidently and use over-dramatic scenarios to be a little funnier. But also know what type of women you’re talking to. Meaning, I’m at a point of my life where I will only talk to women that have a great sense of humor. So I will actively say things like that disqualify the women I don’t want in my life.


If you are a guy who is just trying to get laid, over-the-top humor like that may be counterproductive if the girl is lower on the intelligence scale or just doesn’t have a sense of humor. So you want to get a feel for who you’re talking to and be able to adapt to give her what she wants.

Text-God Principle #3: Know When To Strategically Not Text Her Back (This Is Where Guys Mess Up The Most)

This may sound counter-intuitive, but listen up:

Knowing when to not text her back / when to end the conversation will be one of the most important skills you can learn to develop when it comes to texting girls.

The reason is because if you let the conversation fizzle out, you’re dead. Game over. And it’s actually a lose-lose for both of you.


Because at that point, you’ve sacrificed your value by showing her that you’re a boring cuck who can’t keep a conversation going to save his life. And because of that, she will want nothing to do with you.

Harsh, but true.


A conversation “fizzling out” is the #1 most important thing to avoid at all possible costs. Cut the conversation off before it fizzles out.

Avoiding a fizzle out is so vitally important that you can literally ghost her for a week right before the conversation fizzles out without any explanation (and then text her again out of the blue a week later) and that will still leave you in a MUCH better position than allowing the conversation to actually fizzle out.


Because when you don’t let the conversation fizzle out, you’re keeping your value. And taking her power away.

So instead of HER deciding that the conversation is boring and ending it when she wants, YOU are going to decide the conversation is boring first and end it before she does.

This is crucially important. And you will get better at it with time.

Does a high-value dude sit around having boring text conversations all day?

Hell no.

When something gets boring, he just leaves and does his own thing.

So start acting like a high-value dude.

Keep in mind: You should get your life to a point where you genuinely won’t want to participate in boring text conversations, so you not continuing them will become completely natural. If your life isn’t at that point yet, you will have to simply think like someone who is there, while also working 24/7 to get yourself to that point.

So please, for god sakes, promise me that the MOMENT you feel the conversation begin to fizzle out…

You either A) make one more last-ditch effort to revive the convo, and if she doesn’t make it more fun with a good response, ignore her next text for a day and then pick it up when you want..

Or B) just don’t respond to her text the moment it begins to fizzle out and continue or restart the convo the next day.

You will both be glad you did.

Do you have any more questions?

Feel free to send me an email at or check out this free training if you’d like.

Keep killin’ it,