How To Text A Girl Completely Step By Step (With Real-World Examples)
Ahhh, texting pretty girls.
One of the simple pleasures of life.
Could you imagine how boss you’d feel if you woke up in the morning to 5-10 “Good morning!” or “I miss you!” texts every single day? From women you used to think were way out of your league?
That’s exactly what happened to me, lol.
I literally woke up one day to about 7 “Good morning!” texts from girls that any guy would be STOKED to go steady with. And it was in that exact moment that I realized the ultimate power that being good at texting girls comes with.
Because when you get your text game to a certain point by practicing the principles i’m about to drop in this article, you’ll no longer be struggling to get a laugh out of her and hoping to just keep the conversation alive. HELL no.
Instead, you’ll be saying to yourself “these women are literally begging me to text them all throughout the day and it’s taking up way too much of my time. I need to cut this back ASAP!”.
And I’m about to teach you exactly how to get to that point in your text game…
Step by step.
And if you like this article, make sure to check out this free training for more. I think you’ll love it.
So without further adieu…
Getting Good At Texting Girls Will Literally Change Your Life
I promise you that.
Because not only is texting hot women enjoyable, but it’s also one of the most important tools every guy needs to bring his dating life to an entirely new level. It’s quite literally make-or-break for your success.
Being able to spike a women’s emotions over text – and keep her engaged & entertained – is what separates the guys that date multiple beautiful women at a time vs. the guys that end up settling for any below-average woman in both the looks and personality department. All the while secretly hoping they could find someone better to be with.
Texting A Girl Is Easy When You Have The Right Framework
And although texting a girl may seem complicated, it’s actually extremely simple when broken down to a few key principles of which i’m going to share with you in just a moment.
Although these principles are simple, they are not to be underestimated.
Because i’d go so far as to say that nowadays – being able to keep a girl engaged and entertained over text is SO important, that if you can’t get this part of the equation down to a T, it will be extremely hard for you to find and maintain the types of relationships that you truly want.
And sadly, so many guys either get this part of the equation wrong, or just flat out ignore it. Hoping some random hot girl will somehow see their value without them actually communicating it.
Before we get into the the actual texting tactics and principles, I want to first spend some time going over the mindset and strategy of openers.
Because I love you.
Oh, and because how you open the conversation is important.
How To text A Girl: The Mindset & Tactics For Mastering The Opener
If you’re a dude who’s in the dating scene, chances are that you’re going to be sending the first message to woman a large majority of the time.
Even on Bumble, where girls are technically supposed to “send the first message” to guys, it is us as men who are the ones actually sending the first message to the girls – by conveying to them who we are in our profile.
So even though some of these apps will have girls sending you the first message, understand you are always sending non-verbal messages by how you are presenting yourself on your profile. And these girls are CHOOSING you by the non-verbal messages you are already sending.
So what does this mean?
This means get your profile right.
Post an ad on craigslist telling some college kid to take portrait pics of you doing cool things so he can have pictures to add to his portfolio.
Tell your buddy with the new Iphone you want to practice your photography skills so you’ll take pictures of him – and then ask for some pictures in return since you’re already there.
The point is, just exert a little effort and energy to get some high-quality pictures that frame you in a cool way. And almost more importantly, GET A PICTURE WITH A DOG.
Do whatever you can to have someone take a picture of you with a cute little pooch. Or two, in my case.
It will benefit you greatly.
And once your profile says “this is a cool guy that likes dogs”…
It’s time to send. That. Text.
So let’s begin.
But first, it is important to keep these couple things in mind when you are sending her the first message:
#1 – she gets a ton of messages every single day, and a lot of them are boring and involve little to no effort.
If a girl is moderately attractive, she is going to be receiving a ton of messages from guys that flat-out suck. Stuff like “hey” “hi” or something along the lines of “you’re hot”.
I have seen this a million times.
On a first tinder date, I will usually – out of genuine curiosity – ask a girl what she specifically liked about my profile or the messages I was sending her.
And 9 times out of 10, the girl will mention something along the lines of how she immediately knew I was different from my opener, and how that creativity made her see me through rose-colored glasses.
She will then proceed to show me the hundreds of other boring messages that lie unopened in her”tinder graveyard” from dudes that obviously have never read this article.
Every hot girl as one.
A graveyard of boring texts, that is.
But guess what?
This is a good thing.
It’s a good thing because while all other guys are sending lame and boring messages, you are being given a massive opportunity to stand out using your fantastic personality. And you need to take this opportunity to stand out from the crowd.
If you do, you will be rewarded for it eventually.
Let’s move on.
Here’s the second thing to keep in mind.
#2 – the few guys who are sending more playful openers are usually using canned, seen-it-before lines
The second thing to keep in mind is that the small percentage of guys who are actually putting a little effort into their openers are usually sending ones that are entertaining but unoriginal.
This presents another opportunity to use an original opener on her that will completely blow her mind.
“But Grant, how can I create a completely original opener when I have the creativity of a bag of rolled oats?”
Well, lucky for you, it’s not actually that hard.
Because creating a completely original opener isn’t that hard to do once you have a couple frameworks you can pull from.
How To Create Completely Original Text Openers That No Man Has Ever Sent Before
Harnessed with your newfound “creative text principles”, girls will have no choice but to message you back with lines like “hahaha OMG” “props for creativity” or “I literally spilled coffee all over my brand new wedding dress laughing so hard. Guess I can’t get married now!”.
Ok, the last one would be kind of weird to get. But if you did get it…
You’d know it was a damn good opener.
The easiest creative openers to use are ones that either make a pun of her name while showing playful / sarcastic intention, or mentioning something about her or her profile that you can relate to and exaggerate.
Example if her name is Lacie.
Opener: *Sends tinder opener while putting on gym shorts and Lacie’ing up my shoes 2 run 2 u* Please have a towel ready for me :). Oh and also please wear red to dinner. I’ll bring the wine.
This was an actual opener that ended up in a 3ish month relationship.
To do something like this one, make a simple pun with her name that also shows intent (like you’re sarcastically saying you’re going to run to her to show interest) and include something bold like an over-the-top assumption of a future plan.
Besides that one, another opener technique is taking something you see on her profile and creating a small story out of it while also adding something random and playful.
Here’s one i’ve sent to a girl who had a bunch of skiing stuff on her profile that worked:
Example: *World class skier checking in* Oh hey there, name’s Chad. I don’t want to brag, but i’ve made millions of dollars skiing all across the country. And have spent all of my earnings on very smooth tables made of rich, Siberian teak. *inserts GIF about tables*.
This was another opener that turned into a date as well.
The goal was to start the conversation by talking about something she’s familiar with while also injecting a little humor in the form of irony and randomness. (Like calling myself a Chad).
These little story openers can become very valuable to you because when you get better at them, you will notice yourself being able to go on sarcastic, over-the-top stories that get laughs for days on actual dates. But that is for another article.
Another great way to open is by conveying over-the-top interest while purposely messing it up. This one causes girl’s emotions to spike very, very quickly. Which is a good thing if you want to stand out. (which you do).
Here’s an example:
Let’s say she has a dog in her profile.
You can say something like:
Example: OMG I want 2 pet your cute little nip RIGHT NOW!
I MEANT DOG!!!!!
and then send a GIF with a guy putting his hand over his face.
Sending something over-the-top like “I want to pet your nip” will get her attention, and then saying it was an accident and bringing it back to some other normal statement (like you actually wanted to pet her dog) is a fantastic way to spike her emotions while also putting an image of you two being intimate into her head.
Quick Note On Staying Positive When You Don’t Get Responded to:
Note: It is important to keep in mind that even if you’re the most gorgeous man on the planet with the world’s best openers, you will still not get responses. A good rule of thumb is that 30% won’t respond, 30% will respond with something short, and 30% will respond enthusiastically.
This means that there will be a lot of times when you simply won’t get a response. And that’s okay.
Understand it is a numbers game and if at any time you don’t get a response, just categorize that non-response into the 30% that would have never replied to you anyway due to some unknown, outside factor. Don’t take it personally and move on to the next one.
So now that you know how to text a girl an opener…
Let’s move on to the opener follow-up. AKA the actual meat-and-potatoes of texting a girl.
How To Text A Girl: Following Up If You Don’t Get A Response
There has been a lot of times where a girl will originally not respond to my opener, and then later respond to my follow-up messages and eventually go on a date with me. These types of things do happen.
To give yourself the best chance for success, I would recommend following up with girls that don’t message you back another 1-2 times without being creepy. Try to make these messages as dramatic and funny as possible.
If a girl doesn’t respond, I will often circle back around about a week later and say something that refers to my profile like “I knew you hated gorgeous puppers – we will save a moment of silence 4 u” (referring to the dogs on my profile) or something along the lines of me calling it out and then saying something light and playful.
If she then doesn’t respond to this, I will usually send one more message a few days later along the lines of “Remember when we almost talked? I do” and if she doesn’t respond to that, I let it go and move on.
Again, 30% of the messages you send will never get a response anyway. Just move on.
The key here is understanding that following up and double-texting is okay if it’s providing value in the form of humor and staying light. If you follow up with messages like “why didn’t you text me” then you are killing your chances by showing you being butthurt.
Following up is okay and can still work for you, being needy / creepy will not.
So, we’ve covered the basics of opening women on dating apps. Which is very important.
But more important than the opener is how we continue the text conversation with women over time. Because how you go about the conversation will literally make or break your success.
The 3 Keys To Texting A Girl Like A Boss
When it comes to texting a girl like a boss, we can boil it down to 3 essential principles:
#1: Always keep the conversation moving towards something
#2: Consistently bounce between funny texts (that highlight your personality) & serious texts (that build trust and connection)
#3: Know when to strategically not text her back
To keep the article super simple, i’m going to be separating each of these 3 principles into a different part of the article while breaking them down step-by-step.
If you have any additional questions that you feel like I missed, or you want someone to help you individually, don’t hesitate a second to either check out this free training or shoot me an email at Grant@stepbystepdating.com. Would love to help you out.
Now let’s make you a texting god.
Text-God Principle #1: Always Keep The Conversation Moving Towards Something
There’s a reason this principle is #1.
And the reason is because no matter how funny or smooth you are over text, if you aren’t moving things forward, you won’t get results. It’s that simple.
I’ll try to explain this in the simplest way possible.
Let’s say you have a BIG RED BALL on one end of a football field. And your goal is to get the BIG RED BALL into the endzone. AKA to the other end of the football field.
What do you need to do to get the BIG RED BALL into the endzone?
You need to actually move it forward.
Because if you don’t push the ball forward, it’s literally just going to sit there and not move at all. Quite literally never getting to the destination you want it to be at. You need to move a ball for a ball to move.
In the same way, if your goal is to get a woman to go on a date with you over text, you need to continually push the conversation forward towards her agreeing with you to go on a date. Does that make sense?
Because if you aren’t moving anything forward, you are quite literally wasting your time.
“But Grant, what the hell does it mean to move the conversation forward? And how the hell do I do it?”
Great question, young grasshopper. Let’s answer that riiiiiigghhtttt Now.
How To Move A Text Conversation Forward (Even If You Were Born Without Hands & Still Live In Your Mother’s Basement)
To move something forward means to move something towards something.
And to do that, you first need to choose something to push towards. Otherwise there’s no forwards or backwards, if that makes sense.
For the sake of this article, we’ll choose going on a date with a woman as our goal / end destination. So this means that every text we send should be moving us closer to getting us on a date with that woman.
Still with me?
“But Grant, how do I know if I’m getting myself closer to going on a date with her? I mean, I’m not even 100% sure that I regularly put detergent in the washing machine the right way!”.
To be fair, i’m still not sure if I put detergent in the right way either. But my clothes do come out clean – and they smell good – so I figure if it’s not broken don’t fix it.
To figure out if we’re moving the conversation in the right direction, we first need to ask ourselves this question:
“What would it take for a women to go on a date with a guy if she’s never met him in person?”
And we can use the answers to this question as “markers” for determining whether we are moving the conversation in the right direction or not.
To make it absurdly simple, a women will agree to go on a date with a guy she’s never met before if she:
Intuitively feels like the guy won’t put her in danger when meeting her in person
Thinks the date with the guy will be more fun than other things she could be doing that day
It’s really that simple.
So to “move the conversation forward”, you will simply need to text her things that will either build her trust in you (and make her feel safe and comfortable with you)…
OR text her things that will make her think of you as a fun person (by making good jokes & using good memes over text. (Which we are about to get into).
If you can always, with every text either make her think you’re a little more fun than other guys or simply get her to trust you a little more by sharing relatable stories about yourself – you will have mastered principle #1.
Text-God Principle #2: Consistently Bounce Between Funny Texts (That Highlight Personality) & Serious Texts (That Build Trust)
Now that we know we need to make her think we are more fun than other guys while also building trust with her (so she knows we won’t cut her feet off and sell them on the Chinese black market during our first date…)
We need to execute.
And we do this by being funny AF & sharing vulnerable stories about ourselves.
“But Grant, how do I know whether to be funny or whether to be serious? And how do I know when to switch to the other one?”.
Again, another great god damn question. You’re really paying attention, aren’t you?
But before I answer that, I want you to first think about texting a girl like trying to manage two different trains that are going down two separate tracks.
Track #1 has a train that is going towards comfort village.
And track #2 has a train that is going towards funtopia.
With both of these destinations in mind – getting train #1 to comfort village so she feels comfortable enough to meet you in person – and getting train #2 to funtopia so she thinks going on a date with you will be more fun than running her errands or watching netflix – we can begin to manage these trains and make sure that they get where they need to go. But how do we do this?
Let’s focus on comfort first.
For her to be comfortable with you, she needs to think that you are 1) similar to her in some way and 2) being genuine with what you are saying.
With this in mind, achieving comfort can be done by first asking “qualifying questions”, and then telling her personal stories that relate to either her personal values, interests, experiences, likes, dislikes, ways to spend time, etc. Literally anything that you guys have in common.
A good rule of thumb is that the more commonalities you have with her – the better the fit you guys will be. But with that in mind, it is also VERY IMPORTANT not to just respond with “Omg I love that too!” to everything she says. Because you will kill your perceived value and kill your chances of getting her on a date.
Here’s an example of how to establish a commonality correctly with a real example: (Insert my own pics) (qualifying question, commanility / judgement, humor)
—- the next train we need to worry about is the one heading towards funtopia. To get this train to it’s destination, you’re going to want to tell engaging stories, use memes, GIFs & puns, and use hyper-exaggeration and friendly sarcasm whenever you can without looking like a dancing monkey.
I use these things all the time to tremendous success. And I OFTEN have girls thanking me for being so entertaining to talk to, because they hate how boring / serious the majority of their conversations are online.
So if you are afraid to say some crazy shit to a girl you think is hot, just try it out. She will literally end up thanking you if you do it right.
How To Be Funny When You’re Texting A Girl (You Won’t Find This Anywhere Else)
Being funny is insanely important when it comes to attracting women. And even more important when it comes to texting them.
In fact, being funny is so insanely powerful that mastering the skill of humor can fast-track your dating success to heights you’ve never thought possible.
It is something of VALUE that not many guys can do. So being able to get genuine laughs out of her will put you in a category that very few men can enter. And this is actually an area you can out-compete other men on.
This topic is so deep that I’ll be writing a separate article on it, but for the sake of this article, I’m going to simplify being funny over text into a few different categories that will tremendously help you out.
#1 – Wordplay that shows intention in a playful manner
#2 – Using Gifs to be melodramatic
#3 – randomness and hyper-specificity
Each of these simple 3 things will help you take your text game to the next level. So let’s start with #1.
How To Text A Girl Something Funny #1: Use Wordplay That Shows Intention In A Playful Manner
This is one of my go-to texts because it works so god damn well.
It works well because it’s playful, fun, creative, witty, and also honest. Because I am basically telling the girl I want her and am attracted to her.
They key here is that after you use what I am about to show you, you follow it up with a serious text that relates back to the conversation. Like this. The girl will say something and then I willow follow it up with a value text (being funny and showing her that I like her) and then another text that will keep the conversation going.
Girl: Omg I just spilled coffee all over my carpet!
Guy: I want 2 spill something all over your carpet 😉
Guy: Lol do you have stuff to clean it up? I spilled coffee on my carpet last week and the stain sort of looks like Albert Einsetin.
See how that works?
The first text “I want 2 spill something all over your carpet ;)” is obviously an innuendo that means I want to bust a nut on her carpet. This is obviously a joke (sort of) and works because I am using the exact words she used while also showing my interest in her in a playful manner. And the next text is equally important.
The next text “lol do you have stuff to clean up? I spilled coffee on my carpet last week and the stain sort of looks like Albert Einsetin” is continuing the conversation by being genuinely interested in her life situation while also again keep it fun and playful with a comment about how my stain looks like Ole’ Alby.
Her next texts in response to those two that I sent her will be something like “Omg you’re crazy” followed by “Yes thank god I have x and x cleaning supplies. And Albert Einstein? How was that the first person that came to mind?”
And then the convo continues.
How To Text A Girl Something Funny #2: Use GIFS to be melodramatic
Gifs are insanely powerful when it comes to texting. And although you can use them a million different ways, I’ve found that one of the most common ways I use them is by reacting completely over-the-top to some weird opinion she has and then following it up with a GIF that accompanies what I just said.
These are easy to do when a girl has a strange opinion on something (which they all do) that you can combat with your own opinion.
Doing this allows you to keep the conversation playful while also teasing her a little bit and showing her that you’re not afraid to offend her (which raises your value).
This is what it looks like:
Girl: Sundays don’t count as the weekend!
Guy: lol WHAT?! It quite literally a WEEKEND day lmao. Could you imagine how terrible the world would be if we all started slaving away again on a Sunday? *sends GIF of something work or labor-related*.
This text does a lot of things at once that are all good things.
Among a bunch of other things, it tells her she’s wrong in a playful way while also setting up the use of an over-dramatic GIF of someone slaving away at work with a really sad or tired face. In this case, the GIF is being used to express a message that’s taken to an over-the-top level.
This is really good because it gives her a lot of ways to respond, and getting into a playful debate about something irrelevant (like whether Sunday should count as part of the weekend or not) will build tension with her which makes keeping the conversation going much easier.
There are many different ways to use GIFs, but using them in a hyperbolic, over-the-top way is one of the best.
How To Text A Girl Something Funny #3: Randomness and hyper-specificity
Randomness and hyper-specificity is the easiest way to become funnier over text. And I have no idea why guys don’t train this simple humor technique to make themselves just a little bit funnier.
Using randomness and hyper-specificity can make the most boring of all statements more interesting and at least moderately funny. Here’s an example of how:
Statement: I went to the park and walked my dog.
“I went to the park and walked my dog” is how a lot of guys would tell a girl about what they did. The problem? It’s normal, boring, and doesn’t put any exciting images into her mind.
This in my opinion is where guys mess up the most. Instead of throwing some “spice” or “flair” onto the things they say in text and in person, they give the girl a baseline, straightforward statement that does nothing for anyone. So here is how you can incorporate randomness and specificity into your own texts.
Boring statement: I went to the park and walked my dog.
Boring statement transformed into a fun statement with some randomness and hyper-specificity.
Fun statement: I just took Spot to LA’s classiest dog park lol he loved it. He was smiling the entire time like a little Asian kid getting his first math book for Christmas.
See the difference?
The second text spikes emotions WAY more than the first one. And it also puts multiple different images inside of the girl’s head while also confidently violating social norms (aka HUMOR) by making a clearly stereotypical joke about asians and math.
Now before you say “omg that’s so racist” just understand it is a JOKE. And if you’re the type of person that is getting offended by jokes like that, then you are the very person who is going to STRUGGLE getting consistent dates with beautiful women.
If it makes you feel any better, you could also say something like “smiling more than an American with a cheeseburger” or anything you’d like.
The point is, walk verbal lines confidently and use over-dramatic scenarios to be a little funnier. But also know what type of women you’re talking to. Meaning, I’m at a point of my life where I will only talk to women that have a great sense of humor. So I will actively say things like that disqualify the women I don’t want in my life.
If you are a guy who is just trying to get laid, over-the-top humor like that may be counterproductive if the girl is lower on the intelligence scale or just doesn’t have a sense of humor. So you want to get a feel for who you’re talking to and be able to adapt to give her what she wants.
Text-God Principle #3: Know When To Strategically Not Text Her Back (This Is Where Guys Mess Up The Most)
This may sound counter-intuitive, but listen up:
Knowing when to not text her back / when to end the conversation will be one of the most important skills you can learn to develop when it comes to texting girls.
The reason is because if you let the conversation fizzle out, you’re dead. Game over. And it’s actually a lose-lose for both of you.
Because at that point, you’ve sacrificed your value by showing her that you’re a boring cuck who can’t keep a conversation going to save his life. And because of that, she will want nothing to do with you.
Harsh, but true.
A conversation “fizzling out” is the #1 most important thing to avoid at all possible costs. Cut the conversation off before it fizzles out.
Avoiding a fizzle out is so vitally important that you can literally ghost her for a week right before the conversation fizzles out without any explanation (and then text her again out of the blue a week later) and that will still leave you in a MUCH better position than allowing the conversation to actually fizzle out.
Because when you don’t let the conversation fizzle out, you’re keeping your value. And taking her power away.
So instead of HER deciding that the conversation is boring and ending it when she wants, YOU are going to decide the conversation is boring first and end it before she does.
This is crucially important. And you will get better at it with time.
Does a high-value dude sit around having boring text conversations all day?
When something gets boring, he just leaves and does his own thing.
So start acting like a high-value dude.
Keep in mind: You should get your life to a point where you genuinely won’t want to participate in boring text conversations, so you not continuing them will become completely natural. If your life isn’t at that point yet, you will have to simply think like someone who is there, while also working 24/7 to get yourself to that point.
So please, for god sakes, promise me that the MOMENT you feel the conversation begin to fizzle out…
You either A) make one more last-ditch effort to revive the convo, and if she doesn’t make it more fun with a good response, ignore her next text for a day and then pick it up when you want..
Or B) just don’t respond to her text the moment it begins to fizzle out and continue or restart the convo the next day.
You will both be glad you did.
Do you have any more questions?
Feel free to send me an email at Grant@stepbystepdating.com or check out this free training if you’d like.
Keep killin’ it,