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Attraction Online Dating

How To DM A Girl On Instagram Like Casanova | DM’ing From All Angles?

Instagram is basically where people interact with our internet selves. It used to be Facebook, now it’s IG.

With the majority of people on Instagram, mastering the platform as a dating tool can be one of the most effective strategies for getting into and maintaining relationships with women.

There have been many scenarios where I have actively dated women that I have communicated with only via Instagram. And even after we had dated for a couple months, I still didn’t have their number. It was completely IG-based. Which is wild to say, but extremely possible.

But the actual act of DMing the girl on Instagram is, in reality, only a tiny fraction of the much larger piece of the pie that is “getting her to like you via IG”. Which is a much bigger deal.

To make this post as thorough as possible, I am going to be taking you through my own step-by-step process for how I have created and maintained Instagram-based relationships with high-caliber women. And how you can do the same, too.

The Cold Slide

The Instagram cold slide is when you just fly into her DM’s like a blind pigeon smashing into a window. No technique or build-up. Pure gambling.

The cold slide is going to be a numbers game, even when executed to perfection. I have good looking friends who have verified check marks and hundreds of thousands of followers, and even these guys get left on read during the cold slide.

The percentages aren’t fantastic, but they are there. Send enough DM’s, and you’ll eventually get a girl to respond and engage with you.

She was a hairstylist

Note: I Never Call Out The Fact That I’m A Rando

I personally never call out the fact that i’m a completely random person messaging them on Instagram. I just shoot the shot and let Jesus take the reigns.

The times this has worked for me – and there has been a few – the girls will just pick up the conversation like nothing is weird about it and then you go about your normal attraction-building process. I think the timing in the girl’s life is a much bigger factor than what you say when you message her, as long as your first message is semi-lighthearted.

She had a pic of her in Arizona

Here is one that worked on me. Almost thought we were going to fall in love.

His cold slide powers were too much for my gentle heart.

As you can see, there is no rhyme to the cold slide’s reason. It is strictly about shooting your best shot and not taking anything personally if you don’t get a response.

The “We Just Met Last Night” Slide

If you go out to bars often, you will have a LOT of these. If you’re moving venues, you shouldn’t be surprised to collect 10-15 Instagram names in a given night. If you have good game, 2-5 of these will usually turn into dates and 1-2 will turn into consistent flings.

When I get a girls Instagram, it will usually be on either a Friday or Saturday night. If It’s a Friday night, I will send her a message mid-day Saturday and ask her where she’s going. If she’s not doing anything, I will invite her out to come along with me and my friends.

If I get her Instagram on a Saturday, then I will usually not slide into DM’s until later in the evening. But I WILL give her a chance to DM me first. My friends and I usually go to brunch on Sundays, so I’ll post a brunch-filled story. When I do, sometimes the girl will respond to my story. If they don’t i’ll message them later that day.

This particular girl was actually a stripper that I met while she was dancing. Hence the reason for the dance comment.

The “Do You Know X Person?” Slide

This one is one of the most obvious ones because it’s what most people would be compelled to do naturally. If any of you are following the same people, you can slide in with “Oh you know x?” and go from there. This is pretty self explanatory so I will not be saying anything about this other than you better hope they like the person you’re referencing LOL. I have no pictures of this one.

The Respond To The Story Slide

The respond to the story slide is great because people love getting positive feedback on anything they post. It makes them all warm and fuzzy.

That being said, there are a couple different strategies that you can deploy when it comes to responding to a girl’s stories on Instagram.

#1 Hook And Sinker – The Hook And Sinker is basically where you just respond to her story and then forge a conversation out of nothing. To do this you need a little bit of interest already built up, otherwise she won’t respond to you (at some point) and it will make you look bad. I don’t usually do this because if you’re in this position with a girl, you have no leverage. I will usually just long con her to the point that she responds to my stories.

#2 The Story long Con – A “long con” is when you contact the girl multiple times (always making it fun and positive) over the course of a certain period of time with the hopes of one day smashing. It may be confused by beta for being beta uncultured man, but it is an active form of pursuit. Every time you contact a woman during a long con, it needs to be very fun and positive + paired with good Instagram stories of your own. If she knows you’re a cool guy doing cool things, she will be more receptive to your long con tactics. Here’s a long-con example:

Long-con example. Light-hearted compliment.

For the long con, you basically just do little things like this (but not too often or to suck-up(y) until one day you post a story and she respond to it. That’s when the tables have turned.

Get The Girls Start To DMing You (And Hack The Entire System)

You can get yourself to the point where girls will start flooding your DM’s in responses to your stories. That is, IF you do your stories (and long con) correctly.

If you follow the steps below in making sure that your Instagram game is at it’s absolute peak, then it is completely viable that you can build up a rotation of beautiful, awesome women in as short as a month. And even choose one to be your girlfriend.

When you get your Instagram game on point, you will start having girls DM you fairly often, like this:

The most effective way to use Instagram to get dates is by creating “attraction systems” that you can use over and over again that will get girls to slide into YOUR DM’s consistently.

This means that you will have a repeatable system that you do no matter what, and then can just bring the new girls that you meet into it. At that point, it just becomes about meeting new girls. If you need help building this system, feel free to email me at grant@stepbystepdating.com or check out this free training.

Here’s my own system below:

Creating Your Own Instagram “Attraction System”

Step #1: Get Your Instagram Game Up

The first thing I want to mention in this post is getting your Instagram game up. If you’re going to be sliding into girl’s DMs, you’re going to want to make sure that you have a decent ratio of followers to following and have some high quality pictures. If you’re Instagram is absolute trash, it’s going to be really hard to get a pretty girl to interact with you on it unless you show her your greatness in person and then move it on to Instagram afterwards.

The truth is, a bad Instagram is going to hurt you. And a good Instagram is going to help you. So do yourself a favor and spend some time having someone take pictures of you and get your follower count up either organically or by using engagement groups.

Step #2 *MOST IMPORTANT*: Create Multiple “Container” Events Throughout The Week

A container event is simply an event that brings someone into YOUR world. AKA your container.

What this means is that you need to have 1-2 events a week that happen every single week. And when you go to these events, you can either bring new people you meet to them or simply post Instagram stories of how much fun you’re having at them, every single week. People will become invested in your events even if they’ve never been to them.

My two events that I used were a poker night on Wednesday and Brunch on Sunday. Meaning, every Wednesday I’d get a group of guys to play poker, and every Sunday I’d get a group of people to go to Brunch. This allowed me to not only have a blast, but it also gave me something to invite people to as well as giving me something interesting to post on my Instagram story every single week. When you run a container event correctly, you will have girls responding to your events saying things like “thanks for the invite” and “you never invite me”. That is when you know you’ve optimized your IG.

Step #3: Get The Girls Instagram

In order to start building up your attraction with a girl on Instagram, you first need to actually get her Instagram. There are a couple ways to do this.

Get her Instagram In Person

Getting her Instagram in person is one of the best ways to close a conversation and give yourself an opportunity to move things forward later on.

Getting a girl’s Instagram is monumentally easier than getting a girl’s #. The reason getting a girl’s Instagram is way easier is because in her head, there is a much lower amount of investment (and risk) involved in her giving you her Instagram than her number. In a girl’s mind, her giving you her number is her immediately showing interest in you. And is a much bigger deal than her giving you her Instagram, which she can rationalize as just “being nice”.

To get a girl’s Instagram, all you really have to do is start a conversation with her and not creep her out. If you can do those two things, then you can usually ask her “hey what’s your Ig? I’ll add you” and get her Instagram without any problems. Building a huge amount of interest with her isn’t too important in this situation because you can use the platform of Instagram itself to help you do it online.

Find Her On Instagram Directly

The other option you have (other than getting her Instagram in person) is finding her actual profile on Instagram, and then following her / DMing her from there. This can work well if you both have social circles that overlap and she follows people that follow you & vice versa. It works even better if you have a picture of yourself with the girl’s friend somewhere on your Instagram.

For this method to work best, you will either need a lot of social proof from people who follow you or your profile itself – or you will need to have her know of you in some way. If she’s a complete stranger and you follow her on IG, it can still work, but it will be significantly more difficult. At that point, it essentially turns into a numbers game.

But once you have her Instagram – and get her to follow you – you can begin building attraction with her using social media.

Step #4: Build Interest Via Instagram

Once she follows you on Instagram, it’s time to make her L-L-Lerb you like she’s never lerbed anyone before. And you can do this by strategically using social media to get her to like you more.

The two principles that you’re going to want to stick to when it comes to projecting an image on social media that attracts women are these:

#1) You want to make it seem like you do fun things with a fun friend group (container events).

#2) You want to come off as non-needy.

It’s very simple. But easier said than done.

Instagram Stories Are The Key To You Building Interest With Her

Instagram stories are going to be the way you build interest with her. Instagram stories are insanely powerful, and can infest someone’s mind with insecurity, doubt, hope, fear, love, admiration, and any other emotion under the sun. Instagram stories are wild.

What Instagram stories also do is give you just one “piece” of a larger puzzle. And because only a piece of the puzzle is seen, people are free to interpret what the rest of the puzzle looks like. And you can actively use this to your advantage in terms of building interest with her and all of the other girls who follow you. Here are some of the best Tips:

Only Post Interesting Things On Your Stories

A couple days after you add her, you’re going to want to begin posting interesting things to your stories. The #1 rule is to avoid posting anything that is boring or uncontroversial, because if you post something boring 2-3 times in a row, then people will start associating your posts with “fluff”.

This is NOT what you want. Instead, post something interesting, Interesting things consist of you doing fun things with friends, posting something genuinely funny or playfully controversial (like saying In-N-Out burger wasn’t worth the drive), or showcasing something of high-value. The point is to portray the image of a high-value man.

Optimizing Your Story For Her Feed

You’re going to want to make sure you post an interesting story within a couple of days after you add her so you will pop up on the top of her story list. If you can get her to look at the first few stories of yours, then Instagram will begin to put you at the top of her feed more often, creating a positive feedback loop that gets her coming back to your stories again, and again, and again. The goal is to get to this point where a positive feedback loop takes over. This means that the more you post, the more she watches it, and the more she watches it, the more you will pop up as the #1 spot on her Instagram Story feed.

Bonuses:

Next Level Instagram Game #1: Host Container Events For Women And Have Them Location Tag It

If you really want to take your Instagram game to another level, you can make your container events focused on woman. This means your event could be something like a fashion show, bikini contest, beach trip, club hop, etc. The point is, you just want to think of something that women will enjoy doing and likely invite their friends to.

Once you have the event created, you can actually create your own “Tag” so it will have a custom label for your event. For example, If your name is John, your tag can say “John’s kingdom”, and you can have multiple different girls tagging this location in your stories. This is the most powerful form of game there is in action: hot girl social proof.

Next Level Instagram Game #2: Tag The Girl That You Want To Talk To In Your Actual Story

So this technique is fairly interesting, and I have tried this many times to success.

For this one, all you’re going to want to do is post one of your usual super-interesting stories. But instead of just having your regular, badass caption, you’re also going to write “Just missing x” and then tag the girl you want to start talking to. So if her name is Susie and her instagram tag is @susiesuperrrr then you would post your normal Instagram story and on the bottom of the post say something like “Just missing @Susiesuperrrr”.

This one is interesting because it does multiple good things for you. In terms of getting the girl to talk to you, it usually works. Why? Because she will be ridiculously curious about why you’re tagging her in an Instagram story. And will usually respond. When she does, simply just say something light-hearted and jokeish about how you miss her and keep the conversation very brief unless she seems like she’s down to hang out that night (obviously).

But what technique this also does for you as well is it gives you some social proof with the girls who are already watching your story. When they see that you’ve tagged some other pretty girl, they will see that you’re the type of dude that hangs with pretty girls. And if they have even the slightest bit of interest in you at all, this will create a competitive feeling inside of them. Best case, they will slide into your DM’s to win back your attention. Worst case, they will see your post and assume you hang out with cool girls. It’s a win-win.

That’s it for now. If you feel like you need additional help, feel free to email me at grant@stepbystepdating.com or check out this free training.

I love you,

Grant

Categories
Attraction Dating Online Dating

How To Write A Tinder Bio That Works Like Jesus | 3 “Godlike” Tinder Principles

**This article is a piece taken from our online dating app course. If you want to explode your online dating results, check out the full online dating course here.

How to write a Tinder bio that works like Jesus.

What does work like Jesus mean, you ask?

Honestly I’m not too sure. But it sounded cool.

The point is, it works.

A Good Tinder Bio = Very Important

A good bio (along with great pictures) is going to be one of the biggest factors in determining your success on online dating apps.

One of the biggest mistakes guys make when it comes to online dating is slacking on their Tinder bios. I see it all the time. A guy will have spent a good amount of time and effort getting great tinder pictures, but spends virtually no time or effort at all on his bio. This makes no sense.

…But Why Is A Good Tinder Bio So Important?

The reason the bio is so powerful is because it is one way (of many) that give you the opportunity to stand out from the rest. How many bios out there do you think are funny? Or well-written? Or even engaging in the slightest?

Not many.

And because of this, spending some time creating a great (and response-friendly) bio is a hugely important factor in crafting a successful online dating profile. Instead of giving you a copy & paste bio, here are some principles that will help you create a bae-friendly bio.

Here’s my current bio (this thing slams):

What Do We Want Our Tinder Bio To Achieve?

Before we craft our tinder bio, we must first understand what it is that we want our tinder bios to achieve. It’s all really very simple.

We want our tinder bio to do three things for us:

#1 – Play towards our strengths / advantages

#2 – Set ourselves apart from others by qualifying our type of woman beforehand

#3 – Use a couple different “hook points” to give her a reason to respond

Doing these three things with your Tinder bio will give you the highest chance of success with girls that you are actually interested in meeting. And help you actively avoid the girls who would be a terrible fit for you. We’ll go over each of these individually.

Your Tinder Bio Is Your Key To Inbound Dating Leads

In sales, a lead is a person who has a high chance of buying your product, because they have shown some sort of interest in it. There are two ways to get leads.

Outbound

The first way you can get leads is to find them. Meaning, you can pay Facebook or Google to get your product in front of thousands of people and some of them will be interested in what you have to sell. Then when you find them, you call them and sell them things.These are known as outbound leads because they are generated from outbound marketing.

Inbound

The other type of lead is an inbound lead. An inbound lead means that you’ve literally done nothing in terms of work for the day, but people will contact YOU with interest in your product instead of you reaching out to them and convincing them of the value of your product. Inbound leads are much easier to close, which means more sales.

In the same way, your Tinder bio is like your own, personal, inbound dating strategy. If you do it correctly, you will have girls sending YOU the first message and responding to your bio with laugh emojis, agreeing opinions, dissenting opinions, compliments, insults, and everything in between. It doesn’t really matter what she messages you, because what’s more important than what she says is the fact she took the time to send you a message in the first place. She’s interested.

Your Tinder Bio Needs To Have At Least SOME Humor In It

I will go more in-depth about this topic at the bottom of this post but I want to put a quick note right here about how important it is to have at least SOME aspect of humor in your Tinder bio. I can’t stress enough how powerful humor is when it comes to attracting women. It is THE thing. So if you’re not making at least one good sarcastic joke in your bio, throw one in. And if you don’t know how, email me at grant@stepbystepdating.com and I’ll coach you.

Moving on.

How To Write A Tinder Bio That Works #1 – Playing Towards Your Strengths

Playing towards your strengths is one of the most important aspects of creating a successful Tinder bio.

In short, a strength is something that you are better than the majority of people at. For some guys, this might be height. If you’re tall, list your height in your bio. For other guys, it might be some unique skill they’ve acquired or some business they’ve started. Whatever that thing is that gives you some significance in your life, use it in your bio. And use it in a very playful and curiosity-creating way.

Maybe You’re A Big Cooking Guy

For example, if you were a world-class chef, then you would obviously want to play on that strength and use that unique thing about you in your bio while also framing it in a way that allows the girl to respond. Here’s what I mean:

Most guys will write in their bio “World class Chef.”. And that’s it. And even though the fact the dude is a world class chef is seriously awesome, him putting that fact into his bio as simply “World class chef” is the most boring possible thing he could have done. He didn’t give a reason for the girl to respond.

Instead, this guy should put something in his bio like “Probably a better cook than you *(girl doing the innocent hand up emoji)* and then follow it up with a creative statement like “my cookingbae is out there trying couscous in 9 different countries”.

Saying something like this will not only play towards and highlight his strengths, but he will also get messages from girls saying things like “There’s no way you’re a better cook than me” or “I’ve only had couscous in two countries but I’m shooting my shot anyway”.

They will go with what you give them.

How To Write A Tinder Bio Example #2: My Brunch Addiction

One real example of using my strengths in a Tinder bio is me using my brunch addiction as a leverage point. Before quarantine hit, I would go to brunch at one of my favorite places with a group of 5-10 friends. Doing this allowed me to be able to appeal to girls who like to brunch and who would be willing to go out on a Sunday (and meet up with me after my own brunch).

So instead of saying “I go to brunch every Sunday with my friends”, my bio said something like “must be as addicted to mimosas @ Sunday brunch as I am” and there was a high-quality picture in my profile of me sipping a mimosa during brunch.

Do It Right And Girls Will Message YOU

When I had this little statement in my bio, I’d have the majority of girls sliding into my DM’s with statements like “I am addicted to mimosas @ brunch” or “I love brunch & mimosas” or they’d take the other approach and say something like “I hate mimosas”. Either way, they would play off of the brunch statement and would more often than not be willing to meet up with me on a Sunday after I got done brunching with my friends. There were a couple of times where I got done brunching with my friends and would go right into an evening-long date that ended up with the girl pulling me to her house the same day I met her. Here is the kind of stuff I get from my current bio:

My Bio

Responses It Gets (To Each Hook point)

# 2 – Set Yourself Apart By Qualifying The Type Of Women You Want Beforehand

The large majority of men are desperate to get any woman they can. This is not something you want to convey in your bio. Instead, you want to create the image that YOU are the one who is choosing the women he talks to, and will not settle for any random woman to take up his time.

One great way to set yourself apart in your bio (aside from using humor) is to take the strength that you are using and then use it as a qualifier to actively put off the girls who aren’t interested. This will cause the girls who would be a bad fit for you to stay away, and the girls who would be a good fit for you to swipe right.

Say Something Polarizing In Your Tinder Bio

The first step of doing this is by saying something polarizing. You want to actively put off some people while also actively drawing some people in as well.

You can see in my own bio that there’s not too many serious aspects about it. This is a conscious choice. The reason for that type of bio is because when I had a more serious bio, I was constantly matching more serious girls – some of which had barely any sense of humor. Which I didn’t like. I don’t care how hot she is – if she has no sense of humor, I don’t want to talk to her.

Another example of this was mentioned earlier in the world-class chef example. Saying “my cookingbae is out there trying couscous 9 different countries” is a very polarizing statement. Why? Because if the girl doesn’t like trying fine foods or traveling, she probably won’t swipe right. Unless she’s drunk on a Sunday night, that is.

Using qualifying / polarizing statement are a HUGE factor in successful Tinder Bios because most guys simply state boring facts about themselves without really doing anything else. They take themselves way too seriously and aren’t able to put themselves in the mind of a hot girl reading their profile. But you’re different. You will.

So while always keeping the perspective of a hot girl in mind, make sure your bio can frame you as a high status guy while also generating some curiosity from the girl.

#3 – Use A Couple Different “Hook Points” To Give Her A Reason To Respond To Your Tinder Bio

Here’s my current bio again:

If you see here, there’s multiple different “hook points” in this bio. A hook point is something that is either funny, controversial or sparks curiosity.

Putting things in your bio that are funny, controversial, and curiosity-sparking will give the girl a REASON to slide into your DM’s, or at least swipe right. I’ll cover each of these individually.

#1 Funny hook points – As you can see above, the funny hook points I have in my bio are my height, the statement about me finding her clamportis, and telling her mom to buy my mixtape. All three of these jokes are great for a Tinder bios because they are unique, funny, and will get the girl to send ME the first message by responding to one of those three statements.

#2 – Controversial hook points – In my bio I also have some controversial hook points. Some hook points can be used as other hook points simultaneously as well. Meaning, one statement might be all 3 of the hook points in one. Anyway, the controversial hook points are me saying I’m a better cook than them, and then bashing Leo’s. Both of these two hook points, once again, give the girl a reason to respond to my bio and message me first by saying how they’re actually a better cook than me or asking why I bashed Leo’s.

#3 – Curiosity hook points – There are also curiosity hook points in my bio as well. For this bio, the curiosity hook points would be me saying I’m a professional rapper, saying that someone memed me, and saying I’m not ready for the “Leo” type of relationship. All three of these parts of the bio will make a girl think “hmmm…” and be a little more curious about who I am or what I meant about what I said.

Having all three of these hook points is crucial to a good Tinder bio. If you can have all three, then you’ll be setting yourself up for the best chance of Tinder success.

Ultimate Tinder Bio Secret: You Can Almost “Scratch Everything” If You’re Wickedly Funny

Throughout the post above I’ve laid down my absolute best tips on how to write a Tinder bio that works like Jesus. I really put my heart and soul into that post for you.

But even so, you can basically “scratch” everything i’ve told you if your bio is the funniest thing she has seen all day. This includes both jokes in your bio and pictures as well.

I have personally tested the “humor only” route when it comes to Tinder and it’s actually worked out extremely well for me. This means that I’ve had a bio that was completely, 100% non-serious with absolutely 0 real facts about my life – and I got a ridiculous amount of matches. This bio was also paired with pictures of me “memeing” myself (meaning I made a meme out of my own pictures and posted it on Tinder) as well as a bunch of other completely ridiculous pictures that were total joke shots. Like these:

Note: These were actual pictures on my Tinder account at one point, and they worked great.

Me Shaking Something’s Hand At A Bar
Climbing A Mountain Like A Spider Do
The Classic “Fake Model” Picture

Again, these were real pictures I posted on my Tinder a massive joke, and they still worked for me. Why? Because I had the Tinder bio to match it. My Tinder bio said something like:

“Stunningly gorgeous, urban model currently looking for short-term work (if it’s not too hard). Love climbing mountains like a spider. Can not walk through gardens or large museums because of my addiction to shaking the hands of statues. Also love boba.”

And that thing worked like a charm for me as well. As ridiculous as I may have looked or sounded.

Again:

Women love funny.

So try and get funny.

If you enjoyed this article and want to EXPLODE your dating app results, check out our highly-effective course here.

LMK if you get laid,

Grant

Categories
Dating Uncategorized

How To Approach A Girl In The Library


How to approach a girl in the library.

Approaching a girl in the library is actually pretty easy if you just keep yourself under control. With so many different books, environments, and situations going on in the library at one time, you can leverage anything around you to strike up a conversation and keep it moving in the direction you want it to go.

Many Different Environments

A library – especially in a city – can give you great practice reps for meeting and attracting the girl of your dreams. Why? Because there’s so many different environments.

There are usually larger, open, loungeish type places in a library along with the more private isles with books alongside them. There are also (if you’re at a larger library) some places to get coffee or food as well. Libraries have many different environments that are perfect for getting your practice reps in.

Go To The City Library

If you’re semi-close to a big city, I would highly recommend driving over there and giving yourself a chance to meet a girl in a larger library. Small town libraries are usually much more difficult to find attractive women, as it will usually be a lot of older people. But if you go into the city, you’ll be able to find those trendier girls who are there for the books, environment, or Starbucks. Coffee shops within libraries are a great place to meet women as well.

Use Serendipity In Your Favor

Libraries are fantastic for meeting women because they have an element of serendipity that places like nightclubs or meetup groups don’t have. You already have a reason to be there, which is to check out books.

Unlike places where people go for the sole purpose of meeting new people, libraries have an element of serendipity that you can use to further your connection with a woman. Woman love the “I was doing x and we just met out of nowhere” type stories. And the more you can frame it as serendipitous (because it is actually serendipitous) the better the story.

How To Approach A Girl In A Library: The Book Isle

You’re going to notice that with a lot of these library approaches, there will be a common theme of using the environment to your advantage. When doing this, you’re going to want to make sure that you are relaxed and aware of your surroundings.

When she’s in a book isle, she will either be walking through it, browsing slowly, or stopping and doing something else that’s not book-related like visiting the coffee shop. We’ll go through each one of these situations individually.

When She’s Walking Through The Isle

If she’s actively walking through the isle, you have two options. You can either stop her in that very moment or let her go and try and find her in a different part of the library in the least stalkerish way possible. In this situation, I would recommend stopping her as soon as you see her because you never know if you’re going to see her again.

In this situation, there will never be a perfect moment. You’re going to need to create your own perfect moment by either opening her directly or indirectly.

A direct opener in this situation would be something like “Hey I know this is sort of strange that I’m saying hey to you right now but I thought you were really cute and would probably never see you again. What’s your name?” and then go from there. You just want something that is direct (meaning you’re telling her why you’re doing something) and is also acknowledging the fact that you understand stopping someone in a library isn’t the “normal” thing to do. This is what I would do.

The other option you do have though is to go indirect. Going indirect would be saying something like “Hey this is random but you look like a big library girl, do you happen to know where the books on (topic you’re interested in) are?”

This is a great indirect line because you’re not revealing your intention of hitting on her, you’re simply asking her a question about the library. But by calling her a big library girl and mentioning books on something you like, you are inviting her to carry on the conversation by asking you about why you called her a library girl or how she likes the same types of books you’re looking for. It puts you in the best position possible for going indirect. And if she doesn’t really answer, just keep the conversation going. Keep talking until she actively begins pulling away.

How To Approach A Girl In The Library: When She’s Browsing Books

When a girl is browsing books, she will usually be stationary. Meaning, she won’t be going anywhere. She will be standing still.

This situation gives you a lot of different great opportunities because instead of trying to catch her attention as she’s walking away, she will already have a reason to be where she is at. And so will you, which makes this situation preferred over her walking away.

In this situation, I will usually begin mentioning something about the book she’s reading, or playfully roasting her about it. Another great technique is making a wild assumption about what she is preparing for by reading the book she has in her hand.

One example of this is that if she’s reading a romance novel, I will either say something like “is it as good as they say it is” or “making sure everything’s in place for when you meet your prince charming?”. These two statements are vague enough to allow her to interpret it how she wants and powerful enough to get a reaction out of her. Comments like this are also helpful because they’e not fully direct like explicitly saying “you’re cute and I want to talk to you” but they also aren’t completely indirect because you are clearly striking up a conversation with a purpose. Going this route will also save you from the transition from “where’s the bathroom?” to “what book are you reading?” which is something I usually like to avoid.

The Overflow Of Passion Tactic

The “overflow of passion” is another technique you can use to strike up a conversation with her. I actually use this one fairly often if I’m in an isle I enjoy and there just happens to be a cute girl there. I also use this out of the library as well. If you think she’s going to be leaving soon, I probably wouldn’t use this. But if she’s just chilling where she’s at, it can be successful.

Basically, what you want to do is grab a book that is in the same isle she is in. Then, read through the book a little bit and find a line you either really agree with or really disagree with. Once you find that part of the book, you’re going to want to say “YES!” or “NO WAY!” to that part of the book, look up happy or confused, and then immediately show her that same part of the book that you were talking about while confirming your own opinion.

Here’s a completely random example that has no actual reflections on my own opinions of anything:

*Sees cute girl and then picks up and begins to reads random book about the evolution of dogs from wolves*

Me talking to myself: FINALLY! Someone who sees that all dogs came from wolves.

Then I’d just start walking up to her holding the page open…

Me: This says all dogs came from wolves, which is pretty much what everyone believes right now. Can you think of any alternatives to this? How can people disagree with this?

Her: *looks confused or begins talking about wolves and dogs with you*

Whatever she reacts with, doesn’t really matter. You’ve just opened in semi-natural way. The passion you felt while reading your wolf dog book was so strong that you just had to share it with someone close to you. And that someone just happened to be her – who was close by.

How To Approach A Girl In The Library: The Non-Book Situation

The non-book situation is basically every other situation in the library that doesn’t involve her in a book isle. This could be in some type of lounge area, a coffee shop, a gift shop, or anything else you can think of.

There would obviously be too many potential situations for me to cover every single one, so I will briefly cover some principles that you will want to keep in mind when you are approaching in these other parts of the library.

#1 It’s A Library – This means that for the most part, it is usually pretty quiet. Try to be considerate of this or you will either embarrass the girl when you are talking to her or come off as a completely un-socially calibrated ass.

#2 Use The Environment Around You – Whatever situation you find yourself in, you can simply either comment on something she’s doing or make an insane assumption about how what she’s doing will lead to. Make sure if you do the assumption thing “Like assuming because she’s drinking a coffee she’s preparing for coffee con” that she knows you are joking and you do it in a lighthearted way, or people can become offended. It’s a fine line to walk that you will get better at over time.

#3 Say You Have To Go Soon And Then Make The Conversation Brief (Unless It’s An Insta Date) – In the very beginning of the conversation, mention to her that you need to go soon. This will prevent her from think to herself “when will this guy ever go away”. A simple comment about needing to go meet up with your friends soon can do a lot of good things for your approach. Once mentioned, all you need to do is say or do things that come across as high value (like making a joke) and then telling her you need to go and getting her number. Make it brief unless you ask her to join you on a date somewhere.

Any other questions? Feel free to send me an email at grant@stepbystepdating.com or join this free training.

Best of luck,

Grant

Categories
Attraction Dating

Where To Meet Women, Reddit? The Best Places To Meet Women (According To Reddit)

“Where to meet women Reddit” is something a lot of young guys type into google in search of answers. After looking and filtering through the top posts, I’ve put together a compilation of the best answers that I came across in terms of where to meet women.

And believe me, this took a lot of filtering through. Why? Because these forums are filled with a lot of guys either complaining about how hard it is to meet women or just hating on women altogether. HINT: These guys need to visit stepbystepdating.com

TLDR – It Doesn’t Matter

Here’s my own opinion on the topic before I get into the “where to meet women reddit” advice:

It doesn’t matter where you meet women. Because they are everywhere. What is much more important than WHERE you meet woman is HOW you meet women. And build attraction with them while doing so.

The skills of building attraction can not only be learned, but they must be learned. Because this one skill will serve you for the rest of your life. So while other guys are complaining that they “can’t find any good women” and “don’t know where to meet women”…

You’ll be FEASTING on your own.

Here’s What Reddit Asked…

Here’s the original question that I came accross:

At work; “Its innapropriate because it can create unprofessional situiations”

At the gym “Its inappropriate because girls are just there to work out”

At the bar “don’t go to the bar to meet women unless you just want a one night stand”

These are just the three places I consistently interact with women my age at, my hobbies don’t lead me to meeting women.

And dating apps are just shit for guys in general. Especially at my age of mid 20s.

What can I actually do to meet girls my age?

Dog Parks

level 1Gasifiedgap201 points路2 years ago

My personal experience, dog parks are great for meeting people. Really great. But just don’t be the asshole who gets a dog they don’t want to meet women.

2gilthanan143 points路2 years ago

I wish there were cat parks…

3cloudsrpretty23 points路2 years ago

Same. Dogs are cute but too demanding. However, I think my cats would plot to kill me if I tried to put them on a leash and walk them

Double0Dixie5 points路2 years ago

honestly get them used to a harness and leash just in your own home and you can try venturing outside with them! let them acclamate at their own pace if they are wholely indoor cats. its a whole new world to them!

edit: added bonus, taking your cat on walks offers some legitimate potential to meet new people! dont let your dreams be dreams.

edit2: can also offer great sociliization with other animals/pets! just make sure you keep your babies safe

4stefonioMale2 points路2 years ago

You say that like they aren’t doing that already

5cloudsrpretty3 points路2 years ago

One of them definitely is. She’s a moody lil shit but one of them deffo loves me

3emaciated_pecan2 points路2 years ago

You could try the big cat exhibit at you local zoo

Maybe outside the local big cat exhibit could serve you well? Women do love cats…

This. Dog parks are amazing for meeting people. It’s so easy to start a conversation because all you have to do is compliment or ask them about their dog.

Gyms

2 years ago

It鈥檚 not inappropriate to meet girls at the gym. It鈥檚 about finding the right time to talk. And don鈥檛 expect 20 minute conversations, expect a two minute talk every day or so until you have some sort of connection.Give AwardShareReportSavelevel 2[deleted]32 points路2 years ago

Exactly. I don’t mind being approached at the gym. I’ve met a few friends this way.

And it can be flattering since I’m pretty sweaty and have no makeup on while I’m there. Some women most don’t like being approached at all but you can usually tell if they are acting standoffish if you try to talk to them so just take the hint and go on your way.

2 years ago

The gym is actually a great place to meet both friends and a romantic interest. The later will be harder of course but its not impossible.

It gives you a great starting conversation point as you’re working out, an easy out for the conversation as you have more exercises to do and a common place you know you’ll see the person again.

If someone is engaging in conversation or seems open to it thats one thing, but typically headphones in and staying clear of others, leave them the fuck alone.

Mollzor9 points路2 years ago

You see a potential mate. You look at her, she looks at you, you look away. Look at her again, when she looks at you, smile. If she smiles back, yay! If she doesn’t look at you again or doesn’t smile, she is not interested.

Look in her eyes long enough to notice her eye color.

waterhouse788 points路2 years ago

Meeting women at gyms is why 鈥榳omen only鈥 gyms exists. I鈥檓 sure most women just want to work out and not be ogled at. But I was recently at an only – women鈥檚 gym and this butch made me feel uncomfortable. People need to stop treating it like a nightclub.

I think the gym can be ok so long as you can also read social cues. Don’t attempt to have long conversations there and know when to stop if a woman doesn’t seem interested. Most people have places to be and would be bothered to be held up too long.

Work

2 years ago

I met my husband at work. It can be done, as long as both parties are discreet and mature about it.

At work; “Its inappropriate because it can create unprofessional situations”

Fuck, no. It is not. Most married people met at work or at school. Work is a PERFECT place to meet people, because it leads to reasonable relationships. HR is worried that you’ll bang a chick, and then you’ll collaborate to rob the business or be unfair to others. HR is fucking insane. You are not insane, you have better judgment than them. So fuck them. Do NOT buy their flawed logic just because it’s common in corporations.

Hobbies are a way to meet women. Friends. Social gatherings. For the most part, you’re fucked though. You’re a guy, and women are scared shitless of guys in the West.

Come to Asia, or the Philippines, where women are still liberated women and will be welcoming to conversation and dating.

Dog parks for the win. Watched my GF’s dog for a few weeks, dog owners are HIGHLY social. No walls. Random girls will say hello just to pet the dog.

Be friends first, and take it from there. You can make just friends, anywhere, including work.

Dancing lessons. Any place that teaches swing or country.

Hobbies

RussetHelm2 points路2 years ago

1 – Look up all the dating apps which require the girl to show interest in YOU. This way you won’t waste too much time on them. If you are really looking, you will need to put at least some effort into the dating apps because they are so prevalent, especially among people in their 20’s.

2 – Find an activity that you do not mind too much, and which has a disproportionately female demographic. Things like book clubs, dance lessons, and even going to church typically have more women interested in them. This isn’t ideal of course, but keep in mind that women are often interested in different things than the most popular male activities and interests like sports or PVP gaming. By finding an activity that women are interested in that you at least do not mind engaging in, you not only can find some women, but you will have a much better range of options. Reverse this in your mind, and you should get the principle. A girl who loves football or Call of Duty could be a good bit heavier or uglier and still meet plenty of guys.

Adult kickball or other sports leagues are a great way to make friends and meet potential romantic partners. If you’re in a specific career field, go to networking events in your area. Meetup.com

Not seen as an outcast at all! I picked up social ballroom and latin dance about 6 months ago and I was definitely the nervous newbie. I checked out 2 dance studios in my area; the one I stuck with offered a free 30 minute private lesson with one of the instructors, which gave me a chance to meet one of the people who would be teaching the group class and get myself familiar with the basics of a single dance. That made it easier for me to feel comfortable going to a group class.

Try checking out studios in the area to see if they offer something similar. If not, it’s pretty much a guarantee that you’ll see beginner level classes on a schedule, which are safe for newbies. My biggest recommendation is to go with an open attitude and be willing to take direction and try new things. I’ve danced with new dancers who, when I get to them in rotation, immediately start putting themselves down. It’s much more fun to learn to dance with someone who is at least attempting to be optimistic about what they can learn.

If you have any questions about the social dance scene, feel free to PM me. 馃檪

Bars

You’ve already named one place to literally meet women, a bar. No, its not for one nighters, theres some women that goes there to get to know guys too. But theres literally lots of other public places you can meet them at also. A beach? don’t you watch vitalyzd’s youtube channel? coffee shops, retail stores/malls, events whether its a big event or local like an art show or a concert. Hell you can meet women volunteering at some place, its totally fine cause you’re just volunteering and you don’t work there so it doesn’t create an unprofessional atmosphere.

Take a course, for example drawing.

Also, the focus shouldn’t be on meeting women. Your focus should be to expand your social circle. Someone from work is having a birthday party? Cool, now you can meet new people at that party. Expand your social circle, eventually you’ll meet a girl you like.

I don’t necessarily agree with the bar thing. I don’t mind being approached at a bar (that’s how I met my ex) but you have to have the social skills to know when a woman isn’t interested and don’t be a bother. There’s definitely been plenty of guys who didn’t get the hint and it got uncomfortable.

MISC

2 years ago

I’ve recently started going to parties hosted by cosplay people and since gaming and cosplay go hand in hand there have been a lot of gaming girls at these events. These events are hosted at video gaming lounge bars and often have themes. Could be a good place to start, check your area if there is any such thing where you live.

jml51015 points路2 years ago

You can meet someone almost anywhere. I would just make sure that she appears approachable and isn’t busy doing something before going ahead. For example, I wouldn’t bother someone who is either reading, listening to music, or doing stuff with her phone. The best places I can think of to meet people are the ones that actually encourage social interaction, such as parties, classes (can be any type of class, not necessarily school), Meetup events, or school clubs.

2 years ago

There is no wrong place to meet someone. Hell, I know people who met at rehab and have a wonderful, sober life together and welcomed their first child two years ago. They are as happy as ever.

Do things you like, and you will meet a girl that you have something in common with. Leave the judging to people who have nothing better to do.

2 years ago

Met my wife at the library.

Had an initial chat about favorite authors. Asked if she wanted a coffee.

Went from there.

Karfro3 points路2 years ago

Dancing classes are the classic.

Beside that some new hobbies would help, like some new sport.

You can meet people at work. But you can’t just make a pass at them. At work, it’s more akin to a friendship expanding to become a relationship. There’s more personality involved than a walk-up-and-propose-bumping-uglies. Is the receptionist cute? Talk to her a bit every day and see if any chemistry develops. Go out with a group of work people after work sometimes and see if anything develops.

There’s the risk of things going badly if you break up and both still work together, but as long as you aren’t the guy all the workplace women know makes a pass at every woman in the company, the workplace isn’t off limits. Just need to move more slowly, maturely, and professionally.

The gym is ok if the woman seems warm to you. If you’ve never seen her there before or she’s wearing headphones or avoiding eye contact, she’s not interested. If you see each other semi regularly and smile at each other and make occasional small talk, there’s a potential opening. It’s similar to the workplace but a little more casual.

You can meet women at the bar, too. Sure, the easiest women to pick up are the ones actively looking for a one night stand or something casual, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t single women who go to bars just for a drink (and then happen to meet you), or women who look for casual sex and catch feels.

The “rules” about the workplace, gym, and bars are just general rules. If you’re sniffing around just looking for sex, they’re good to follow. If you’re legitimately looking for a woman to be a potential partner, they’re everywhere. Just be mindful of the circumstances and their body language and treat meeting women there as something that聽can聽happen, but not something you’re expecting to happen.

I met my wife at work and she only wanted a casual thing. A couple weeks later it was her that wanted the relationship.

The park can be a good spot, just don’t bug anyone who’s in the middle of doing anything. Buddy of mine from work has got some phone numbers just by going along his jogging route to / from the park, jogging with whoever he meets along the way.

Book stores are a great spot, as are malls. Again, just don’t bug anyone who’s doing anything. If they’re walking casually, skimming through random products, and just doddering around? Then it’s a good sign that they’re open to chat. Another good hint is if you keep catching each others eye contact.

Grocery shopping can be a good spot, depending how crowded the place is though.

Most cities have events that are great for meetups. In my city the waterpark occasionally hosts an 18+ party night with liquor license. There’s this funky childrens science museum that occasionally hosts an adults trivia night; you match up with random trivia groups to compete for little door prizes, there’s snacks and liquor, it’s good times.

Join an amateur coed sports league. Doesn’t matter what sport, amateur leagues are very chill – they’ll teach you how to play, which is a good ice breaker.

Volunteer. People will pay +$100 for a night out to maybe socialize and meet some new people at the bar / club, when you can get the guarantee of socializing and meeting new people every week if you volunteer.

ReasonReaderMale2 points路2 years ago

Strip clubs, crack houses, DMV lines…

I think there is no one place to meet women. The best strategy in my opinion is to live your life in a way that maximizes serendipity. which may mean just being more social in your daily life, learning to be better with small talk etc.

As you can see, it’s not so much about WHERE to meet women as much as it as HOW you go about meeting them.

The truth is, you can meet women anywhere. Because they are literally everywhere. That is, if your attraction skills are good enough.

Attraction skills are the real factor.

If you’re looking to increase your attraction skills, check out this free training on dating and attraction, and start meeting girls with ease.

Talk soon,

Grant

Categories
Dating

Why Telling A Girl The Phrase “I Like You” Is Dating Suicide

There is one question in particular that I get from a large majority of guys who are at the very beginning stages of their dating journey.

And believe it or not, I was once in their position was well – but I was asking this question (after a horrible and awkward experience where the girl would literally and physically sprint away from me) at around age 15 instead of 30.

The only reason I brought that age comparison up is to show you that if you’re currently 30 years old (or older) asking this question and going through something like this, then you are in the very beginning stages of your dating skills development. Which isn’t a bad thing. We all start there, just at different times. The main point is, you can get better. It just takes two things:

C-O-U-R-A-G-E to overcome your fears and question your own current assumptions, values & belief systems (about women and morality) and P-R-A-C-T-I-C-E to put your newfound learnings into action.

The Guy That Asks This Question:

If you’re asking this question, you are a guy who has maybe kissed one or two girls in his life, and may or may not have lost his virginity. You are most likely a guy that has never been able to (yet) manage a “friends with benefits” types of relationship, and may even find yourself getting angry at other “jerks” for even considering such disrespectful relationships with women. And are confused why women even agree to those in the first place.

If this sounds like you, let me ask you a couple questions (and basically call you out for your own benefit because I love you):

Why are you putting women (and people in particular) on a pedestal?

Why are you lying to yourself, telling yourself you don’t have sexual urges and desires, while simultaneously suppressing them (which is only pissing you off inside) and playing the “nice guy that’s going to save her?”

Why don’t you want to question your own assumptions and beliefs about women? Are you afraid of becoming one of the “mean guys”?

Why are you running away from being one of the “mean guys?” And how long are you going to allow your “nice guy” facade to go on?

Why can’t you admit that being a go-getter that has a rotation of 10 women ready for him at every moment is alluring, interesting, and worthy of striving towards?

I’m here to tell you that you can get there. IF you unleash your inner rage (that you sure as hell know is in there) in a positive and proactive way and take control of your dating life.

No more “I’m not an aggressive person” or “I’m just super laid back”. You need to begin to strip away the beliefs that are forcing you to play the character of the “nice guy” (which isn’t even really you) and take a stand against them from holding you back from what you can become.

So…

Here’s the question.

The Question Is Basically This:

“Why did this girl change (seemingly overnight) when I told her that I liked her? It’s almost like we’re both negative magnets now. Meaning, I literally repel her.”

And here’s your answer:

The Question Itself Implies A Gap In The Social Skills You Need To Start Dating Beautiful (Or Any) Women

Guys who date multiple, beautiful girls NEVER explicitly tell a girl “I like you”.

They imply it. And do little “heat checks” to see where the girl is currently at with her interest level. I’ll explain more about “heat checks” in a bit.

Here’s a story that will help you understand why just telling a girl “I like you” is dating suicide:

I sold insurance to old people over the phone for two years. And I F******* loved it. I called myself the “insurance guy you wish your grandmother got on the phone”

But why did I like it? Isn’t selling insurance supposed to be terrible?

Well, It depends on how you look at it. I loved it because I love helping people. And insurance (especially to old people) is one of those areas that people have very little in-depth knowledge of. So when you know your stuff, you can truly help people by guiding them to a solution that they literally could have never done themselves. It was extremely rewarding, but required a lot of “soft skills” that are the exact same soft skills that come to building attraction with a woman.

To get someone to buy insurance with me over the phone, without them ever seeing me in person, I had to:

  • Build rapport with them extremely quickly
  • Get them to trust me extremely quickly
  • Get them to think “this guy isn’t like the other insurance guys” extremely quickly
  • Make sure we were on the same page before moving forward together, otherwise i’d look like a “fishy insurance salesman” that was trying to give them something they didn’t want or need
  • And finally, take the lead (once I knew we were on the same page) by actively moving the conversation forward to the PURCHASE and helping them improve their insurance situation

Now here’s the crazy part. To get a girl to date me, I have to:

  • Build rapport with her extremely quickly
  • Get her to trust me extremely quickly
  • Get her to think “this guy isn’t like the other weirdos” extremely quickly
  • Make sure we are on the same page before moving forward together, otherwise i’d look like a “pushy douchebag” or “the guy that can’t read social cues” that was trying to give her something she didn’t want
  • And finally, take the lead (once I knew we were on the same page) by actively moving the conversation forward to the DATE and making it easy for the girl to say yes

It’s the same process.

And in both situations, you ignoring the “making sure we are on the same page” part will ENSURE that the girl figuratively – or literally – runs away from you. Ignoring the “making sure we are on the same page” part of the process is what is getting you “she got all weird and is running away from me” result.

Before We Get To The Answer, Put Yourself In Her Shoes For A Second

Make sure you read the story above before you read this part. The insurance story was a metaphor for the problem that you are facing when you tell her you like her.

When you tell her you like her, this is the conversation she is having with her friends:

So becky, you won’t believe this. I randomly met this guy a couple months ago at that volunteer thing. He seemed really shy and timid, and kind of socially weird. That was really all I remember from it. Anyway, we were put together on some projects and he would just sort of orbit around me. I would catch him staring at me from the corner of my eye and it began to get a little weird, but we were working together so there wasn’t much I could do. Eventually he started trying to talk to me and ask things about my life. Even though I was clearly uninterested, he kept talking and talking until I could find an excuse to leave without hurting his feelings. I was being nice because I didn’t want to be mean to him and leave, and the conversations were usually very bland and boring. He’s never said anything remotely funny. But to make things worse, he somehow found my instagram and followed me. I followed him back because I didn’t want it to be awkward, but I now feel kind of weird about it. He hasn’t really said anything to me that has been sexual, and I’m definitely getting the stalker vibe. *two weeks later* Well, he literally just told me he likes me. I don’t get how he doesn’t see how uninterested I am. I know if I just straight up tell him that he’s weird, he would be crushed. So I just told him I was working on myself, I think. I can’t really remember because it was so stressful. Anyway, I’ve let this go on for too long. I have to start avoiding him so he gets the message, otherwise it’s just going to get even worse.

There Are Two Problems: A Lack Of Understanding Social Cues And A Lack Of The Psychology Of Women

If you are currently a guy who’s telling a girl “I like you” without sleeping with her for at least 3 months, then there are two problems that you are experiencing – that if not fixed – will screw you over forever. I’ll go through both of these separately.

#1: A Lack Of Understanding Social Cues

This is going to be a harsh truth, but you need to hear it:

You are lacking social cues. And it’s because you are being selfish.

How are you being selfish, you ask?

Because instead of looking at peoples faces and body language, and respecting the signals they are always at every moment giving to you, you are stuck in your head ignoring the outside world. Completely oblivious to the social signs the girl is giving you. And it’s this ignorance of the outside world’s reactions that is screwing you over.

Let me tie this back to the insurance example again.

Telling a girl “I like you” when she has 0 interest in you is like me trying to say “Hey Nancy, grab your credit card so I can sell you this insurance policy” after she’s been telling me “I don’t need any insurance, Grant” for the last 20 minutes. It’s just an uncalibrated move that is coming out of left field.

How To Get Better At Reading Social Cues:

The first thing you’re going to want to work on is getting better at reading social cues. You can do this by simply talking to more people, and paying attention to their facial expressions, body language, etc. It also helps if you have a certain outcome in mind, like getting someone to come into a store with you, and then trying to build enough rapport with them so they will actually come with you. When you do this enough times, you will be able to feel the moment when they like you enough to come with you intuitively.

Why “Heat Checking” Is The Key To Success

“Heat checking” means checking the temperature of something. In the case of dating, it means doing little compliance tests to see if the girl will comply with you on a smaller scale before you do something bigger like asking her on a date. I have a good example of heat checking here. Here is also another one.

In this example, this girl and I recently started talking so I have no idea where her interest level in me is. So to figure it out, I do little “heat checks” by making jokes and seeing if she goes along with them.

The key with heat checks is that you want give the girl an opportunity to reject you on a smaller scale, like not going along with one of your jokes. Doing this allows you to see the level of interest she has in you, because if she is rejecting one of your smaller compliances (like going along with a joke) she will obviously reject bigger ones (like a date).

But, if she does go along with them, then you know she is at least interested up to that certain point. And if she doesn’t go along with them, you know you have some more rappot to build. When rejected for a heat check, I usually “pull back” and try to build up some more interest – usually in the form of jokes – and do another one. Here is a successful heat check:

For this example, I have no idea if the girl is interested in me. So I need to find out.

In order to do this, I do a “heat check” and give her the opportunity to reject me on a smaller scale. In this case, I say “i don’t know if this will work with you living far away because I never learned to drive. I was born without arms or legs or the ability to roll quickly”.

The reason this is a GREAT heat check is because it is doing a S*** ton of things for me at once. It is conveying that i’m high status by saying “I’m not sure if this will work”, it is something funny that she’s never seen before, it is helping me with logistics and seeing if she actually has a car and can drive to me (because I don’t want to drive the 30 minutes to see her), and it also gives us a chance to move forward together by giving her the chance to reject me .

Instead of saying “It’s all good I have a car” and going along with it, she could have said something like “uhhh… okay?” or “uhhh… bad joke”. And if she said something like that, then I’d know where we stood at that moment.

The cool thing about heat checks is that even if she said something like “Yeah that does suck. Better get a car to see me” or “No I don’t have a car, you better find one!”, she is still going along with my joke and showing interest. The only way to lose in that situation is if she completely shuts it down or just ghosts it.

Alright, I could write an entire post on heat checking. If you need more help, email me grant@stepbystepdating.com or check out this free training. Moving on.

#2: Not Understanding The Psychology Of A Woman

Women do not think like we do. They do not view attraction like we do. The second problem you are experiencing along with not being able to properly read social cues is not properly understanding the psychology of a woman. It is MUCH MUCH different than ours.

We as guys know that if a girl was nice to us, we would probably start to like her (as long as she was attractive). The problem is, guys take this understanding of how attraction works for them and project it onto girls. Girls do not think this way at all. In fact, what makes them like you is the complete OPPOSITE!

Too many guys think they need to be “nice” to a girl to get her to like them, and if that doesn’t work, they should just keep being nicer, and nicer, and nicer, until it works. This is the opposite of what you need to do.

To understand what you actually need to do, you must first need to understand what women are attracted to:

Status.

Status is where you stand in the pecking order. And the higher you are (or are perceived to be) in the pecking order, the more likely you are to attract a women on your level or below where you are in the pecking order.

Here is an extremely helpful model for understanding women and dating:

Women date men who they perceive to be on their level and above them in the pecking order. Men date women who they perceive to be on their level and below them in the pecking order.

So if you want to date a girl, you need to make her believe that you are above her in the pecking order. (on her level works too, but above her is safer). Here’s a visual.

This is obviously hyperbolic, but it does have a LOT of truth in it. I mean think about it, if a 500lb women with a meth addiction told you that she liked you, wouldn’t you be like “why would I date her when I could do so much better?”. Well, girls do the same thing. But instead of being a meth addict, all you have to be is “too nice” LOL. It’s strange, but it’s reality.

You Saying “I Like You” Is Instantly Putting You Below Her Level

Guys who date a lot of girls never say the words “I like you”. Because according to the chart above, once you say you like her, it means that you are elevating her status above yours. Which is super unattractive to women.

What To Do Instead

Your main problem is that you are “hiding” your interest in her, and then just slamming her with it all on her at one time. There is nothing bad or wrong about showing interest in a woman. In fact, it is NECESSARY if you ever want to date her. And the earlier you do it, the better.

Instead of hiding your attraction to her, you want to express sexual interest in her without saying it directly – and always judging her reactions to what you are doing.

If you get any negative feedback at all, pull back a little back, and try another heat check in a few minutes. Heat checks could be in the form of great eye contact, light touching and joking around, or telling her that you don’t think she’s cool enough to be talking to you, in a playful way. Doing all of these things will help her understand that you are flirting with her.

Instead of telling you that you like her, start by doing verbal “heat checks” like making jokes and seeing if she laughs, or asking for her help on smaller things. If she complies with these smaller things, you will be able to build up to the point of you and her dating once you get your dating skills up.

Again, I could go on forever about this. I will be writing an entire book on female psychology (because it is the most important aspect when it comes to successful dating) but the basic premise is this:

Women like high status guys. So act like a high status guy (until you really become one).

That’s all I got for now. If you need more help, email me grant@stepbystepdating.com or check out this free training.

Never say “I like you” again,

Grant

Categories
Status

Alpha Male Strategies | 10 Strategies To Live Like An Alpha Male

Here are some of the best alpha male strategies that I have come across and incorporated in my own life.

It is important to remember that alpha male strategies aren’t just techniques you can pull off to achieve alpha status. Alpha male strategies are instead ways of thinking – that alpha men carry within themselves – in their own daily lives.

Know Yourself

One of the Alpha male’s strategies to extreme confidence and success is knowing himself better than anyone else. This allows him to shed insults with ease and attack his goals with relentless focus. An alpha male does not spend time dwelling on his insecurities or his failures, instead he puts that mental energy into something productive, like his next project. An alpha male reflects on his purpose daily and can course correct in real-time when he catches himself drifting.

Take Responsibility For Your Life

The alpha male takes responsibility for everything in his life. He laughs at the people he sees complaining and blaming everyone and everything else for their problems – as he sees they are trapping themselves in victimhood and mediocrity. The alpha male always reflects on every negative situation and tries to decipher the truth of it – seeing where he may have made a mistake and where he could have improved. The alpha male is not afraid to admit to himself that he isn’t where he needs to be yet. He accepts it and begins putting in the work. The alpha male also takes personal responsibility for the group. If the group begins to stray, the alpha male will carefully correct the group and state his case for why they should change their direction and follow him.

Put Your Purpose First

The most important alpha male strategy is to put your purpose above everything else. The reason a purpose is so important is because of how difficult it is to establish a purpose. The average guy goes through life without realizing that a purpose is something that is chosen, and wastes his entire life waiting for a dream that never comes. Instead, the alpha male chooses his own direction, and commits. He understands that with all of the opportunity in the world we live in, choosing is the hardest part. He trains himself to trust his intuition, and to continually progress forward, even when doubt regarding his decisions may creep into his mind. He understands he can course correct at any time, and nothing is more powerful than intelligently and diligently moving forward with his eyes wide open. An alpha male also creates “sacred time” for his purpose. An alpha male is a pro at setting time aside each and every day to progress towards what he wants to manifest into reality. He understands the preciousness of this block of time, and guards it with his life – saying no to anyone who may try and impede upon it.

Put Your Opinion First

An alpha male trusts his own judgement, perception, and intuition more than anyone else’s. He has learned throughout his life that facts are hard to come by, and so much of our physical world is colored by subjective opinion. Because of this, he has learned to always trust his intuitive instincts, because history has proven them right over and over again, even in the face of opposition. The alpha male believes his preferences, tastes, and opinions are more correct than anyone elses. He is able to hear and understand other people’s point of views, and if they don’t seem reasonable to him, he will politely disregard them and stand firm in his own truth. He is not afraid to speak his mind and let people know when he does not approve of their behaviors.

Put Your Tribe First

The alpha male treats members of his tribe like one of his own. His purpose is hard to separate from the people he leads, because they are an integral part of his vision and his success. The alpha male always looks out for his people, protects them against threats, and inspires them to conquer enemies / obstacles. The alpha male understands that tyranny is only a short-term solution, so hearing and understanding all of his people is a major part of his worldview. When his followers fall out of line, the alpha male is not afraid to course correct them and maybe even inspire fear in them to keep them following command.

Be More Passionate

The alpha male has a natural passion or “life energy” that drips off of him and is felt by everyone in his presence. It is not uncommon for the alpha male to find that people close to him start to take interest in the things he likes, or to adopt words that he uses. His passion alone can inspire and entertain anyone in conversation, as people who meet him rarely come into contact with someone who is taking life head on.

Inspire People With Words

The alpha male can influence people’s decision making abilities by influencing them with words and showing them the benefits of thinking what he thinks and believing in what he believes. Because the alpha male believes in himself so much, the majority of people tend to take his word at face value simply because of the conviction that he speaks with. And the people who initially disagree may begin to doubt their own opinions and perspectives.

Know When To React And When To Let Things Go

The alpha male knows when to take action and when to let things go. There are many things in this world that the alpha male can not control. Not only is he okay with that, but he has dedicated his life to focusing and dedicating his energy only towards what he can control: His thoughts, words, and actions.

Know How To Set Boundaries

Boundaries are communicated expectations. They are what protect the alpha male from wasting his time / energy on people and or things that may drain him of his valuable, precious energy. To maintain successful relationships, the alpha male sets boundaries by letting people know what he expects and what he will not put up with. The power in his boundaries lies in his ability to walk away. He needs nothing from anybody. He is the definition of self love (which I will touch on in a sec) and needs only his own validation to move forward in this world. More often than night, people do not test his boundaries more than once because they feel the conviction in his voice when he sets them. He knows what he wants (and doesn’t want) and is a master at communicating these things to other people and having them obey them.

Love Yourself

The alpha male loves himself. Meaning although he is unsatisfied with where he is currently at and is always striving for more, he balances that insatiable ambition with a state of contentment for his current self and the situation he is in. He spends no time beating himself up or reflecting on the past, unless it is to learn or serves some sort of purpose for him. His level of love for himself which he has cultivated over the course of many years radiates off him, and it is not uncommon for people who come into contact with him to feel and absorb his confidence and contentment.

Categories
Attraction Dating

Ghosted After First Date: 7 Common Reasons Why

Ghosted after the first date?

It sucks.

But the good news is, getting ghosted after the first date can be a great time to really learn about how you’re being perceived and make any necessary adjustments needed to really explode your dating life.

In this article, I’ll cover the 7 most common reasons why someone might get ghosted after the first date and what you can do about it to ensure that it never happens again.

Ghosted After First Date Reason #1: You’re Not Interesting Enough

This can be the most painful realization but also the most helpful. A large majority of the time, if you’re getting ghosted after the first date, it may simply be because you are not interesting enough. If this is the case, then it would serve you well to build up your charisma and social skills to the point to where you can keep someone’s interest by telling them stories about virtually anything. I have an entire video on how to to be more interesting and never run out of things to say here.

If you’ve been ghosted due to a lack of being interesting, one of the best techniques you can learn to do is to become less logical. This means that instead of asking the girl normal things like “where do you work” and “what is your favorite food”, ask her unordinary questions about random topics that keep her interested and engaged. It should become normal to you to talk about 50-100 topics in the span of a first date.

GGATFD Reason #2: The Date Went P-P-Poorly

Another common reason why someone may get ghosted after the first date is because the date went poorly. It has been my experience that when the date goes poorly, you will usually feel it in your soul. Signs of a bad date involve her constantly checking her phone instead of talking to you, seeming uninterested, and going to the bathroom frequently (unless you’re having drinks), and leaving the date with a general feeling of “I didn’t like that”. Avoid that at all costs.

If you start noticing signs that the date is going poorly, either change venue locations or consciously steer the conversation onto more interesting, emotionally-fueled topics.

GGATFD Reason #3: She Has Chads For Days

If you’re a guy who’s been ghosted after the first date, chances are that the girl you’re talking to has better options to choose from. Girls will often go on a first date with a guy to “test him out”, and if he doesn’t pass, they will either ghost him after the first date or send him a “I just didn’t feel a connection” text.

If you’re continually being ghosted after the first date, you may need to work on skills like speaking your mind and disagreeing with her opinions. If she says something you do not agree with, you need to let her know that you respect her opinion but you also disagree. Doing this in a playful way will make the interaction more interesting and peg you as a guy who isn’t afraid to say what he thinks, which is very attractive for women.

GGATFD #4: You’re Awkward AND You Come Off As Sensitive (The Deadly Duo)

A lot of women will feel like they are obligated to ghost an awkward guy if he also comes off as sensitive for fear of hurting his feelings. Or at least having to deal with them. If she gets the vibe that you’re not only awkward but also extremely sensitive, you can expect to get ghosted.

The only cure for awkwardness is repetition and practice so you can beat the fear out of yourself. Social skills are exactly that, skills. And just like all other skills, they need to be learned. You can’t expect to have a non-awkward date if you’re not going on dates and getting through the awkward phase. The most non-awkward and “smooth” guys are simply the guys who have had the most practice. It’s all about overcoming fears and repetition.

GGAFTD Reason #5: Not Pitching Any Ideas For Future Dates In A Fun Way

Another reason you could be getting ghosted after the first date is because you’re not playfully proposing ideas for future dates. I have a great technique for doing this called “fake joke worlds” which I cover in an article here. Read it and master it. The key to proposing future dates is by doing it in a way that doesn’t come off as needy. Meaning, when you propose the date, she has to get a feeling from you that you don’t really care whether she actually goes on the date with you or not because you’re just having fun and saying what you think.

Another thing proposing future dates does is get her talking about she likes. If you propose a wild date idea, not only will she be excited and caught off guard, but she may also dislike the idea and tell you how crazy it is. This is a good thing. Why? Because you can then ask her things like “Well then where are you taking me for out next date?” and she will begin explaining to you where she wants to take YOU for your next date together. It’s fun, playful, and effective.

GGATFD #6: She Was Looking For A Hookup And You Boyfriended Yourself

Sometimes girls will ghost guys because they are looking for a hookup or “fun times with a fun guy” while the guy is giving off the “let’s get married and have 15 kids tomorrow” vibe. If this happens to be you, then you are probably getting ghosted after the first date…

If you are a guy who is looking for a long-term commitment, your best play (besides asking yourself WHY) is to first establish yourself as an attractive man and then dabbler in the more provider qualities later on. If you can establish yourself as a high-status and attractive man early, then you will have the most leverage possible for turning your relationship into a long-term one. Going into any relationship (romantic, business, or friendship) with a “this has to be long-term” can be extremely harmful to your mental and psychic health.

GGATFD #7: Literally Any Reason

The truth is, there are so many reasons guys get ghosted that I genuinely believe “literally any reason” should be on this list. It is almost impossible to understand exactly what caused a woman to act or react in a certain way, and it’s often times pointless to try and figure it out. I have known many men who have went down the “why did she do that” rabbit hole that only ends up in confusion, frustration, and headaches. It is in these situations that women (and men too for that matter) have the tendency to act in a non-logical fashion, so trying to logically and cause-and-effectly put together different pieces of a puzzle can be like trying to…

to…

It just sucks, okay?

Categories
Attraction Online Dating

The Single Best Tinder Opener You Will Ever Find (And 2 Others)

Here is the best tinder opener that you will ever find.

The reason these tinder openers are so powerful is because they show a level of creativity that most men either don’t have or simply won’t engage with. And girls will recognize that.

Although these tinder openers may seem difficult at first, practicing and using Google as your friend will build your opener skills to the point that you will be able to generate a creative tinder opener wherever and whenever you want. And these skills will serve you for years to come.

You Need To Separate Yourself On Tinder Openers

The reason for the Tinder opener isn’t just to start up a conversation, but also to separate yourself from the hundreds of other boring guys she is getting messages from each and every day.

I have seen “tinder graveyards” of girl’s phones stacked to the brim with messages from hundreds of dudes (including very attractive guys) that she had stockpiled in her unread box all because they had openers like “hey” “hi” or “hows it going”.

The reason these boring openers never get responded to is because it is putting a lot of pressure on the girl to continue the conversation. But when you make a pun out of her name, the conversation will instantly flow more naturally because the creativity in the opener will spark a reaction. And then you can react to her reaction.

Get Your Profile Right Before You Send The Best Tinder Opener Ever

Even if you do in fact send the best Tinder opener in the game, chances are it will still flop if your profile is bad.

Before you start sending these tinder openers, you’re going to want to make sure you spend some time putting some effort into your Tinder profile and making it something that is actually presentable and attractive to people. Here are some things that will help your profile (and therefore your response rates)

Get High Quality Pictures

Getting high quality pictures is as easy as asking your friend to take pictures of you on your iphone or posting an ad on craigslist and telling someone they can take portrait pictures of you to build up their portfolio. I can not stress enough how important having good (and high quality) pictures on your profile is. And if you can, get a picture with a dog. This is a big deal.

Write A Funny Bio

Girls love humor. To put yourself in the best position possible for success, you are going to want to write something that is at least moderately funny. I would also go a step further and say that “cocky humor” would be even better, but that really depends on the type of girl you’re looking to attract. Be aware that how you construct your profile will attract and repel specific types of people.

Ok…

Now that we’ve covered that…

Here’s the best Tinder opener ever.

The Best Tinder Opener: Punning Names

Out of all the tinder openers I have tried (and I have tried thousands) by far the most consistently successful openers are the ones where I have actively used the girl’s name in a pun. You’d be surprised at just how many names you can spin into a pun and use in a creative / funny way.

The reason these are the best tinder openers are because they are usually completely unique to anything the girl has ever seen. And that’s starting off the interaction in a memorable way that she will appreciate – because most guys won’t come this close to either the effort or creativity put into the opener.

Google Is Your Friend When It Comes To The Best Tinder Opener

Sometimes you will get really unique names that you don’t think you can pun. Think again. If you come across a name that you don’t think you can pun, you can usually rhyme the name and create a funny phrase by substituting the word that rhymes with their name for their actual name. You can also use nicknames – like “Sammi” for Samantha – and say something like “gurl do u live in Subway cuz u r the prize Sammi”. Does it make sense? Not really. But it does use their name as a pun.

Examples Of The Best Tinder Opener In Action (The Name Pun)

Here are real examples of the best tinder opener being sent to different girls with different names. Notice how for each of these situations, you can generally think of something to pun their name with. Sometimes you might have to get creative, and even stretch it, but it is usually doable. I’ll also be going over another option if her name is simply im-punsible to pun.

As you can see, the “name punning” opener usually gets amazing responses. And I have personally used it to open many conversations that have lead to actual dates followed by actual relationships.

If The Best Tinder Opener Can’t Work, Now What?

Songs.

Sometimes you will find girls that have ridiculously unique names that simply cannot be punned no matter how hard you try. If this happens, simply revert to song or poetry. Works like a charm.

For the sake of this example, I used Lauren as an example. Lauren’s name can most definitely be punned, but for the sake of the article, I chose to rendition the song Hey There Delilah and slid in with that. These work pretty well too because they still involve some level of creativity, which again, most guys won’t have / do.

Songs

Putting girl’s names into songs is another great tinder opener because, well, you have a lot of songs to choose from.

I will usually either use songs they have recommended in their bios or things I think they will like from the type of person they are portraying on their profile. So if it’s a county girl, i’ll use a country song.

If you can use their name and something else in their bio, it works even better. Even though Lauren’s name is extremely punnable, for the sake of this article, I put it into a song with where she was from. You’d be surprised how many different ways you can do songs like this, all of which being extremely unique to the girl you are sending them to.

Responding To Statements in Their Bio

Responding to statements in their bio is another great way to showcase some creativity while also delivering very unique openers.

The reason responding to statements in their bio is so effective is because you are instantly building rapport by bringing up something that are are either interested in or familiar with.

Do You Have A Best Tinder Opener?

The name puns are by far the most successful tinder openers that I have ever used that have any form of consistency to them. When I think back on what has worked, it has been either a name pun or a random, song, or something i’ve responded to on their profile.

Do you have any other best tinder openers? If you do, feel free to share them below. I’ll try them out.

If you need any help with dating, feel free to check out this free training or join my exclusive email list.

Categories
Dating Online Dating

How To Get A Girlfriend On Facebook


If you’re wondering how to get a girlfriend on Facebook, you’ve come to the right place.

With the internet and social media connecting billions of people to each other, massive social networks – like Facebook – have become massive social hubs that have the potential to connect you with the girl of your dreams. IF you go about it the right way.

This article will teach you exactly how to get a girlfriend on facebook, step by step.

Get Your Facebook Profile Looking Good

If you’re serious about landing a Facebook girlfriend, you are going to want to make sure that your profile looks good. This means that you are going to want to get high quality pictures with you and your friends, answer questions on your bio, and make sure your Facebook profile is representable and not repulsive. The quality of your Facebook profile will be a huge make or break in this situation.

To know if your profile is good or not, you are going to want to view your profile as the girl you want to date. Ask yourself this:

“If I was the girl I want to date, would I date myself?”

And the answer to that question can often lead you in the right direction.

Groups, Groups, Groups

Facebook groups are going to be the go-to place for you to land your Facebook girlfriend. The reason is because with Facebook groups, you will be able to find a large amount of people (fairly easily) who are interested in the same types of things that you are. Which makes conversation a lot easier.

To find a group, simply go to the top search bar and search for anything that you’re interested in, chances are there’s a group for it. I’d apply to multiply groups and begin engaging in all of them if you’re really serious about finding your Facebook girlfriend.

Start Sending Friend Requests

Once you’re in a couple facebook groups, it is now time to search for you facebook girlfriend. You can do this by simply either going through the “members” tab on the group list, or by clicking on profiles of people posting and then sending them friend requests. A great message to send is this:

“Hey x, saw you in the x facebook group. Hoping to connect!”.

And once you send the message, it now becomes a waiting game.

Open Up The Conversation When They Accept Your Friend Request

Once your future Facebook girlfriend accepts your friend request, you can now begin to open up the conversation that hopefully leads to you two falling in love and having at least 73 kids.

An easy way to open up the conversation in this situation is simply asking her about her experience with the group or about the topic that you are both mutually interested in. This is how that would look.

You: Hey Vanessa, saw you in the Call Of Duty facebook group. Would love to connect!

Her: *Accepts friend request*

You: Hey Vanessa, thanks for the connection. How long have you been in that COD group lol? I thought girls playing COD was a myth. A legend.

Her: Haha I just joined as well! Girls definitely do play COD, we just don’t talk about it as much!

And now you’re on your way.

Keep The Conversation Interesting

I have an entire post on how to keep a conversation going with a girl over text right here that I would highly recommend. But I’ll hit some highlights here.

Create “Fake Joke Worlds” With Her

Fake Joke Worlds are basically when you just create fake situations that involve you and her doing things together, whatever that might be. They key here is that they are jokes, so you want to keep them light and playful, not heavy and weird. Here’s an example:

Her: Yeah girls definitely do play COD, we just don’t talk about!

You: Haha I see. Will it be weird when we play in silence then? We’ll be communicating only via GAMERTAGS and yet still winning game after game.

So in this statement, you’ve just created a situation in which you are both playing COD together and are communicating only via gamer tags because she says she doesn’t talk about it. It’s a big joke within a big joke. All very fun and playful.

Ask Unique Questions

During your conversation with her, you will begin to learn things that are unique to her. Asking open-ended questions like “Why did you do x” or “how did you end up doing x” are great ways to get her talking.

The key with these questions is you want to ask her questions that you think she would enjoy answering. Get out of your own head and think about what she is interested in, and then ask her about it.

A huge problem guys make when having conversations with girls is that they ask boring questions that don’t get the ball moving like “how is your day going” or “how are you” instead of unique, specific questions like (in the case of the girl who plays COD) “how have you gotten your KD up?” How did you get into COD in the first place?” “How does it feel being like the only girl in the world that plays COD?”.

More specific questions like these will get you a much better response than generic questions that don’t really carry any weight.

Move The Conversation Off Of Facebook

Once you have enough “leverage” – meaning you think she likes you enough that she would agree to something – you will then want to move your conversation off of Facebook and take it to another platform, like text or Instagram.

The reason moving your conversation from one place to the other is because it gets you guys doing things together. Which is very important.

The way you can move the conversation from one place to another is by simply asking her a question like “what’s your #?” on a high point in the conversation, like after she laughs.

If She’s Close, Invite her To Meet In Person

If she’s in the general area that you live in, you can always invite her to an in-person date if things are going well. These first dates (especially when you haven’t yet met them in person) usually get higher yes rates if you start by something extremely low pressure (like drinks or coffee) rather than heavier things like a movie, date, or some other larger commitment.

I have also seen stories about people doing long-distance relationships that have organized flights to each other and have actually ended up moving in with each other when it’s all said and done. Also this is rare, it does happen, which may give you hope for turning your future Facebook girlfriend into your real life girlfriend.

Facebook Dating Is Also A Thing

There is actually a separate platform specifically designed for Facebook Dating

The Facebook dating app is a fairly standard app that is similar to Hinge in the way it looks. It has all the features you would normally want in a dating app as well as some unique ones like “secret crushes” which is where you can like people from your friend’s list and they have the ability to like you back. And then, if you both end up matching each other, you can continue a conversation with your newly admitted love.

Putting It All Together

Getting a girlfriend on Facebook comes down to getting a girlfriend just like anywhere else – basic dating skills.

If you can become the type of person that people will want to date, then people will want to date you. It’s that simple. But at that point, you will still need to go out and make things happen for yourself because nobody is going to do anything for you.

Leveraging Facebook as a dating platform can be a great way to jump into a pool of millions of people and eventually come out with someone you are compatible with. And armed with tools like being able to go through groups and use the facebook Dating app itself, you should be able to land a girlfriend with some sustained, consistent effort.

Categories
Attraction Dating Online Dating Status

Dating After College | The 3 Skills To Master Dating After College

For some people, dating after college can become a serious drop-off compared to what they were doing during their 4-year party.

But for other people, dating after college can become the best dating scenario they’ve ever experienced in their lives.

So what separates these two groups of people?

It’s simple:

One group has mastered the “dating after college” skills while the other hasn’t.

And I’m going to show you these skills – and teach how to build them up – right now. Step by Step.

Dating After College Is A Skillset That Needs To Be Learned

You can’t just fall into dating after college. You need to actively grab the reigns on your dating life and commit to making it the best it’s ever been.

The truth is, dating after college can be WAY better than dating in college ever was. I know that for me personally, my dating life didn’t transcend to it’s final form until I graduated, moved on, and really learned the skills necessary to put myself in the best position for success.

Because that’s exactly what it is. A skillset.

You can learn to get better at dating. And doing so will make your post-college life 1000% better.

The 3 Skills You Need To Be Successful For Dating After College

To have an abundant dating life after college, you need to master these 3 skills:

  • Finding people that you want to date (locating them)
  • Attracting those people to you (both in person and online)
  • Landing dates and moving things forward (closing)

These 3 skills are literally all you need to take your dating life after college to a place you’ve never even imagined. And although they are extremely simple in theory, they do require some EFFORT. Which i want to touch on right now.

The #1 Reason People Have Trouble Dating After College – Effort.

Effort is by far the biggest reason that people have trouble dating after college.

The large majority of people don’t put in the effort required to learn dating skills.

They don’t put in the effort required to go out and meet people.

They don’t put in the effort required to create a good looking online profile by having someone take high-quality pictures of themselves…

People just don’t put in the effort.

So if you want to separate from the crowd and be a success story, you’re going to first have to understand that while it does take some effort, it really doesn’t take that much. And taking that extra step will be a huge factor in your success.

Now let’s get into each one of these 3 skills, one by one.

Dating After College Skill #1: Finding People You Want To Date

Most people who have trouble dating after college don’t have trouble finding people to date. They have trouble finding the right people to date. And there’s a lot of factors that go into the skill of finding the right people to date.

Step #1 is to ask yourself the question of “who is the type of person I want to date?” and then once you have that answer, you can then ask yourself “where would this person hang out? What would they be doing at this time on the weekend? Who’s the type of person they would be attracted to?”

And then once you have the answer to those questions…

You can begin figuring out where they’ll be and what they are are attracted to. And once you know THAT, you just show up where they are as the type of person they’d be attracted to. It’s really that simple.

Meeting People Online Vs In Person

This is a debate that I think is very silly.

The truth is, online dating works. Even if it may not currently be working for you.

Some people who get into dating after college completely demonize online dating, which makes absolutely no sense to me. They are actively shutting out millions of people who they would not normally meet in their day-to-day life. And then complain about not finding anyone.

Both online and in-person work for meeting people. But again, both require effort and reflection. If you’re not meeting the type of person that you want to meet, it’s time to take an honest look at how you present yourself (and your online profile) and ask yourself “what type of person would be attracted to the person that I am projecting to the world?”

And chances are… it’s a lot of the type of people you’re currently dating.

Make Your Profile Better And Get Better Style

If you’re serious about taking your dating life after college to a new level, you’re going to want to have a killer dating profile and something presentable to show them when you meet them in person (aka your personal style).

both of these things do not cost a lot of money.

You can put an ad on craigslist to have an aspiring photographer take high-quality pictures of you for their portfolio. You can have your friend with the newest iphone take a portrait picture of you while you’re doing something cool. It literally doesn’t matter what you do, just make sure you have high-quality pictures and a funny, well-thought out bio. Put some effort into your dating life and watch the results come around.

In the same way, increasing your style isn’t expensive either. This is especially important for guys.

Going to H&M and buying a well-fitting shirt, some nice pants, and a pair of nice shoes will cost you under $100. Get one solid outfit and wear that on your first dates. Just be presentable to the person you are talking to. The goal is to be the person that the person you are dating will want to tell their friends about by saying “omg I’m dating this person and they are so cool”. Image is a factor in getting them to say that.

Dating After College Skill #2: Attracting The People You Want To Date

Now that you have an idea of where the person you want to date usually goes, it’s time to ask yourself that second question of “who is the person I want to date usually attracted to?”. And then become that person.

What I see all too often is girls who post photos of themselves smothered in makeup and wearing skimpy clothes, and then complaining about how they can never find guys who want to commit.

Are you kidding me?

Take a look at your profile bbgirl.

You are using sexuality as your attraction mechanism and then complain about you are attracting guys that only care about easy wins. This is when self-reflection is more important than ever.

In the same way, if you’re a guy who wants to date a really attractive women, but won’t even put the effort into getting one nice outfit that you can wear out in public, you are doing the same thing to yourself.

You are projecting to the world something that is attracting (or repelling) a specific type of person, and then complaining about it. Which is the opposite of you need to do.

Instead, you want to think about who the person you want to date would normally be attracted to, and then do everything in your power to make yourself (or at least seem like) that person. And that will help you tremendously.

Building Up Your Attraction Skills (For Men)

If you want to build up your attraction skills, you are going to want to learn how to project high-status behaviors. This is especially important for men.

The reason this is so important is because women will still find you attractive if you have high status behaviors but aren’t the most physically attractive guy. This means that women aren’t so much attracted to what you look like, they are attracted to who you are as a person.

This is an amazing thing because this means that if you aren’t the tallest, smartest, or best looking guy around, you can still have an amazing dating life by mastering high status behaviors and eventually becoming a core-deep high status person. In fact, some of the dude who come to mind when I think of the word “player” are some friends that I have who are only 5’3 and 5’4. These dudes PULL. And here’s why.

High status behaviors for men include:

  • Confidence
  • Masculine life energy
  • Passion
  • Belief in themselves and their own opinions
  • High self-image
  • The conviction in their voice
  • Ability to lead others

And so much more.

What all of these things have in common is that they are skills that can be learned. And while I will not be touching on how to increase each of these individual skills right now, I cover all of them in-depth on my exclusive email list.

Dating After College Skill #3: Landing Dates And Moving Things Forward

Once you’ve located the people you want to date and can attract them, the next step is to actually go on dates and move things forward with the people that you want to establish romantic relationships with.

You can do this by developing the attractive qualities above and combine then with the closing skills necessary to capitalize on opportunities and take actual steps toward getting the result you want in your own dating life.

Landing A Date From A Dating App

I have a complete post on landing a date from a dating app that you can view here. I also have a complete step-by-step guide on what to do after you match with someone here. But I’ll cover some of the highlights here.

#1 – Have an opener that shows some effort. The opener doesn’t have to be the craziest, most original thing in the world, but it should go above and beyond the usual “hey” or the usual “what 3 things would you take on an island with you?” that people normally do.

#2 – Be able to keep a conversation interesting. I show you exactly how to do this in the link in the intro of this section of the article. Being able to keep a conversation interesting is extremely important in being able to land date after date after date. I mean think about it…

Why date someone boring when you could date someone who is fun, interesting, and engaging. It’s an easy choice.

#3 – Move the conversation off of the dating app when you have enough leverage to do so. This is important as well. You want to move the dating app to another communication medium (like texting or snapchat) as soon as you have enough leverage to do so. Meaning, as soon as she likes you enough to agree to it, and won’t reject your advances.

#4 – Propose a date when you have enough leverage, and then stop texting her until you need to confirm logistics. This means that once you feel like she likes you enough to go on a date with you, you’re going to propose a date to her, and once she agrees, give her a couple different time choices to meet up with you. Then once she agrees, you’re going to want to wrap up the conversation and stop texting her until your date. This will keep the status you’ve built in place and will give you the opportunity to capitalize on what you’ve already done during the date. Too many guys mess things up by saying too much or dragging things out over text.

Landing A Date In-Person

Getting a date in person is the same process as getting a date from an online dating app. The only difference is that you will obviously be doing it in person.

Learning to land dates in person will help you create a dating life after college that most people can only dream about. The reason is simply because that most people will not have the courage to go out, work on their social skills, and take their dating life destiny into their own hands.

Go Indirect. Give Her An Excuse To See / Talk To You Again

It has been my experience that going “indirect” with my initial advances has had highest success rate when it’s came to dating women that i’ve wanted to date.

This means that when you’re outside of a bar / club, proposing reasons to do something that involve a similar interest will have a much higher rate of success than simply saying to a girl “I’m talking to you to see if I like you and if we should go on a date”. Although that does work as well.

An example of this would be me meeting a girl at some type of business networking event. Instead of saying “you’re hot we should date”, I will find something that her and I share interests in, and will give her a reason to contact me and discuss said things. From that point, we can genuinely discuss what we are interested in and will have the opportunity to see if we like each other in the future.

Doing this allows us to become “friends” first (while also still maintaining attraction to each other) and gives me a better shot at closing her on a date when she already knows who I am and what i’m into.

“Friends” Is Not The Same As “Friendzone”.

Wanted to hit on this real quick. Becoming friends with a girl (at first) is not the same as being in the friendzone. Although they can both be happening at the same time.

The friendzone is when a guy has no chance of dating a girl because he is too much of a simp. She sees his simpness and does not want to make babies with him for fear of making more little simpbabies. This is different than treating a girl like a friend in the early stages of attraction.

Treating a girl like a friend means treating her like one of your buddies. This means that you are treating her in a way that is fun, friendly, welcoming, and honest. Meaning you are saying what you would normally say, and doing things that you would normally do. AKA not putting her on a pedestal.

I can’t explain to you how many times I have began treating a girl only as my friend, and then have had her chasing me weeks later. The fun, welcoming, and non-needy vibe that comes with treating her a friend is one of the most powerful techniques I have ever come across when it’s come to landing dates with women I want to date.

A Few Additional Tips On Closing

Closing is simply asking the question that leads something in the direction you want it to go.

Meaning, if you want to go on a date with a girl, closing would be asking her a question like “I’m free on Friday to get some drinks. Do you want to grab a couple?” and putting yourself in a position to get a yes or a no.

Too many guys are afraid to close because there is always the risk of getting rejected. The truth is, you’re going to get rejected at some point in your life. The key isn’t to avoid getting rejected, the key is learning the skills necessary so you get rejected as minimally as possible, and when you do get rejected, learning to move on with your life and learn from the experience if you can.

Using “Heat Checks” To Close Before You Close

One of the most powerful ways to close anything in life (meaning sales, women, friends, jobs) is to first “heat check” the situation to see exactly where you both stand.

One great way to do this for guys is by creating “fake joke worlds” with women. I go into this a lot more in-depth on the post I have linked above (or here), but it is essentially setting up a hypothetical situation for you two and seeing how she reacts to it. Her reaction will let you know if she is willing to move forward with you right now or if you still have work to do.

Here is an example of heat checking by creating a “fake joke world” with a women:

You: I only drink black coffee because It makes me look really cool and also gives me the power to kill bears with my bare hands.

Her: haha omg! You’re like 85 years old! I need mine to be half creamer, extra sweet, with everything else on it!

You: Wow. Good to know that you’ll be drinking pure sugar on our first coffee date. I’ll bring an extra bag of organic white granulated so I can sprinkle it on your hair while we talk about any daddy issues that are worth noting.

Her: HAHA WHAT?! Now i’m going to drink only black coffee on our first coffee date just to show you who’s boss. And who doesn’t have daddy issues ;).

So what I just depicted above was me creating a “fake joke world” of us getting coffee together, and she accepted it by saying she’d actually drink black coffee to prove me wrong. If she texted back something that completely shut down my entire fake joke world, then I would simply laugh it off and continue the conversation. But because she agreed to it, I now know that if I were to propose an actual coffee date, she’d say yes.

If you want to learn more, I have a free training going that will help you increase your dating success. Check it out.