Instagram is basically where people interact with our internet selves. It used to be Facebook, now it’s IG.
With the majority of people on Instagram, mastering the platform as a dating tool can be one of the most effective strategies for getting into and maintaining relationships with women.
There have been many scenarios where I have actively dated women that I have communicated with only via Instagram. And even after we had dated for a couple months, I still didn’t have their number. It was completely IG-based. Which is wild to say, but extremely possible.
But the actual act of DMing the girl on Instagram is, in reality, only a tiny fraction of the much larger piece of the pie that is “getting her to like you via IG”. Which is a much bigger deal.
To make this post as thorough as possible, I am going to be taking you through my own step-by-step process for how I have created and maintained Instagram-based relationships with high-caliber women. And how you can do the same, too.
The Cold Slide
The Instagram cold slide is when you just fly into her DM’s like a blind pigeon smashing into a window. No technique or build-up. Pure gambling.
The cold slide is going to be a numbers game, even when executed to perfection. I have good looking friends who have verified check marks and hundreds of thousands of followers, and even these guys get left on read during the cold slide.
The percentages aren’t fantastic, but they are there. Send enough DM’s, and you’ll eventually get a girl to respond and engage with you.
Note: I Never Call Out The Fact That I’m A Rando
I personally never call out the fact that i’m a completely random person messaging them on Instagram. I just shoot the shot and let Jesus take the reigns.
The times this has worked for me – and there has been a few – the girls will just pick up the conversation like nothing is weird about it and then you go about your normal attraction-building process. I think the timing in the girl’s life is a much bigger factor than what you say when you message her, as long as your first message is semi-lighthearted.
Here is one that worked on me. Almost thought we were going to fall in love.
As you can see, there is no rhyme to the cold slide’s reason. It is strictly about shooting your best shot and not taking anything personally if you don’t get a response.
The “We Just Met Last Night” Slide
If you go out to bars often, you will have a LOT of these. If you’re moving venues, you shouldn’t be surprised to collect 10-15 Instagram names in a given night. If you have good game, 2-5 of these will usually turn into dates and 1-2 will turn into consistent flings.
When I get a girls Instagram, it will usually be on either a Friday or Saturday night. If It’s a Friday night, I will send her a message mid-day Saturday and ask her where she’s going. If she’s not doing anything, I will invite her out to come along with me and my friends.
If I get her Instagram on a Saturday, then I will usually not slide into DM’s until later in the evening. But I WILL give her a chance to DM me first. My friends and I usually go to brunch on Sundays, so I’ll post a brunch-filled story. When I do, sometimes the girl will respond to my story. If they don’t i’ll message them later that day.
The “Do You Know X Person?” Slide
This one is one of the most obvious ones because it’s what most people would be compelled to do naturally. If any of you are following the same people, you can slide in with “Oh you know x?” and go from there. This is pretty self explanatory so I will not be saying anything about this other than you better hope they like the person you’re referencing LOL. I have no pictures of this one.
The Respond To The Story Slide
The respond to the story slide is great because people love getting positive feedback on anything they post. It makes them all warm and fuzzy.
That being said, there are a couple different strategies that you can deploy when it comes to responding to a girl’s stories on Instagram.
#1 Hook And Sinker – The Hook And Sinker is basically where you just respond to her story and then forge a conversation out of nothing. To do this you need a little bit of interest already built up, otherwise she won’t respond to you (at some point) and it will make you look bad. I don’t usually do this because if you’re in this position with a girl, you have no leverage. I will usually just long con her to the point that she responds to my stories.
#2 The Story long Con – A “long con” is when you contact the girl multiple times (always making it fun and positive) over the course of a certain period of time with the hopes of one day smashing. It may be confused by beta for being beta uncultured man, but it is an active form of pursuit. Every time you contact a woman during a long con, it needs to be very fun and positive + paired with good Instagram stories of your own. If she knows you’re a cool guy doing cool things, she will be more receptive to your long con tactics. Here’s a long-con example:
For the long con, you basically just do little things like this (but not too often or to suck-up(y) until one day you post a story and she respond to it. That’s when the tables have turned.
Get The Girls Start To DMing You (And Hack The Entire System)
You can get yourself to the point where girls will start flooding your DM’s in responses to your stories. That is, IF you do your stories (and long con) correctly.
If you follow the steps below in making sure that your Instagram game is at it’s absolute peak, then it is completely viable that you can build up a rotation of beautiful, awesome women in as short as a month. And even choose one to be your girlfriend.
When you get your Instagram game on point, you will start having girls DM you fairly often, like this:
The most effective way to use Instagram to get dates is by creating “attraction systems” that you can use over and over again that will get girls to slide into YOUR DM’s consistently.
This means that you will have a repeatable system that you do no matter what, and then can just bring the new girls that you meet into it. At that point, it just becomes about meeting new girls. If you need help building this system, feel free to email me at email@example.com or check out this free training.
Here’s my own system below:
Creating Your Own Instagram “Attraction System”
Step #1: Get Your Instagram Game Up
The first thing I want to mention in this post is getting your Instagram game up. If you’re going to be sliding into girl’s DMs, you’re going to want to make sure that you have a decent ratio of followers to following and have some high quality pictures. If you’re Instagram is absolute trash, it’s going to be really hard to get a pretty girl to interact with you on it unless you show her your greatness in person and then move it on to Instagram afterwards.
The truth is, a bad Instagram is going to hurt you. And a good Instagram is going to help you. So do yourself a favor and spend some time having someone take pictures of you and get your follower count up either organically or by using engagement groups.
Step #2 *MOST IMPORTANT*: Create Multiple “Container” Events Throughout The Week
A container event is simply an event that brings someone into YOUR world. AKA your container.
What this means is that you need to have 1-2 events a week that happen every single week. And when you go to these events, you can either bring new people you meet to them or simply post Instagram stories of how much fun you’re having at them, every single week. People will become invested in your events even if they’ve never been to them.
My two events that I used were a poker night on Wednesday and Brunch on Sunday. Meaning, every Wednesday I’d get a group of guys to play poker, and every Sunday I’d get a group of people to go to Brunch. This allowed me to not only have a blast, but it also gave me something to invite people to as well as giving me something interesting to post on my Instagram story every single week. When you run a container event correctly, you will have girls responding to your events saying things like “thanks for the invite” and “you never invite me”. That is when you know you’ve optimized your IG.
Step #3: Get The Girls Instagram
In order to start building up your attraction with a girl on Instagram, you first need to actually get her Instagram. There are a couple ways to do this.
Get her Instagram In Person
Getting her Instagram in person is one of the best ways to close a conversation and give yourself an opportunity to move things forward later on.
Getting a girl’s Instagram is monumentally easier than getting a girl’s #. The reason getting a girl’s Instagram is way easier is because in her head, there is a much lower amount of investment (and risk) involved in her giving you her Instagram than her number. In a girl’s mind, her giving you her number is her immediately showing interest in you. And is a much bigger deal than her giving you her Instagram, which she can rationalize as just “being nice”.
To get a girl’s Instagram, all you really have to do is start a conversation with her and not creep her out. If you can do those two things, then you can usually ask her “hey what’s your Ig? I’ll add you” and get her Instagram without any problems. Building a huge amount of interest with her isn’t too important in this situation because you can use the platform of Instagram itself to help you do it online.
Find Her On Instagram Directly
The other option you have (other than getting her Instagram in person) is finding her actual profile on Instagram, and then following her / DMing her from there. This can work well if you both have social circles that overlap and she follows people that follow you & vice versa. It works even better if you have a picture of yourself with the girl’s friend somewhere on your Instagram.
For this method to work best, you will either need a lot of social proof from people who follow you or your profile itself – or you will need to have her know of you in some way. If she’s a complete stranger and you follow her on IG, it can still work, but it will be significantly more difficult. At that point, it essentially turns into a numbers game.
But once you have her Instagram – and get her to follow you – you can begin building attraction with her using social media.
Step #4: Build Interest Via Instagram
Once she follows you on Instagram, it’s time to make her L-L-Lerb you like she’s never lerbed anyone before. And you can do this by strategically using social media to get her to like you more.
The two principles that you’re going to want to stick to when it comes to projecting an image on social media that attracts women are these:
#1) You want to make it seem like you do fun things with a fun friend group (container events).
#2) You want to come off as non-needy.
It’s very simple. But easier said than done.
Instagram Stories Are The Key To You Building Interest With Her
Instagram stories are going to be the way you build interest with her. Instagram stories are insanely powerful, and can infest someone’s mind with insecurity, doubt, hope, fear, love, admiration, and any other emotion under the sun. Instagram stories are wild.
What Instagram stories also do is give you just one “piece” of a larger puzzle. And because only a piece of the puzzle is seen, people are free to interpret what the rest of the puzzle looks like. And you can actively use this to your advantage in terms of building interest with her and all of the other girls who follow you. Here are some of the best Tips:
Only Post Interesting Things On Your Stories
A couple days after you add her, you’re going to want to begin posting interesting things to your stories. The #1 rule is to avoid posting anything that is boring or uncontroversial, because if you post something boring 2-3 times in a row, then people will start associating your posts with “fluff”.
This is NOT what you want. Instead, post something interesting, Interesting things consist of you doing fun things with friends, posting something genuinely funny or playfully controversial (like saying In-N-Out burger wasn’t worth the drive), or showcasing something of high-value. The point is to portray the image of a high-value man.
Optimizing Your Story For Her Feed
You’re going to want to make sure you post an interesting story within a couple of days after you add her so you will pop up on the top of her story list. If you can get her to look at the first few stories of yours, then Instagram will begin to put you at the top of her feed more often, creating a positive feedback loop that gets her coming back to your stories again, and again, and again. The goal is to get to this point where a positive feedback loop takes over. This means that the more you post, the more she watches it, and the more she watches it, the more you will pop up as the #1 spot on her Instagram Story feed.
Next Level Instagram Game #1: Host Container Events For Women And Have Them Location Tag It
If you really want to take your Instagram game to another level, you can make your container events focused on woman. This means your event could be something like a fashion show, bikini contest, beach trip, club hop, etc. The point is, you just want to think of something that women will enjoy doing and likely invite their friends to.
Once you have the event created, you can actually create your own “Tag” so it will have a custom label for your event. For example, If your name is John, your tag can say “John’s kingdom”, and you can have multiple different girls tagging this location in your stories. This is the most powerful form of game there is in action: hot girl social proof.
Next Level Instagram Game #2: Tag The Girl That You Want To Talk To In Your Actual Story
So this technique is fairly interesting, and I have tried this many times to success.
For this one, all you’re going to want to do is post one of your usual super-interesting stories. But instead of just having your regular, badass caption, you’re also going to write “Just missing x” and then tag the girl you want to start talking to. So if her name is Susie and her instagram tag is @susiesuperrrr then you would post your normal Instagram story and on the bottom of the post say something like “Just missing @Susiesuperrrr”.
This one is interesting because it does multiple good things for you. In terms of getting the girl to talk to you, it usually works. Why? Because she will be ridiculously curious about why you’re tagging her in an Instagram story. And will usually respond. When she does, simply just say something light-hearted and jokeish about how you miss her and keep the conversation very brief unless she seems like she’s down to hang out that night (obviously).
But what technique this also does for you as well is it gives you some social proof with the girls who are already watching your story. When they see that you’ve tagged some other pretty girl, they will see that you’re the type of dude that hangs with pretty girls. And if they have even the slightest bit of interest in you at all, this will create a competitive feeling inside of them. Best case, they will slide into your DM’s to win back your attention. Worst case, they will see your post and assume you hang out with cool girls. It’s a win-win.
That’s it for now. If you feel like you need additional help, feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or check out this free training.
I love you,