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How To Approach A Girl In The Library


How to approach a girl in the library.

Approaching a girl in the library is actually pretty easy if you just keep yourself under control. With so many different books, environments, and situations going on in the library at one time, you can leverage anything around you to strike up a conversation and keep it moving in the direction you want it to go.

Many Different Environments

A library – especially in a city – can give you great practice reps for meeting and attracting the girl of your dreams. Why? Because there’s so many different environments.

There are usually larger, open, loungeish type places in a library along with the more private isles with books alongside them. There are also (if you’re at a larger library) some places to get coffee or food as well. Libraries have many different environments that are perfect for getting your practice reps in.

Go To The City Library

If you’re semi-close to a big city, I would highly recommend driving over there and giving yourself a chance to meet a girl in a larger library. Small town libraries are usually much more difficult to find attractive women, as it will usually be a lot of older people. But if you go into the city, you’ll be able to find those trendier girls who are there for the books, environment, or Starbucks. Coffee shops within libraries are a great place to meet women as well.

Use Serendipity In Your Favor

Libraries are fantastic for meeting women because they have an element of serendipity that places like nightclubs or meetup groups don’t have. You already have a reason to be there, which is to check out books.

Unlike places where people go for the sole purpose of meeting new people, libraries have an element of serendipity that you can use to further your connection with a woman. Woman love the “I was doing x and we just met out of nowhere” type stories. And the more you can frame it as serendipitous (because it is actually serendipitous) the better the story.

How To Approach A Girl In A Library: The Book Isle

You’re going to notice that with a lot of these library approaches, there will be a common theme of using the environment to your advantage. When doing this, you’re going to want to make sure that you are relaxed and aware of your surroundings.

When she’s in a book isle, she will either be walking through it, browsing slowly, or stopping and doing something else that’s not book-related like visiting the coffee shop. We’ll go through each one of these situations individually.

When She’s Walking Through The Isle

If she’s actively walking through the isle, you have two options. You can either stop her in that very moment or let her go and try and find her in a different part of the library in the least stalkerish way possible. In this situation, I would recommend stopping her as soon as you see her because you never know if you’re going to see her again.

In this situation, there will never be a perfect moment. You’re going to need to create your own perfect moment by either opening her directly or indirectly.

A direct opener in this situation would be something like “Hey I know this is sort of strange that I’m saying hey to you right now but I thought you were really cute and would probably never see you again. What’s your name?” and then go from there. You just want something that is direct (meaning you’re telling her why you’re doing something) and is also acknowledging the fact that you understand stopping someone in a library isn’t the “normal” thing to do. This is what I would do.

The other option you do have though is to go indirect. Going indirect would be saying something like “Hey this is random but you look like a big library girl, do you happen to know where the books on (topic you’re interested in) are?”

This is a great indirect line because you’re not revealing your intention of hitting on her, you’re simply asking her a question about the library. But by calling her a big library girl and mentioning books on something you like, you are inviting her to carry on the conversation by asking you about why you called her a library girl or how she likes the same types of books you’re looking for. It puts you in the best position possible for going indirect. And if she doesn’t really answer, just keep the conversation going. Keep talking until she actively begins pulling away.

How To Approach A Girl In The Library: When She’s Browsing Books

When a girl is browsing books, she will usually be stationary. Meaning, she won’t be going anywhere. She will be standing still.

This situation gives you a lot of different great opportunities because instead of trying to catch her attention as she’s walking away, she will already have a reason to be where she is at. And so will you, which makes this situation preferred over her walking away.

In this situation, I will usually begin mentioning something about the book she’s reading, or playfully roasting her about it. Another great technique is making a wild assumption about what she is preparing for by reading the book she has in her hand.

One example of this is that if she’s reading a romance novel, I will either say something like “is it as good as they say it is” or “making sure everything’s in place for when you meet your prince charming?”. These two statements are vague enough to allow her to interpret it how she wants and powerful enough to get a reaction out of her. Comments like this are also helpful because they’e not fully direct like explicitly saying “you’re cute and I want to talk to you” but they also aren’t completely indirect because you are clearly striking up a conversation with a purpose. Going this route will also save you from the transition from “where’s the bathroom?” to “what book are you reading?” which is something I usually like to avoid.

The Overflow Of Passion Tactic

The “overflow of passion” is another technique you can use to strike up a conversation with her. I actually use this one fairly often if I’m in an isle I enjoy and there just happens to be a cute girl there. I also use this out of the library as well. If you think she’s going to be leaving soon, I probably wouldn’t use this. But if she’s just chilling where she’s at, it can be successful.

Basically, what you want to do is grab a book that is in the same isle she is in. Then, read through the book a little bit and find a line you either really agree with or really disagree with. Once you find that part of the book, you’re going to want to say “YES!” or “NO WAY!” to that part of the book, look up happy or confused, and then immediately show her that same part of the book that you were talking about while confirming your own opinion.

Here’s a completely random example that has no actual reflections on my own opinions of anything:

*Sees cute girl and then picks up and begins to reads random book about the evolution of dogs from wolves*

Me talking to myself: FINALLY! Someone who sees that all dogs came from wolves.

Then I’d just start walking up to her holding the page open…

Me: This says all dogs came from wolves, which is pretty much what everyone believes right now. Can you think of any alternatives to this? How can people disagree with this?

Her: *looks confused or begins talking about wolves and dogs with you*

Whatever she reacts with, doesn’t really matter. You’ve just opened in semi-natural way. The passion you felt while reading your wolf dog book was so strong that you just had to share it with someone close to you. And that someone just happened to be her – who was close by.

How To Approach A Girl In The Library: The Non-Book Situation

The non-book situation is basically every other situation in the library that doesn’t involve her in a book isle. This could be in some type of lounge area, a coffee shop, a gift shop, or anything else you can think of.

There would obviously be too many potential situations for me to cover every single one, so I will briefly cover some principles that you will want to keep in mind when you are approaching in these other parts of the library.

#1 It’s A Library – This means that for the most part, it is usually pretty quiet. Try to be considerate of this or you will either embarrass the girl when you are talking to her or come off as a completely un-socially calibrated ass.

#2 Use The Environment Around You – Whatever situation you find yourself in, you can simply either comment on something she’s doing or make an insane assumption about how what she’s doing will lead to. Make sure if you do the assumption thing “Like assuming because she’s drinking a coffee she’s preparing for coffee con” that she knows you are joking and you do it in a lighthearted way, or people can become offended. It’s a fine line to walk that you will get better at over time.

#3 Say You Have To Go Soon And Then Make The Conversation Brief (Unless It’s An Insta Date) – In the very beginning of the conversation, mention to her that you need to go soon. This will prevent her from think to herself “when will this guy ever go away”. A simple comment about needing to go meet up with your friends soon can do a lot of good things for your approach. Once mentioned, all you need to do is say or two things that come across as high value (like making a joke) and then telling her you need to go and getting her number. Make it brief unless you ask her to join you on a date somewhere.

Any other questions? Feel free to send me an email at grant@stepbystepdating.com or join this free training.

Best of luck,

Grant

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