How to get a girlfriend in college, step by step.
College is a great time for us as guys to start building up our dating skills.
There’s just something about the massive amount of free time, overbearing loneliness, and huge sea of fish to choose from that makes college a great time to master your dating & attraction skills before you enter the “real world”.
But with that being said, a lot of guys i’ve coached have carried with them the belief that college is only for hookup culture. And this just isn’t true.
While it is true that there IS a large hookup culture on campuses, there is also a huge relationship culture as well. And believing that you will actually be able to get a girlfriend is the first step to actually getting one. Stop holding yourself back with limiting excuses.
There are literally (most of the time) tens of thousands of people around you, and the chance that someone attractive is either at your school or somewhere around it who also wants a relationship is very high.
And even if you’re in a little tiny itty-bitty college, there are still going to be hundreds of options to choose from. Point being, if you’re making the size of your school an excuse, stop. You are only arguing against your own success.
The 3 Main Reasons Why Guys Can’t Get A Girlfriend In College
There are three reasons why guys can’t get a girlfriend in college:
Their ability to meet more people sucks, their attraction skills suck, or their ability to move things forward with women sucks.
Being attractive to women, learning how to meet more people, and learning how to move things forward with women are skills that you can learn and get better at over time.
And just like how if you’ve never lifted weights you won’t have large muscles, if you’ve never practiced getting a girlfriend, you’re probably going to be bad at it. And that’s completely okay.
Because everyone sucks when they start. I did as well. But by just going for it, you will learn from your mistakes and eventually land a girlfriend you really like.
And I’ll give you that blueprint right now, step by step.
Let’s get into it.
Step #1: Figure Out What Type Of Girl You Want As Your Girlfriend
The first step is to figure out what type of girlfriend you think you want as your girlfriend.
Do you want a girl that loves to party and drink? Do you want a girl who’s a book nerd? Do you want a girl who’s always working out? Do you want a girl who’s into business?
Choosing what type of girlfriend you want will be the first step in being able to find her.
Because once you know what type of girlfriend you want, you will be able to actually find her by asking yourself questions like “where do I think this type of girl will be during the daytime?” “What does she do / wear on a Friday night?” “What does she do on her weekends?” Etc.
The answers to these questions obviously don’t have to be “perfect” or even “correct”… it is simply to help you get an idea of where she might be so you actually have a chance of locating her and engaging in a conversation with her.
Once you know who you want as a girlfriend – which could simply be someone of a certain attractiveness level – you are ready for the next step.
Step #2: Spend 2-5 Minutes A Day Visualizing You Meeting & Dating Her (EXTREMELY IMPORTANT)
Once you think you have an idea of the type of girl you want, you are ready to move onto this next step and actually find her.
But before I show you how to find her, I first want to give you another quick step that will make you 500% more successful if actually applied.
And stay with me here for a second, because this step might be a little weird to you at first.
You’re going to want to visualize yourself with your next girlfriend.
This means, as weird as it sounds, that you’re going to take 2-5 minutes every day (it doesn’t take long at all) and really imagine how it will feel when you go up and talk to her, she likes you a lot, and then you guys begin dating soon after. Really get into it.
“But Grant, why am I supposed to do this weird foo-foo stuff? You said no foo-foo stuff?”
The reason you are going to do this is to put your subconscious mind to work for you.
Our subconscious mind controls more than we can ever imagine. And by visualizing yourself with your next girlfriend, you are going to begin the process of being the type of guy that can actually attract her.
Remember: DO NOT skip the visualization step. It is massively important.
And once you build visualization into your daily routine at least once a day, you are ready for step #2.
Step #3: Learn How To Meet More People In College (And Get A Girlfriend Out Of It)
You have two options for meeting and talking to your next girlfriend:
Cold approach or social circle.
Cold approach is when you start up conversations with girls you don’t know in any type of environment (class, the gym, the library, the grocery store, etc). And social circle is when you meet a girl through some type of social network like your friend group, a club, rec activity, job, etc.
If you really want a girlfriend, you will need to put some effort into getting good at one or the other (but preferably both).
Remember: these are both skills you will need to learn at some point in your life, and nobody is born knowing how to do it. Once you learn these two skills you will have them for the rest of your life, and will never be worrying about getting a girlfriend ever again.
I’ll break each one down.
Why Cold Approach is So Powerful (And How To Get Really Good At It)
Cold approach is so powerful because when you develop the skill of cold approach, you will be able to talk to cute girls anywhere, anytime.
This allows you to meet girls any any type of environment and take advantage of the serendipity that is involved in you two being at the same place at the same time. (GIRLS LOVE SERENDIPITOUS STORIES).
When you’re doing cold approach, it is important to keep these few things in mind:
- You will not be bothering people by going up to them and talking to them, because everybody wants to meet more cool people
- If someone is a little cold to you, don’t worry about it because that is not someone you would want as your girlfriend anyway. Would you really want a girlfriend that was mean to strangers? Hell no.
- 50% of the girls you talk to will already have boyfriends. That’s okay. Just keep approaching enough girls until you can collect 10-15 instagrams.
- Always ask for their instagram or snapchat and never their phone number. This will improve your success rate tremendously.
- That being said, girls are going to judge your instagram. It will be a make-or-break for them. Put some effort into getting some high-quality pictures on your instagram and even buy a couple thousand followers if you need to.
- Getting a girlfriend is a numbers game. If your cold approach is not working, just keep going while being okay with “being uncomfortable”. And force yourself to do more cold approach. There is not a single guy out there who has done 100 cold approaches and doesn’t have a girlfriend. Keep going.
- Always keep in mind that you’re one spec of dust among 7 billion floating on a planet in a solar system of billions of other planets. You going up and awkwardly talking to a girl IS NOT A BIG DEAL. Just do it, bro.
Here’s An Easy Cold Approach Script You Can Use To Get A Girlfriend In College
Cold approach is much easier at first if you have a script you can fall back on.
Do you eventually want to get to the point where you can relax during the conversation and just use your natural intuition to keep the conversation going? Yes.
but I do understand it can be difficult at first, so here is a basic script you can use. If you want this as a PDF, or want any other scripts for thousands of other dating and texting situations, apply to my exclusive email list and I’ll drop fuego in your inbox for the rest of your dating career.
The Easy Cold Approach Script
Imagine you see a girl you think is cute while you’re out and about.
You’re going to first ask her about something around you, then if you’ve seen her at your *cool thing you’re already doing*, and when she says no, say “weird, you have a doppelganger out there. Well, thanks for the help. What’s your insta?” And then pull out your phone, get her insta, and then say “cool, bye (place where you met her) buddy”.
Here’s how it will usually go. Let’s say you see a girl walking to glass and you like to play music. You can also always go one step further and have the “maps” app pulled out on your phone as well, lol.
*You see a girl walking to class and you go up to her*
You: Hey excuse me, I’m trying to find the stoneridge building. Do you have any idea where it’s at?
Girl: Yes I do! It’s right around the corner near the gym.
Girl: Uhh no I have no idea. I’m a first year. Sorry!
This is when you ask her if you’ve seen her somewhere and tell her a quick story about how you do cool things (or just make one up about you doing cool things). The point is to convey that you’re a guy who is already regularly doing stuff with his friends.
You (if she says yes): Cool, thanks. This is random but do you have class in the music hall on Tuesdays? Our band finishes up around 2 and I swear i’ve seen you walk by us as we’re on our way to get some smoothies.
You (if she says no): No worries. This is random but do you have class in the music hall on Tuesdays? Our band finishes up around 2 and I swear i’ve seen you walk by as we’re on our way to get some smoothies.
Her: Uhh probably not, I never go over there.
You: Oh, weird. You have a doppelganger out there. Anyway what’s your insta? I’m trying to gain followers so I can look cool for my parents.
Her: For you parents? haha what! It’s yourfuturegirlfriend69.
You: Haha it’s a long story. But cool, I’ll add you. Cya insta buddy!
Make sure you practice the script before you try it. And then make sure practice cold approach without a script.
How To Meet Your Next Girlfriend In College Through Social Circle (And How To Build One)
The second way you will be able to meet your future girlfriend is through your social circle.
One thing to keep in mind is that nobody is born with a social circle. Social circles are built.
This means that if you want friends – and a girlfriend – you need to go out and make things happen. Nobody is going to make friends or get a girlfriend for you.
There are a few different ways you can build your social circle. The ones that worked the best for me in college were:
- By joining a group, club, recreational team on campus, etc.
- By getting a job at a popular coffee shop / club / library
- By finding a “hub” person (someone who has a ton of friends and invites people out to stuff often) and then making friends with them and leaching off of their social circle
- Cold approaching a bunch of girls and guys and then inviting them to do things with you in group settings or individually
The reason using a social circle (or making your own) to meet your next girlfriend is a good idea is because not only will you dramatically improve your own social life and get better at moving things forward with people – but you will also have fun things to do with people who share your interests. Which, therefore, will eventually lead you to getting a girlfriend once you know how to move things forward romantically with women (which is the next step).
The most important things to keep in mind when it comes to growing your social circle are these:
#1 – Constantly invite individual people to things you are already doing (like going to the gym, eating, going for drinks, etc) to build deeper connections with them. You are going to have to actually form connections and hang out with the people you are meeting.
#2 – Do not judge who you bring in to your social circle (at first). This is massively important. You can not build a “perfect” social circle from the ground up the first time. Understand this. You need to first build a less-than-perfect social circle (full of people you may not want necessarily want as long-term friends) and then once you get to that point you will be able substitute them out for higher-quality people. But when you are beginning, find someone sort of cool without judging them too hard, invite them to something, and build connections.
Once you have a social circle, people will regularly come in and out of it. One of these people will be your next girlfriend (once you learn how to move things forward romantically).
Step #4: Learn How To Move Things Forward Romantically With Women
Once you know how to meet people, you will need to know how to move things forward romantically with women.
Again, this is a skill that needs to be learned. And if you’ve never done it, you will not be good at it at first. And that’s okay. Just do it, no matter how awkward, and then do it again a little bit better.
What Does Moving It Forward Mean?
Moving forward with women means going to the next step.
Examples of this are going from strangers to people who text, from people who text to people who hang out, from people who hang out to people that kiss, from people that kiss to people that have sex, and from people that have sex to people who are in an official relationship. Each one of these transitions is an example you moving it forward romantically with a woman.
You can think of each “stage” with a women as a rung on a ladder. And at the top of the ladder is you being in a relationship with her (aka her being your girlfriend).
In order to get to the top of the ladder – and have her become your girlfriend – you are going to have to climb the steps. And each time you climb a step, you are going to get one step closer to where you want to be.
I would recommend practicing this process as much as possible so you can get really good at it really quickly. This will allow you to get over the awkward stage fast and get a girlfriend even faster.
There are two principles you are going to need to keep in mind when you are learning to move things forward with women and climb this ladder.
#1 – It is going to be awkward at first. Again, that’s okay. Do it anyway and you will get smoother over time.
#2 – You will be making the first move 99% of the time. Don’t assume the girl will ever make the first move.
With these two principles in mind, you will be able to climb the ladder and eventually make her your girlfriend.
How The Ladder Plays Out In Real Life
These are the steps of the ladder that I went through to get a girlfriend in college.
Step 1 – Meet girl
Step 2 – text girl
step 3 – invite girl to drinks or to come over
step 4 – kiss girl when she’s over the first time we hang out (or have sex if she is down)
step 5 – keep having sex
step 6 – If we are compatible, ask her to be my girlfriend
It’s really that simple.
Biggest Questions Guys Have When First Learning To Move Things Forward
How Do I Know When To Kiss Her On A Date Somewhere?
There is no “perfect time” to kiss her. At first you will have to just judge how interested she in in you, and when you feel like she is into you, make the first move while being semi-uncertain how it will go. Once you do it more and more, you will get better at it. Becoming good at kissing is massively important when it comes to dating.
If you guys are having a really really good first date, you can just look at her, smile, and then lean in and start kissing her while on the date. I would recommend doing this if you can. She will be down if you guys are having a blast. I personally don’t like saving the first kiss for the “goodbye” portion of the date, as it is much more comfortable if you two can begin making out while you’re actually on the date.
How Do I Know When To Kiss Her When She’s At My House?
If she ends up at your house, she is obviously interested in you. Which is good. If you guys are having a lot of fun, make the first move and kiss her. If she has any issue with it (99% of the time she won’t unless you’re a really bad kisser) then just say something like “Jokes on you, I didn’t want to kiss anyway” and continue having a lot of fun with her while acting like nothing is wrong. Remember that it’s really not that big of a deal.
How Do I Move Things Forward Towards Sex?
The first obvious step is to get the kiss. If you are kissing her, and she likes it, then there is a good chance she will be willing to have sex with you if the chemistry is there and she’s in a place in her life where she’s ready. (If she’s at your house kissing you she probably is).
The easiest way to initiate sex is by simply rubbing her legs a little bit while you’re making out with her then working your way up to her HOOHAW. Once hand meets HOOHAW, rub.
The reason this is the best way to initiate sex is because if she doesn’t want to have sex or is not ready, she will simply grab your hand and move it away from her HOOHAW if she doesn’t want to. If she moves your hand, she is simply not ready to have sex with you, which is perfectly okay. Some girls won’t be. If this happens, just keep making out with her like nothing happened, have a really good night with her, and then see her again and repeat the process some other time. No big deal.
When Do I Make Her My Girlfriend? And How Do I Do It?
Well, we basically made it to the last step. Actually making her your girlfriend. But when should you do it? And how?
The short answer is “when it feels right for you”.
Usually the “should we go exclusive and enter into a relationship” conversation comes up 2 weeks to 3 months after two people that are both looking for a relationship start having sex regularly.
The truth is that some girls won’t be looking for a relationship in college. And will only want a “friends with benefits” type situation. If you come across a girl like this, do not try to convince her to be your girlfriend. Accept where she is at in her life and understand you can not make her wanting something she doesn’t. If this is the case, you will need to find another girl who is ready.
But, if she is open to having a boyfriend – and you guys have been smashing for a while – then you can start “testing the waters” by doing things like calling her babe or calling her “my girlfriend” and seeing how she reacts. If she reacts positively, you can say something like “I think you are super cool and want to date you exclusively. We should be boyfriend and girlfriend” and she will be like OMGGG YAAASSSS!!!
And then you will know how to get a girlfriend in college. And will be happily in love forever.