Category: Dating

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Dating Status

She Stopped Texting Me Out Of Nowhere | How To Revive Her Love

“She stopped texting me out of nowhere” is something every guy has said at least one in his life.

The truth is, nobody knows what’s going on in the mind of the girl you’re talking to. But when she’s not texting you back, it’s because she has other things in her life that are higher priority than sending you a text.

So what do you need to do?

Make yourself higher on her priority list.

I’m going to show you how.

But first, here’s what not do.

Don’t Text Her And Ask Why She Didn’t Text You Back

I feel weird even putting this in the blog post, but I’ve seen it happen. Some guys will literally text the girl “why didn’t you text me back?”.

Doing that will kill it. Instantly.

Why?

Because it shows neediness. And it shows you care too much.

Do you think the guy that has 8 girls begging for his attention cares if one of them doesn’t text him back?

Nope. He barely even notices.

And this is how you need to start thinking if you’ve ever though about sending a “why didn’t you text me back” text.

Don’t Keep Texting Her With Other Questions Or Updates On What You’re Doing

If she suddenly, stops texting you, the worst thing you can do is continually follow up with bad, attention-seeking text messages.

If she stopped texting you out of nowhere, you’re going to want to analyze the situation and have a gameplan for reviving it. Did you just begin talking? Have you been talking for a while? Do you have mutual friends? Etc. All of these scenarios will add to the situation, and should be considered when planning your revival.

That being said, simply throwing more messages at her like asking what she’s doing or sending something you noticed about your day is only going to dig you deeper in the hole.

If she stopped texting you, you have a value issue. And texting her again and again that same day isn’t going to raise your value in her eyes. In fact, it will do the opposite.

Don’t View Any Of Her Social Media Posts

If she stopped texting you out of nowhere, don’t view her social media posts. You want to starve her of your attention and validation.

Way too often, guys will be left on read and then immediately click on her snap or instagram story just to see what she’s doing. This is a bad situation to put yourself in.

These girls check who is viewing their story religiously. And if she hasn’t texted you back and sees you’ve viewed her story in the first 30 seconds, she’s going to think you’re a guy that’s not doing anything interesting and are someone she could easily get. Remember, she wants a challenge. Give it to her.

If she stopped texting you out of nowhere, you are going to want to actively avoid watching, liking, commenting, or interacting with any of her social media. Leave no trace of your presence. And once she sees that you have no interest in seeing what she’s doing, she will be slightly more interested in resuming your text conversation.

Now here’s what to do.

If She Suddenly Stopped Texting You Out Of Nowhere, Social Media Stories Are Your Best Friend

If she suddenly stopped texting you out of nowhere, your stories are going to be your best friend. The goal is to post something really interesting that you’re doing that says “I don’t care whether you text me back or not. I’m gonna do me, sweetie”.

Girls are a master at doing this. I will literally text a girl for multiple weeks in a row without her posting anything on social media. And then if I just happen to not text a girl back for whatever reason, she will “just happen” to post something on her story during the time that I wasn’t texting her. This has happened more times than I can count.

A lot of the best attraction techniques are actually going to be used by women on you. Try and think about why what they did made you want them, and then use those tactics for yourself.

That being said, when she doesn’t text you back, one of your best plays is going to be posting something cool on your story. Preferably you DOING something cool with your friends.

A large majority of the time, the girl will see you doing something cool and will either watch your story or respond to it.

If She Responds To Your Story, Don’t Reply Right Away

Once you get better at posting cool stories, you will notice that girls who were on the fence with you will begin to reach out to you more and more.

When this happens, the best thing you can do is conceal your feelings and act like you like her less than you actually do.

This means that when she responds, wait to send a response. And when you do send a response, make it something short like a devil emoji or winky face.

Sending a short response will put you in a good position for when you send the next message. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a girl DM me responding to my story, I respond with one emoji, and then either she texts me later in the week to hang out or I initiate a conversation – that she is happy to be in – that also leads to us hanging out.

But the key is how good your stories are.

If You Don’t Have Her On Social Media, Send a Joke / Gif A Couple Days Later

Posting on your stories is by far the best way to build your value and get back into a conversation with her. But if you don’t have her added on social media, then you’re going to have to play the longer game.

When she suddenly stops texting you out of nowhere, your best bet is to wait at least 2 days to reinitiate the conversation. The reason being is that she may just been busy and forget to text you. If that’s the case, she’ll text you the next day apologizing.

But if you don’t hear from her the next day, then you’re going to want to text her the day after that (2 days from when she stopped texting you) and send her something funny with a GIF. The key is to start a brand new conversation and initiate it with value in the form of playfulness and humor. That is your best move forward if you can’t social media your way to success.

Additional Tips On Keeping Your Value High When She Suddenly Stops Texting You

If she suddenly stops texting you out of nowhere, you’re going to be caught in a status-centered balancing act. The key is to hold your power.

Here are some quick-fire tips to make sure you revive your situation in the quickest way possible:

  • Don’t reach back out to her and ask why she didn’t text you back
  • Don’t keep texting her with questions or updates on your life
  • Don’t reach out to her on another platform
  • Post cool, valuable stories to your social media accounts as much as possible
  • Wait 2 days before you contact her again via text. And if you do, make the text FUNNY and provide some sort of value in the form of humor, playfulness, or entertainment
  • Be okay with her not texting you back. Don’t dwell on it. Get your skills up and find other girls.
  • If she doesn’t respond to your revival text, move on and keep posting great stories.

And if you need any more help, feel free to visit stepbystepdating.com or send me an email at grant@stepbystepdating.com

Categories
Attraction Dating Online Dating

How To Pursue A Woman Step-By-Step

How to pursue a woman step-by-step.

If you’re a man, chances are you’re going to have to pursue a woman at one point or another.

Thinking over my life, I’d estimate that 80-90% of the women I’ve been with, I have pursued. And that same percentage of women gave me some sort of “diffculty” – in the form of shit tests or flakiness – while I was pursing them.

If you really want to know how to pursue a woman, you’re going to want to cultivate the perfect balance between showing interest in her while also conveying non-neediness. This means that you want her to think “he’s high value and I could maybe get him, but he could walk away from this without any issues if I do something wrong”.

How To A Pursue A Woman The Right Away

Let’s first start off with what we want to accomplish when pursuing a woman.

When pursuing a woman, we obviously want to get physical with her, right?

But in order to do that, we need to first convey to her (during out pursuit) that we are someone she would be happy getting physical with. AKA someone who’s higher value than her.

In order to do this, we need to pursue her persistently (to make sure we are taking up space in her mind) while also conveying as little non-neediness as possible. Although it is impossible to convey 0% non-neediness while we pursue her (because the act of pursuit itself would by definition show that we want something from her) we can still come across as a high-value man who has chosen to pursue this woman from a place of abundance. Meaning that we have a lot of other options to choose from.

That being said, you don’t want to explicitly tell her “I have a lot of other women to choose from” although even that would be WAY better than showing her any neediness through saying something explicit like “I like you”.

Instead, you’re going to want to drop subtle hints (like taking some time to respond to her texts, not getting offended when she shit-tests you, and saying things that create sexual tension) that show you’ve been through all of this before and you’re not too willing to put too much energy into one woman.

But you need to balance this laid-back, don’t-really-care-what-happens mentality with an alpha-like, results-over-everything mindset. And this is where persistence comes into play.

The Differences Between Persistence And Neediness When Pursuing A Woman

When it comes to how to pursue a woman, persistence is often necessary, while neediness will shoot you in the foot.

Persistence conveys interest to the girl and makes her feel like you are choosing to talk to her specifically instead of your other options, while neediness conveys that you lack other options and will be devastated if she doesn’t like you.

The easiest way to avoid non-neediness (the most unattractive trait to women) is to make sure that you are 100% okay with walking away from the situation if she either doesn’t like you or doesn’t treat you well. One easy way to achieve true non-neediness is to always keep in mind that there are literally billions of women on this planet, and there will always be someone just as attractive as her (if not more attractive) that will be happy to treat you well.

So if you can give her the vibe that you would be perfectly fine without her, but that you do actually want her…

That is when your pursuit will have it’s highest chance of success.

You Will Most Likely Be The One Texting First For A While

Even if you have an amazing first conversation, chances are that you will be the one texting her first the large majority of the time. That is, until you reach what I call the “hook point” or the moment that she stars investing back into you.

That being said, once you get really good at leaving first impressions either in text or in person, you will be able to simply give a girl a really good time, not text her for a couple days, and then have her reach out to you because you conveyed a high level of non-neediness while also being a lot of fun to be with. AKA very high-value.

But until you reach that level, you will most likely be pursuing a girl over text. And when you do, you’ll usually be texting first.

How Often Should You Text A Girl When You’re Pursuing Her?

The short answer is as often as it takes for you to succeed.

A large majority of my pursuits have only lasted a couple days to a week. I will usually meet a girl somewhere on a Friday night, text her over the weekend with long breaks between responses (because I am usually doing things with my friends) and then on Sunday night, set something up for later on in the week in an extremely informal manner like “we should get drinks on Tuesday”.

During your pursuit, the way you text a girl is extremely important. I have a complete “how to text a girl” guide right here. But a quick summary is that when you’re texting her, you’re going to want to spike her emotions both negatively and positively.

The Strategy Behind Texting A Woman When You Are Pursuing Her

The key to texting a woman where you’re pursuing her is to be interesting and unpredictable. This means that you want to compliment her without putting too much effort into your compliment – like saying “ok ms. ocean eyes” instead of “you have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen in my entire life” – while also disagreeing / disapproving of things she says while mixing in some teases as well.

This is another fine balance to walk because you don’t want to be too positive and complimentary but you also don’t want to be too negative and mean.

If you are too positive and go too hard on the compliments, she will think you’re the nice guy that she knows she can have. But if you’re too negative and mean, you will be the bitter asshole that she doesn’t want to talk to. You want to be a healthy, playful mixture of both.

Think Of Yourself Like A Slot Machine

Why do people get addicted to slot machines?

Because they are unpredictable. And put people through a wide range of emotions.

If people knew they were going to lose every single time, they would never play slot machines. Because they would instantly get bored. But on the other side of that, if they knew they were going to win every time – minus the money part, obviously – they would get bored as well.

In the same way, you need to balance the “feel good” emotions you give her – like compliments – with “attraction building” emotions. Saying things to the girl like “you’re too dangerous, I’m not sure if this will ever work out between us”.

When To Stop Pursuing Her And Move On If She’s Flaky

Sometimes when you’re pursuing a girl, it won’t work. And this is okay.

Knowing exactly when to “cut the cord” is another hard thing to balance because once again, it’s all about walking the line between persistence and neediness. You will get better walking that line over time.

The best way to determine when to stop pursuing her is when you experience continual diminishing returns over a period of time. This means that you’ve reached out to her one or two times and have heard nothing back. If this happens, it’s probably a good time to move on to the next one.

But with that being said, you may experience a girl who is into you over text but is flaky when you ask her to hang out. In this case, it may be worth it to continually talk to her and build up your value in her mind without asking her to hang out every weekend.

In this situation, your best play is usually to text her every once in a while with value-providing texts, send her pictures of you doing really cool things, and then invite her to something that you were going to do anyway, saying something like “my friends and I are doing this, you should come”. This is better than directly asking her because even if she says no, you still keep your value.

But, if you’re getting continual no’s when you ask her to hang out, then you are probably fighting an uphill battle. And at that point, the only way to save yourself is to revive attraction using social media.

How To Indirectly Pursue Her And “Reignite The Fire” If You Realize She’s Not That Into You

Sometimes when you are pursuing a woman, she won’t be into you. Don’t take it personally. Just try and evaluate the situation, see if you could have done anything better, and then move on emotionally.

One of the biggest mistakes guys make is lingering on rejection for too long. It is literally impossible to determine which one of 7,000,000 factors caused her to not engage with you, so instead of trying to figure out her reasons for doing so, just reflect on what you think you did wrong and move on. It’s not a big deal.

But with that being said, there is sometimes a way you can revive it. And that is by showing that you’re a really cool guy through social media.

The Best Way To Attract Hot Girls Is If They See You With Hot Girls

But if you don’t have really hot girls around you, you can portray a really cool life over social media. That will give you some social proof as well.

If you can get the girl you are pursuing to add you on snapchat or instagram, then you can post stories of your life that she can see.

Once she watches it a few times, you will be moved to the front of her feed. And this will allow you to stay on the forefront of her mind while also showing her all the cool stuff you do with your cool friends.

If you do this correctly while giving the girl a chance to reach out to you – such as posting controversial opinions on culturally relevant things like “shake shack is way better than in n out burger” – you will begin to see that these girls will often slide into YOUR DMS and comment on your stuff. Even if you guys left off on kind of a weird foot.

And the more you do it, the better you’ll get. That’s how to pursue a woman.

If you liked this post, and need more world-class dating advice, visit stepbystepdating.com or apply for my exclusive email list.

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Dating Status

How To Never Run Out Of Things To Say | The Ultimate Guide

Welcome to the ultimate guide on how to never run out of things to say.

Imagine being able to pull out the perfect thing to say at every moment with ease. How would you relationships improve? How would your self-confidence improve?

Warning: The advice in this article might shock you. And it may even challenge your current belief systems. All I ask of you is that you read this article with an open mind, and implement some of the techniques I’m going to share with you immediately so you can form field-tested opinions of your own.

So if you’re currently nervous, scared, or downright anxious to talk to people because you think you’re going to run out of things to say…

Or you don’t really trust yourself to say the right things or to come off as “smooth” when you need it most…

This guide on how to never run out of things to say is for you.

The Brutal Truth On How To Never Run Out Of Things To Say

It’s not what you’d expect, so get ready…

The brutal truth on how to never run out of things to say is this:

What you say doesn’t matter. It’s how you say it.

Now before you close out the article right now and send me spam emails accusing me of being an anti-vocalist, I want to really nail this point home:

The words you say are only about 10% of the equation. What’s MUCH more important than what you actually say is how you actually what you’re saying and how much belief you have in yourself that your own words are worth hearing.

Let me say that again.

What’s MUCH more important than what you actually say is how you deliver what you’re saying and how much belief you have in yourself that your own words are worth hearing.

Never Running Out Of Things To Say Starts With Your Self-Worth

Well that went 0-100 pretty quickly, didn’t it?

You bet it did.

But for good reason.

The reason we just skipped all the foo-foo stuff and went straight to the root of the problem is so you have a fighting chance at actually curing this disease of vocal ability for yourself forever – instead of simply covering it up with bandaids and ignoring that there’s an actual problem.

The reason it is so difficult for you to come up with things to say is simple:

You are valuing other people’s opinions over your life and your passions more than YOU value YOUR OWN life and passions.

With that in mind, running out of things to say isn’t a problem that you can just fix all by itself. Because it isn’t a problem all by itself.

Instead, running out of things to say is only a SYMPTOM of the bigger problem which is your current low self-esteem. But the good news is, you can fix this.

The Cure To Running Out Of Things To Say Is The Same Cure As Writer’s Block.

And that’s by one simple technique:

Lowering your standards.

To be quite frank, I think writer’s block is a fluke. A myth. A lie.

Take these articles for example. I can write a 3,000 word article – which most people would consider a “massive” post in about an hour and a half. And I never have to deal with writer’s block. Ever.

But how do I do it?

Well, before I tell you, I want to also mention that when I discovered the key to eliminating writer’s block forever – I also accidentally discovered the key of never running out of things to say. And I became an instant hit with women because of it (which is not a bad side effect to have).

The reason that lowering your standards will cure both your writer’s block and running out of things to say is because the problem isn’t actually “running out of things to say”. Nope. The REAL problem is “running out of things to say that you think other people will find valuable”.

And that’s the key.

When writer’s can’t put words on a page and claim they have fallen victim to writer’s block, what they are really saying is that “I can’t write anything I think people will like”. And because they are scared of social rejection, the stifle themselves.

But, tell a writer who’s suffering with writer’s block to put 500 really bad words on a page, and they can knock it out in a matter of minutes.

So from this, we can conclude that…

The Problem Isn’t The Words… It’s The Value We Place On Our Own Words.

In the same way as the writer’s block example, we can take someone who feels as though they are always running out of things to say and tell them to say 100 stupid words or they will be shot in the head.

Although a wildly dramatic example, that person with a gun to their head could riff off 100 stupid words within a matter of minutes. Albeit, the may or may not make much sense. But that’s okay.

Because again, it shows us that the problem isn’t the words themselves. It is instead how we are actively stifling our own expressiveness because deep down, we fear social rejection.

So how do we cure it?

The Key On How To Never Run Out Of Things To Say: Really Bad Practice

This may sound like the most counter-intuitive thing you’ve ever heard in your life. But the key to never running out of things to say ever again is to practice putting into use your “lowering your standards” muscle.

I call it a muscle because it is something that you will progressively get better at over time – although you can cure yourself of never running out of things to say extremely quickly.

And once you begin to practice and get it figured out, something crazy will happen. You will begin to experience moments in a conversation when things start “slowing down” for you. And you’ll notice yourself becoming much more witty in real time.

And to top it all off, once the conversations really start slowing down for you, that’s when you’ll REALLY be able to start dropping super witty comebacks and cry-till-they-laugh punchlines on people when you want, and where you want. People will be at your social mercy.

But you need to pratice.

Go Talk To 10 People And Actively Try To Say The Most Random Things Possible, But Say Them With Conviction And Passion

People are bored. And the truth is, they will listen to you – no matter what the topic is – if you can speak with a certain level of passion and conviction.

A great exercise you can do is by going to a public place (after quarantine, of course) and just striking up a conversation with random people. Shoot for 10 in a day. And during these conversations, you’re going to want to say the most random things possible while still having them hold a regular conversation. The reason for doing this is so you can see that people don’t really care about what you say, it’s how you say it.

When I meet someone new, I will often jump topics at an ADD-like level. This does a couple things for me.

#1 – It ensures that I will never run out of things to say. Because instead of talking about one or two topics, I am bringing up dozens of topics in a matter of a few minutes.

#2 – It keeps people engaged. People love watching things that are unpredictable and full of passion. While talking, I will get “angry” or “sad” about trivial things like me not having enough creamer or in the morning or my favorite sock getting a hole in it. The point is, you want to convey as many emotions as possible.

Genuine Questions About Somebody Are The Key To Them Doing The Talking For You

I once met a woman at a bar and began talking to her. Two hours later, we exchanged contact information, she gave me a kiss, and she told me I was an amazing conversationalist. But here’s the thing:

All I did was ask like 5 questions. She did the rest.

Everyone you talk to will have things they genuinely enjoy doing and are genuinely passionate about. Just like an excavator digs up bones from the ground, if you dig up topics that the person you are talking to loves by asking questions, they will never shut up.

In the case of the girl I mentioned above, I asked her why she was sitting alone and she said her friends just left but she wanted to finish her drink because it was her first time out in a year.

Being the naturally curious person that I am, I asked her why in the heck she hadn’t gone out in the last year. And she told me it was because she had just finished a research project for her hospital and had no free time during it. I asked what project she was doing, and she lit up like a lightbulb and went off. All I did was listen to her speak and give her positive feedback for speaking, saying things like “WOW”, “that’s awesome” and “really?”.

The 3 Magic Responses That Get People Talking Forever

These responses are so insanely powerful that when unleashed, will get people talking forever. Sometimes literally.

The key with these responses is that you have to thing of them as rewards. People tell you something about themselves, you reward them with a positive response. If you keep doing this while making them feel comfortable for sharing, they will keep going.

The 3 magic responses are the ones mentioned above. “WOW!” “That’s Awesome!” And “Really?”. With these 3 responses, and a continual curiosity about the other person, you will have a winning combination.

Here’s an example:

Me: Hey did you know I really love spoons?

Stranger: What?

Me: I love spoons. If my house was about to burn down, and all I had was a small sandwich bag to take things in, I would bring my 3 favorite spoons. Are you a spoon guy or a fork guy?

Stranger: Probably a fork guy. I pretty much eat two foods: Pasta and Salad.

Me: WOW! Really? Are you Italian?

Stranger: No definitely not Italian. I just really love that combination, and get too lazy to make anything else lol

Me: I feel that. Why are you in this park?

Stranger: Oh my wife is over there looking at paintings. We went to the Amazon for a couple weeks and she’s been really into it. I went and looked at the leather wallets. In fact, I just bought this *pulls out wallet*.

Me: WOW! That’s Awesome! Why the hell did you go to the Amazon?

Stranger: Well it’s a pretty crazy story…

See that?

They just keep going.

Genuine interest goes a long way.

It’s All About Conversational Width, Not Depth

If you talk about one topic with someone, you’re going to run out of things to say eventually. Jump topics often.

The best way to guarantee you never run out of things to say is by jumping topics consistently. There will be many times during a conversation where I will completely shift the conversation to a completely unrelated topic with a very curious, i-want-to-know-how-you-respond-to-this-question type of tonality and facial expression.

Here’s an example:

Me: What’s your favorite drink?

Girl: Vodka soda!

Me: Omg that’s the most basic of them all. (conversation jump) Were you raised in the hills?

Girl: Yeah, I actually was. But that’s not why I like vodka soda! I just hate the taste of alcohol…

Me: But you can still taste the alcohol in a vodka soda, lol. (double topic Jump) Are you cutting calories? Are you trying to be an Instagram model?

See how those topics were slightly related, but not really?

It’s jumps like these that keep a conversation fun and engaging. Practice them and you will become a pro.

Cut Yourself Off To Keep Things Interesting

One technique I often use when I am talking to someone new is cutting my own stories off and then immediately starting other stories. The best to avoid having nothing to say is to keep talking. You don’t have to end a story just because you start it.

The reason this is effective is because not only will it keep things interesting by constantly bringing up new topics, but when and if things get dry, you can say “oh right and…” and then continue finishing the story that you never actually finished.

Here’s an example:

So I went to the store the other day, and there was this giant lime. Like a lime the size of no other lime you have seen before. (story jump) And that reminds me, I once went to this small hole-in-the-wall boutique because I needed a last minute gift for my best sister, and all they had was this horrifically ugly lime-green purse. I ended up buying 3 as a gag gift, and she ended up keeping all of them. LOL. Anyway, I was considering what to do with this giant lime and then I remembered that my friend CHAD texted me about a margarita night as his house. (Story Jump) CHAD is literally the craziest guy ever. One time he filled his entire bathtub with sand sharks and named all of them Pablo Jr, #1-#15. He then gave them little hats and entered them into a race. (Story Jump) Have you ever seen a shark race before? They have these crazy ones in Australia where people will actually bet on their chosen sharks. It’s like an underground gambling ring that for some reason, nobody ever talks about.

See how that works?

You can literally just keep jumping stories and continue talking forever.

And again, the best part is, if things start getting a little dry, you can be like “Now what I was saying about the lime was…” and go back to older, unfinished stories.

How To Never Run Out Of Things To Say Checklist: Putting It All Together

  • Here is a quick checklist for how to never run out of things to say:
  • It doesn’t matter what you say. It’s how you say it.
  • Believe that everything you say is amazing.
  • Value your own opinion above everyone else’s.
  • Ask genuine questions and have a genuine interest in other people.
  • Give them good responses with good facial expressions to encourage them to talk.
  • Find a topic they enjoy and watch them go. Be able to relate to topics you aren’t extremely familiar with.
  • It’s about width, not depth. Bring up a lot of different topics in a short amount of time.
  • Put emotion into everything. Don’t just tell someone how your toothe paste fell off of your toothbrush. Tell them how devastated you were that you couldn’t have that perfect dash of paste stroke your pearly whites.
  • Practice having “bad” conversations where you aren’t putting any pressure on yourself.
  • State your own opinions confidently and be ready to pleasantly disagree with people on occasion.
  • Change topics often to keep things interesting.
  • Cut your own stories off to keep things interesting and give yourself a fall-back if things go dry.
  • Be okay with jumping illogically from topic to topic with confidence.
  • Just go do it.

And if you’re ready to master your dating skills or take your charisma to an entirely new level, feel free to visit stepbystepdating.com or apply for my exclusive email list here.

Categories
Attraction Dating Status

How To Get A Girlfriend In College (Completely Step-By-Step)

How to get a girlfriend in college, step by step.

College is a great time for us as guys to start building up our dating skills.

There’s just something about the massive amount of free time, overbearing loneliness, and huge sea of fish to choose from that makes college a great time to master your dating & attraction skills before you enter the “real world”.

But with that being said, a lot of guys i’ve coached have carried with them the belief that college is only for hookup culture. And this just isn’t true.

While it is true that there IS a large hookup culture on campuses, there is also a huge relationship culture as well. And believing that you will actually be able to get a girlfriend is the first step to actually getting one. Stop holding yourself back with limiting excuses.

There are literally (most of the time) tens of thousands of people around you, and the chance that someone attractive is either at your school or somewhere around it who also wants a relationship is very high.

And even if you’re in a little tiny itty-bitty college, there are still going to be hundreds of options to choose from. Point being, if you’re making the size of your school an excuse, stop. You are only arguing against your own success.

The 3 Main Reasons Why Guys Can’t Get A Girlfriend In College

There are three reasons why guys can’t get a girlfriend in college:

Their ability to meet more people sucks, their attraction skills suck, or their ability to move things forward with women sucks.

Being attractive to women, learning how to meet more people, and learning how to move things forward with women are skills that you can learn and get better at over time.

And just like how if you’ve never lifted weights you won’t have large muscles, if you’ve never practiced getting a girlfriend, you’re probably going to be bad at it. And that’s completely okay.

Why?

Because everyone sucks when they start. I did as well. But by just going for it, you will learn from your mistakes and eventually land a girlfriend you really like.

And I’ll give you that blueprint right now, step by step.

P.S. If you’re interested in personal 1-on-1 coaching or world-class dating help, feel free to visit either stepbystepdating.com or apply to my exclusive email list.

Let’s get into it.

Step #1: Figure Out What Type Of Girl You Want As Your Girlfriend

The first step is to figure out what type of girlfriend you think you want as your girlfriend.

Do you want a girl that loves to party and drink? Do you want a girl who’s a book nerd? Do you want a girl who’s always working out? Do you want a girl who’s into business?

Choosing what type of girlfriend you want will be the first step in being able to find her.

Why?

Because once you know what type of girlfriend you want, you will be able to actually find her by asking yourself questions like “where do I think this type of girl will be during the daytime?” “What does she do / wear on a Friday night?” “What does she do on her weekends?” Etc.

The answers to these questions obviously don’t have to be “perfect” or even “correct”… it is simply to help you get an idea of where she might be so you actually have a chance of locating her and engaging in a conversation with her.

Once you know who you want as a girlfriend – which could simply be someone of a certain attractiveness level – you are ready for the next step.

Step #2: Spend 2-5 Minutes A Day Visualizing You Meeting & Dating Her (EXTREMELY IMPORTANT)

Once you think you have an idea of the type of girl you want, you are ready to move onto this next step and actually find her.

But before I show you how to find her, I first want to give you another quick step that will make you 500% more successful if actually applied.

And stay with me here for a second, because this step might be a little weird to you at first.

You’re going to want to visualize yourself with your next girlfriend.

This means, as weird as it sounds, that you’re going to take 2-5 minutes every day (it doesn’t take long at all) and really imagine how it will feel when you go up and talk to her, she likes you a lot, and then you guys begin dating soon after. Really get into it.

“But Grant, why am I supposed to do this weird foo-foo stuff? You said no foo-foo stuff?”

The reason you are going to do this is to put your subconscious mind to work for you.

Our subconscious mind controls more than we can ever imagine. And by visualizing yourself with your next girlfriend, you are going to begin the process of being the type of guy that can actually attract her.

Remember: DO NOT skip the visualization step. It is massively important.

And once you build visualization into your daily routine at least once a day, you are ready for step #2.

Step #3: Learn How To Meet More People In College (And Get A Girlfriend Out Of It)

You have two options for meeting and talking to your next girlfriend:

Cold approach or social circle.

Cold approach is when you start up conversations with girls you don’t know in any type of environment (class, the gym, the library, the grocery store, etc). And social circle is when you meet a girl through some type of social network like your friend group, a club, rec activity, job, etc.

If you really want a girlfriend, you will need to put some effort into getting good at one or the other (but preferably both).

Remember: these are both skills you will need to learn at some point in your life, and nobody is born knowing how to do it. Once you learn these two skills you will have them for the rest of your life, and will never be worrying about getting a girlfriend ever again.

I’ll break each one down.

Why Cold Approach is So Powerful (And How To Get Really Good At It)

Cold approach is so powerful because when you develop the skill of cold approach, you will be able to talk to cute girls anywhere, anytime.

This allows you to meet girls any any type of environment and take advantage of the serendipity that is involved in you two being at the same place at the same time. (GIRLS LOVE SERENDIPITOUS STORIES).

When you’re doing cold approach, it is important to keep these few things in mind:

  • You will not be bothering people by going up to them and talking to them, because everybody wants to meet more cool people
  • If someone is a little cold to you, don’t worry about it because that is not someone you would want as your girlfriend anyway. Would you really want a girlfriend that was mean to strangers? Hell no.
  • 50% of the girls you talk to will already have boyfriends. That’s okay. Just keep approaching enough girls until you can collect 10-15 instagrams.
  • Always ask for their instagram or snapchat and never their phone number. This will improve your success rate tremendously.
  • That being said, girls are going to judge your instagram. It will be a make-or-break for them. Put some effort into getting some high-quality pictures on your instagram and even buy a couple thousand followers if you need to.
  • Getting a girlfriend is a numbers game. If your cold approach is not working, just keep going while being okay with “being uncomfortable”. And force yourself to do more cold approach. There is not a single guy out there who has done 100 cold approaches and doesn’t have a girlfriend. Keep going.
  • Always keep in mind that you’re one spec of dust among 7 billion floating on a planet in a solar system of billions of other planets. You going up and awkwardly talking to a girl IS NOT A BIG DEAL. Just do it, bro.

Here’s An Easy Cold Approach Script You Can Use To Get A Girlfriend In College

Cold approach is much easier at first if you have a script you can fall back on.

Do you eventually want to get to the point where you can relax during the conversation and just use your natural intuition to keep the conversation going? Yes.

but I do understand it can be difficult at first, so here is a basic script you can use. If you want this as a PDF, or want any other scripts for thousands of other dating and texting situations, apply to my exclusive email list and I’ll drop fuego in your inbox for the rest of your dating career.

The Easy Cold Approach Script

Imagine you see a girl you think is cute while you’re out and about.

You’re going to first ask her about something around you, then if you’ve seen her at your *cool thing you’re already doing*, and when she says no, say “weird, you have a doppelganger out there. Well, thanks for the help. What’s your insta?” And then pull out your phone, get her insta, and then say “cool, bye (place where you met her) buddy”.

Here’s how it will usually go. Let’s say you see a girl walking to glass and you like to play music. You can also always go one step further and have the “maps” app pulled out on your phone as well, lol.

*You see a girl walking to class and you go up to her*

You: Hey excuse me, I’m trying to find the stoneridge building. Do you have any idea where it’s at?

Girl: Yes I do! It’s right around the corner near the gym.

or

Girl: Uhh no I have no idea. I’m a first year. Sorry!

This is when you ask her if you’ve seen her somewhere and tell her a quick story about how you do cool things (or just make one up about you doing cool things). The point is to convey that you’re a guy who is already regularly doing stuff with his friends.

You (if she says yes): Cool, thanks. This is random but do you have class in the music hall on Tuesdays? Our band finishes up around 2 and I swear i’ve seen you walk by us as we’re on our way to get some smoothies.

or

You (if she says no): No worries. This is random but do you have class in the music hall on Tuesdays? Our band finishes up around 2 and I swear i’ve seen you walk by as we’re on our way to get some smoothies.

Her: Uhh probably not, I never go over there.

You: Oh, weird. You have a doppelganger out there. Anyway what’s your insta? I’m trying to gain followers so I can look cool for my parents.

Her: For you parents? haha what! It’s yourfuturegirlfriend69.

You: Haha it’s a long story. But cool, I’ll add you. Cya insta buddy!

Easy.

Make sure you practice the script before you try it. And then make sure practice cold approach without a script.

How To Meet Your Next Girlfriend In College Through Social Circle (And How To Build One)

The second way you will be able to meet your future girlfriend is through your social circle.

One thing to keep in mind is that nobody is born with a social circle. Social circles are built.

This means that if you want friends – and a girlfriend – you need to go out and make things happen. Nobody is going to make friends or get a girlfriend for you.

There are a few different ways you can build your social circle. The ones that worked the best for me in college were:

  • By joining a group, club, recreational team on campus, etc.
  • By getting a job at a popular coffee shop / club / library
  • By finding a “hub” person (someone who has a ton of friends and invites people out to stuff often) and then making friends with them and leaching off of their social circle
  • Cold approaching a bunch of girls and guys and then inviting them to do things with you in group settings or individually

The reason using a social circle (or making your own) to meet your next girlfriend is a good idea is because not only will you dramatically improve your own social life and get better at moving things forward with people – but you will also have fun things to do with people who share your interests. Which, therefore, will eventually lead you to getting a girlfriend once you know how to move things forward romantically with women (which is the next step).

The most important things to keep in mind when it comes to growing your social circle are these:

#1 – Constantly invite individual people to things you are already doing (like going to the gym, eating, going for drinks, etc) to build deeper connections with them. You are going to have to actually form connections and hang out with the people you are meeting.

#2 – Do not judge who you bring in to your social circle (at first). This is massively important. You can not build a “perfect” social circle from the ground up the first time. Understand this. You need to first build a less-than-perfect social circle (full of people you may not want necessarily want as long-term friends) and then once you get to that point you will be able substitute them out for higher-quality people. But when you are beginning, find someone sort of cool without judging them too hard, invite them to something, and build connections.

Once you have a social circle, people will regularly come in and out of it. One of these people will be your next girlfriend (once you learn how to move things forward romantically).

Step #4: Learn How To Move Things Forward Romantically With Women

Once you know how to meet people, you will need to know how to move things forward romantically with women.

Again, this is a skill that needs to be learned. And if you’ve never done it, you will not be good at it at first. And that’s okay. Just do it, no matter how awkward, and then do it again a little bit better.

What Does Moving It Forward Mean?

Moving forward with women means going to the next step.

Examples of this are going from strangers to people who text, from people who text to people who hang out, from people who hang out to people that kiss, from people that kiss to people that have sex, and from people that have sex to people who are in an official relationship. Each one of these transitions is an example you moving it forward romantically with a woman.

You can think of each “stage” with a women as a rung on a ladder. And at the top of the ladder is you being in a relationship with her (aka her being your girlfriend).

In order to get to the top of the ladder – and have her become your girlfriend – you are going to have to climb the steps. And each time you climb a step, you are going to get one step closer to where you want to be.

I would recommend practicing this process as much as possible so you can get really good at it really quickly. This will allow you to get over the awkward stage fast and get a girlfriend even faster.

There are two principles you are going to need to keep in mind when you are learning to move things forward with women and climb this ladder.

#1 – It is going to be awkward at first. Again, that’s okay. Do it anyway and you will get smoother over time.

#2 – You will be making the first move 99% of the time. Don’t assume the girl will ever make the first move.

With these two principles in mind, you will be able to climb the ladder and eventually make her your girlfriend.

How The Ladder Plays Out In Real Life

These are the steps of the ladder that I went through to get a girlfriend in college.

Step 1 – Meet girl

Step 2 – text girl

step 3 – invite girl to drinks or to come over

step 4 – kiss girl when she’s over the first time we hang out (or have sex if she is down)

step 5 – keep having sex

step 6 – If we are compatible, ask her to be my girlfriend

It’s really that simple.

Biggest Questions Guys Have When First Learning To Move Things Forward

How Do I Know When To Kiss Her On A Date Somewhere?

There is no “perfect time” to kiss her. At first you will have to just judge how interested she in in you, and when you feel like she is into you, make the first move while being semi-uncertain how it will go. Once you do it more and more, you will get better at it. Becoming good at kissing is massively important when it comes to dating.

If you guys are having a really really good first date, you can just look at her, smile, and then lean in and start kissing her while on the date. I would recommend doing this if you can. She will be down if you guys are having a blast. I personally don’t like saving the first kiss for the “goodbye” portion of the date, as it is much more comfortable if you two can begin making out while you’re actually on the date.

How Do I Know When To Kiss Her When She’s At My House?
If she ends up at your house, she is obviously interested in you. Which is good. If you guys are having a lot of fun, make the first move and kiss her. If she has any issue with it (99% of the time she won’t unless you’re a really bad kisser) then just say something like “Jokes on you, I didn’t want to kiss anyway” and continue having a lot of fun with her while acting like nothing is wrong. Remember that it’s really not that big of a deal.

How Do I Move Things Forward Towards Sex?

The first obvious step is to get the kiss. If you are kissing her, and she likes it, then there is a good chance she will be willing to have sex with you if the chemistry is there and she’s in a place in her life where she’s ready. (If she’s at your house kissing you she probably is).

The easiest way to initiate sex is by simply rubbing her legs a little bit while you’re making out with her then working your way up to her HOOHAW. Once hand meets HOOHAW, rub.

The reason this is the best way to initiate sex is because if she doesn’t want to have sex or is not ready, she will simply grab your hand and move it away from her HOOHAW if she doesn’t want to. If she moves your hand, she is simply not ready to have sex with you, which is perfectly okay. Some girls won’t be. If this happens, just keep making out with her like nothing happened, have a really good night with her, and then see her again and repeat the process some other time. No big deal.

When Do I Make Her My Girlfriend? And How Do I Do It?

Well, we basically made it to the last step. Actually making her your girlfriend. But when should you do it? And how?

The short answer is “when it feels right for you”.

Usually the “should we go exclusive and enter into a relationship” conversation comes up 2 weeks to 3 months after two people that are both looking for a relationship start having sex regularly.

The truth is that some girls won’t be looking for a relationship in college. And will only want a “friends with benefits” type situation. If you come across a girl like this, do not try to convince her to be your girlfriend. Accept where she is at in her life and understand you can not make her wanting something she doesn’t. If this is the case, you will need to find another girl who is ready.

But, if she is open to having a boyfriend – and you guys have been smashing for a while – then you can start “testing the waters” by doing things like calling her babe or calling her “my girlfriend” and seeing how she reacts. If she reacts positively, you can say something like “I think you are super cool and want to date you exclusively. We should be boyfriend and girlfriend” and she will be like OMGGG YAAASSSS!!!

And then you will know how to get a girlfriend in college. And will be happily in love forever.

The end.

P.S. If you’re interested in personal 1-on-1 coaching or world-class dating help, feel free to visit either stepbystepdating.com or apply to my exclusive email list.